Before losing weight, he treated women well and had a normal And healthy mindset. Now, he almost expects attractive women to want to date with him and gets extremely upset when they turn him down. Extremely upset as in "going to the basement and punching a pillow for God knows how long". He no longer wants to have female friends (another change) unless they dating, saying "why do I have to keep up with a bitchy woman if I'm not fucking her?". Also if we're out and he sees a cute girl walking alone, he's like I'll go ask her out, which I've stopped him from doing because it's a bit much to get asked out when you're shopping for groceries. He follows people on tiktok and Facebook who have been getting arrested for radical views and he's been reflecting that as well. How do I snap him out of this?
EDIT: I'm talking to a mutual friend that's attending the same PhD program and she said there's a girl in class that keeps hyping up his toxic masculinity and she tells him he's the most masculine man she's met. The only time he's told me about her is when he said there's a girl in class that's not worth asking out bc "she's too fat" . I think that accounts for the sudden change in behavior over the last 2 months.
Update: I hung out with him before he travels back to the city he studies at. Brought up a lot of points mentioned here: I asked about steroids and he denied it like his life depended on it, and said it's a compliment I said he's on steroids. I mentioned his mindset and how it won't get him into a healthy relationship, and he said dudes that are jacked get away with anything, which I said no and that was a whole argument. I brought up how saying you're alpha doesn't really mean anything and labeling people in happy relationships as betas is kinda fucked up, he said his dad was alpha and got a lot of women to sleep with him and his dad calls him alpha whenever they talk on the phone (so he's viewing it as a positive thing since his role model, his dad, is calling him that). His dad hates his sister's husband and calls him beta, seems like my buddy learned a few things from his old man. I brought up the girl he talks to in class that calls him masculine, and he said ya she's cool but she won't be anything more than a friend unless she loses at least 20 pounds. Also, he said he stopped watching porn/stopped jacking off so he feels incredibly tense all the time. He said that's something he's noticed and how his personality has been changing since he stopped... keep reading on reddit ➡
I recently lost ~40lbs in the past 4 months. I feel like I am under the healthy category for the first time in my life.
A friend whom I haven't seen in over a year had to come to my city for a work related thing. She asked me if she could stay with me/my husband. I readily agreed. In the past, every time she visited, she usually meets up with me but prefers to stay in the hotel as that was more comfortable for her. I asked her if everything was okay. She told me that she has been dieting for the past 1 year and that she wants to stay in a place where she will be able to cook and exercise and not a hotel.
I excitedly told her that even I had started dieting and exercising.
She finally arrived. She was a little shocked at how much weight I have lost. I welcomed her and we got to talking. She told me that she has only lost 5 pounds and it was surprising that I lost so much.
I consoled her that everyone was different and she shouldn't be discouraged.
She woke up early the next day to go running and to do some cardio. I on the other hand, slept in.
I generally do IF and walk upto 30k steps a day. I do not do any exercises other than that.
My friend however was way more active and I was really proud of her and in awe.
However, at night she was kinda mad at me and asked me whether I was having a cheat day. I told her no. She asked me if walking was all I did. I told her yes. She asked me how long I have been doing this. I told her 4 months.
She blew up at me. She started crying/shouting about how unfair it was that she couldn't lose any significant weight after doing so much for a year while I lost everything easily.
I was kinda shocked but I told her that she wasn't being fair to herself and that her stamina has improved and weight isn't the only indication of her excercise. But then she kept screaming and I told her not to yell at me at my home. I told her that she can either stop or she can leave.
She left in the end. I didn't speak to her for a couple of days. But she posted a picture of herself. It looked like she started binging on lots of fast food and captioned it "It doesn't matter what I eat, so I am not going to care anymore".
I feel terrible that I have inadvertently stopped her / discouraged her even though I didn't mean to.
Aita here? Is there something I should have done differently?
I have a bit of biochemistry background and kind of understand the idea, but I’m not entirely sure. I do remember reading they made a supplement that “uncoupled” some metabolic functions to actually help lose weight but it was taken off the market. Thought it’d be cool to relearn and gain a little insight. Thanks again
EDIT: Wow! This is a lot to read, I really really appreciate y’all taking the time for your insight, I’ll be reading this post probs for the next month or so. It’s what I’m currently interested in as I’m continuing through my weight loss journey.
I know it sounds bad when summed up that way, but I couldn’t think of a better/more descriptive title, so please hear me out before judging.
My (25F) sister Julia (28F) was overweight growing up while the rest of us (five girls, no brothers) were always petite. No one in our family ever treated her badly for her weight, though my mom did try to help her diet several times throughout our childhood for purely health reasons. She was hospitalized for her eating disorder for the first time when she was 18, and she’s been in and out of treatment facilities since then. She’s been “recovered” several times over the years, but it’s never been permanent.
Pre-pandemic, Julia seemed to be on a recovery kick again. She looked healthy, seemed to be eating normally, and even asked if I wanted some of her old smaller clothes she was giving away (she has some nice stuff from when she was thinner—as I mentioned the rest of us are pretty petite). I was hopeful she could keep it together and felt okay about asking her to be a bridesmaid at that point.
That was the last time I saw her though (Feb. 2020), until I saw her Friday for Christmas. Julia has gained a LOT of weight in that time, probably 20 pounds, which is a lot because she’s short. This is a huge red flag to me because prior relapses have been preceded by weight gain, which seems to trigger another relapse.
So the way I see it, there are two possibilities from here. The first is that she relapses and loses all the weight, in which case she might not even show up for the wedding (she’s missed big family events because of being in residential treatment before), or maybe even worse she’ll continue to gain weight, in which case things like dress fittings could be a nightmare for her body image. In either scenario, I think it makes more sense for her to not be a bridesmaid. That way she can wear whatever she wants, be skinny or fat, show up or not, and it won’t affect the day as a whole.
So I texted her after Christmas to be ask if she was doing okay. Sure enough, she admitted she’d been having body image issues since gaining weight during lockdown. I kindly asked her to step down from being a bridesmaid, explaining that it was for her own good and I was only doing this because I cared about her. She seemed upset but agreed to step down.
Well, now our dad is furious with me, saying Julia is heartbroken. She of course hasn’t brought ANYTHING up to me directly (that’s how she always is). My mom and sisters are all... keep reading on reddit ➡
I have been with my BF for 6 years and we have 2 sons. His baby sister (25) just ran into some trouble 3 months ago and is now looking at 25+ years in prison because she was dating a guy who was a drug dealer and when his house was raided, she was charged right along side him.
Now, my BF and I just took our entire savings (15k) and put it toward lawyer fees for the past 3 months. I begged to not go with that lawyer because I did not like anything about him. There was a lawyer $10k cheaper who was far more intelligent and worked these cases before but his family had to have this younger lawyer who was more expensive because "you get what you pay for"; with the promise they would throw down cash to help us pay this $35k. Low and behold his family hasnt done jack shit and neither has the fucking lawyer. His two oldest sisters are insurance agents and make over $160k a year. His two brothers also both have great jobs and both make nearly $120k a year. My BF and I have a combined income of maybe $80k a year, if that. Which is the reason why I am infuriated that we are the only ones doing anything. We also are the only one with kids.
So, I called his family up and said we needed a family meeting. We agreed to meet up last night at his eldest sisters (42) home. When we got there, I lit right in to his family about the fact that they are watching us put ourselves into a hole to save his sisters ass, all while guilting us to do more and that I was fucking done. I told them that from here on out if they dont start pulling their weight and hold up their end of the bargain than their contact with the lawyer I paid for will be terminated, we will not be giving them updates or keeping them in the loop. If I'm going to be the only one paying, I'm going to be the only one speaking to the lawyer, basically. All of the sudden his family is saying they dont have the means to help and that I am trying to "strip them of information they are entitled to" and "using money against them". As I said, all of them are wealthy with no kids. My BF was on my side last night but after his sister called him and guilted him some more, he now is on his families side, regardless of them literally doing nothing and is saying that I'm being childish about the whole thing and shouldnt have ever said anything.
Ok, so I know this may not matter a ton in some cases but I 100% hate volumetric and 'generic' measurements.
What is a "1 medium onion" (my grocery store literally only carries 'jumbo' yellow onions unless I buy a 5 lb bag)?
When a recipe calls for "1/2 cup fresh sage leaves, finely chopped" does it want packed leaves or lose leaves? In general, due to the order I assume this means "Get 1/2 cup fresh sage leaves then chop them" but there is a big difference between "1/2 packed cups" and "1/2 loose cups".
I know not everyone has a scale (especially a sensitive scale) but why can't we just say "1 medium onion (about 1 cup or 100 grams)"( no idea if that is a good conversion or not just using a example).
For the most part, it probably doesn't matter but sometimes I really would like to have a weight so I can just tare the scale and start adding the next thing.
Edit: I feel the need to clarify 2 points:
So I have always been obese- but I began my journey at 300- way back when I started I set my goal weight at 175 thinking “oh yeah that’s totally how much I’m supposed to weigh!” now I’m at 177 only 2 lbs away from my “goal” and I realize I honestly had 0 idea what my body is supposed to look like! Being obese my whole life my frame of reference was COMPLETELY off- to a 300lb person 175 sure sounded like a “thin persons” weight to me! And for some people it is- but myself, I am still overweight. I have a good 25-40 lbs left (depending on if I can start stacking on some muscle!) I’m not posting this to discourage anyone- I realize that now I am totally at peace with the idea that I will stop losing weight when I feel like I’m done instead of tying myself down to a specific number. I just find it so funny that in my head I truly thought 175 would be a magical number and once I hit that I’d be thin tahdah! Well... before I typed this I was like “wellll shiittt this is going to take a little longer than planned”and then I realized If you’re in this boat too don’t let it get you down, It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you get there! I am not finished losing weight, I will keep re assessing my weight every 10 lbs and deciding do I stop or keep going. I will get to a healthy weight eventually- what ever that might look like for me. I’m 5’6 woman for anyone wondering Edited for rewording and clarification :) Edit 2: Wow okay lots of responses! Love this sub. Thank you guys for taking the time to respond- sometimes losing weight is isolating so hearing I’m not alone in what I’m going through means so much to me! I wish I could respond to everyone haha
On mobile blablabla. This isnt a throwaway but longtime lurker without an account so this is my first post.
Boyfriend 25 Girlfriend (me) 24
Background info: we've been dating for 5 years (some in different states) just moved in 6 months ago. Aside from small usual stuff it's going really well.
My boyfriend got into fitness during quarentine. I did not. I got into the ice cream. Admittedly i did gain weight but when i moved in with my boyfriend midway through quarentine, i started eating better, walking, excersizing more and i lost about 20+/- pounds.
Im tall for a woman, if that matters, so the weight is distributed differently. Ive also struggled with depression during quarentine (who hasnt).
Hes brought up a few times i need to excersize, i need to be healthy, it's good for me etc.
Here's the thing. All the gyms in our area are closed cuz theres this plague. I'm not running in our neighborhood alone for any less than 1 million dollars.
I could give you a dozen other excuses but honestly i just want to work out jn a gym. Im more comfortable. So im playing the waiting game.
Anyway storytime: Last night after boyfriend got off of work, it's quarentine so he got high (legal where we live) and I got tipsy (few glasses of wine).
We were getting frisky when my boyfriend had us stop. I had to go to bed soon anyway to get up for work early so no big deal.
Then he says "Hey can i say something?"
Me thinking it's gonna be a shitty joke "Sure!"
"I'm less attractted to you cause of your weight."
I stopped dead. Usually in a situation like this I'd probably break down crying. Not this time. Stone cold fury is the only thing i felt.
I just got up and started changing for bed. I didnt want to have a 'big talk' about this because i needed to sleep to get up at 4am to work.
I think i snapped something like "I need to sleep."
He just said "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"
Me: "sure." If we didnt have roommates i would have slept on the couch.
Guys, i want to emphasize this: I'm not insanely overweight. I'm not straight out of high school anymore thats for sure, but im about 25 pounds over the recommended weight for my BMI class.
Problem is: i have no idea how to address this. I'm furious and honestly I'm not 100% sure why. He was honest at least. I dont want to break up with him I still love him.
Any advice on how to calmly talk about this?
I just want to go to work and not deal with this. Also he wasnt crazy stoned. I wasnt crazy tipsy... keep reading on reddit ➡
I've been thin my entire life. It's not because of a eating disorder rather than a mix of picky eating during childhood and depression. How do I fix my weight without causing another health risk?
You enter a game of Dota 2.
You hover over Mirana.
You type in team chat “pos 4, I roam”
You spend the first 5 minutes of the game missing long range Hail Mary arrows from the trees, causing your lane partner to get crushed in lane and letting the enemy carry free farm.
Your mid is getting dived by 3 heroes. You ping your TP scroll, which is on CD because you use it every time you go back to lane. You don’t take the chance to pressure your own lane, choosing to hit the small camp instead.
You farm the safest jungle camps on the map, emerging at 30 minutes with a Maelstrom.
You look up and the enemy has already taken two lanes of rax, and is working on the third.
You ping your carry’s items and the timestamp, indicating they should be six slotted despite the empty creep camps you’ve left next to their lane while the enemy takes all your towers.
You type in all chat “gg end, noob carry”
You get honourable mention at the MVP screen for hitting one arrow.
You see your hero damage is better than your mid thanks to your pure DPS build.
You smirk with satisfaction and queue for another game.
You type in all chat “pos 4, I roam”.
(Apologies to all the legitimate pos 4 Miranas who build useful items, make space and enable their team, but it seems you are a rare breed).
Title pretty much sums it up. Post that in an exercise/weight loss sub, there's nothing next level about losing weight, especially since most of them are about losing less than 100 lbs. People lose weight all the time, it's great but nothing special and comes of as attention seeking when you post a picture of yourself in a sub for things that are absolutely exceptional.
I feel a lot of people around me since I lost weight hate me for succeeding at being thin and healthy.
This is half of the conversation I have on daily basis...
****You have lost weight but statistically you will always gain it back
**** so you have cancer now or what?
***you look better chubby
I honestly never share with others how happy I feel with myself and the pride of accomplishing something I though impossible
....that was a huge challenge for me.
I will silently continue to feel happy nonetheless 😊
wow I never expected this much support from all of you. Its honestly humbling.
Thank you all for the support and words of encouragement. I'm lost for words to express my gratitude to all of you. I thank you.
I never knew that I actually care what others thought of me until this moment.... its a nice warm feeling....
My (32F) husband (33M) (together 15 years) has given me an ultimatum of "show me you are dedicated to losing weight and we can have another baby." I've steadily been gaining weight since leaving high school and have plateau'd at 250lbs (5'6" height). It took us almost 3 years to get pregnant, and the end of my pregnancy had a health scare due to preeclampsia. But up until my daughter was born, I was diligent about only gaining the minimum amount of weight and we had a healthy baby. Now we want another baby but he is demanding I try to lose weight so we don't have another health scare. I already have super low self esteem and getting an ultimatum like this just feels so defeating. To be honest losing weight has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How should I respond? I'm afraid this may break our marriage if we can't see eye to eye / stop arguing about it.