I met my partner Madison five years ago. Madison has a daughter from ex Named Ally(17f), and I have a 15 year old son from my previous relationship. They are both with us full time.
I would say since the first week we started dating that Ally never liked me. I’ve tried to bond with her, extending an olive branch, to being able to simply co-exist, but it’s uneasy at best. She tells her mom the reason she dislikes me so much is because her mother moved in with me and moved her away from her dad... they moved 1/2 an away hour with traffic.
Madison is unable to work many jobs. She has a felony on her record (she was mailing high priced bottles of bourbon across state lines at 23) and has a god awful back that lays her up days at a time. With that said I handle the expenses which isn’t a problem. I’m an engineer with a high wage and overtime is limitless if I want it.
Ally makes life difficult when she can. She mocks me to my face, refuses to do chores, breaks into my wine cellar, and lately has been making fun of me with her dad via FB and Twitter. They enjoy calling me a nerd and loser because I play D&D and I guess because I’m basically different. Everyone can see what they say.l about me in there and it’s embarrassing to say the least. Her mother stands up for me and tries to control it, but it doesn’t last.
Ally’s dad isn’t a saint even though she thinks he is. He’s in an out of trouble, can’t hold a steady job (pre-Covid either), and he still lives with his mom. I’m not trying to be harsh on the guy here but at least here it’s anonymous which is better than he gives me via FB.
Recently Ally has been jumping through the hoops of college applications and she and her mother sat down to discuss options and what not. Ally isn’t a great student, but she isn’t terrible either.. she’s not going to get many, if any at all, scholarships/grants. Madison asked me about tuition, and I said I would match Ally’s dad dollar for dollar.
They kind of stared at me for a minute until my son broke the tension with a laugh, and said “well that might cover the gas to drop off!” I asked him to leave the kitchen and he did however my wife was livid and Ally was on the verge of crying.
Ally left the kitchen and my girlfriend said that was out of line and cruel for an adult to say that to someone her age. I shot back with well someone needed to set her straight and you or her father weren’t doing it, and now she will see her dad for what he really is.
Guys I... keep reading on reddit ➡
My son (17) is autistic, and his special interest has always been animals and their behaviour and care. He never liked kids shows and he'd only ever watch animal planet. At four years old he was much better with animals than I was, and even wound up reminding me not to approach random dogs a few times.
So, at age seven after a pretty big milestone, I finally gave in and let him get a cat. A friend had a litter, and he wound up talking me into getting two with more facts about how they do better in pairs. And so, first two members of our family. Over the past ten years his animal collection has grown, and he has a pretty big family in his room.
He pays for them himself, (I technically pay for them, but he spends all his pocket money on them) and before asking if he can get a new one he sits in his room and works out his money to see if he could afford one. Overall, he's a smart kid and I'm really proud of him. He was accepted into an animal college where he's getting all his qualifications to get a job, something people doubted he'd ever do. He's come so far and so I'm happy to indulge him in his special interests, helping with particularly expensive vet bills.
Six years ago, though, I finally got back into dating and I've been married for a little over four years now. My husband has a teenage daughter, and she's relatively sweet. She didn't adjust to her father being in a new relationship very well, but we've gotten along more and more over the years.
She's been pretty interested in my son's pets, and has asked for a few already. The thing is, there is 50/50 custody and so spends every other week with her mum. My sons deal is he does all of the care, and she wouldn't be able to if she spends a week at her mothers (not to mention she wants a hamster and practically refuses research, which is upsetting to my son as hamster neglect is incredibly common).
She's angry because we're being unfair. I explained that we aren't, she needs to be here to look after her pet. She claims we're treating them differently, and my husband thinks we should just buy her one and do the care while she's not here. It's also well known hamsters don't make good pets. You can't do much with them. Not to mention she doesn't have a job and is currently spending all her allowance on herself so she probably wouldn't pay for the hamster.
We have family dogs and family cats, as well as my sons cats and his dog who spend a lot of time with family, so it's not like she never sees pe... keep reading on reddit ➡
I have two daughters “Leanne” (19F) and “Lucy” (16F). I adore my girls but since I remarried “Rebecca” fairly soon after the divorce, they weren’t impressed – especially since I gained a stepdaughter, “Sophie” (18F). I did my best but they remain closer to their mother to this day, and when the lockdowns first started they wished to stay with her and communicate with me through tech. (Clarification because everyone was asking: I did NOT cheat.)
My ex-wife “Sharon” has been struggling since the pandemic. Money is tight for both her and her boyfriend "Luke", and with them and both the girls there’s not a lot of space. Leanne especially is coping very poorly and Sharon asked if I was willing to have her for a short while, apparently at Leanne’s request- I was surprised by this since she was the one who felt most negatively towards me after the divorce, and we recently had a big fight because she dropped out of university. So I agreed knowing that it would be tough.
But her behaviour hasn’t been acceptable. She’s rude to Rebecca. She frequently takes clothes of Sophie’s- she says she and Lucy share things all the time, but their relationship and attitudes to clothes is different. Sophie’s wardrobe is essentially sacred to her for reasons I don’t have the word count to explain but can in the comments if deemed relevant. Leanne also makes a lot of noise (symptom of her mother’s household), swears a lot, is messy, and very aggressive when she doesn’t get her way or is rebuked for her behaviour, particularly if it’s Rebecca that says something.
Tensions have been rising lately because Sophie was due to start university again today. Leanne and I fought about this as I mentioned, so it was a delicate subject regardless, and with Leanne’s noise disturbance Sophie has found it difficult to concentrate on her prep-work so they’ve been arguing even more.
Sophie bought a new shirt and necklace for her first meeting today – a new outfit for a specific event is Sophie code for “I’m stressed about this”, the idea of an online term is quite daunting. Today, she went to get dressed and found the blouse ripped apart and the necklace destroyed on her bed. She started crying, there was a big fight, Rebecca calmed Sophie down in time for her class and I sent Leanne to her room and told her to stay there until her mother arrives to pick her up. Not just the vandalism, but the fact that she deliberately searched for the items she knew Sophie had chosen to calm herself down for... keep reading on reddit ➡
I have two daughters. One, Michelle, I gave birth to. The other, Daphne, is my step-daughter through marriage whom I adopted and I never really use the term step with her as I’ve raised her for the past 5 years. I love her to pieces and we are very close. Daphne’s mom has never been in her life and I am her first maternal figure. Both girls are now 16.
Before I married my husband, Michelle and I did something just us every other weekend. Most of the time nothing big. Maybe we’d see a movie or go to the park for a picnic. Other times, I’d save up so we could go on a mini getaway. When I got married, I stated including Daphne in these things. Michelle was fine for it, but a couple of years ago asked if we could start doing things just us again. She has no issue with hanging out with Daphne, but I know even though she loves her step-dad and sister, she does miss times when it was just us. So, I said sure. One day a month, I take Michelle to do something. Another, I do something with Daphne. And of course, we have family days together and with my husband scattered throughout. Even with COVID, I try to take separate walks with them or we go for a drive.
Daphne has expressed recently that she feels left out when I do something with just Michelle. She pointed out that a lot of the time, she invites Michelle on our days together. I said yes, but she doesn’t have to do that. Michelle wants time just us, just like sometimes Daphne just wants time with me. Daphne said she’s excluded and it’s not fair.
Now, I am not asking if Daphne is an asshole. She’s a teen girl with a lot of legitimate feelings. However, my husband feels like I should just include Daphne in everything I do with Michelle. I said that’s not fair. He does stuff with just Daphne all the time, and he spends time with Michelle alone. My husband says that it’s different because Michelle’s dad is still in her life. I told him that’s not an excuse for her to not want one on one time with me.
Am I being an asshole?
This is going to be all over the place. Sorry in advance.
I'm 41, my husband is 44 and my step daughter is 23. I have been married to my husband for 6 years, together for 14. I have no biological children but love my step daughter as my own.
In 2014 I was struck by a semi truck and was awarded a huge amount of money as a result. I put my stepdaughter through college because I wanted to do so. I wasnt asked. I also bought her her first vehicle. I feel incredibly grateful to be able to do this for her, as her mother is a piece of work and hasnt had much to do with her since she was 8; and my husband doesnt have much money either. She has always been incredibly appreciative of me and everything I have done for her and thanks me on a weekly basis, at least. Despite me telling her she doesnt have to.
Well, back 2 years ago she went on a trip to the Philippines with her college class. While she was there she met a guy and fell head over heels. After the trip was up, she kept in very close contact with him. For the past 2 years they have had a LDR and it seems to work for them. Flash forward to 2 nights ago, her father and I overheard him saying that he wants her to marry him and bring him back to America with her. That's not where my issue is. My issue is with the fact that I walked into my kitchen several minutes later (where she was face timing him) and heard a womans voice saying "Did she fall for it? Is she going to pay for us?" My stepdaughter was oblivious to it, as she was making herself food and not really paying attention. I walk off.
That night she comes into the livingroom and asks for quite a bit of money (over $30k) to fly to the Philippines and fly this guy back. As she is talking about it she mentions that they are going to get married and soon thereafter they will fly out his family. I explained to her that it's not that simple. That there are legalities. She tried arguing that they already had it figured out. She then goes to say "He will stay here with us until we find a home." Not okay with me. So I said no and my husband stayed silent. She has been sulking for 2 days and wont speak to me. AITA?
ETA: I feel like an AH because I have more than enough money to pay for this and she never asks me for anything. If I do this she would surely be happy but the whole thing sits real heavy in my gut because after hearing the comment "Did she fall for it?" And then hearing that she intends to house him at our home.. Also left out that I did tell... keep reading on reddit ➡
Obligatory this is a throwaway and on mobile.
So, I (28f) have been with my boyfriend (26m) for about two years now. But we have been friends since middle school.
He got into a relationship with a girl (Sarah) three ish years before that. She got pregnant pretty fast, before they really knew each other. And come to find out, she lied about being on birth control, and then he found out about her drug problem and she self diagnosed (I'm assuming since he said she never took any medication ever for it or went to a doctor) herself with borderline personality disorder.
Anyway, he tried to make it work throughout the pregnancy and the first six months ish of his daughter's life. He finally left her and took the baby with him until she cleaned up when she found out she was pregnant again (with another man's baby). Supposedly this guy was a loser and she left him and he doesn't know the baby exists. My boyfriend got back with her at the time, and was with her through the pregnancy. After the baby was born she got back into drugs and drinking and he was left to take care of them both and work full time while she did absalutely nothing and 'worked on herself'. So he left her again and she was essentially homeless and she willingly signed the kids over to him.
Fast forward to now. Every other weekend he takes them to Sarah's mother's. She likes to see her grandchildren, and occasionally Sarah visits, but even her mom refuses to let her take the children with her.
The oldest is now 4f. The youngest is 2m. I have always wanted children, but am unable, and even so I did make a point in the begining that I didn't want to overstep and parent them. But boyfriend told me when we got serious that he didn't mind me being a mother to them since they essentially didn't have one and we're living together. 4f started calling me 'Mommy' on her own which was about when we had the conversation of it being okay.
Fast forward to a couple days ago. We both went to pick up the kids from Sarah's mother's and Sarah happened to be there. I've met her before, since I've always been friends with boyfriend, but we don't exactly speak to each other. 4f ran to me as soon as she saw me (I waited outside but was outside the car to help get kids buckled in) and when she yelled 'Mommy!' Sarah heard it from the open door. Sarah was incredibly upset and started screaming at boyfriend and me about how 'confusing' that is and how I'm horrible for trying to steal her kids. I'd go into more deta... keep reading on reddit ➡
We were unwrapping and I said “honey, I’m sorry but one of your presents is still in the closet”
Her dad goes “wait, what’s in the closet?”
Step daughter says “I am”
I said “you don’t have to be. It’s lonely in there.”
She said “okay, I’m out now” and that was that. We told her we loved her and were proud of her. I’m so grateful that she felt safe telling us and that she’s not going to spend valuable time in her life hiding who she is.
She’s 12 but she knows who she is and I am incredibly proud of her.
I can’t talk to friends and family because she’s not out to everyone yet but I’m so excited and just wanted to share with someone.
Edit: lots of comments about her age here and that she can’t be “sure” at 12. Yes you can. I’ve known people who were sure about this at younger ages than her. I was sure I liked boys before 12 and nobody told me I was too young to know if I was “sure.” If I shared a story about her having a crush on a guy, it wouldn’t be questioned.
Why should I question her on this and make her sharing this piece of herself less significant for her.
I have 2 daughters, M is 8 and C is 4. M’s dad and I aren’t together anymore. M lives with me most of the time.
I dye M’a hair, and I have since she was about 6 (she asked me to). We started with color spray and hair chalk and clip ins and moved to semi-permanent dye recently. I shave my head and mostly wear wigs (alopecia) and some of them are very colorful and fun, she likes to match mommy. C gets hair chalk to match her big sis as well.
Obviously kids like colorful fun hair. We started doing more color/rainbow stuff during quarantine. She loves it but my ex (her dad) asked me to stop dyeing her hair. M has two step siblings (my ex’s new wife’s kids). I think the boy is around 10 and the little girl is 7ish. They apparently love M’s hair when she comes over and want colorful hair too, esp the daughter. My ex’s wife is anti-hair color and refuses, saying they’re too young and she doesn’t want their teachers to see it, it looks bad, etc. I’m fine with her choice but the kids are jealous and she wants me to stop dyeing M’s hair because they don’t think it’s fair their step sis gets pretty hair and they don’t. I told her just to get clip in extensions since they’re temp but she doesn’t like that idea, and thinks M is “too young” for that think anyways. For the record her dad has always been on board with the hair dye until now.
I told her I’m not gonna stop letting my daughter do something that makes her happy just to sate her children. She can either let them join or inform them that sometimes you can’t get what you want just because someone else has it.
Her dad wants me to go along with it for now to keep the peace so M won’t be resented by her steps. If I stopped her or made her go back to temporary dye (which she doesn’t like as much) she’d be upset too. Am I being unreasonable?
I have never used this site before but my daughter uses it pretty regularly and suggested that I post here.
I have a daughter and a stepson who I will call Carly and Kyle [Carly-15 & Kyle-18]. They have never been particularly close. Kyle tends to avoid myself and Carly like the plague, he hasn't bothered ever trying to build a relationship with us.
I have been with Kyle's dad since the kids were 10 & 13. Due to some personal troubles which I'll not go to into detail about, Kyle stays with his dad though his mother will visit fairly regularly and they are in constant contact. She, of course, believes me to be the asshole in this situation.
Kyle has stayed in the attic since I knew him. His parents had the attic converted into a proper bedroom for him when he was around 9 or 10. It is an absolutely stunning room. Plenty of space, nice furniture and it is currently inhabited by several dressmaking dummies as he is studying fashion at university.
Lately, Carly has asked me if she can stay with me full time. She and her dad are just not getting on and she'd prefer living with me. Her dad is absolutely fine with this as he was never really good with her in the first place. This means that the majority of Carly's things will be at our place. She has a lot more things than Kyle and would most likely need more space. That's why I thought it'd be a better idea to have Kyle move into Carly's slightly smaller bedroom downstairs and Carly can move into the attic bedroom. I even offered to pay for whatever Kyle wants for his new bedroom [regarding wallpaper, paint, posters etc.] as I know it is a bit of a change for him.
Kyle is not a fan of the idea and has been complaining about how he needs the space to work on his uni projects. I told him that he is more than welcome to use the dining room as we rarely ever use it and we can clean out one of the storage cupboards to store the dummies in. Kyle's partner is also not a fan of this though I am almost 100 percent sure that this is just because in the attic bedroom, they can do what teenagers do without interruption. I think that Kyle is being a bit over dramatic about this as I'm not kicking him out into the street, just into a smaller bedroom, which I have offered to decorate for him.
His father is not completely sold on the idea but is slowly coming around. He also thinks that Kyle is being a bit dramatic regarding the room situation. Kyle's mother and girlfriend and of course Kyle himself, all think... keep reading on reddit ➡
I'll keep this short and sweet. When I met my DH he already had a daughter by his ex. Since this is anonymous, I'll just be honest: I wasn't thrilled about it. I always pictured myself starting a family from scratch with someone.
Anyways. We got married and I acted very accepting of the daughter even though in my heart I felt the opposite. But I never let it show. I was always very kind to the girl and very accepting of her when she was in our home. Soon after the wedding we got pregnant and I was overjoyed that my husband and I were finally starting OUR family.
I think his ex has always been secretly jealous of me because only a few months after announcing our pregnancy she made a huge spectacle out of announcing that she was engaged to a guy she had only been dating for like 1.5 years.
Fast forward several years. My husband and I have been raising our daughter, as well as his daughter when she's scheduled to be with us. We try to keep things very fair for the girls. Obviously since the daughter doesn't live with us full time there are some differences (like when she visits she uses the guest room, but our daughter has a permanent room since this is actually her home). But other than that everything is equal.
Here's where I'm upset. Over the years the ex's new husband has advanced in his career and is now very well off. It's obvious because of the cars they drive, their house, etc. Despite this they never had kids of their own. Instead, they just shower her daughter with everything she could possibly want.
She's not my daughter so if she ends up spoiled, that's not my problem. My concern is that my own daughter is seeing this and is going to start feeling disappointed that my DH and I can't spoil her the same way.
I've had these feelings for a while but kept my mouth shut until a few months ago when it came to a head. For the daughter's birthday they got her a brand new ipad. The next time she came to stay with us, they let her bring the ipad with her even though they know DH and I can't afford to buy an ipad for our daughter. Basically rubbing it in our face. I blew up at my husband and the result was the daughter was told she had to leave the ipad at home when she visits us.
I thought that it couldn't get lower than that, but at the last custody handoff the ex mentioned that for Christmas she and her husband are surprising the daughter with an expensive family vacation to Florida. I put my foot down and said absolutely not. Unless they plan on t... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve been married to my husband for two years. He has two daughters. They come from a different country and they speak more than four different languages.
Cases have gone down in my country and husband convinced his eldest step-daughter to come here.
A few days ago, she came and we went to pick her up at the airport. When I first saw her, she was way different than I expected her to be. She said hi to me, did a fake smile and ignored me. The whole drive home, she was on a phone call, speaking to someone in another language.
I have son named Jack. Jack is really hyper and loves meeting people. He was really exited to meet my step-daughter because he has no siblings.
When we came home, Jack said hi to her and she just said hi. My husband then showed her room and she hasn’t really said anything since. Jack is upset that she doesn’t speak to him and that he can’t understand what she’s saying.
The only times I see her is when, she’s outside on the patio and speaking to someone on the phone in her language.
Yesterday, I asked her if she could speak English so Jack could understand and talk to her more. She said no and that she doesn’t like speaking english.
I just walked off but later on, I heard her on a call laughing with someone and talking about Americans. I knew she was talking about me because Jack & I are the only Americans.
Anyways, I told my husband about this and he told me to just ignore it and leave her alone. He told me that he brought my step-daughter over to America so he could spend time with her, not me. He basically told me to leave her alone and not to ask her to speak a different a language. Now I’m questioning if I’m in the wrong.
Me (M32) and my wife (38) have been married for almost a year, i have two children, a boy (14) and a girl (12) that have stayed most of the year with their mom, my ex wife, while my wife has a daughter, Roxy (16) my wife has never gotten along with Roxy, they are not close and don’t have a good relationship.
Both me and my wife kept working this year with Roxy staying alone at home most of the day. Roxy is a great kid, i am not close to her but she is sweet, quiet and has been great with both me and my children, i'd say we get along.
Last week she started complaining about a bad stomach ache, at first we thought it could be anxiety (she has a history of mental illness) or something she ate, nothing serious but at the next day she wasn’t any better, my wife said it was probably just a stomach flu and that she would get better and started talking about how Roxy used to be so dramatic when she was a child.
Long story short, she is still sick, doesn’t get better and ends up calling me on the phone while im at work. When she called me she was literally bawling, complaining about her stomach hurting, i obviously called my wife (she didn’t pick up) and went home to check on Roxy as soon as i could. I took her to the ER and turns out its her appendix. My wife finally picks up, i explain to her what happened, she gets hysterical, screaming about how Roxy is her daughter and not mine, that she would have taken her to the hospital later and that i should have waited for her or should have waited until she picked up before doing anything and complaining about how i overstepped with her daughter.
I do see how she might think that i overstepped given the fact that, as i said, im not close to her and still don’t know her very well but at the same time we couldn’t contact her and it was an emergency. She is still mad at me, saying that i'm an asshole and that i disrespected her as a mother and honestly its making me doubt if what i did was right or i should have waited (i was able to contact her like 30 minutes later so we wouldn’t have waited much time) AITA?
UPDATE: First of all, i tried to reply to as many comments as i could, i didn't thought this much people would read it. I took everyone's advice and recommendations. Honestly i didn't think i would have an update this soon, a lot has happened and i'm not sure were to start.
Roxy is okay, physically at least. The recovery was pretty painful but she is happy that she doesn't have a huge scar. I also disc... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve finally ended my marriage due to my husband and his 17 year old daughter acting like a husband and wife.
We were together 7 years. Living apart a year. He’s allowed his daughter to interfere in out marriage. He takes her everywhere we used to go. He even ditched me on Christmas Day as she refuses to visit here. My issues were that he told her everything I shared with him and I felt I had no privacy. Also she told him she liked the smell of his sweat?? That creeped me out. And she cooks for him and is glued to his side like a sick puppy. So I finally built up the courage and told him he’d allowed her to drive a wedge, that there relationship is unhealthy as she had a bf and should be out with friends making her way in life not shacked up with Dad 24/7. That her refusing to come here was a divisive way to end all relations with my kids whom she was close to and adored her. All because she can’t share Daddy and he allowed this. He hasn’t even got time for a single friend in his life now I’ve gone. He sees nobody. Just his daughter. I feel sad for him as I still care for him but he has chosen this life.
I am free but I’m still processing it all. I’ve given so so much love to them both. I’ve waited so much time and energy. I just feel I deserve a partner who treats me as such. I have nothing against them spending time as that’s normal and good. But the relationship they have was creeping me out. He treats her like she’s 5. She does this awful baby voice and I am glad I’m out but disappointed in him.
My (32M) step-daughter (24F) lives with us (her dad (58M) and I). She has a 9-month-old dog that she got last Summer to help give her a sense of purpose and motivation. We supported her in the decision to get the dog, but tried to make it clear that it would be her responsibility.
She and the dog spend nearly every moment together and formed a very strong bond, but it is pretty exclusive. The dog distrusts husband and me and doesn't listen to us. They often won't go outside when husband or I tries to let them out. In the past, when step-daughter wasn't home, the dog has tried to run away or wouldn't come back in when we did let them out.
She has a part-time job now, and when she's gone, her dog just stays in her bedroom and doesn't do anything. The dog very occasionally ventures out to get water from our other dog's bowl, but otherwise they just lay on the bed and waits for step-daughter to get home.
This week on Monday, I found a huge poop that the dog left on the rug in our foyer. I cleaned it up and husband tried to let them out in case they still needed to go potty, but they tried to run away again. On Tuesday, to prevent another accident in the house, we closed the door to her room and kept the dog in there while she was at work. There was no incident during the day, but when she got home the dog was so excited they peed on the bed. On Wednesday she did not work, but we were all out in the evening. Husband and I wanted to lock the dog in her room while we were gone, but she did not want that. We left the dog loose in the house, and while we were gone they peed on the rug.
On Thursday, she had work again. After she left, I closed the door to her room to keep the dog in there. Admittedly I intended to be sneaky about this because I knew that's not what she wanted; we just didn't want yet another accident in the house and the dog seems content to stay in her room the whole day anyway. When I checked on the dog in the afternoon there was a big poop on her floor. I didn't clean it up because I didn't have time and, frankly, it's not my responsibility.
Step-daughter and I had a very short but calm conversation about it while I was cooking dinner. I could tell she was upset though. She drove away without saying another word. She got home some time after midnight and left again by 7am Friday morning (she doesn't work on Fridays). She's an adult and doesn't need to check in with us, but we all live together and eat together and try to keep each other info... keep reading on reddit ➡
I (f28) have two step daughters. Misa who is 21 and Quinn who is 15 they're both from different mothers and their dad, my partner is currently on a work trip so it's just the 3 of us at home.
Misa cut contact with her mom as soon as she turned 18 but i only had the chance of meeting her in person last year while i've known Quinn for a few years. They don't get along, Quinn really hates Misa and has made sure that she knows it, from what she told me, she believes that Misa has "pretty privilege and an easy life" and is constantly making fun of her job, the way she talks, etc so i guess it's just jealousy what drives her to do mean things to her sister. I tried to spend time with her, to remind her that i adore her just the same and everything but it isn't working at all. Things keep getting worse.
Misa's cat recently died and so she is going through a rough time. She has relapsed into some bad things, i've noticed but she won't talk about it and Quinn will just make mean jokes.
I lost it yesterday when Misa got sick and Quinn made a joke about Misa's food issues and i punished her. I took her switch, one of her gaming consoles and her iPad, nothing she will need for school. I'm also taking care of Misa as she really can't take good care of herself right now, Quinn keeps complaining about how i'm "babying Misa" but will punish her for a "silly joke" which for me (and Misa) wasn't silly at all.
I called my partner and explained the situation and while he agrees that what Quinn said is very wrong, he says that she is just feeling insecure and shouldn't be punished for that. Quinn's mom lives out of the state so she has to stay here even if she is now insisting on going away.
AITA for babying one and punishing the other?
Sorry, long first post but want to get it off my chest
So I have a stepdaughter who is 14. Ive been with her mother since she was 4, she doesn't see her biological father at all (his choice) and he has played no role in her life, I'm the only father figure she's really had other than her grandfather.
We used to be fairly close, up until she was around 12 or so and then it was like someone had flipped a switch. She's constantly disrespectful, says hurtful things like she wishes I was dead and even goes to great lengths to avoid seeing me or being near me. She is only ever nice to me if I have something she needs or wants, like money or if I'm making her food or something.
So her school called our house phone today to see how she was and made sure she had all she needed to do her school work as we are back in lockdown. She bought the phone back in to me after the call and I asked if everything was OK. We had a semi-normal conversation for a change until she said she wanted to go back to school. I told her she couldn't as her mum is extremely vulnerable and if she got covid and passed it to her she would get extremely ill.
SD: If I passed it to you would you survive? Me: I don't know SD: well I hope you get it and don't, then you wouldn't be around anymore.
I've spoken to my wife repeatedly about the things she says and she has spoken to her but the response she gets is that my Step Daughter hates me and always has and any time she's been with me (like when I took her to the football or went out geocaching with her, she was faking enjoying spending time with me) and all those times in the past when she's said she wants to call me "dad" were fake too. It breaks my heart. I feel like I've done something to change her view of me but I don't know what as she won't say. She won't give a reason why she says she hates me and she always has. I tend to stay out of her way, to avoid it all which makes me sad and causes tension with my wife sometimes.
Is this normal behaviour? My wife says its normal teen girl lashing out behaviour but even her friends have pulled her up on it when they've been round in the past and heard what she says to me. I tend to let it slide mostly but that Covid thing, that was harsh.
Edit: So this has blown up way more than I expected. Thanks for all the responses there is much for us to look into. Much to my surprise she's decided to spend the evening with us playing a board game with just me and my wife which is good as its allowed... keep reading on reddit ➡
Hey guys. It’s been a good 2 weeks since I’ve posted and I figured you guys would like an update. A lot has happened since the last time I posted
So that night, I did what many of the comments suggested I do, which was to apologize. I told her that I’m sorry that implying that I’m not her real father, but like it or not that I consider her MY daughter. That I loved her and will always be there for her. She started to cry and sob uncontrollably and said “Why doesn’t he [her biological father] love me?” I held her and told her she didn’t need to fight for his approval. I also apologized for looking through her phone; that I’ve come to accept that it’s not an appropriate punishment for a teenage girl, and I was going to find other alternatives. Lastly I brought up therapy and while she was hesitant at first I let her know it was nothing to be ashamed of, that everything she said at therapy would be entirely confidential, and that it could help to have a confidant to help her sort through her feelings. She sat on this for the day, but the next day let me know that she was ready so I set up the soonest appointment (which was last Friday and her second appointment this afternoon)
It’s only been a week so I don’t want to get too optimistic but honestly I feel like I’m noticing an improvement already. She’s actually been engaging back in small talk when normally she wouldn’t give me the time of day. She’s been following all of the rules, coming home at a reasonable hour, she’s been less withdrawn and more social even to the point where her brother commented on the change today! But the most exciting news of them all is when getting out the car on her way home from therapy, she said and I quote “thanks dad”. She’s never called me dad before so honestly I’ve been riding off that high for the last two hours
I’m not delusional enough to think everything’s peachy but honestly the behavior change in the last week was the most progress we’ve had since, well, ever. I’m cautiously optimistic going forward.
Thanks again everyone for your comments, especially the ones who gave me the kick in the ass I needed.
I have been married to my 2nd husband for eight months. I have a daughter, who is twelve, and he has three sons - fifteen, seven, and five.
I hate to admit that I'm not particularly close to my step-sons, because they're still mourning their mom, and I find it awkward to talk to them and interact with them, especially the youngest, who is on the spectrum. I'm not sure how bad it is, but he's nonverbal and doesn't interact with anybody without my husband prompting him. My husband has tried his best with my daughter, and they've been bonding well.
Recently, my husband and I were talking. He mentioned that my daughter and his oldest son both have conflicting schedules, and that my daughter has an online dance recital at the same time that his son would be doing something else, and I mentioned that if he wanted to supervise his son's thing, that I wouldn't be mad, because I would be supervising my daughter's recital.
I can't remember exactly what he said, but in response, I said that my daughter would always come before his sons. And an argument came to life.
He said that it was a terrible thing to say, and that I should be disappointed in myself. However, I was simply telling the truth. I love my step-sons, but my daughter will always be first because she's my child.
So, anyways, AITA? I'll gladly accept my judgement.
I'll start by clarifying that this woman isn't a legal step-parent as she isn't married to my daughter's father, but they have been engaged for around 5ish years and have one child together.
Secondly, this woman does not like me and no matter how many times I have tried to reason with her; work with her, speak to her, she has shut it down every time. There's a lot of reasons as to why I could hate her or resent her, maybe even obsess over what she thinks about me, but I am not capable of possessing such feelings without the inner turmoil preventing me from self-actualization.
The thing is, I don't have an issue with her creating a "stepmother journey" page, whatever she does is her own business and I understand that, but her posts are about me and my parenting and what she (negatively) feels about me.
The page consists of quotes but I've noticed she has captioned most of them with her own words and hashtags. This makes me feel very uncomfortable as I don't know why I'm being targeted.
She is following step mum support groups and has been commenting and especially talking about me. I don't want this to effect me but I don't know if I can be okay with this. I don't understand how she is seeking support from others to help her with her struggles, but is choosing to tear me down. I don't know if she knew I would see the page or if she genuinely thinks I'm oblivious, but I can tell from her page/posts that she does not know me, she underestimates me and I just feel so confused by it all.
I haven't spoken to her in months, I don't see her as she stays in the car at pickup, I blocked her years ago on social media, I have limited contact with dad and when we do speak, it's only about our daughter and it is VERY brief.
I'm working through college, homeschooling, settling into a new house, finding a new job, taking care of two kittens, a long term relationship to focus on, a psychology course to finish and im still trying to find time to watch TWD, I do not have time for this and I especially do not have the energy. I put all of my issues aside a long time ago and they know this. I don't know what to do really.
If anyone can help or provide some guidance, I feel bewildered.
I married my wife Elise 12 years ago. She has a 16 year old daughter (Ana) from her previous relationship and we have a 7 year old son as well.
From pretty much the beginning of our relationship, Ana and I have never gotten along. I don’t know how to emphasize that it is NOT because of a lack of trying. She just does not like me. When she was young she was just scared of me and “afraid I’d tear their family apart”. Nowadays it’s more of a neutral dislike rather than strong antipathy so I suppose that’s progress
Elise is a stay at home mother, so she relies on me for income. As a result, I pay for everything for Ana. Food. Clothes. Volleyball fees. Field trips. I take an interest in her hobbies. I go to her games. I’m not saying I’m perfect but I try my damn hardest to be the step-father I can.
But it’s so... hard. Always giving me curt 1-word responses. Always having to have an attitude. She does things to get a rise out of me. Staying out late reeking of booze. Always trying to sneak boys in. Typical rebellious stuff. But I always let her know I love her and I’m there for her in hopes of her “shithead teenager” phase pasts.
The opposite is true for her biological father. She adores him. Can’t tell you why. He never goes to her games, always makes excuses for why he doesn’t want to see her. He forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep.
Well anyways, Friday, I came to her room to check her phone and read her messages (not a permanent thing, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment). I ask for the phone, she says “no, I’m tired of you checking my shit, leave me alone”. I tell her I’m not asking again and she goes “just fuck off already. You’re not my real dad. You never have been. Stop acting like you can tell me what to do” before getting up and slamming the door.
Like I said guys. I’m tired. Tired of the blantant disrespect. Of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family.
We haven’t really talked since until this morning during breakfast. She asked if I could pay for her plane tickets so she could see her boyfriend cross-state. Like I said, her mom doesn’t work and her dad is a POS so I normally would be the one to cough up the money. Not this time. I responded “go ask your real dad”. I could tell she was hurt. Tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table.
My wife took me aside later and said my commen... keep reading on reddit ➡
My (41M) daughter, “Rose” lives part-time with me and part-time with her mother, “Jean” (42F) as we are separated. Jean is now married to “Dan” (45M) and step-mother to “Meg” (17F) and Billy (14M). Jean & Dan aren’t badly off but I am doing quite a bit better financially.
There has long been tension between Rose and Jean. As a child she blamed Jean for the divorce, she does so less now but I think it was a barrier in their relationship for a while. Meg is very insecure and always comparing herself to Rose, which has been an issue pretty much since the start of Jean and Dan’s relationship. It means that Jean and Dan are very vigilant about Meg feeling less-than, which I do get, but because of this Rose often feels neglected.
They’ve been having a lot of arguments over clothes. Rose is quite a “girly girl” and spends a lot of money on her wardrobe and makeup. Dan and Jean are very opposed to this. (Rose believes that it also bothers Meg and that that’s why they’re trying to control her wardrobe, although I’m not 100% sure on that.)
That’s background info. During lockdown, Rose started a small business online so she had something to do. She worked very hard and, despite starting sixth form recently, has continued to spend time on it. She’s therefore made herself quite a bit of money, especially on top of pocket and birthday money etc.
She saw a pair of shoes that she at once absolutely committed her heart to getting. They are $118, so quite a few £’s, but they are definitely unique and she LOVES them. She sent me a screenshot saying she was going to order them (she tends to when she is excited about a purchase), and she must have done the same with her mother, because Jean and Dan immediately forbade her from buying them. Their reasoning is that Rose doesn’t need them, they’re very expensive, and she should be saving for university. Rose was very upset and it escalated into a nasty argument into which Meg also got involved.
Rose was very upset which naturally tugs at the paternal heartstrings, but I do genuinely completely disagree with them telling her that she can’t spend money that she’s worked for, especially since shoes etc. make her so happy. I expressed this to Jean and she repeated that she’s sixteen and has better things to be saving up for. I agreed so I ordered the shoes myself.
Rose was ecstatic which was what I was going for, but as a result she’s had another fight with Meg. Jean and Dan are spitting at me and say that I’m undermining t... keep reading on reddit ➡
My 16 year-old step-daughter is head over heals for her boyfriend. She is a great kid and never given any reason not to trust her. In fact, the day she experimented with drugs she open and honestly admitted to her actions.
My wife and I decided to celebrate New Years with a small group of people, boyfriend included. During our conversation, my wife stated that she would be fine if our daughters boyfriend stayed over that night. I was immediately appalled by the idea. She explained that there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road, there will be strict stipulations, and boyfriend will be in a different room. I explained that teenage hormones don't usually follow the rules.
I completely agree with her concern for safety, but AITA because I don't want the boyfriend to stay over?
Good morning everyone, First thing hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and thank you for taking the time to read this.
My Step Daughter is struggling alot at the moment, she has 4 small children and for the past 12 months her fiance has been mentally abusing her, she's at a point now where she cannot take anymore she wants to leave her home however that isn't the best option due to the 4 small ones.
Basically I'm looking for advice to see if she has any right to either change locks or get her fiance removed from the property.
Background: the mortgage is in his name however she paid the deposit on the house. And as stated she is not married, where does she stand legally would changing the locks be classed as criminal damage or is it best to get police involved?
We can host her however she lives down south in a tier 4 location and we are up north plus her car is off the road making her feel more trapped than ever.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Edit: im in England and so is she
Edit2: thank you all for your help and advice I'm on it and sorting it as we speak, the silver and hug is appreciated however the service you all provide here is a godsend and I am truly grateful. I will definitely pass on the hug when I see her.
Edit 3: Just an update for you all everyone is safe, there have been no "dramas" I've given her all the advice you have given and also reassured her by using government estimations on the help she will be eligible for. Next up is housing which me and my wife will assist in sorting. Once again thank you so much for all your love and support I honestly didn't want or expect such a huge response including the awards I am eternally grateful.
Hey all - looking for some advice/opinions on my blended family situation, particularly with my boyfriends daughter (10F.)
To be completely honest, and I feel terrible saying this, I do not like her. I tolerated her in the very beginning of our 2 year relationship but I’m at the point that I truly dread having her around and I feel like the tension of the situation is driving a wedge between me (32F) and my partner (36M.)
The issue is, I feel like she has some significant emotional/behavioral issues, perhaps due to my boyfriends divorce with her mom 5 years ago, but my boyfriend is in denial about this. Some examples:
1.) She is incredibly needy and attention seeking. I mean EXTREMELY. All eyes have to be on her, all of the time. Frankly, it is exhausting. Any success she has she will talk about daily for months on end; any jokes she tells where she got a laugh out of someone is the same story, and she is constantly talking/telling a story/laughing so loud that no one else is able to have a conversation. I feel like when she is around the time with my own kids (11&8 yr old M) is sacrificed. She gets very upset and angry if my kids are given any sort of compliment or love. She gets in between us when we try to hug or sit together. She even gets mad when someone other than her is petting our family dog. Hopefully you get the picture.
2.) It seems to me she has anger/aggression tendencies and is now, as she goes through puberty, entwined directly with sex. Last week we found some..ehhm...hardc-*e adult material with key word searches always including the word “torture.” Needless to say, we were shocked, but my boyfriend again feeling in denial. He thinks she is the most innocent little girl on the planet. While he agrees the searches were in fact her, he doesn’t think this is anything but normal curiosity. He talked to her and did some parental controls on her computer.
3.) She seems to manipulate to get what she wants. I think she can tell that I don’t really gel with her; and she is constantly doling out insincere compliments. Without even looking at me she will tell me how pretty I look or (get this!) how nice my body is?? She always comments that I’m “so hot.” I’ve told her that’s in appropriate many times and she will insist on telling me. My boyfriend doesn’t think this is weird. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. She manipulates my kids too; convincing them to pool money together to buy a video game, then steals the money. She manipul... keep reading on reddit ➡
My son and I had a rough few years. My wife had passed and it was very hard on him. Before her passing, we had a yearly thing where we would go to a local amusement park. It was sort of a father-son thing and my wife often didn't come along. We did plenty of other activities together as a family, but that was our special little thing.
With her passing and all, we didn't go the last two years but during that time I met a woman with a step daughter. For reference, my son is 10 and the daughter is 8. At first the new relationship was especially hard on my son, I always assured him that his mother will never be replaced, but to just think of it as an extended family.
I wanted to include my son as much as possible and I had the great idea of continuing our annual trips to the amusement park together to bring back some normalcy. Fortunately, it opened back up in limited capacity and I was able to get tickets.
When my step daughter heard we were going to the park, she begged to come along but I told her it was a father-son thing and we could always do something else together as a family later on. She cried and went through all the usual temper tantrums like "it's not fair." My wife yelled at me and told me to include her (she has to work so she can't come along).
I think my wife is being totally unreasonable. This is just a way to bond with my son and it's something he expressed he wants to do together without his step-sister. Now obviously my son is my blood and I will definitely prioritize him over my step daughter, but I don't see the big deal in doing this with my son and spending time with my step daughter later on?
I am hoping this is the correct sub for me to post in- please let me know otherwise.
I'm the step-mom of a 6 year old girl whose mother has been clinically diagnosed with bpd. Having very minimal prior experience around children, I struggle to distinguish abnormal behaviors from normal ones since I don't have much to compare to. I primarily am here because I want to ensure that my and her father's interactions with her provide the sense of security and the aspects of unconditional love, and a basic stability, I guess, that she may or may not be experiencing with her mother. We only see her every other weekend and some holidays, so the vast majority of the time she's with her mom.
Some behaviors and comments that have stood out to me:
-Extreme fear of leaving mom. She is almost obsessed with mom and will go into absolute hysterics on occasion when she has to leave to spend time with her dad. Of course it's normal (and good!) to miss mom. But she says her mom is her very best friend and nothing else can make her happy, and will ruminate on this.
-Fear of being alone. She has expressed before in the midst of hysteria about missing her mom, that she "Doesn't want to be alone", while myself and her dad were right next to her. We reassured her that of course she is not alone! This also manifests in extreme dread of going to bed at night and sleeping alone. She starts to work herself up over it hours before we have even mentioned bedtime.
-Likes, dislikes, decisions, all determined by mom. Everything is filtered through what she thinks her mom would think. We once allowed her to drink a soda, but she didn't really feel comfortable doing it without Mom's Say. She claims she doesn't like things that she hasn't tried simply because her mom doesn't like them, and you can't really convince her otherwise.
-Extremely fearful, cautious, and emotionally reactive. It seems like she doesn't trust anyone with her physical safety, including her father and I. For example, she once worked herself up and convinced herself that she had started to drown in a swimming pool while her father and I were right beside her. She is also very likely to melt down if she perceives any slight disappointment or frustration from a parent figure.
She has also expressed to her dad that she "wishes she could start her life over". This coming from a 6 year old! It made me really sad.
I'm interested to hear thoughts on these behaviors and what I, specifically, can do as a step-par... keep reading on reddit ➡
I don't know where else I can talk about this. Maybe y'all will understand.
Stepdaughter is 16. I've known her since she was about 10. Dad and I started dating when she was about 9 (and no, I had nothing to do with her parents' break up - I didn't even meet her dad, my husband, until he had been divorced for 2 years. And their breakup wasn't about cheating either, they just stopped being able to get along over the years and were unhappy and fighting all the time.)
So anyway. We have the step kids every other week, which would be fine. I get along perfectly well with my 17 year old stepson, and always have.
16 year old stepdaughter is another matter. I genuinely don't believe I start arguments with her, and I always try to be kind and loving to her.
But she treats everyone, including her Dad and brother, but also me and my kids like garbage most of the time. She has (high functioning) ASD, which is why we all try to be understanding and put up with it. Like, she probably doesn't understand social cues. So OK. But I'm tired of it.
My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive, so I don't have much patience anymore for abusive people (whether they understand that they are being abusive or not.)
Just this weekend, she hit her brother while he was driving to our house because he didn't want to watch a YouTube video she wanted him to watch. She repeatedly called my son "negative and passive aggressive" because he didn't want to play the games she wanted to play. She told my youngest that he was stupid for wanting to play with Legos (he's 7.) She called me on various occasions "boring" (because I don't like the same YouTube videos or something, I don't even know) and "ugly" (because I didn't wear makeup and put my hair in a bun) and "fatter than usual" (this one is hard for me because I have struggled with an ED since my teens, which I think I mostly have a handle on. But am I actually fat or fatter than usual? IDK man but digging in too deep is not going anywhere good for me.)
And the thing is, I'm just tired of the abuse, which is what I honestly see it as, and I know she has autism, but seriously, does autism make someone unknowingly cruel?
And Husband always jumps in and tells her to knock it off, but you can't unring a bell. I'm just tired.
I'm a 22 year old woman. Earlier this year I got married to my then boyfriend of two years, who I'll call Oli. He's 34 and already has two kids, a boy and a daughter.
We moved in together in January. I had to move away from my hometown because Oli got a new job. I was a little unhappy about moving away, so to appease me Oli told me I could choose the house and decorate it.
I found this magnificent house and we moved in, along with his kids, who split their time between our house and their mom's. Since January I've been decorating and it looks gorgeous.
Everything was going pretty well until earlier this week. When the kids came back from the weekend at their mom's, Oli's daughter, who is 11, was carrying a huge box. It was so big and heavy that she needed her older brother and Oli to help get it into the house. I asked her what was in it, and then she opened it and I saw that it was full of her pottery projects from the last five or so years of school.
I asked why she had brought them all, and she said that her mother told her to bring them because her mother is moving to a smaller apartment and so doesn't have room. I thought it was sort of odd but whatever. I asked her if she wanted me to help carry them into the basement or the attic. She said that no, she was going to put them in her room, so I helped bring them upstairs. She asked if she could leave her newest project downstairs to show it off. It looked alright so I let her put it somewhere out of the way that didn't clash too much with the decor.
Well, I guess she sent her mom a picture, because later that day her mom called me. She said that she wanted me to put up the rest of the pottery pieces around the house to show them off. I was sort of weirded out because we barely talk. I told her that and I explained how they didn't fit into the decor, so I would rather not. At no point did my step daughter ask to put any of the others up.
When Oli came home from work, he told me that his ex had called him to complain about not putting the pottery up. He asked me to just find places to put the rest up, because he was proud of how good they were. Honestly they were pretty terrible, so I told him no again, and I reminded him of how he promised I could decorate the house alone.
This devolved into a fight in which we both called each other some hurtful things. Now we're not talking. I guess I could put up the rest of the pottery, but it's more the principle of the thing that bothers me. I don't apprec... keep reading on reddit ➡
The title does sound horrible but please take the time and listen.
My dad cheated on my mom and after that my relationship with him has been strained. My mom was very strong for us the whole time, even though it was incredibly hard for her because she geniuenly loved my dad and he repayed her by fucking another woman behind her back. My dad and mom obviously got divorced and my dad and his mistress moved in a very bad neighbourhood in a rusty old apartment and believe it or not their life was turning like hell and sorry not sorry I don't feel bad for them.
My mom is now daiting this really nice guy whom I'm particularly close with. They are planning to get married right now in 2021 and are currently excpecting another baby which and I was absolutley estatic about it. I've begged my mom to let me name her and she finally agreed. I suggested we name her Teagan because I really liked the name and my mom said that it was perfect and she really liked it aswell. It was finally decided that the baby would be named Teagen and I've been over the moon ever since.
My dad called me (He does not call me that often) because apparently he was somehow informed that my mom was having a baby. I confirmed that yes she was having a baby and he was a bit suprised and would later tell me that his mistress was having a baby too but I told him I could not careless because as far as I was concerned they were nothing to me. He got really pissy about it but would later ask me how we were planning to name and I told him proudly that they were going to name her Teagen.
He exploded and said how I was horrible for suggesting to name my sister after a name he had decided to name his daughter as if he told me about it before like what the fuck? He just kept on ranting and being a man child and I could not take it anymore so I've told him to fuck off and call me when he is mature enough to understand simple shit like this.
Now he has been blowing up my phone and telling me how his mistress is upset and that she had been planning to name her daughter Teagen ever since she found out she was pregnant. Personally, I don'y feel like I'm the asshole at all but what do you all think, AITA?
My step-daughter moved in with us about 6-months ago. She was engaged to her highschool sweetheart, found out he was cheating on her, broke up with him, and moved in with my wife and I a few states away from where she was living with her fiance. My wife was overjoyed that SD was moving home, but I was adamant that it would not be a permanent situation. I don't have kids of my own, but I've always treated my wife's 3 children as my own as best I can. My wife and I have been together for 10-years. Her children are all in their late 20s to early 30s, and my wife was not married to their father, they were actually highschool sweethearts too and my wife had her children when she was in her late teens and early 20s.
When my SD first moved in she was obviously upset about what happened and stayed in her room and cried a lot. She quit her job when she decided to move back home and we didn't push her to get a new one right away. After a couple months my wife talked to her about finding a job and getting back on her feet. To her credit, SD found a job quickly as a bartender and she's been working a lot. She says it helps her to focus on something other than her failed engagement.
However, I started to notice that SD was bringing men home from the bar at night. Now, I'm no prude but I'm not fully comfortable with the idea of people I don't know entering my home without my knowledge. I talked with my wife about it and asked her to talk with SD about it because I was not OK with what SD was doing. My wife agreed with me, but not completely. She said SD is just trying to put herself back out there and that everyone has sexual needs. I said that if SD wants to fill her sexual needs, she can do that at her own place, but that I don't want random men in my home every weekend. I said it's not just the fact that I don't know these guys, but there's a pandemic going on and I have tried to be very careful to keep myself and family safe. My wife said she'd talk with SD but I wasn't involved in the conversation
The other weekend as I'm having coffee on Saturday morning, SD and a guy come out of her room and she walks him out of the house. After he leaves I tell her that we need to talk about this because I will not tolerate her bringing random men into our house anymore. She got mad and told me to stay out of her life and that it's not my business what she does in her bedroom. I told her that as long as her bedroom is in my house, it is my business. I told her that she eit... keep reading on reddit ➡
I feel old asking this but what is a good gift palette for a very talented, artistic 18 year old who has a darker, more dramatic style with her eye make up? Recommendations for liner or brow gifts also appreciated. I trend towards a natural look so I’m out of my element here but I’d like to surprise her.