I am having a really hard time and feel more and more hopeless as more time goes by and my efforts at turning things around continue to fail. I struggled with weight most of my adult life until around 4 years ago when I began doing strict CICO and got down to 119 lbs, which is still a little on "thicker" side given how short I am, but I was for the first time ever feeling good in clothes and confident in my ability to finally achieve and maintain a healthy weight. Then I began medical school, some very stressful circumstances occurred in my family life around the same time, and I fell into stress eating. Something takes over when I am studying for an exam that I am stressed out of my mind about, and I turn into some kind of binge-eating monster who cannot chill out and focus until she's stuffed her face with every last junk food that stress is making her crave. On top of that, there is so much free food available in medical school, but it's rarely anything healthy or at least low-calorie, so I'm stuck in a constant no-win situation where I'm either riddled with guilt because I spent money I don't really have on a salad or, alternatively, because I ate the free pizza at the hospital to save the money.
I'm just stuck in a complete rut and feeling levels of self hatred and disgust that make me never want to leave my bed again, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what weight I'm up to now because I stopped weighing myself when I realized that it only ever upset me and never motivated me to finally get my act together, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was up to 150 by now. I'd like to start regular therapy to see if that did anything at all for me since the antidepressant I'm on isn't helping, but my clinical rotation schedule unfortunately makes it virtually impossible to make happen. I don't even know what the purpose of this post is other than venting some of my sadness and frustration. I graduate in about a year and really hope I can figure out a way to not be fat by then.
>Obviously places like twitter would never tolerate any organization capable of a legitimate revolution, but yet that is where most anarchist organizing is done. So of course we end with a ton of tiny uncoordinated and unthreatening anarchist groups which can give the impression that anarchists are rare and powerless, but that is not the case. What proved this to me is that two days ago a trans safe haven and alpaca farm in rural Colorado posted a tweet asking for help because a local right wing militia has been trying to sneak into their ranch in the dead of night; by today they have received more armed security volunteers than they can house and enough money to build an entire perimeter of barb wire fences, security cameras, and drone patrols around their property. The excess security volunteers will serve as a relief force (myself and friends included, lmk if you want a ride from boulder, aurora, or Denver CO to the ranch) to replace the current volunteers after the snow storm that's about to hit clears up so they can get back to their families and jobs. This is completely incredible to me as I had no idea there were that many people who would militantly defend equality. If efficiently organized this type of community defense could potentially work everywhere and at all times as there seems to be enough people willing to volunteer and donate that there's no need for anyone to break the bank or use all of their paid time off in order to make a difference. https://riseup.net/ has a sort of anarchist facebook as well as a free VPN and other services which could allow us to safely organize mutual aid and community defense without disruption that I think we need to take advantage of ASAP
>Why corporate social media won't work: https://riseup.net/en/about-us
>Edit: Since finding active groups can be hard I made a new one called Anarchist organizing for anyone who's interested
I'm running out of both after 5 months of no sleep and pandemic stress. I feel like my brain is on fire. Being the parent of a 2yo and a 5mo during 2020/2021 is the hardest thing I've ever done and I don't know if I have anything left. I am an empty shell of exhaustion and no amount of self care will help. My baby won't sleep and the country won't take covid seriously. I don't need another face cream, bubble bath, glass of wine, nap, bowl of ice cream. I need a normal world. I need sleep. I need a good cry. I need a hug.
But mostly I need sleep. Please send recs for high caffeine coffee. I love you all.
My birthday was yesterday, which gave me motivation to stay pure during the last 30 days.
I felt like giving up 8-10 times, and every-time I almost did, I would stay conscious and physically walk away from it.
One thing I learned was to be intentional and not count your days everyday. Just let the abstinence flow, don’t observe it, don’t try to celebrate it much.
No fap is like a butterfly, you can’t hold it or catch it, just look at it from a distance and be content.
Be happy that you are finally winning and learning to rein on this animal inside you. And earn your freedom.
-My first comment here. And hopefully won’t be my last.
I’m currently going through benzo withdrawals and I’m on my fourth night I think maybe my fifth (I was taking give or take 2 mg a day for about 5 months) and wow this stuff blows. I even did my homework and tapered myself off as best I could (about a month of tapering). Anyways I couldn’t sleep till 6 am last night due to excessive anxiety and my ears ringing/head throbbing constantly. I tried to workout but the withdrawal has turned my muscles into noodles and tonight my symptoms are even worse so I’m just accepting defeat and probably watching YouTube till the morning and calling off work. All I want to do is take more Xanax but I know long term what I’m doing now is the best option. Anyways, I salute any of you lads that have been through this especially you cold turkey fuckers y’all must piss willpower. Can’t wait till I feel mostly normal again this can’t end soon enough.
foreward: This was posted somewhere on reddit awhile ago. As a pretty smart guy Ive arrived at many of these things over the years. This lays it out very well. You don't have to rationalize it, just understand this works and you get the result you wanted. Also remember another good Law - the law of cookies. If the cookie doesnt go in the grocery cart in the store, it doesnt go into your mouth at home. IF you dont buy cigarettes at the store.. etc. By using these laws you leave no room to bullshit yourself.
Quitting bad habits is EASY, you've just been using the wrong method!
Normally people quit a habit using willpower, but willpower is a limited resource.
When we rely on willpower we encounter ego-depletion - We lose all motivation to keep fighting and give in to our raging craving.
When you first quit, you can do well for a few days...
Then you start to think "Maybe just this one time" or "I've been good, I can just do it a little".
And you give in.
But don't worry, THERE IS ANOTHER WAY:
Using this strange method, I have quit alcohol, sugar, binge eating, smoking, porn and procrastination.
As a result I have lost 70 pounds, found a girlfriend, quit all medication and I wake up with a smile on my face.
Here is the method:
You bad habit or addiction has it's own voice, the AV.
The AV wants you to give in to your cravings, and works by hijacking your inner monologue.
It will say things in your own voice like "Why don't you just smoke one more time, it won't do any harm!" or "You need to smoke, or you will get grumpy and damage your relationships."
The truth is:
Everything the AV says is a lie to get you to give in to your bad habit.
Your AV can be brought to light by making The Law.
The Law is unbreakable, and doesn't require any willpower to follow.
Does it require willpower for you not to steal a car or rob a bank?
The Law cannot be broken at any point.
Write down your law if it helps, but the most important part is defining it.
E.g. "I will never smoke again".
But how can this help you recognise your AV?
Because any thought that pops in your head that contradicts the law is the AV, not you.
Assign an avatar to your AV.
For example, my smoking AV was an old, ugly man who chain smoked and had cancer.
Whenever I'd hear him say "Go on, just have a quick one, it can't hurt!" I'd say "Screw you... keep reading on reddit ➡
I'm an ENTJ and some moment I feel like I have crazy good willpower. Like sometimes I use it to ignore extreme pain, force myself to learn, etc, like not to brag but I feel like ENTJs are great at this
Because Blood Magic is the kind of scary-dark stuff that makes all other scary-dark stuff look like a First Year Charms lesson; and Albus Dumbledore is sick with fear over what the more nefarious elements of the Ministry could potentially do with access to Harry's blood.
I'd like to know more about what the difference between willpower and intention are, and their interplay with 'motivation' (and what else is included in 'motivation').
Specifically, I have noticed that in my life and for general self-improvement, my 'negative' willpower has gotten to be quite good (meaning, I am very good at avoiding *not* brushing my teeth or *not* showering), but 'positive' willpower on the other hand feels like a completely different beast (so, like, showering as soon as I wake up, or meditating directly after showering--- being more efficient). So In terms of motivation, I have gotten to the point where I definitely do the things I want (intend?) to do, at *some point*, but I would like to get better at doing them how I idealize them to be done. (i.e., shower directly after waking up, then meditate directly after, rather than showering after doing random things for an hr, and meditating some random amount of time after that).
I've also noticed an interesting separation between thoughts and actions. I used to think that I had to 'think' an action for it to be done. Now I recognize thoughts to be more the made-up chattering of my mind, and having no real power of my actions other than informing me on things I might have missed. So, this (among other experiences) show me that thoughts are quite different from what we actually do... but what *is* what we do?
I can recognize internally that having the thought "I'll only watch one more video" is quite different from the intention to immediately stop what I'm doing because I've noticed that I am entering a cycle of unproductivity, but how is this intention strengthened? Can I get to a point where my thoughts and intentions re-align? (i.e., "I'll wake up, then immediately shower, then immediately go to the gym", and actually do those things in that order and hold the intention to do them that way throughout). Can 'intention' or willpower be strengthened?
I might be using the words 'intention' and 'willpower' completely incorrectly, because I really have no idea what I am talking about and would love clarity, esp. because TMI refers to using 'intention' very often in describing practices but I don't really know anything about intention apart from experientially wielding it.
If you find it hard to keep going, just remove the choice of masterbaiting from yourself. You use tissues in front of a computer? Move the tissues far away from the room, so you can think about what you are really doing as you walk. You get off in the bathroom? Don't bring a phone, just read. By doing this, you are not wasting mental strength, because you cannot do what you want to do easily. This may not work for everyone but just wanted to share
Let's say in a Ranked match or Hardpoint Shipment, everybody fights with differwnt kinds of weapons: PK MK2, FAMAS, LK, KN, PDW, MP5, MP7,etc. Then one guy who accidentally got clapped once, and the fucker decides to bring a meta weapon in a fking Public match or a fun game with the excuse that the gun is his "favorite weapon". Very funny, you've ruined the whole game.
And another douchebag iFerg just keeps on promoting the fucking ASM, MOW and DR-H to ruin literally everybody's experience. It's not because it's available to eveeyone so everyone can use it and win, but it's because that's not an enjoyable win, it takes literally no effort at all. Winning by using a meta gun is not a good win. That doesn't even count as a win. That's not how you win the game, that's how you exploit the flaws in weapon balancing to win the game. And playing only to win does not prove that you're a good player. What's the point in winning a public match? It gives you nothing back unlike a ranked match. If iCringe didn't made videos about BeSt GuNs every single fucking month, then the game would've become way more fresh. And to make matters work, quarantine. All try hards no life stay at home and try hardest to win a normal match. Really? I'm not surprised at all when seeing 4 fucking snipers in a row in the BeSt GuNs. Not even Path.exe.
Not notifying, but to be honest if this stupid meta is still rolling till the end of March, that's it. I'm gonna quit the game. This meta is 10 times more stupid than the S36 campers. Because those guns has the old TTK of the pre-nerf S36 and Type 25, and TWICE the amount of range. They also aim faster, more accurate. Back in the day there weren't a lot of weapons so that meta was passable after all. But now? We have almost 40 primary weapons and only almost 25% of them are commonly seen in the field!!! Who says not every gun has to be viable needs to replace their brain! If they aren't viable, then what's point for their existence?! The best meta, is NO meta. And that's a FACT.
One of Edelgard's greatest strengths his her willpower that has helped keep her moving on the bloodstained path she walks through to get to her goal of ending the suffering in Fodlan.
From the moment that she got tortured and experimented on by TWSITD her willpower was tested to her limits even when her faith got shattered she still survives and not only that but sees the problems that Fodlan has and view upon not only her siblings but for also to the people of Fodlan to end the cause of the suffering.
Not only was her will pushed to the limits but was pushed even further when she came upon the conclusion that she had to lead a war to end the suffering which is something that goes against her compassionate and kind nature and has tried to think of other solutions but none occured but leading the war herself or letting TWSITD and the empire run it for their own selfish gains. Edelgard at this point could've just left it be but instead chose to lead the war despite it causing untold internal mental and emotional pain to her and with no one to console about such problems but instead having to suppress her emotions more and more.
Edelgard has spent much time gather what little power and resources she has to accomplish her goal whilst having to navigate the many barriers that can easily end her and she was all alone during this time even in the academy. The many spies from TWSITD and the threat of execution from the Church is a herculean feat to overcome in order to just do not only the shady actions she hates doing but also to gain the power she needs to accomplish her goals.
During the academy phase she is met with people that have her the happiest moments in her life from the classmates that she was able to talk with to the person Byleth she meets with and grows to trust the most and those moments that gave her such happiness must have hurt her the most knowing she wants to have that life and to be normal but cannot and pushes on despite how much it hurts her to do so.
In the war phase in non-CF we see a more colder Edelgard one that has seen much death at her hands and commands which has weighed heavily on her and even to the bitter end she fights on until she cannot and accepts her death willingly in order to end the fighting; choosing to ends one life is not an easy choice to make especially when we fight to continue to live despite whatever horrific conditions all creatures suffer through.
With CF we see a more open and vibrant Edelgard who overtim... keep reading on reddit ➡
READ HINTS BEFORE GUESSING!
Hint: It is a non-supernatural/extraterrestrial horror film. Hopefully this helps!
Hint 2: The kids aren’t seen as “bad” until the twist at the end.
Hint 3: It is technically a “Christmas” film and takes place in winter.
Hint 4: It is a recent movie, it came out within the last 2 years.
I recently was hospitalized because of cannabinoid hyperemesis. I hadn't known or heard of it before. But this being my fourth puking episode, and first hospital trip, it sure was a wakeup call.
I keep telling myself "tomorrow". Or when I run dry, I tell myself, "why not try to be sober?"
I know this feeds my depression and anxiety. I want to stop. I truly do. I just don't know how.
It's hard to explain, and I don't know how else to describe it, but weed gives me some purpose. It gives me a reason to get up, go outside for some fresh air, walk around. I have no motivation to do anything these days, but at least a few puffs gets me up..
my mom fucking knows that I'm not mentally ok, but of course me being extremely tired is just something I have to "be willing to go against" as if I consciously choose to be extremely tired and sewerslidal. I was literally crying because I'm powerless to it for fucks sake. Oh, and of course she then has to start crying herself because of all the "shitty stuff" that happened to her in the past. YOU SHOULDN'T USE THE FACT THAT YOU SOMEHOW MADE IT THROUGH SHIT IN YOUR OWN LIFE AS JUSTIFICATION TO CALL PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING STRUGGLE WEAK HOLY FUCKING SHIT...
but yeah, I've had to take vitamin and mineral supplements for a couple of weeks now, of course I should now be free of any and all mental problems. yay for vitamin D and magnesium fixing all the problems in my life /s
anyway, I really need some friends, so if anyone else needs a friend, just DM me.