On a throwaway and mobile so all of the disclaimers.
My (F15) mom passed away in October 2019 after a long battle with lung cancer. I was really close to her and I miss her all of the time. In January 2020, my dad brought home his new girlfriend to meet us and she moved in with us when our state went into lockdown in March. They got married in November.
I hate her. I know it’s a cliche, but for the past year I’ve felt like my dad shoved aside my and my siblings’ grief so that he could have fun with a new wife. She’s not evil or anything, I think she doesn’t know what to do with us so she mostly ignores us.
A few months ago, I overheard her talking on the phone with a friend and basically it turns out that she met and started dating my dad before my mom died. I have no idea if my mom knew or not but to me it feels incredibly disrespectful.
Stepmom’s parents came to our house for Christmas and while they were mostly nice people, they kept telling their daughter how proud they were of her for “stepping up and being a mother to these children”. I got so mad because she clearly was trying to make it seem like we have a better relationship than what actually exists. So I told her parents that she wasn’t much of a stepmother and that dating my dad before my mom had even died wasn’t something a good person would do.
The fallout hasn’t been pretty and even though it felt righteous in the moment, I’ve been thinking I went too far. AITA for tattling on my stepmother?
Edit: Wow! Thank you all for your responses! I saw a few people asking for more info, so I thought I’d add it here. After I found out they’d been dating since before my mom died, I told my siblings. We tried to talk to our dad about it. He told us that his romantic life was his business and has shut it down any time one of us tries to talk about it. So basically, I don’t know if my mom knew or approved of them dating before she died.
As for how things are now, it got pretty tense. Neither my dad nor stepmom has talked to me since Christmas Day unless I say something first. Her parents were really upset. I don’t know everything she told them, but they were upset enough to cut their visit short. Instead of leaving on the 29th, they left after lunch on the 25th.
I really am grateful to everyone who shared a personal story about losing a parent. A lot of the time I don’t really know how things are supposed to happen now without her. Reading about how you’ve dealt with losing your parents made m... keep reading on reddit ➡
My (17f) parents are divorced. I used to split my time between my parents unless my dad was working out of town, when he was I stayed with my mom. Now I live mostly with my mom. My dad hauled me, him and my stepmother into therapy a few months ago during Covid on the Saturdays I am there because he didn't like how my stepmother had her feelings hurt every time I was around and every time she found out I did something with my mom without inviting her.
My stepmother has admitted she is jealous of my relationship with my mom. She is jealous that we are close and I never rebelled against my mom. She is jealous that I love and find comfort in her presence and never felt that way for her and she hates that I have some things I always refused to do with her because they were mine and my mom's thing. It's like three things but she used to fixate on doing those things with me and still does a little.
The big kind of incident came when I had an asthma attack when my dad was gone and I didn't want her to stay with me instead of my mom. I was with my mom when it happened and my dad couldn't make it back but she wanted a night or two at my bedside and I said no because I wanted my mom. She was really hurt. cried into my face when my dad got back and I was at their house again, and told me there was no reason I couldn't give her that.
So anyway we were brought to therapy because I was told it wasn't good for my stepmother or my four younger half brothers for us to be so not close and for there to be this tension in the air. She said that I hurt her feelings a lot when I am so obviously close to my mom. I responded that it wasn't my job to spare her feelings and especially not if it means distancing myself from my mom. After that she said it hurts her feelings when I reject her. I said it's because she has always tried to fit into a place she doesn't get to be and it makes me want nothing to do her. She then cried that she'll never have a daughter.
My dad said I was an asshole to her in the session. This was a couple of weeks ago (right before Christmas).
ETA: A lot of people asked what the therapist said and she didn't say all that much. She did say she wanted the next session to be with me and then after she wanted a session with just my dad and stepmother. She said after everything said in the last session we all needed to be separate for a session before she would bring us all back and respond to the issue. She did the most writing during the whole thing... keep reading on reddit ➡
My daughter (15f) came home after spending a weekend with her father and she expressed that she really wanted a nose piercing but her stepmother said no because she’s too young and her dad agreed. I was angry hearing this because that is a discussion that her actual parents (Her father and I) should have together. I’m not sure why her stepmom would try and make that decision when she has no right to have any input.
Yesterday I took her to a piercing shop and let her get the piercing without informing her father so now he and his wife are unhappy with me and are calling me “childish.” But I simply don’t want some random woman to try and act like my daughter’s mother.
I have a 6 month old daughter. We named her after my late mom and my MIL. We love the name and didn't consider any fallout from it but ever since we announced her name (when she was a week old and we had the name registered) my dad and stepmother have been upset that her name wasn't included as a second middle name or a double barreled first name. I told them we chose to name our daughter the way we wanted to and the name was not up for debate. My husband told them she was named after our beloved moms... which upset my stepmother because she has been my stepmother since I was 10 and she has always wanted me to see her as my second mom, but I don't. I don't have any issues with her either really. I'm just very meh on her. Not exactly close but not dislike either. I mostly see her as the woman who made my dad very happy after we lost my mom and the person who really did try her best even if I never felt any real strong attachment to her. I am always respectful and polite. We don't see each other very often, or talk for that matter, since we live 30+ hours from each other now and there has been some distance over the years since I moved out because I haven't really made her my second mom.
So the name trouble is still ongoing and now I'm starting to wonder was it really a dick move to not use the name? She has been bringing up this topic so much. I ignore it for the most part because I don't think they really have the right to comment so much on our daughters name and at the same time I wonder is that just my lack of connection talking and maybe I should feel more bad?
Hey everyone. I think this situation requires a decent amount of background information, so please be patient with me as I try to describe my current dilemma (There is a TL;DR at the bottom, but yeah). There are so many different things going on. Everything happened within the last couple of days, and I have been trying to figure out a solution for myself, but I’ve decided I need some old-fashioned advice from Reddit. So here we go.
To start with the background. I’m a current university student, with plans to graduate at the end of this semester. My degree is pretty useless by itself though, so I’ve lined up a plan to start attending graduate school next year. I have been fortunate to get through most of college with little to no debt, and my dad has some money set aside for my graduate school studies (this will come up later).
I live pretty independently from my dad and stepmom, as the university I attend is not in my hometown. Plus, I do have a decent relationship with my father, but he always seems to be away on business trips. As for my stepmother, I’m pretty sure she’s never liked me. I just pretty much avoid her as much as possible.
So I’ll start getting into the juice of the story. I never really have been too interested in women in a sexual sense. I suppose I’ve been too busy with my academics and work. However, I was recently talking with one of my best friends, and I was beginning to think about asking out a girl in one of my classes (for the sake of the story, she’ll be called “Abby”). Abby and I actually have some history, as we were coincidentally next-door neighbors in our childhood neighborhood. However, my family ended up hating her family. I was too young at the time to understand what was going on, but apparently Abby’s older brothers were always getting on my dad’s nerves. I think they broke one of our house’s windows while playing baseball, were generally loud, and they always scooped their dog’s crap from their yard into ours. Me, being a little 7-year-old, didn’t really care at all, but my dad’s still bitter.
Anyways, all this to say I ended up asking out Abby, and we ended up setting up a time for studying together! It’s probably no big deal, but I’m excited. So now imagine me a couple of days ago having a great time, high off the fact that I was actually successful for once, when I got myself into this terrible situation. I suppose my first mistake was coming home for the weekend.
As usual, my dad was not present when I came... keep reading on reddit ➡
While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.
The people there told him:
"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free.
The man immediately refused and said he would pay the $5,000 fee to do the funeral back home.
When in the USA, his wife came up to him and said:
"I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her"
Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I'm not about to take that risk with your mother.
She married my dad when I was 8. I met her earlier that same year.
They married 11 months after my mom died (I was 7).
She has no children of her own but they did try.
I have a good relationship with her but I do not consider her my mom.
So I'm 16(f) now and I got my first job before Covid got really bad. I worked a bit during Covid and was working around Mother's Day. That day came and there was some weirdness but it wasn't until stepfamily day that my dad came out and said it hurt their feelings when I got her something for that instead of Mother's Day. He said he always gave her a card and gift for Mother's Day because she did most of the mothering. I told him it's not that I don't love her but I have never considered her in the mom role. I see her as a stepmother who is an awesome person to have but it's not the same as a mom for me. So celebrating her on stepfamily day was what I was most comfortable with.
I didn't realize how big a deal it was until my dad brought us to therapy and there I was confronted with the fact she was heartbroken I didn't choose to honor her on Mother's Day as well. She said stepfamily day seemed like a slap in the face when she's raised me for such a huge part of her life.
I have felt a little bad ever since and I don't know how to make this shit work. Because I never liked honoring her on Mother's Day. It always made me uneasy and feel bad because she was honored over my mom and I still feel a huge need to keep honoring my mom. I always tried my best to celebrate her privately but it wasn't easy. I was vocal about not feeling comfortable but it was always presented as not a choice.
I told her I never wanted to hurt her feelings and I was sorry that I had done that but I always wished we had done stepfamily day instead of mother's day together. She said she just couldn't make that stop hurting. Because she always hoped I would one day see her as my mom too. Not my only mom. But one of them.
We're not in therapy anymore.
This has been an ongoing issue for years.
My Dad met Tanya when I was 22 years old. ~8 years ago now. I was an adult and had been living with my now husband for years.
She never reached out to me to hang out or anything, she never made any extra effort to spend time with me outside of family get togethers. Which was fine by me.
From the beginning I have been very fond of Tanya because compared to my mother, Tanya is an absolutely lovely lady. She takes good care of my Dad and makes him really happy. She gets him motivated to do more than sit around the house drinking. He was so sad, miserable and lonely before meeting Tanya so I have always been thankful that she entered his life.
She hasn't been perfect by any means. There have been situations where I've gotten a bit upset with her. But nothing that makes me change my mind on her as a person or as someone my Dad should be with.
My Dad is 100% certain on not ever getting married again. Unfortunately he is also still financially tied to my mother and has no motivation to change that situation no matter how hard my sister and I press him to do so. So getting married for him is a lot more of a painful process than usual.
Tanya has said she is perfectly fine with that, that if my Dad decided he did want to get married again she would love to but isn't worried if he doesn't.
Since the beginning Tanya has felt that my sister and I don't like her. I've told Tanya to her face that I think she's lovely and I'm so happy my Dad is happy. But I did tell her that we have a distant relationship. We aren't close and I'm ok with that if she is. She said she is happy with how our relationship is.
Because of the distance in our relationship, I don't feel like she's a stepmother to me. She isn't married to my Dad. She didn't have a hand in raising me at all. We aren't close by any means.
Sometimes when I talk about my Dad and Tanya I get asked who Tanya is, to which I say "my Dad's girlfriend". Some people have told me it's rude to not call her my stepmother. I disagree.
Just recently this came to a head when she met my father and mother in law. I introduced her as my Dad's girlfriend, Tanya. Tanya got visibly upset. My Dad said I was an asshole for not introducing Tanya as my stepmother after all the years they've been together. AITA?
I (28f) have been married to my husband for 9 years and we have two kids together. My husband has a stepmother Jane who has been married to his dad since he was 10 and his brothers Jack and Logan were 9 and 7. My MIL passed away when the boys were all very young and my husbands dad admittedly remarried fast to give them a new mother. Only they did not want or accept having a new mother and ever since there has been conflict between them all. Out of all three Jack has the worst relationship with her and has completely cut his dad and Jane out of his life. Apparently there was an incident when he was still living at home that led to him telling her to drop dead and moving out to live with a friend, and then us. My husband and I have no idea what actually happened except for that.
Anyway, ever since then Jane has been even more desperate to have a good relationship with my husband and Logan and it has resulted in them pulling back even more. When my husband and I had our kids she desperately wanted to be a grandmother and to gain an official title in the family but she pushed more than my husband liked. She bought herself a shirt for a soon to be grandma and made a Facebook post that she was going to start a family tradition with her first grandchild that she hoped would be carried through the generations and help continue her family tree. My husband was furious because he said our family are never going to be part of her family tree and that she wasn't going to be grandma (this was known from our announcement that he wasn't going to encourage a grandma title). That angered my husband dad but it made his stepmother more insistent that she would be more and she has always tried to be affectionate with my husband and Logan and she has asked for time with them and our kids over the years. I let my husband choose his side's involvement and I follow his lead when it comes to his relatives.
Anyway, recently we met briefly for a small little thing and my husbands stepmother was trying to fuss over him and mother him. She started opening up about how she desperately wants to be accepted and I told her she doesn't help things when she pushes so hard and goes against the boundaries they set. Apparently this not only upset her but pissed her off. She said it wasn't my place and was a thoughtless thing to say when she has always tried but they haven't. Now they are saying I'm behind the conflict between them all and it's all my fault. My husband said what I said was... keep reading on reddit ➡
I created this profile to post about this particular subject because it's honestly kind of embarrassing and I truly don't know how to cope.
My fiance (m44) went through a traumatic divorce from his childhood sweetheart and wife of 20 years 3 years ago. During the divorce, he was making some idiotic choices and ended up hooking up with a 21 year old stripper for a little while. He came to his senses fairly quickly and she wasn't looking for anything but a fling and some money in her pocket anyway so it ended after around 7 or 8 months and both walked away. He actually stopped seeing her when he met me because he saw something more with me (f42) and the rest is history. We are getting married as soon as covid restrictions lift and we can have a proper wedding.
The issue. Apparently, this young stripper had a drug addiction he was not aware of and she oded...leaving a little girl who is almost 2. HIS little girl. That he had no idea even existed. And now she is living in our home because this child literally has no one else. We have had her for less than a month.
His son with his exwife is 21 years old and has been on his own since he was 18 (he is a Marine stationed across the country). I have no children because I have never wanted them. I am 41. I still don't want children.
I feel awful but I find myself resenting the Hell out of this child. I mean, I understand her world has fallen apart and she isn't even quite 2. She doesn't sleep at night. She cries ALL the time. And yes, I know. The poor little thing has lost everything she knows and needs love and attention. I am just not sure we are the right ones to give it to her.
He works long hours and could only take 2 weeks off to help her acclimate. It was not enough. She has not even begun to form any real attachment or bond to him and cries more with him than she does with the daycare lady or with me. She seems scared of men in general INCLUDING him. The daycare lady says she calms down for small increments of time and that those times are slowly growing larger and that she will occasionally play with the other children in her care but that she mostly wont stop crying unless she is being held and rocked and cuddled. When she is with me she is only quiet and calm when I am holding her. My fiance tries to take care of her and doesnt want to put her all on me but she literally cries and cries when she is with him and tries to cling to me. When I walk away most of the time she p... keep reading on reddit ➡
First of all, English is not my first language. I'm sorry in advance.
I (19F) am brazilian, and I live in Brazil with my mother and stepfather. My dad moved to Spain with my stepmother (47F) and my sister (7F) a few years ago. I was really young when my parents divorced and I have an ok relationship with my stepmom. I try to be polite and so does she, but she's just the type of person I don't really go well with... She's very lazy (and I'm not, so I end up doing all the house work) and thinks she's the center of the universe. I'm a shy person, and I really don't like spending too much time with people in general... So it's kinda hard for me to live in the same house as her.
When all the crazy quarantine blocks started I was here in Spain visiting them, and here I stayed because Brazil is a mess right now. I don't mind being here because I'm having online classes anyways and I get to spend time with my sister, who has recently been diagnosed with autism... I'm one of the few people she feels confortable with. And I've been dealing with my stepmom so far, but my anxiety is just getting worse from holding everything up...
My dad is moving to Romania in January because of his job, but my stepmom decided she and my sister will stay here in Spain, because of my sister (she finally made friends, she likes her terapist, etc).
But the point is, my stepmom is waiting on some results for her exams and her doctor already said they might be bad news (maybe cancer, we will hear from her next week).
I think my stepmother is assuming that I'm going to stay here and take care of her and my sister if she really is sick. I don't intend to. I don't like living with her on the first place, but I've been wanting to go home ever since March and couldn't, I finally got a plane ticket for January and I can't wait to go home to see my mom (and also, maybe I'll go back to in person classes soon).
(My dad didn't say a word about not going to Romania if she's sick. Their relationship is kinda shitty...)
So, WIBTAH if she really is sick and I leave her "alone" here with my sister?
I'm the youngest of two. My sister is 18 and I'm (17f). Our mom died when we were 6 and 7 and our dad remarried when we were 10 and 11. Our issue with her has always been she didn't try to build a relationship with us prior to assuming the role of mom which is a lot our dad's fault too. But where he eased up a couple of years ago she never stopped referring to herself as mom, calling us her daughters and asking us for more respect than using her first name. We have told her multiple times that mom was reserved for our mom and she couldn't claim that title. She would either get mad or sad and try to guilt trip us OR she would list everything she had done for us that earned her the title. So things like cooking, cleaning, homework and caring for us when sick. She also added in loving us unconditionally.
The other night my sister announced she was moving out even though she mostly has already. She was staying with her friend through lockdown and she mostly spends nights at her friends house. My stepmother asked why she was moving out so soon and why she would want to leave her parents and sister. My sister told her she's not her parent. Dad jumped in and said it was unfair, because she was a parent even if we don't consider her our mom. Stepmother said whether we liked it or not she was our mom and she had done everything she could for us that would make her a good one.
And I kind of lost it. I lay into her saying she never once tried to build any relationship with us she just assumed the role of mom never considering that we might not have anything to build off of and she bullied us with guilt trips and listing everything she does all the time in order for us to comply with her but we were done. I told her she hadn't earned the title of mom because we never had a relationship with her outside of her forcefully trying to steal the title of mom. I told her it was up to us to give it to her and not for her to demand it. I told her we did not appreciate it and she had nobody to blame but herself and our dad because they allowed it to continue without ever stopping to think about how we felt.
I stopped there, mostly because I was sent to my room. Which is a good thing because in the moment I was so mad I would have crossed the line and said she never gave us any reason to like her never mind love her and consider her our mom.
I think I might be because I really went off and it was mostly between my sister and stepmother, not me. But maybe not.
We have never had a good relationship. She has done some pretty heinous things to me over the years, including forcing me to apologize to a person that sexually assaulted me because he was "embarrassed" that I exposed him. I was 11. She also tried to have me committed to a mental ward when I refused to shut up about it, but that was after threatening to beat my face off with a wooden spoon. I stopped visiting for holidays and summer vacations altogether when I was 15. My father and I had some really rough years but we figured out many years ago that if we don't ever speak my stepmother's name or talk about her at all, we get along just fine, regardless of some of the stunts he has allowed her to pull.
Every year, my stepmother puts out her annual Christmas newsletter. I was mentioned for the very first time EVER last year. I was mostly amused because it only took her 27 years to bring herself to acknowledge to the outside world that I exist. It simply said, "[Dad's name] visited his daughter, skeptic_narcoleptic." Really warm and touching, right?
My brother died in April. His death was not related to COVID, but he did die alone in the hospital due to restrictions brought upon by COVID. We have been unable to have a funeral or memorial of any kind for him, partially due to the fact that our father is in a higher risk category and I have autoimmune diseases. Yesterday, while going through my mail, I opened the infamous newsletter and a memorial card for my brother was included. A few of the photos that were printed on it were photos I had taken many years ago when he was just a toddler, which really made me happy. Until I turned it over.
The back has a short poem printed and at the bottom, it says, "[Dad] and [Stepmom] Lastname and [Younger Brother [22M] Lastname."
This was not an oversight or a mistake. This was intentional and cruel. I'm spiraling. My boyfriend asked why my dad wouldn't put his foot down and insist that I be included and the only answer I had was, "Why would he stick up for me now? He never has before," which is a whole other subset of my therapy topics.
I don't know how to address this but I don't know that I can NOT address this. Where do I even start?
About 6 years ago my mother passed away after a long cancer battle. Less than six months after my father started dating a divorcee who has two young kids from her previous marriage. In the beginning she was nice enough quite opinionated and clingy but dad was happy.
In the last few years she and her kids have moved into our childhood home. She has made many many changes. Me and my siblings while upset about losing a connection with our childhood and our late mother, realized that we are all in our late 20s early 30s. Have homes of our own etc.
Before covid we all had begun to call down less as their was no place for us to stay the night. Our beds have been taken by her children. Dad had promised to convert attic space to a bedroom for us. However two years on still hasn’t happened. Though he has completed many other projects instead.
When we visit it feels very much like we are now guests in someone else’s home. Every room has been painted, new furniture has been bought, photos have been replaced. There is now only ONE photo of my late mother on her own while there are now multiple of dad and his new partner, there are multiple photos of her kids, none of us anymore.
We had a fight with dad during the summer asking for some quality one on one time with him without his partner. She kicked up a huge fuss with him. Saying we were excluding her. We were very blunt with dad saying we are your kids we want time with you alone. He did agreed and we had one or two nice days out together over the last while when restrictions allowed us to travel.
However Christmas has shown that there is still a massive divide between what we as his children want from our relationship with him and what we are actually getting. Our gifts this year were very impersonal and cheap, unlike other years our dad didn’t reach out asking if their was anything we need or want. He told my oldest sibling that money was tight this year as they had done a lot of work around the house during lockdown. The gifts each of us got could have easily been gotten for anyone not his children, I was actually embarrassed to receive it. Its not the money value of the gift it was the lack of thought in it. Now her kids got new fit bits, games for their consoles, clothes, etc. now I know they are teenager so it’s not like they were “Santa” gifts. My 10 year old niece was not bought a gift they “forgot” she’s the only grandchild.
I feel very much that she is isolating my dad from his children, a... keep reading on reddit ➡
I know this was slightly petty, but I'm wondering if I'm the asshole.
I (29F) spent Thanksgiving with my father, stepmother (Nina), and stepsisters (25F, 23F, Ellie and Claire). My stepmother has always been incredibly cold to me. We blended the family together about 12 years ago (I had just started college) and Nina has just never liked me. My dad provided her with the house and life she wanted, and also enabled her to reunite with her daughters. I actually really love my stepsisters, and my dad is like a third parent to them. However I have always felt like Nina simply views my brother and myself as obstacles to be tolerated, and not people to be enjoyed.
I am definitely more opinionated and political than her, but over the years I've tried to tone it down for the sake of keeping the peace. It seems to be kind of a woman-hates-other-strong-women-who-aren't-her-own-kids kind of thing. It's a constant barrage of her acting annoyed and offended by my basic existence. She absolutely dotes on her daughters. I've given up on her likeing me, however I do expect her to be kind and civil to me, as I am to her. The more I try to accommodate her, the more it seems to enrage her - like she wants some kind of excuse to be cruel to me and resents when I don't give her one. I love my dad and my stepsisters which is why I keep trying to maintain some kind of relationship.
She emailed all of us before thanksgiving asking if there was anything in particular we wanted. I replied asking for mashed potatoes, because they're my favorite. I also offered to make dinner rolls, a tart, and cranberry sauce. She sent me back an "OK" which is about as much as I get from her.
Cut to thanksgiving - that morning she casually says "Ellie is making sweet potatoes, so I'm not going to do any mashed potatoes." I asked if I could just make them myself since I don't like sweet potatoes, and she agreed. She was huffy all day about me being in the kitchen despite the fact that I made half the meal. Everyone enjoyed the mashed potatoes and the sweet potatoes. After dinner, Nina was putting the food away and put EVERYTHING else in Tupperware besides for my mashed potatoes, which she threw in the trash. This was kind of the final straw for me. I was incredibly hurt and it felt pointed and crappy. My partner and I love thanksgiving sandwiches, so the next day I took some potatoes she had in oil (she makes these jars of salmon, onions, potatoes, and oil - it bears mentioning that she frequentl... keep reading on reddit ➡
My mum passed away when I was born from complications. I have 2 older full siblings who were 8 and 7 at the time. I'm now 16(f)
A couple years after my mum died my dad remarried a wonderful woman called Jane. They went on to have another daughter together and Jane is essentially my mum. I adore her, we get along really well and I live my little sister. My older brothers on the other hand hate Jane. They have never been able to give me any specific reasons other than that she's "not mum".
My dad died earlier this year. Unfortunately due to the pandemic the funeral only allowed 1 to attend and so Jane arranged for there to be a family get together once lockdown was over and dads siblings, my cousins, my older brothers, dads friends etc were all invited.
This get together was held last weekend and during it my brothers took me to one side and asked when I was moving out and offered for me to stay with them if I needed. I was confused because I didn't realize I was supposed to(they didn't move out till they were 18/19). They then elaborated that of course I wouldn't stay with "that woman" now that dad was dead. I corrected them saying "that woman" had been a wonderful mother to me and why should I move out if I didn't have to. They got mad at me and left early. I've since been getting bitchy messages from both of them accusing me of "spitting on mums memory". AITA here?
Update: Thank you so much for all the kind words. I was feeling really low about myself when I posted this and you've helped me understand that there's nothing wrong with me for loving Jane like a mum even though she's not my birth mum. I hope you all have wonderful lives❤❤
Long time lurker, first time poster, I think. First time about my stepmother, anyway. Henceforth to be referred to as JNSM for Just No Step Monster.
It’s been a morning. To quote my sister: “The Lion, The Witch, and the Audacity of this Bitch.”
My JNSM married my dad when I was 14. For context, she and my dad dated for about a month, then broke up. Then my dad found out my mom was getting remarried, and suddenly so was he. And it was all downhill from there. JNSM has ridiculed my sister and I, slut shamed us for having boyfriends, even as adults, and fights us shamelessly for my father’s attention by insulting us in front of other people. My father is much worse, and revels in the attention, so he doesn’t stop her. She is just awful to deal with because she’s amazing at putting on this facade of the caring parent. She’s sneaky about her insults. You usually don’t realize the full force of what she’s said until later.
I should mention that the passive aggressive bullshit has been bumped up to 11 since neither she nor my JNfather were invited to my wedding last year. I haven’t seen either of them in almost 2 years. They knew I was engaged, as we had been for over a year, but we got sick of wedding planning and eloped last June. I didn’t tell them about it until after the fact because we’re estranged AF. Even my cat hates these people.
Anyway, I usually only see them once a year for “Advent.” Covid means we can’t see each other but my JNSM wants us to have it over Zoom. I have never fully understood what Advent is. Every year we light some candles and read some psalms, but I’m not religious, so I usually just sit by quietly and respectfully while this goes on, then we eat dinner, open our Amazon gift cards, and go the fuck home. I didn’t go last year, on the grounds that I didn’t want to. But with it being over Zoom, it’s harder to come up with an excuse. This year, JNSM and the sperm donor decided to go all out, I guess, because they got us actual presents, which is a little weird, honestly. We don’t really want the Amazon gift cards to begin with. It’s awkward and makes us feel obligated to deal with them. But my POS father has to put on a show for his beloved stepchildren so here we are.
JNSM has been harassing me for days about getting my husband’s phone number. I have no idea why she wants it. They’ve met maybe three times and we’ve been together for 6.5 years. He doesn’t want me to give it to her and I wouldn’t anyway. The last thing I need is... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, if it isn’t please let me know:).
My father and I have always had a difficult relationship. He and my mother divorced when I was 2 and he was barely around until I was 6.
When I was 6 he started to bring his girlfriend along whenever he saw me and my sister (she is 2 years older than me). Shortly after it became apparent that his girlfriend favoured my sister over me, and she made no secret to hide it from me (negative comments about my appearance, my interests and my “childish behaviour” in comparison to my sister). This severely damaged my feeling of self worth. My father did not make these comments but he was always insisting I be more mature.
When I was 9 they moved to America, so contact was just through FaceTime. While my sister was able to handle this well I was not. I was not mentally prepared to communicate with them like that and as a result I talked with them far less than my sister. They insisted that I be the one to initiate contact when we talked and I was not ready for that either.
During the next few years my sister and I grew to have very different personalities. She was more conservative, go with the flow and amenable. In contrast I questioned everything, was not opposed to making my opinion on any matter clear (without being rude) and did not let myself be controlled or manipulated by anyone.
When we saw them in person again (I was 14, my sister 16) it was clear neither of them liked how different I was since they had last seen me. My now stepmother told me straight up that I was too rebellious, too immature compared to my sister and went back to making comments about my appearance etc.
(I want to quickly say that my sister has never compared me to herself and has always encouraged me to be myself).
In the next two years my contact with them became less and less, due to me not wanting to talk to my stepmother, until it stopped altogether when I was 16. Since then the only direct contact I have had with them has been an email on my birthday (father emailed me, I emailed back, I never got a reply). The only other contact was when my father offered (he emailed my mother) to pay for a computer for me to help me with my school work, which my mother and I accepted, and I sent him an email saying thank you, again I received no reply.
Recently my father reached out to me asking to get back in touch. I replied that I would like to try and build a relationship with him slowly, and that... keep reading on reddit ➡
My (38M) girlfriend’s (36F) dad (58M) recently married his girlfriend (25F).
Her dad was upset she declined the invitation but we have two kids (2F,1F) and she couldn’t just pick up and leave.
Her dad recently invited us out to brunch to meet his wife and her family.
We show up and his new wife is there with her twin brother and her older brother (35M).
The meal goes ok until her stepmother’s older brother, while talking about a business collaboration he was doing with my girlfriend’s dad, mentioned that his wife was pregnant so she couldn’t help out.
He then turns to my girlfriend and said “ I was going to ask, are you sure you want to risk eating the burger even if they say it’s well done?“
We are all confused about why he would be concerned about anyone ordering a burger.
He then continues to say “ When my wife was in her second trimester last time she also craved red meat but a lot of restaurants don’t cook it to 160 degrees Fahrenheit so you have to be careful.”
He then says “ you look about four, five months along. When are you due?”
And my girlfriend’s face turns beet red and her hand actually starts shaking. She says “ I’d appreciate if people stop making assumptions about me. I have been pregnant twice in two years for that matter and am still recovering, thank you very much.”
She then burst out in tears and ran to the bathrooms.
My girlfriend’s stepmother looks upset and her older brother started protesting loudly over and over that he didn’t know. He gave his sister an apologetic rub on her shoulder and said something along the lines of “ there was every indication.”
My girlfriend comes back glaring at her stepmother’s brother and he stares back at her. She says that something’s come up and we need to get back home now and her dad protests and her stepmother sighs.
As she hastened to put on her coat, to diffuse the tension I said to everybody in general “ Look, on behalf of my girlfriend, I’m very sorry for the slight overreaction. That shouldn’t have gotten so heated.” Her stepmother’s older brother nods and my girlfriend is furious.
She lays into me in the car and says that was not my place to apologize and asked how dare I apologize to the prick.
I said that I’m very sorry that because of complications her belly still looks pregnant and I get that assumptions hurt but this was supposed to be a pleasant family gathering and now it’s all blown up because of an overreaction and a lot of other feelings seemed to be hurt.
I... keep reading on reddit ➡
When I (19F) was 6 lost my mom and two years later my dad remarried. We'll call her Kate for the sake of the thread. So Kate has been my stepmother since I was young and I can appreciate that but we are not close and I have grown to have so much resentment toward her. Ever since she officially married my dad she has tried to take my mom's place.
She used to tell me I needed to call her mom. This was a daily thing for like five years. I was corrected every time I used her first name. She would ask me why I didn't make her a Mother's Day card when I would make one for my mom's grave every year. She would get upset when I'd tell people she was my stepmother. She wanted me to tell people she was my mom, but she said even stepmom sounded closer than stepmother.
One time for my moms anniversary my dad and I went to her favorite spot and when we came back she asked if she could join us and I said I wanted it to stay just me and my dad. She told me "my new mom" should be there for me that day while I mourn my "old mom". She was offended when I didn't want to go to her scans when she was pregnant with my halfsiblings and even more offended when I didn't want to be at the births.
I was upset with her when she bought us mom/daughter necklaces and she was upset because I wouldn't wear mine. When we did family therapy together she would say it hurt her feelings when I rejected her as a mom. She got angry when I was 10 and during a family therapy session, I said she would never be my mom. She told me she earned the title.
We had a huge fight 3 years ago. My siblings asked why I don't call their mom my mom and I told them she's not my mom and I have a mom who died. They asked me why I didn't think I had two moms and I explained because sometimes people feel that way. She was furious! She told me I had no right saying any of that to them. She told me my rejection was unfair. I told her she tried way too hard and that nothing she ever did would earn her the title of mom. She stopped trying after that.
Then last week I went to my sisters birthday and I mostly stayed in the background to avoid a fight. My dad pulled me aside and asked me if I wanted to be part of my stepmothers birthday video. He clarified it was just my siblings in the video and it was a mom video. I said no. She overheard and lost it. She told me I was about to publicly humiliate her by not taking part when she has always referred to me as her kid. Apparently some of her friends and co-workers think I... keep reading on reddit ➡
Context=The walls in my house are quite thin, so if it’s silent you can hear everything the other person is saying, now it’s 3 Am, and my stepmother is sleep talking, but at the same time, it’s not some simple kind of sleep talking, she is literally chanting something, i can’t quite make out what she is saying but it’s been 2 hours since she fell asleep and she has been repeating the words in a (literally counted with timer) perfect interval of five minutes, it’s starting to get scary. Please help, i’m scared she is gonna make a deal with the devil to take my soul. Any ideas what to do?
Alright, so my original post exceded the character limit by 6000 so let's start again. I hope I can give the necessary details.
My parents got separated when I (24 F) was 4 and my brother (22) was 2. We lived with our father because he had a job and an education and my mother didn't. They decided this together. A few months after the separation we moved 6 hours away from my mother to my father's new girlfriend who was studying to be a teacher.
I was missing my mother terribly and my father's girlfriend didn't like that. Everytime my brother and I visited our mother she stopped talking to us days before the drive because we were so happy we were about to see our mother. This went on for the entirety of my father's and her relationship, 13 years.
Apart from being cranky when we visited my mother (two times a year after I started school), she stopped talking to me and my brother on a regular basis. Because I was being hit when I broke something or did something wrong, I started lying about little things to not get in trouble. After the lying, she'd ignore me and my father wouldn't do anything about that. When I was around 12 she ignored me for a whole year and I don't even remember the reason why.
When I was 11 she read my diary that said I had the best time with my mother during summer break. She got angry and yelled at me about that. I stopped telling her things about my life after that.
Important to say that I wasn't a troublemaker. I was quiet, read a lot, spent a lot of my time in my room and was a fairly smart kid actually.
So, ignoring us was her go-to-way of punishment and most of the time we didn't even know what exactly we did wrong so we apologized blindly which upset her even more. You get the point. My childhood was a living hell. I was afraid of my father and her, she ignored us every two months, called us names, etc. My father did nothing.
When I was 17 I went to my school counselor, who talked to my father. She had been ignoring me and my brother for a year again, because we didn't tell her we were going on vacation with our grandmother, who moved close to us because she saw how unfairly our stepmother treated us and she wanted to be there for us. A few weeks after that talk with my father, she moved out. She wanted me and my brother out of the house for that. She never spoke to us again. She always told us she loved us, insisting on that and we said it back, but in the end she didn't even want to say goodbye after 13 years.... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve been married to my wife for 5 years, dating for 3 years prior to that. I had a son from my previous relationship and he’s now 14.
Today my son came over and we were sitting together eating dinner. My wife stretched her legs out and propped her legs up onto my lap and said ‘man I’m tired’.
My stepson said ‘wow, I’d love to be lazy, I wish I was like lazy like you. No job, just play games all day, no school, i’d love that’
It came outta nowhere and my wife immediately looked wtf and pissed. I too was kinda like ... now why the heck would you say that? My wife has not got a traditional 9-5 job but she works hard and brings in money through other avenues. She does get tired and lay in bed a lot (she has health conditions which I’m on board with and have never mentioned to my son and he doesn’t really see that bc he’s only here 2 days a week) but I love my wife as is and wouldn’t change that.
I said bro you can’t say that. Apologize to your stepmom. She’s not lazy. He said ‘oh I’m just saying I would love to be lazy too it’s not a bad thing’. I said calling someone lazy isn’t a good descriptor and your stepmom isn’t lazy. He got a little short with me (wife had stayed quiet) but apologized.
Later on I got a call from his mom screeching down the phone at me saying that I chose my wife over my son and that I’m an idiot for penalizing him for pointing out a fact.
The thing is my wife does a lot for my son, and for me, and for our home, and I don’t believe she’s lazy, I asked my son why he thought that later and he couldn’t give me a valid reason so I felt it was appreciate to correct him.
I’m (34F) so sick being treated like SD’s (13F) maid! She makes messes, doesn’t clean up after herself, stains our countertops, burns my new pots and pans, and generally acts entitled and rude.
I know fairy tales are written from the child’s perspective, but maybe the evil stepmother just got tired of catering to every need of an entitled brat!
I ask her to clean up after herself and she will, but she half-asses it. Her dad asks her too but I feel like I am constantly “tattling” to him to get her to do things or to complain. I feel like I’m constantly putting him in the middle.
I’m not crazy, but I like having a cleanish house. I’m not a “scrub the floor with a toothbrush” kind of person. My partner is much more lax about housework so I end up doing most of it since I’m the one with the preference for a tidy home.
After reading the last post about step kids and how they feel about their step mothers, I just feel like she’s going to hate me and blame me for her childhood not being perfect.
Thanks for reading.
TL:DR - sick of cleaning up after SD and sick of putting BD in the middle.
At the beginning of the season finale Lady W makes an introduction that seems too specific to be random info. She says about ten years before the events of our last episode a certain Mary Leopold got married after the shortest engagement in high society. Lady Sheffield’s name is Mary and book 2 made a point that Kate’s father re-married shortly after his first wife’s death because little Kate needed a mother figure.
Of course the theory is not without fault. Ten year don’t seem enough considering that Edwina should be much older than ten in season 2. However; I wouldn’t rule out a time jump between the two seasons, or even an all over the place timeline because Shondaland very often has those.
I'm a 27 year old guy who will hopefully be getting married in the next 12 months, if you know, Covid doesn't screw it up more. There's something I need to ask about here because it's become a serious point of contention between my dad and me. My mom died when I was 5 and he got married again when I was 10. My stepmother tried to mom me and I did not like it. A lot of it was my dad's fault. He was dating her for two years but we (brother and me) didn't meet her until they were engaged and she moved in, two months later they got married and she was still a stranger and expected to be mom. But nobody could ever be my mom other than my mom. I don't really remember her but I just know I was never on the market for mom #2. It was my moms biggest fear too per the diaries she left me and my brother. So my dad trying to replace her was a dick move imo. And my stepmother refusing to have a different kind of relationship was too. She would tell us she was mom of the house and was raising us so she deserved that relationship. My brother has a somewhat better relationship with them today. My relationship with them is strained. So when my stepmother called and asked me about doing the mother/son dance at my wedding, I told her I wasn't doing one.
Now she's upset and pissed and trying to change my mind.
There is nobody alive I would do a mother/son dance with.
My fiancee and I are going to do a dance with our kids though, in place of the traditional parent/child dances at weddings.
WIBTA if I don't do the dance?