My older brother (29m) has been married for two years and my younger (27m) has been married for one year. I (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (28f) for a year. My brothers and sisters-in law met her for the first time in February.
My sisters-in-law are into something called "looksmax". I never really paid attention because I only heard about it in passing because they never spoke about it to me. It's about doing things to look as good/pretty/handsome as possible. Last week, my sisters-in-law sent sent a private message om social media meant for my girlfriend about how she needs to looksmax because of how ugly (their words) she looks now. I did not know this but there are different kinds of looksmax (like hardmax means getting plastic surgery). In their messages they picked apart my girlfriend's appearance in detail, telling her she has more "failos" (ugly traits) than "halos" (good traits). Everything from her face, hair, clothes, skin, voice and a million other little things. They made all kinds of suggestions including plastic surgery that she should have. My sisters-in-law visit a looksmax subreddit for women and they directed my girlfriend there for more help. My girlfriend doesn't have social media and my sisters-in-law in law actually sent the messages to her cousin who has a similar name because they mistook the cousin's profile as my girlfriend's profile.
Of course my girlfriend is devastated and I'm furious. Besides when my girlfriend met my brothers/sisters-in-law in February she has not had any contact with them. If the pandemic had not happened that would probably be different but when everyone had to stay indoors and social distance I only saw my brothers/sisters-in-law on Skype. I don't live with my girlfriend so she wasn't on those calls. She said my brothers/sisters-in-law were friendly and nice when she met them. She has no idea why my sisters-in-law would send her such nasty messages when they were so nice in person and no looksmax stuff was discussed then. My girlfriend did not know what looksmax was before the messages. Because of our jobs (I'm an x-ray technician and she's a paramedic) neither of us have left our homes except to go to work since March. We call/text/email/Skype and pass messages through my colleagues at the hospital but because my hospital has cases and she is at risk of exposure due to her job and we live in a hotspot we have not seen each other in person since this started. It kills me that I can't even go and c... keep reading on reddit ➡
So I (18F) run a small business, where I do calligraphy. I make redbubble stickers and do wedding invitations. It's not a large source of income for me, but it is nice to have a few more dollars coming in. I do hope to expand it one day because I put a lot of work into my designs and spend a lot of money on supplies.
My (25 M) brother got married to his (26F) girlfriend before the world went to hell but there is an incident that she still is angry with me for and refuses to speak to me. For her wedding, she asked me if I would do the invitations. I was fine with doing them as a wedding gift, until I realized that she was having a 200+ person wedding and wanted handwritten menus, invitations, and name cards as well as table cards with facts about her and her fiance. Of course, she picked the most expensive stationary and most elaborate designs that she could.
I told her straightforward that I would not be able to finance this, me being a broke 17 year old saving up for college, and that I could do if I were paid, in which I would just give her a regular wedding gift. I told her that I would heavily discount the price to where she would only be paying for supplies. She told me that "we would work out the details" to which I assumed she meant the price/budget for supplies.
Now I finish all the invitations- took me a significant chunk of time, but they are ready to go. I ask my SIL to reimburse me for the costs, and she flips her shit and refuses to pay me, saying that I'm taking advantage of her and that I should be nice to her since the rest of the wedding was extremely expensive and that I was doing this to purposely exclude her from her new family.
Here's where I might be TA. At this point, I had spent a lot of money and time on them, and I realized that there was no way she was going to pay for the menus/table cards. So I threw away all the invitations I had made. It hurt to see my work go down the drain, but I did use the designs I created for them as examples on my etsy site.
By this time it was too late to hire someone to make new invitations so SIL basically had to send emails instead of invitations. She managed to get printed menus for cheap though.
SIL still won't speak with me. Mom is on my side and brother is pretty neutral, he just wants me to apologize to keep the peace. AITA?
TLDR: SIL refuses to pay for wedding invitations so I throw away the ones I made for her
EDIT 1: So some have asked why I couldn’t just give that to her as a gift... keep reading on reddit ➡
I 36F went through an incredibly hard time losing my baby while I was 5 months pregnant with him. This has affected me both physically and emotionally. I don't have kids and my husband and I have been struggling for a long time trying to have kids. My sister has been supportive of me, she's 7 years younger than me and has been married to her husband for two years now. She visited me several times to see how I was doing. Her husband however seems to have an issue with me personally. He's always been treating me poorly and acting like he's somehow superior to me and my husband, my husband doesn't see my family much so this wasn't an issue especially when my brother in law comes over.
My husband and I were invited to thanksgiving dinner at my mom's house. We got there a bit late because I was taking care of some tests at the hospital that needed to be done so that my doctor could see them the next day. We sat at the table my aunt was present she lives alone so she always visits and casually talked about several things. I noticed my sister and my brother in law were whispering something to each other and at some point I heard my sister tell her husband to knock it off. We were confused we had no idea what was going next thing I knew my brother in law got up from his seat and announced that they were expecting.
I looked at my husband and he was shocked but not because of the news but the way it was given. My sister hid her face in her hands and did nothing else except that. It took me time to process this while my aunt got up and started hugging and congratulating my sister. I don't know what suddenly happened to me my heart started pounding and my husband was already gone to the bathroom to wash up. I just gathered my things and took my purse then told them to finish their dinner then I walked out. My sister was sitting there the entire time and just watched me and my husband walk out while my mom was trying to convince me to stay for a little longer.
I felt absolutely horrible. I only lost my baby two weeks ago and for me to be taken off guard like that is just horrible. I got no calls nor texts from my sister wanting to talk, nothing but my aunt called me to tell me what I did was totally inappropriate and that I should've stayed and congratulated my sister and her husband. Even berated my husband for not reacting differently. I argued with her that my brother in law did it purposely and that he could've picked a better time but instead chose to spite me... keep reading on reddit ➡
My (21F) SIL (34F) has 3 children. The oldest one is 8 years old, and she has twins (6F who we’ll call Ann & 6M who we’ll call George).
My SIL and my brother are very conservative. I don’t mean it in political terms, mainly in how they don’t accept LGBTQ+, men being feminine, girls being loud etc.
On a few occasions I had applied makeup for Ann when she felt in the mood. It was just light makeup which she often paired with Disney princess gowns/princessy dresses. I would make sure to remove the makeup before her bedtime.
A few days back, George saw me applying the makeup on Ann and he asked me to do so too. So for the past few days, George, Ann and I really bonded through the makeup thing.
He really enjoys doing it and would laugh the whole while.
Recently, my SIL saw me doing their makeup and was absolutely horrified. At first I thought it was a “they are too young and their skin would break out” kinda thing so I was reassuring her, telling her that I was removing the makeup on time, etc, and it was pretty light so it wouldn’t cause any breakouts/pimples.
She waved that all away and said that she had seen Ann wear makeup on a few previous occasions and was fine with it. What she was angry at, though, was that George was also wearing makeup.
At that time, I just kinda waved it off as I wasn’t in the mood for arguing and instead just told her that that belief was incredibly harmful and that George enjoyed having makeup put on his face. She immediately retorted with a “makeup will make a boy gay” argument. I repeated a few variations of the harmful belief argument and at the end she seemed to understand what I meant so I left it at that.
Last night, a couple of our extended family and friends came over for dinner. (They all tested negative for COVID, btw)
At the dinner table as I was talking about Ann and George, my SIL started talking about how she’s reluctant to leave the children with me because I’m a bad influence on them and how I’m “turning George gay” she also talked about how feminity was not meant for boys, etc and how I was a bad role model. My brother was agreeing with her the whole time.
I immediately clapped back with a “Atleast my children won’t hate me for being a toxic parent who they would be afraid to talk to.” (Not verbatim, I just remember something similar to that.)
My SIL went really quiet and it looked she was holding back tears.
After dinner, my brother came into my room and told me that I was in the wrong and a... keep reading on reddit ➡
Every Christmas I (F24) bake cookies for family and friends. I've been doing this since I was 16, and every year since I've been making more kinds and more complicated recipes. They've always had a lot of success. The first time I made them, it was just for my immediate family and friends who lived around me, but now I make them for over 75 people.
I greatly enjoy this and I do it because I want to. When I got married to my boyfriend (M30), I added his family and friends to my list.
Around that time, my father went vegan. I also have a couple of other vegan friends and family members. So, I decided that I would make vegan cookie boxes for them as well since there were so many of them. It was a fun challenge too because I had never really done any vegan baking. And they appreciate it a lot. Everyone knows I do this since I've asked everyone on my list if they would rather have a vegan box.
At the beginning of this year, my husband's sister (F33) went keto and told us all about it. In fact, every single time we speak she mentions it. Her family, including her husband and her three kids (who I am very close to) are not keto.
Well I decided not to make a special keto box because she is the only person on my entire list who is keto. Also, her family isn't so I still wanted to send them a normal box. Making her a keto one would've taken me a lot more time and been difficult since it's hard to make a recipe that makes the right amount of cookies for one person. Instead, I included a note in her family's box telling her I would make her something special at a different time when I wasn't so overwhelmed.
She didn't like that at all. She got the box this week (shipping took longer than usual) and was clearly very upset. She talked to my husband about how she thought it was unfair that I made vegan boxes but not a keto one. She also told him it was making her diet a lot harder because she had to be around her family's box but didn't have anything for herself.
I feel like I was under no obligation to accommodate her diet when I'm making these boxes for free and using up a ton of time, energy, and money to make them. My husband thinks I should've just made her one to be nice. AITA?
My sister in law (27) was recently told by her doctors that they would strongly recommend a C Section because of the position of the baby.
She and my older brother (46) recently came to visit me and my wife. She started crying, saying she didn't want to be sedated when her baby came. She said to be laying down and looking up at a bunch of doctors in a cold, sterile room was the stuff of her nightmares.
My wife expressed her sympathies and offered to come by to take care of the baby after she was discharged from the hospital. She then abruptly stood up and went to the other room because our youngest child, who is 8 months old, was crying.
My sister in law still looked upset and I wanted to cheer her up. So I told her that honestly I thought a C section was better than the alternative because it was medically controlled so you will probably only end up with one possible scar at the place of incision instead of ruining a lot everywhere.
My wife delivered all three of our kids vaginally. I told her I wish now that we had looked into a C section, especially when we pretty much knew that our last baby was huge. I said that with each birth my wife tore and scarred, and found herself increasingly unable to hold in tampons with each progressive kid. I said that now the fact that she cannot hold in pee and therefore cannot even exercise and also cannot defecate properly anymore is a constant torture to both of us. So I said that perhaps C Sections are a blessing in disguise and going back, I'd be psyched if at least the last one was a C Section.
My sister in law rolled her eyes and at that moment my wife walked back in and started yelling at me. She said she couldn't help what had happened to her medically and screw me to judge her and call her " ruined." She said she saw no reason to get a C Section and said she does her best to get better so why did I continuously resent her for damages she underwent.
My brother tried to defend me and say that I made some valid points regarding risk and that everybody should just calm down. He told my wife that everybody is entitled to their opinions and I was just sharing my personal experience. My sister in law demurred by saying she's sure C sections have their benefit in that realm but that I shouldn't generalize and maybe appreciate my wife more. After this, my brother made his awkward excuses and left with his wife and my wife locked herself in our youngest's room and won't talk to me. AITA?
My wife (31f) and I (30m) have been together for 5 years, married for 2. We haven’t had a serious unresolved fight until this week.
For context, our families/backgrounds are very different. Her family is extremely tight-knit (great parents, four close siblings, a nice extended family) whereas I am essentially estranged from mine. My upbringing was shitty and there was a lot of abuse; I have limited contact with my mom and haven’t spoken to my dad since I was removed from their care in my teens.
I’m not very free with the details of this situation as I want to put it behind me and it‘s hard for me to talk about. My wife and her parents (who I’m close to) know everything, but I am only comfortable with giving the basics — that I have crappy parents who aren’t in my life — to her sister and two brothers. I’m not very close to her siblings and actively kind of dislike two of them, and just don’t feel they need such personal info. Especially her sister (35f), who is a nice enough person but also huge gossip with a track record of being judgmental. She’s been slightly pushy/nosy in the past and has mentioned a couple of times that she doesn’t get why I don’t keep in touch with my side of the family, it’s sad, etc.
My wife knows how important my privacy about this period of my life is to me, and I’ve made it clear that I’m not ok with her sharing it without my permission. She seemed fine with that and it never caused issues in the past. A few days ago, though, I found out that my wife shared all the details of my childhood/family situation with my sister in law... Who promptly told one, possibly both of her brothers.
I got into a big fight with my wife about it, and told her she’s violated my privacy and I feel like I can’t trust her. She became defensive and said it was unfair for me to keep information from her family now that we’re married, and that it’s my wife’s right to tell her sister about anything in her life, and that I don’t understand because her sister is like her best friend. She also said it’s “not healthy” to be so private about this stuff, and that I should see a therapist. I have been to therapy in the past, and believe that wanting to keep the details of the most traumatic period of my life to myself and people I‘m really close to is a fair boundary. Even despite how close she is with her sister.
We didn’t resolve the argument and I’ve barely been able to speak to her since. I’m not sure if I should press the issue/put my foot down or... keep reading on reddit ➡
My husband and I have 2 children, both boys, now aged 11 and 14. My husband's younger sister now has three children aged 7(f), 5(m) and 3(m).
The year my youngest son (let's shorten to YS for the story) was turning 4, he asked for a birthday party. He was not yet in school and so he did not know anyone but family and there were no children other than his brother that were able to attend. Luckily, his favorite people in the world are Grandpa and G-ma (Dad's parents). G-ma is like a big kid. She's super fun and energetic. She acts much like a kid herself and my boys adore her. I knew they were very busy so I asked them several months in advance if they could attend his birthday party. The party was to be ON his birthday (this is important). Being the wonderful grandparents they are, they agreed and requested that time off from their jobs. We also invited all close-by family, including my SIL - the entitled mother of the story.
Months go by and it's now about a week and a half before my son's big day. I've bought the decorations, planned the menu and pumped him up (I like to sing a "Final Countdown" song as I prepare breakfast in the morning). One afternoon I receive a call from my SIL who is about to find out the sex of her baby (she's pregnant with baby number 1). She wants to plan a Gender Reveal Party, but she's called her friends and family and discovered that most work and can't attend without several weeks notice for their jobs. The ONLY day everyone just so happens to have off is my son's birthday. Would I be willing to move my son's birthday party to another day so SHE can have her party? At this point it may bear mentioning that she already has 3 baby showers planned and has asked me to make the food (out-of-pocket) for one of the showers. Most people being asked to attend her gender reveal party were already attending multiple baby showers for her.
I am pretty friendly and passive; this caught me very off-guard. I tried to gently tell her that my son was looking forward to this and we've had it planned for months, which is WHY everyone had it off from work. She feigned sympathy but still urged me to please move my son's birthday party to a time that everyone could later attend, and let her have this open date for her party for her "first baby, while you've already had 2. Besides, YS LOVES babies and would want to go to her party too! He could still come to MY party and see everyone he loves, and then get to do it all over again when everyone can... keep reading on reddit ➡
Hubby has a much younger sister (Liz) who was spoiled by their mother and never had to take much responsibility- she always gets bailed out. I’ve known Liz since she was 7 and could see what was going to happen even back then, but was powerless to stop it.
At 17, Liz got pregnant with J. Hubby and I were married by then with two of our own and another on the way. Their (now deceased) mom freaked out and kicked her out right before J came. We took Liz and J in and she lived with us for over a year. I practically raised J because she was living her life as a teen and not taking any interest. I was the one who was up with him at night, fed him and loved him alongside my own baby - it was like I had twins that were six weeks apart. Then Liz got mad at us for asking her to help more when I went back to work when the kids were a year old, took J and left. It was years before I saw J again - and only when she needed to be bailed out again.
Fast forward 12 years. Liz has since had two more kids with two more men, is going through a nasty, drawn out divorce and has moved in with another guy. If there is a deadbeat in 50 miles, Liz will find him. None of the dads are involved and she only gets child support for J because hubby and I went after it - his wages are garnished and he has no involvement. She does get some money for the middle one but with the youngest the divorce is still ongoing and she isn’t getting anything.
Over the years she has asked for money from us and held access to the kids over our heads. She has also been unable to provide for them at times or buy Christmas gifts, so we’ve done that. Santa came from us this year for all 3 of her kids.
Last night she called hubby and said she has left her most recent boyfriend (moved in with him a month after she left her husband). There was a fight, she said it got physical, and took the kids and left. She now needs $1600 for an apartment.
We don’t have it to give her without taking from our credit card. Our oldest is in university and has tuition due soon, and our savings are depleted after Christmas, giving her family Christmas, and paying for a small renovation. We might be able to get that money back, minus deposit, since work hasn’t begun yet...but I don’t know for sure.
She and the kids are safe for now and I offered to have the kids stay with us for the next two weeks before they go back to school (we live three hours away), but she said no and was angry when we said we couldn’t give her the mone... keep reading on reddit ➡
My brother and sister in law have a total of 6 children ages 9-17. Only 2 are his, she has a total of 4 baby daddies but my brother is her latest victim. That's a whole other story.
This year was mine and my husband's first year in our new home so we wanted to do a big Thanksgiving, but then Covid happened. Usually Thanksgiving in my family consists of at least 25-30 people. We told everyone we would not be doing anything in early September since we will be quarantining, which was mostly true.
My mom is elderly and I didn't want to risk her being around a ton of people, especially kids. But I wanted her over for Thanksgiving because it's her favorite holiday. So yesterday I made a big Thanksgiving dinner for me, my husband, and my mom. That's it. Not siblings, kids, aunts, uncles, or anyone else.
Well, I made the mistake of posting a quick snapchat video of my wonderful mom with both our cats on her lap, enjoying a cup of tea after dinner, sitting next to our roaring fireplace and Christmas tree. It was really cute.
It was captioned "Perfect holiday. Quiet house, warm fire, no kids."
I forgot my sister in law's eldest daughter (17) follows me on snapchat.
I got a raging text about 30 minutes later from my brother about how I lied and "took the kid's Thanksgiving away" and how "they had to eat pizza instead of getting a Thanksgiving" and so on. I initially ignored it, until my SIL texted me, literally calling me a bitch for "stealing" her kid's Thanksgiving. She said they will not be coming over for Christmas (even though I haven't invited them to lol.)
I responded "Sorry you apparently cannot cook a Thanksgiving dinner yourself for your own kids and rely on other people to do that, but that is not my problem. Shame I won't be seeing your kids for Christmas, I guess I'll be returning every single gift here under the tree that was for them and you can explain that to them."
I didn't get anything again until today, which was my brother texting me, apologizing and sending me memes like it never happened.
I ignored it.
My SIL accidentally burnt an expensive £200 + cooking pot, she cooked some stew dish that had sugar on it and it badly burnt the whole bottom, most of the sides. She got frustrated and put it in her recycling bin that was supposed to be collected this morning but I asked my husband if it's okay if I have it. My husband asked my SIL if I can have it? She said yes and good luck with that. My husband removed it from her recycling bin before it got picked up and gave it me.
Anyways I looked on YouTube and there was a video that I followed were I just boil it in dish wash liquid and water it would come out and it worked it looked good as new. My husband took a picture and showed his sister and she was so excited and said thank you!!!! She was planning to try that dish again and wants him to bring it back. I refused to give it back because she was going to throw it away and said I can have it. SIL is now angry and saying I am an asshole and should just buy my own because we have two salaries and she's a single mother. She is 50 years old but throwing the biggest fit. She didn't even buy that cooking pot, it was a gift from some guy she was dating.
Should I return it and AITA?
*Update, I was overwhelmed with all the comments and didn't know that this would be controversial and had so many replies. I used the clean Pot as a plant holder, it was my first intentions. I didn't know it would clean so easily of course and I simply googled it when I got home. SIL is always on her phone Facebooking so she could of easily googled it too. She's annoyed that I used it as a plant holder, but I told her it would be in the landfill or recycling centre by now, at least it's being used. She hates cooking.
Throw away and mobile. I don’t think I’m the asshole here, but my brother firmly disagrees.
I (20M) have a tendency to not believe people when they tell me something. I’m not sure why, but my first instinct is always no, that’s wrong, and I’ll do it my way. Even if they’re some kind of expert in their field my first instinct is to doubt what they say. My brother (29M) says it’s because I labor under the delusion that I am smarter than I actually am, and that I was an asshole for thinking I new better and never apologizing when I’m wrong.
My sister in law, R, is a nurse, and yesterday in a family zoom she said unfortunately she wouldn’t be able to join everyone for Thanksgiving. She was supposed to have this year off, but her hospital is all hands on deck right now because of several nurses being quarantined. Without thinking about it I said the first thing that came to mind “that’s not true, you just don’t want to make the trip.” My parents and brother jumped all over me and R sarcastically said “yeah, I’d much rather spend twelve or more hours on my feet dealing with sick people than enjoying a good home cooked meal.” I got irritated because I felt attacked so I signed off.
I got a message from my mom saying I owe R an apology. I said I wasn’t going to apologize for that. My brother is saying I need to grow up and stop being an asshole and the sooner I realize I’m not the smartest person in the room, the better my life will be. I think everyone is really overreacting and that’s just how I am, but I figured I’d put it out here, AITA?
I'm based in England.
For the record, I'm only interested in protecting my asset as my brother is going through a potential divorce and the house he lives in with his wife is jointly owned with me only. It is worth perhaps mentioning my elderly mother lives with them who requires care. It is also perhaps noting that house was bought by me and my brother before he got married.
His wife is an immigrant with a spouse visa and has stormed out the house and threatened my brother that she will take him for everything he has. They have no children and been married 5 years.
My understanding is that if they file for divorce she will be entitled to at least 50/50 of what he owns. Does this mean she can force the sale of the house to obtain "her share"?
I'm a 19 year old woman and I live with my boyfriend.
When I was 16, I developed an eating disorder. I lost weight and my period. It continued until my senior year of high school, when I decided I had to recover before I went to college.
I put a lot of work in, and I've gotten my weight up and my period back.
Mentally I'm still not 100% there. There were things that were holding back my recovery so I decided to fix them. I have a hard time stopping myself from looking at the calorie content of foods and then I don't want to eat them anymore. So (and I know this sounds neurotic), I get rid of all the nutritional information of food once I bring it into my apartment. I either sharpie it out, or I rip it off.
None of that is a problem normally. The problem comes in last week. My brother and his girlfriend are visiting and asked to stay with me. I don't know her very well but I was excited to see them so I said sure.
Turns out she's on a diet. My brother had talked to her before about my ED, and I could tell she was careful at first not to mention anything triggering, which I appreciated. But then later that day we were in the kitchen together and she saw my sharpied out nutrition labels for the first time. She was clearly shocked and asked some questions about my ED.
Then she kept acting weird. Yesterday, she pulled me aside and told me it was hard for her to stick to her diet with no nutritional information, and that she was afraid she was going to gain weight. She asked me if I wouldn't mind stopping just for the three more days she was here. I told her I couldn't, but she asked later that day if she could keep some food in her room or a special part of the kitchen. I once again told her no. I thought it was over, but I guess she talked to my brother because he asked me too. I was ruder to him because I was tired of them asking. I snapped at him and I thought they would finally stop.
Well today I woke up to several things. One was a long email from my brother about how I had to take a step forward and trust myself. My boyfriend also told me how before I woke up, my brother had asked him to convince me. I thought I could just ignore it all, but when I went to go make myself breakfast I saw that my brother/his gf had put some low calorie foods in the pantry, which are exactly what I find triggering. I took it all and dumped it in their room.
When they got home, they asked me why. I yelled at them about how it was a huge violation of my trust. My bro... keep reading on reddit ➡
My youngest brother and his wife got into some serious financial problems because of his wife's medical issues. His wife, I'll call her Tammy Faye because of the amount of makeup she wore, was on several kinds of generic medications that she took 3 times a day. My daughter and son-in-law are pharmacists and owned their own store at the time, so I asked them if they could give Tammy Faye her prescriptions at cost and I would pay for them. They agreed and had the prescriptions transferred from the old pharmacy. A few days later, my son-in-law got a fax from the doctor's office with all new BRAND NAME prescriptions, which would have cost me a small fortune. He called the doctor's office to find out why the change from generic 3 times a day meds to once a day extended release meds. The office explained that Tammy Faye requested the change because "she couldn't remember to take her meds 3 times a day." He was PISSED. He told the office that I, his mother-in-law, was paying for these meds and that I couldn't afford all those brand name meds. The doctor's office called Tammy Faye and told them that they were changing her back to the generic meds. Now Tammy Faye was pissed. She called my SIL and cussed him out for calling her doctor. He told Tammy Faye that he was filling her prescriptions as a courtesy to me and that he didn't have to fill her prescriptions. He immediately transferred the new, brand name prescriptions to her previous pharmacy and washed his hands of her. I let my brother know what his wife tried to pull, and he was not happy with her. I have other "Tammy Faye" stories if anyone is interested.
I get a guest on my 7am to 3pm shift and asks about getting a room. We're rather empty so I quote him the rate and ask for his credit card and ID. He acts all suspicious and says he would prefer to pay cash because he wants to keep things as private as possible; so I take his cash for the room plus his cash deposit. His entire behavior is setting off all sorts of red flags that he may be involved in some sort of criminal behavior. I tell my manager and she says he's ok, and just having an affair. Well as I'm putting in his reservation into the system my director of finance steps out and gets a cup of coffee. She somewhat recognized this guy, but wanted to know which room I put him in. I told her and first she sees his address which is the same subdivision she lives in. Then she sees the name, and realizes who he is. She talks with my manager and she put the other woman's name on the reservation. My director of finance decided to call her husband and come to find out this sleazy guy is sleeping with his niece. The hotel is only about 20 to 25 minutes away from their house, and he just happened to pick the one his sister in law works at. Now my director of finance said that she can't even say anything because this is happening within the same family.
My husband and I are pregnant with our first child, and we recently found out she's going to be a baby girl. Of some relevance: I am Chinese, and my family moved to Canada when I was thirteen, so my first language is Cantonese, but I speak English more fluently. My husband is white.
My husband and his sister were on a video call yesterday, and he told her that I had finally picked a baby name (my husband is very indecisive, so told me that I could pick whatever name I wanted, as long as it wasn't something stupid). I want to name my baby "Sunny," and have her middle name be "Disposition," so that her name will be "Sunny Disposition," on full legal documents. Of course, her first name will just be Sunny, which I think is a normal enough name, so she won't be made fun of.
My sister in law started making fun of the name, and said that Sunny Disposition was ridiculous. At this point, I joined my husband and explained that we wouldn't call our daughter by her full name all the time, and to most people, her name would just be Sunny, but then she would have an Easter-egg type name, where if you know the full thing it's like a surprise.
She started asking my husband what he thought of the name, and he said he thought it was fine. She then started telling me that she was sorry for making fun, and it must be a cultural difference, and that in China, names have meanings like that, but in English, names like that are weird. I told her she was a racist, and then my husband immediately told her he was ending the call, and he hung up before we could get into it.
Now my husband is asking me to apologize to his sister, and he'll try and get her to apologize as well. I don't think my reaction was out of proportion, but IDK. AITA?
So I (35 F) am very close with my niece (16 F). I am a pharmacist and earlier this week she texted me to ask if she can go to a pharmacy to get birth control pills in our state because she read online that it’s legal in some states. I let her know it’s not an option here, but she should ask her mom to take her to the doctor to get a prescription and that I’m proud of her for being responsible.
Thursday morning she told me she asked her mom, (40 F), and she told her that birth control pills are only for whores who never want to get pregnant because it leaves a lot of women infertile. She told her that I’m infertile because of taking birth control since I was a teenager and that I slept with many different men because I thought it would be without consequence and it ruined my body. My niece said she doesn’t want kids anyway, so she’s happy to take that risk and her mom told her she won’t help her get oral contraceptives as a minor and she should just keep her legs closed.
I told my niece that’s not true at all. I’m infertile from 6 cycles of chemo and a month of radiation, and it had nothing to do with me taking oral contraceptives. I told her that many fertility treatment plans actually use oral contraceptives to regulate a woman’s cycle and reduce cysts at the start of a cycle to help them conceive a baby with IVF.
She presented my sister in law with these facts to ask for the pills again, and my sister in law lost her mind. She told her that it doesn’t biologically make you infertile but God punishes promiscuous women with infertility if they abuse their bodies with hormones from a young age.
She is telling everyone on that side of the family that I am undermining her parenting and promoting unsafe behavior, and she doesn’t want me in her children’s lives. My husband defended me and called her out for telling our niece hurtful things about me and said we respect her decision on this even though we don’t agree with it, but she crossed a line by basically telling my niece that God punished me with infertility because I was supposedly promiscuous. Not that it matters but my husband is only the second person I’ve ever had sex with.
The crazy thing is, that entire side of the family and even my own mother thinks I crossed the line and got involved in something I shouldn’t have when I told my niece that birth control won’t make her infertile and that her mother basically lied to her.
Am I the asshole for telling my niece that her mother’s argument i... keep reading on reddit ➡
So I know how this sounds, but please hear me out. I (M30) and my wife (F28) have a three month old and a three year old who are two very sweet kids, but they are like every other children and can cost a lot of money. On top of that, I’ve been reduced to part time and my wife lost her job due to the pandemic. So we can’t afford much for Christmas this year end since our children are still young, we decided to give them a good dinner and decorations plus presents that family gives them.
However, my sister and law (45 F) and her daughter (17 F) have been staying with us for the past few days and will be staying with us until the 26th. They love my children and wife, but my sister in law hates me and it has rubbed off on my niece. They treat me horribly, even refusing come last year on Thanksgiving. I wouldn’t tolerate if it weren’t for how well they treated my children. My niece will baby sit and give them gifts while my sister in law just showers them in love. I often compare the way they treat me to how Patty and Selma treat Homer. (They said that either I don’t come or there will be no Thanksgiving dinner) I will say that my sister in law started to hate me hectare when my wife and I first got together about a decade ago, I was a lazy stoner. However; I got a degree plus a job that pays pretty well. They still think that I’m a bum who doesn’t work hard enough and my wife says that she’s from a different time.
So yesterday, we were talking about Christmas and my niece was in the room and I decided to treat her as an adult. I was honest and told them that we were having Money issues this year and we decided that we would rather have the money for the kids to have good decorations, see family, and eat a good dinner. We asked her to keep it quiet. She said that she would, but now they have been very passive aggressive to me. I caught it sister in law trying to tell my wife that she needs to think about her life with me, and that she may need to think about kicking me out and draining the account. Then they have been saying things such as “well, your daddy can only afford pff brand cereal” and “amazing how you can afford internet but not gifts for your own kids” (they get everything they need)
Well, today was the last straw when my oldest kid ran up to my wife, crying about how her cousin had told her that she wouldn’t be getting any presents this year because daddy lost his job and didn’t care enough about her. My wife said that she would talk to them, b... keep reading on reddit ➡
Name says it all. She’s asking for help, but I could swear something’s already out there to save the trouble. Any direction would be great! 👍
I (25M) have two kids with my wife (25F). My wife stays at home with the kids and keeps saying that she just wants to rent a hotel room for the night with me and just get away for a few hours, which is fine, except we need somebody to babysit. The kids are (3F) and (1M).
I'm not in any contact with my family, which obviously left my wife's side. She mentioned that her sister (mid-30s) was free that night, but I was kinda evasive with that. My SIL is child-free, and I have nothing wrong with that, but she's one of the toxic ones that calls parents 'breeders' and calls kids all sorts of nasty names.
I don't even know how my wife and her sister are still on good terms, but here we are. This is probably because my wife has both a curse and a blessing in that she always overlooks peoples' flaws. I said no and went to end the conversation there but she asked why, and I mentioned that the way she refers to kids is gross and I don't think that she would be a good fit to watch the kids. She's seen the kids before and played with them but she always seems very cold and makes throwaway comments about how gross kids are, which they are, but the way she talks just makes me annoyed.
My wife got angry at me and said that I was being judgemental and that her sister would make a fine babysitter. I said no, and my wife continued to say that I wasn't thinking things through and that I was judging books by their covers, and I told her that if she wanted to, she could just go to the hotel alone and I would stay with the kids.
She's giving me the cold boulder now, and I mean, I can see where she's coming from but I just don't think that it's a right fit.
EDIT - A typo, whoops.
I (36f) found out that I am pregnant. I am overjoyed as I have always wanted a child of my own. I focused on my career in my life and since I am single, I wasn’t sure if having a baby would ever happen.
I was excited to tell my family the big news. My older sister has one child, my nephew (7m). My brother is married but he and his wife have made it very clear they will always be child free.
Last night we had a family dinner and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share the news. Since this will be my only child I wanted to make it special and I also wanted to involve my nephew.
I got a shirt that read “this is what an awesome big cousin looks like”. I slipped away with my nephew before dinner and had a special moment with him while I told him he was going to have a cousin.
My nephew was very excited and put on the shirt. He put his sweater on over it and I told him he could take the sweater off whenever he wanted at dinner.
In the middle of dinner he took off the sweater and waited for someone to notice. Soon my sister jumped up and excitedly screamed when she saw the shirt.
They all then immediately assumed it was my sister in law. I wasn’t hurt my them assuming this and I kind of expected it because she is married.
I was hurt because my sister in law didn’t try to correct them. She just went along with it and began to rub her flat belly while laughing. I must have looked completely hurt because my mother yelled at me to stop being rude and to congratulate them.
I tried to explain that I was the one who gave my nephew the shirt. They all didn’t even hear me and just continued to fawn over my sister in law. My brother stood frozen in shock just asking his wife if she was serious.
I got up and went home. I received multiple texts at this point from them telling me what an asshole I am for making this about me. They said things like it wasn’t my sister in laws fault that I was jealous. I didn’t reply to anything and just cried myself to sleep.
This morning my sister in law must have finally let it slip that she is not pregnant. They have now all called me to apologize saying that they just got caught up in the moment.
They said I shouldn’t have left the dinner and that it’s my fault I wasn’t clear enough that I was the one who is pregnant. My mom said I could have a redo dinner so I can get it right and they will all act surprised.
My sister in law sent me a message that said that the way I chose to announce was how she wanted to... keep reading on reddit ➡
My brother got engaged last year! Because of Covid-19 we didn't really get a chance to see him or my future sister-in-law for the entire year.
Well, we finally had a small (7 in total) family Christmas get together including me, my SO, our son, my brother, his fiancee, and our parents. This would be the last time to see my brother and future SIL before their January 2021 wedding.
I don't have a lot of communication with her. They live several hours away and have been together a couple of years. So, I've seen her on a few occasions in that time. However, I am in their wedding, so our conversations have been pretty much kept to wedding plans like what bridesmaid dress to wear and rehearsal dinner stuff. So, I asked my brother what did they want for Christmas.
He said to just pick anything off of their wedding registry as it was something they needed/wanted. Done! I picked out three items -- one for both of them and one for their engagement since we never got a chance to properly celebrate that. I wrapped everything up and gave it to them on our family celebration day.
When she unwrapped their gifts, she frowned, and said something to my brother (loud enough for us all to hear) to the effect of, "Why would they purchase Christmas gifts from our wedding registry? Now there won't be enough options for actual wedding guests." The rest of the family gettogether was slightly awkward and she kept to herself for the rest of the occasion.
I didn't say anything at the moment. But later my brother let me know that future SIL was, in fact, upset that we used their wedding registry as a Christmas wish list. I reminded him that HE was the one who suggested I purchase from it. He acknowledged this but asked if I could please apologize to future SIL so she didn't feel like we were purposefully picking items off their registry to leave little behind for others. I refused to apologize. And now things are a bit tense. I'm struggling to see things from her perspective. But I guess I could be the asshole for purchasing items meant for wedding gifts as Christmas gifts.
So, Reddit, AITA for buying my brother and future SIL Christmas gifts from their wedding registry?
Okay, title sounds weird as heck i know. But please hear me out.
My (16m) sister in law, Emily 26f, and my older brother, John, 28m, and my parrot (macaw), Blue. (Lmao why am I changing his name?)
So some context about macaws: they're the talking kind of birds, and they have the potential to be really loud. Blue is honestly pretty quiet for his kind though, and he's incredibly friendly. Although mornings, he is very loud. My family is used to this, and doesn't mind, but clearly Emily does, which I understand because she's not used to it. But here's the thing: she doesn't live with us. They either visit, or sometimes John and her stay the night because they do live sort of far. In the morning, when blue wakes up, he wakes all of us up. We're morning people so it's fine, but Emily is always in a bad mood when she is woken up by Blue. I remember on multiple occasions her asking my parents why I "couldn't just get a cat or dog." She says it in a joking way, but I see the passive aggressiveness of what she means.
Today, Emily and John came over. After a few minutes of just us saying hello and small talk and stuff, John asked me to go to my room with him, and he needed to talk to me. I was kinda worried since it just sounded weird and ominous. When we got to my room, he closed the door and told me we needed to talk about Blue. He asked me, what I was going to do with him, since I was going to college. I was confused, because I already told my family that I was going to a nearby college, that I could quickly drive to and still live at home. He then tried to argue that college is hard, and that I wouldn't have time for Blue. I don't think that will be the case though. I've taken care of him since I was like 8 and never had problems. But then here's what got me: He said Emily found a family that could take him in. I was immediately pissed and yelled at him that Emily was trying to get rid of him, and he got equally pissed and said that wasn't true. I started to cry angry tears, and he tried to hug me but I kicked him out of my room. I was honestly so angry he could say something like that.
I've calmed down a bit, and now I can sort of see where he's coming from. Now I think I'm TA because I may have overreacted, but based on my interactions with Emily, I also don't think I did. I'm honestly really confused. Should I apologize to them, AITA??
UPDATE: Thank you so much for the awards, overwhelming support and advice 💗. I came down for dinner, and after... keep reading on reddit ➡
During the middle of the pandemic, my brother-in-law got laid off and, because they could no longer afford rent, my sister, her husband, and their three kids (aged five to a newborn) moved in with me. I (22M) live in a small flat, but since I work nights and sleep most of the day, it's sorta like they live in the flat and I'm just some random guy.
I understand that kids are very hard to take care of, but I expected my sister to at least try and keep the flat clean. That would be a hard 'no', since every time I come home, there's dirty dishes all over the place and toys on the floor and it just smells....awful. I don't know what it is, and neither does my sister, evidently, but it's terrible.
The eldest colored all over the wall and spilt juice all over my rug. She also broke several fragile glass figurines that I inherited from my mother, who has passed away. My sister (we don't share the same mother) disregarded all of these things, and when I got upset, just told me to get over it because her kid didn't mean it.
I've had to get rid of a chair because the second eldest vomited all over it and nothing that save it. The youngest cried a lot, and it understandably irritated my neighbors, who never said anything to the landlady but did come over multiple times to complain.
I have sat my sister down and explained my frustrations to her multiple times, but she just doesn't care! I have tried to explain everything to my brother-in-law, but he's rarely home, despite not having a job yet, even though its been months.
The kids were up at the same time that I was asleep, and they constantly ran in and out of my room, screaming their little heads off. I love them, really, but I couldn't deal with that, especially since you have to be alert and present in my line of work (security guard).
The final straw for me was that somebody, more than likely the eldest child, let loose my leopard geckos. It took hours, and although I finally managed to find all of them, it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I told my sister that she had to leave and that I couldn't take it anymore.
It's been a week since then. I have gotten no word from my sister, but the rest of our family has been calling non-stop, demanding to know how I could just kick my niece and nephews onto the street.
My sister gave me some advice tonight I am pondering.
Background - Like many of you, I have a strained relationship with my mother in law. She isn't awful, and she probably has good intentions, but she has done some weird things over the years - either thoughtless things, annoying things, or mildly hurtful things. My husband unfortunately doesn't seem to "go to bat" for me. Partly because he is not a confrontational person, but mostly he feels that thus far she hasn't done anything egregious and he feels she just isn't aware of how she comes across. And honestly, he is probably right. She is just a weird person who we both believe does have good intentions. So he probably hasn't felt the need to really call her out. I, on the other hand, am totally transparent in my relationships and if something pisses me off I will say it! As a result I am constantly feeling like I want to call her out - but I generally don't. I usually just seethe about it and complain to my husband.
Today I decided it isn't healthy for me to seethe so I drafted a letter to my MIL about a recent situation I am pissed about and sent it to my sister. Her advice to me was this: "DO NOT send that letter. Do not go to bat with your mother in law. It is never worth it. Let your husband do the battling." I said, "What if he doesn't go to battle?" She says, "He hasn't gone to battle because he is a peacemaker but also because he probably feels she hasn't done anything malicious - just annoying or mildly hurtful things. When she does do something awful, just have faith that he will stand up for you. But your job is to keep the peace with your in laws and put on a smiling face because that is best for your marriage. How would you feel if he wrote a letter like that to Mom or Dad?" I told her that I would be pissed. She said, "Exactly. You don't want to be the problem daughter in law. If you create drama and tension it might never be something you come back on. Blood is thicker than water. They will forgive him if he attacks them but they may never forgive you." She also told me that the best thing to do with my in laws is ask myself "Is what I am doing bringing us one step closer together or further apart?" She also really emphasized that I need to focus on making peace with my in laws for my marriage's sake, grit my teeth and bear it while realizing it's what it best for my husband that we have peaceful relationships.
What do you guys think of her advice? I am thinking of taking it.
Looking for some advice on my sister in law. Since Sunday December 27th she has been non stop harassing myself, my wife, my mother, and my wife's parents with endless emails, text messages, phone calls, Facebook messages etc, just any possible way she can contact any of us. The messages are generally about how we should kill ourselves, hoping we die, she's going to ruin our lives, she's been trying to get us all fired from our jobs, and now she's trying to have our dogs taken away.
Really though these are all empty threats, everything she's done to try and get us fired is just lies and our employers do not believe her or care. Our dogs have regular vet visits and are very well taken care of and anything thing else she's said about it is just a lie etc etc so we're not worried about that stuff.. but we just want this to stop. It's tiring, it's embarrassing, my wife has anxiety and depression and she just doesn't need this. We can't even block her. We block her email, she makes a new one. I've blocked 3 or 4 phone numbers of hers now, I think she's using some kind of service to send texts. I've called the police but they just said all they can do is contact her and ask her to stop, which is what my mother has done, but she hasn't stopped getting messages from her yet so I feel that's a hopeless path to take.
Thanks for your time, any and all advice would be appreciated
EDIT: I should clarify that we do fear her as a person. I don't fear her current threats and consider them empty as she really has nothing to actually achieve what she's trying to currently do. But I do actually fear what she might do once she has nothing left to threat us with. She has been violent to us and other people in the past. I also fear for my wife's mental state as she does have a history of self harm. I hope that clears that up and I should have included that to begin with. I just didn't want people to focus on us trying to stop her from getting us fired or having our dogs taken away etc
EDIT: Hey everyone thanks again for all the info. We haven't heard from her in over 48 hours now so she's hopefully just getting bored of it. If that's the case we'll just leave it at that. If she's working up to something bigger then I have a lot of great information. Thanks again
I overheard my older brother talking to my SIL while I was packing to go home on Friday. My brother was saying to my sister-in-law that I used to be slimmer but now I've gotten fatter and my face looks older ("yuck!"). He also said I will never find a husband unless my mom consults a matchmaker, and he wasn't certain if I was pregnant over the holidays because my hoodie and shirts were baggy. My brother also made a comment about me on Christmas that he thought I didn't hear when I changed out of my Christmas clothes into loungewear ("Thank God she wore makeup.").
Our culture expects women to be subservient to their husbands and bases a woman's social ranking on marital status and fertility...very archaic. I'm not sure if my SIL actually agrees with my brother's comments or if she was being compliant to avoid an argument as my brother puts her down most of the time when her opinion differs from his own. In either case, I'm now side-eyeing her. I would think something is severely wrong with my spouse if he spoke about his sister like that, especially when there's no known history of animosity between them. I've never said an unkind word about my brother before except for when the very rare times we fought as kids. I often defended him or warned him when his friends were being shady from childhood up until now, as well, so it's safe to say I feel betrayed.
It's Sunday and his words are still circulating in my head. I think what makes it even worse is that I know other family members who were around heard what he said because my mom looked like she was about to cry when she looked at me and my dad wouldn't look me in the eyes for long when I was ready to leave. They said nothing to them. I'm disappointed in how they didn't handle the situation and will ultimately keep my distance from my entire family from now on, but they're not the ones who said those things out loud.
I'm tempted to call my brother and tell him off about his life. How he was unemployed and still living at home when he started dating my SIL. How my mom paid his bills and funded trips he and my SIL would take as their relationship was initially long distance. How he only got off his ass to work and move out at 30 when my mom finally told him to grow TF up and be responsible for himself. How he has no place to be talking about my weight gain or anyone's weight gain like we haven't been quarantined for most of 2020. Also, my brother is shorter than both me and my SIL and his stomach... keep reading on reddit ➡
Ive known my sister’s ex husband Frank most of my life. We went to school together and we’re always friendly acquaintances growing up and later became pretty good friends when he and my sister got married. They got divorced a little over a year ago. Since the divorce we’ve remained friends. At the time because he was making significantly more money, and my sister was only working part time, he was ordered to pay child support despite having joint custody.
He’s fallen on hard times due to the pandemic. He’s self employed but his income has taken a huge hit due to everything going on. He fell behind on child support so my sister asked me for help with bills. I’ve been lucky that my particular industry is actually doing better now so I have the funds to help, which I’m happy to. However instead of giving the money directly to my sister, I decided I would technically give it to Frank, to then give to her so he wouldn’t go into state sanctioned debt and ruin his credit. He was very thankful and he abided and is now current on his support.
Personally I thought this would be a win-win. My sister sees it differently. She thinks I’m favoring him in a time when I could be just helping her and my nephews. She’s still mad at him for things that happened in their marriage, and she says I’m basically giving him the ok for his “mistakes” and choosing helping him over my own family. My other sister is on her side as well so now I’m getting crap from both. Personally I just thought I was doing two good deeds instead of one. Figured I’d get some 3rd party perspectives.
Edit: A lot of people are saying that Frank needs to go to court to get his payments lowered. He is currently trying to do so.
Lots of questions about why they divorced. I do know the story from both sides but I don’t want to get too specific about it, but there was no cheating. Honestly I just think they weren’t compatible and both had communication issues.
I and sister stay in same city , she is married and I am still in collage, so I regularly visit her home atleast 4-5 times a month, I have nephew too.
BIL , "Bhava" as I call him was not home while she was chatting with her friends in the living room. I arrived and just went inside with nephew spending some time with him.
I heard those duchebags bitching about their spouces and I was getting pissed, they were speaking about how their husbands don't know how to take care of them, how they get offended by politics, their cricket and football attachment , mocking the kind of movies they like and also laughing by sharing embarrassing moments their respective spouses had etc gossips and horrible talks.
So while she was telling a tale about my beloved bhava I replied from inside ( translation I don't speak English )
" Ah remember how you spanked your car in front of a mall and he had to pick you up because you didn't know how to park a car, or the time he finished your office project for you coz you were lazy at start and couldn't finish at the end as quickly as him and was praised in office for his work "
" Please appreciate your husband , he does a lot for you, you are lucky to marry someone like him "
They all became awkward and left with few minutes this sentence affected all these bitchy women.
She later is showing me eyes and all and told me that I could have done it in lesser rude way and am an asshole.
I again told her to appreciate her husband please atleast don't desrespect him on front of your shitty friends.
Thirty years ago, I had fewer than 10 photos of my ancestors. Since then, I've traveled to every living relative's home to make copies of their old family photos. I became the family members who "loved that old stuff." I became the family historian.
I have hundreds of photos and documents now, but there was a still huge gap on my father's side. Due to divorces, household moves, etc., over time, the photos and history on my dad's side just... disappeared. I'd found some photos in old yearbooks, etc., but I had no photos of my dad's youth, for example.
It bothered me so much that when I saw an identified photo or bible on eBay or in an antique store, I used Ancestry, etc., to try to see if a living descendant could be located. I posted a few of my successes on FB, which prompted a cousin to call me me to ask if I wanted to come "look at all the 'stuff' in our grandparents' attic" before they sold the house. Two days later, I drove 16 hours to find out what had been stored in the attic of the home my grandparents had purchased in 1929.
The result was more than I could have ever hoped for -- photos of my dad's ENTIRE childhood, my grandparents as newlyweds, my grandmother's childhood, her parents, some of my dad's school books (complete with notes and wry jokes in his handwriting!), books owned by my 2x great-grandfather, a photo of that same 2x GGF (from the 1870s!), my dad's baby book, glassware my grandmother collected (one type I also collect) and more. It was the motherlode.
Here is just a sample:
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/5Sw1HH0.jpg) Some of the photos and documents.
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/c5vjxra.jpg) Theodore Hessell, 2xGGF, about 1870.
[Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/wkUK41G.jpg) My dad.
Tell every relative you meet that you would love copies of photos and documents. Sometimes, it pays off. :)
A day before thanksgiving my sister in law invited us to come over to have thanksgiving dinner and I accepted the invite. We show up for dinner and not once did she ever tell me that she was waiting on her results for covid 19. My children and me have been very careful to stay home and not go out so I figured I work from home and my kids are home all day with me we could go out this once to see family. Last night my sister in law sends me a text saying her results are back and she’s positive. She knew she was waiting on her results when she invited us over and never said a thing about it to me. This was the final straw I can’t get over how selfish it was that she would invite us over and not tell me before hand so I could have avoided exposing me and my children. I can’t have a relationship with someone who could be so careless towards us and all our family. Am I overreacting?