TIFU by drinking a Gallon of milk in one hour to shove it in Reddit’s face

It’s still in my post history because I am permanently keeping it as a reminder that I’m a fucking idiot whenever my ego gets out of check.

Okay so this morning I posted on Reddit a conversation me and my friends had in which we all unanimously agreed that drinking a gallon of milk in under an hour is 100% possible and is an incredibly easy challenge. My reasoning was that an entire hour is a lot of time, and that if you just slowly and steadily drink the milk while portioning yourself there’s no reason why anybody can’t do it. One of the lesser challenges was doing a half gallon in an hour and I can say from a certain experience with hot sauce a while ago that I was 100% capable of achieving that so I was absolutely confident I could do two.

I posted it to Reddit, feeling pretty high and mighty of myself on the “unpopular opinions” board and was immediately provided with multiple comments informing me that I was an idiot and had no idea what I was talking about. These comments from inferior humans asked me to record my endeavors and I was without a doubt ready and willing to prove them wrong. So I went to my local 7/11, bought a gallon of 2% and got back to my dorm.

I will give myself credit through my naive ego, I did prepare for the worst a little bit, I sat with a towel bib in case of dribblage and pre-opened one of the shower stalls because the toilets would not account the possible gallons worth milk that could occur from the bovi-licious odyssey I was about to traverse upon. So I turned on my video camera and filled up 5 approximately 25 ounces cups of milk.

Looking at these completely full cups infront of me, the milk carton definitely tricks you with its sheer volume and I was realizing the challenge ahead of me, but mama didn’t raise no bitch so I went in.

First cup: Totally easy, I love milk, my father, brother and I will go through a gallon within 2-3 days tops, and all I have to do is do this every 12 minutes and I’m home free and all those losers on Reddit will know how cool I am.

Second cup: I down this one too, easy peasy, though the first signal to my brain that I was very much so satiated with my daily value of calcium was already upon us. Though this was a challenge even the greatest often failed at, I wasn’t going to underestimate this challenge, but rather like a matador I will corral this bull with steadiness and finesse.

Third cup: this one I was able to not consistently down, I got about half way through and I had to breat

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📰︎ r/tifu
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👤︎ u/leprecaun8
📅︎ Apr 28 2021
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In Edge of Tomorrow (2014), when Rita (Emily Blunt) is first seen marching out of the hangar, a random soldier comes up & exclaims “Bloody hell! It’s the Full Metal...” but she shoves him down before he can finish saying “Bitch.” That soldier is played by Blunt’s real-life younger brother Sebastian.
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📅︎ Apr 08 2021
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"They know videos like this shove a huge dagger through the veil of white guilt that makes people vote blue." r/actualpublicfreakouts suspect Reddit is going to shut them down because they show too many videos of rioters and looters.
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📅︎ Apr 13 2021
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Hail of Blades Bard so that I can shove 3 Meeps in their faces for the duration that they are stunned from my Q. v.redd.it/1yiyitd3rqw61
👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/WolfiousYT
📅︎ May 02 2021
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Airsoft bully shoves a kid and ends up regretting the decision v.redd.it/fu8qnrdcs2r61
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📅︎ May 02 2021
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We don't want to shove Jesus down your throat, but let me shove Jesus down your throat
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📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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Lieu to Greene and Gosar: 'Take your nativist crap and shove it' thehill.com/homenews/hous…
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📰︎ r/politics
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📅︎ Apr 16 2021
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Strap in and open wide, titfuckers. I’m about to shove some knowledge down your cockholsters.

I’m back, dipshits.

 

The amount of whining I’ve heard in the last 24 hours is fucking pathetic, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves and the failures you’ve become. Listening to y’all is worse than the most unenthusiastic, driest, toothiest, herpes-infestedest blowjob on the fucking planet.

 

Judging by your responses to my last post, most of you are incapable or unwilling to read some simple fucking sentences telling you to go eat dogshit, so I’m going to try out of the goodness of my benevolent heart to bestow wisdom on you grabasstic fuckclowns one more time.

 

No, we did not squeeze yesterday and we did not squeeze today. As I said previously, THAT’S FUCKING OKAY. It’s ok for me personally because I didn’t invest more than I could afford to lose unlike some of you useless bottomfeeders. It’s also ok for me personally because, while the theory about the call options did not come true, that was just one of a ton of elevating factors that I’m using to determine whether a squeeze can rip the microtesticles off of the hedge funds.

 

Now before I continue I want to make something crystal clear to you, twinkletits. I am not and nor have I advised that any of you should buy, that any of you should hold, or that any of you should pussy out and panic sell like the drooling bitches I know you are. That would be financial advice, and even though I struggle to stuff my massive dick into my pants every morning, I’m not a financial advisor. Financial advisors cost a shitload of money per hour, more than you or your wife’s six boyfriends can afford, the dirty little minx. You think one of them would come onto the internet and share their profession for fucking free? Do you also think that plants grow upward because they are seeking the motherfucking word of God?

 

Here’s your first bit of knowledge: anyone offering you free financial advice and telling you to buy probably already has a sizeable long position, and stands to benefit materially from your dumb asses piling into their pump-and-dump. Anyone telling you to sell probably has a sizeable short position, and stands to rake your moronic asses over the fire because you can’t be bothered to look shit up for yourself. They’re like gas station sushi or your mom telling me I don’t need to use a condom with her cuz she’s clean – I don’t trust that s

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 7k
📰︎ r/GME
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📅︎ Mar 13 2021
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Jeremy Stephens shoves Drakkar Klose at faceoffs youtube.com/watch?v=T2HFb…
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📰︎ r/MMA
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👤︎ u/7UFFA
📅︎ Apr 16 2021
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Ferris wheel operator shoves kid and fights coworker during runaway ride v.redd.it/7tch22yynyt61
👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/tefunka
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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Respect my religion while I shove it down your throat....
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📅︎ Mar 31 2021
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Just push and shove
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📅︎ Apr 28 2021
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I am so sorry for being a stupid fat fucking ugly american, yes i shove cheeseburgers down my disgusting inferior american throat every morning, we are all awful people i am truly sorry

I am a worthless good for nothing american, I should be put to death like the disgusting rabid animal I am, I am now going to kill myself for you superior europeans. pardon my imperfect english, i am an unintelligent american, and our education system is terrible and we are all so stupid.

AITA?

edit:sorry for wasting your oxygen by being a disgusting fat greasy stupid rabid degenerate american

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📰︎ r/circlejerk
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📅︎ May 03 2021
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Japanese businessman looks so defeated as three men shove him into an already crowded train.
👍︎ 46k
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👤︎ u/shaka_sulu
📅︎ Feb 17 2021
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Drakkar Klose: Jeremy Stephens’ shove not ‘savage’ at UFC Vegas 24, but a ‘b*tch move’ and updated on his medical condition: “I’m doing a lot better. My headaches stopped on Thursday leading into the weekend. That was my biggest concern was the headaches. They were pretty bad." mmafighting.com/2021/4/28…
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📰︎ r/MMA
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👤︎ u/wanocabano
📅︎ Apr 28 2021
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Gotta really work to shove it in
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📰︎ r/dankmemes
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📅︎ Feb 19 2021
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Shove it in
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📰︎ r/memes
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👤︎ u/irontowns
📅︎ Apr 11 2021
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I love how hard you get when I shove both my feet in your face!
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👤︎ u/NekoNymphe
📅︎ May 04 2021
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No Valve I am not gonna pay 2.5$ to open your shitty chests, don't shove it in my face.
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📰︎ r/DotA2
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👤︎ u/tertig
📅︎ Apr 16 2021
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You can rant about the game all you want, but if you say a thing about the Cutscene music, I'll shove a ring down your throat.
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📅︎ May 02 2021
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In Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) the scene where Kong shoves his axe handle into Godzilla's mouth is a reference to King Kong vs Godzilla (1962) where King Kong shoved a tree down Godzilla's mouth.
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📅︎ Apr 25 2021
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AOC tells Ted Cruz to take his GameStop bipartisanship and shove it up his ass and while he’s at it, tender his resignation from the Senate. vanityfair.com/news/2021/…
👍︎ 39k
📰︎ r/politics
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👤︎ u/BMK812
📅︎ Jan 28 2021
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Anti-Asian bigot nearly shoves undercover NYPD cop off subway platform nypost.com/2021/04/17/ant…
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👤︎ u/sour_creme
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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Take this job & shove it.
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👤︎ u/kevinmrr
📅︎ Jan 19 2021
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I’m about to shove all of these up my ass. Which one should go first?
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📰︎ r/tomorrow
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📅︎ Apr 10 2021
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Why step over the tail when you can just shove your way through instead? v.redd.it/cg0cpkgjxyw61
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📅︎ May 03 2021
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Why do carnists always have to shove it down your throat???
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📅︎ Apr 07 2021
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Video captures OPP officer aggressively shove a 12-year old in Gravenhurst mobile.twitter.com/Travis…
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📰︎ r/ontario
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👤︎ u/ILikeStyx
📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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Jeremy Stephens shoves Renan Barao during their stare down youtube.com/watch?v=9S8Pa…
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📰︎ r/MMA
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👤︎ u/nfiggy
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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Block shove goes brrr
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👤︎ u/Finnsen17
📅︎ Apr 30 2021
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[Highlight] JaKarr Sampson gets ejected after attempting to shove Patty Mills streamable.com/3mbvhp
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📰︎ r/nba
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📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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OZZIE AND RILEY BOMBS/YNOA SHOVES AND RAKES UPCHOP PARTY!!
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📰︎ r/Braves
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📅︎ Apr 24 2021
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If you've ever wondered what happens when you shove all 6 orbs into a receptacle, here you go. v.redd.it/dwgkgvrjmho61
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📰︎ r/FortNiteBR
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📅︎ Mar 22 2021
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Drawings can shove it. How long til model based definition?

Is it just production chain hurdle or all of us?

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📰︎ r/cad
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👤︎ u/Flycat777
📅︎ May 03 2021
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1 year later baby and doggo are best friends and still in one piece. Everyone(even some in this sub) that told me I was a bad parent for having her around a pitbull can kindly go shove it. ;P reddit.com/gallery/mqrukn
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📰︎ r/pitbulls
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👤︎ u/misses410
📅︎ Apr 14 2021
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Keep your Eiffel Tower and shove your Statue of Liberty, we have a giant concrete cigarette and it’s absolutely magical.
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📰︎ r/CasualUK
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📅︎ May 02 2021
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“You can be gay, just don’t shove it down my throat”
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📅︎ Mar 27 2021
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Sometimes instead of using his two perfectly good hides, my boy just shoves himself underneath the moss and leaf litter… sorry to break it to you but you are not hiding from anyone like that my dude.
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📰︎ r/ballpython
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👤︎ u/shawnk2998
📅︎ May 04 2021
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Take your Grigri and shove it! Love, ATC Gang
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👤︎ u/Neal569
📅︎ Apr 27 2021
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ANDERSON SHOVES/RILEY HITS HIS FIRST DONG UPCHOP PARTY
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📰︎ r/Braves
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👤︎ u/yvelly
📅︎ Apr 22 2021
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Anyone else wanna shove a fork into an outlet after watching this? v.redd.it/00vfy4txwbs61
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📅︎ Apr 10 2021
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Roy Innis shoves Al Sharpton. Same guy who started the big fight on the Geraldo show. v.redd.it/9aj2m706efr61
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📰︎ r/fightporn
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📅︎ Apr 05 2021
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Attack on titan is about mystery, answering questions, morality, war, cruelty, and freedom yet somehow people are satisfied with a ending that answers questions with I don’t know.. creates more questions, shoves bs love down our throats, and talk no jutsu working..
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📰︎ r/yeagerbomb
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📅︎ Apr 27 2021
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Actually No, I can’t store DIYs, so take your A and shove it!
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📅︎ Mar 07 2021
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Sewer line break. You can take this resident rep job and shove it, Tom Nook.
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📅︎ May 05 2021
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[@Jomboy_] I'd like everyone who said mean things to me because of this tweet to go find a bag of bugs and shove them in your mouth. twitter.com/Jomboy_/statu…
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📰︎ r/NYYankees
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👤︎ u/jr1c
📅︎ Apr 07 2021
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So I'm doing a hoe route and going after Noah and finally told Hope that she can shove it and If I want noah he's mine. Told priya to keep going for him and she went off on her too. Hoe route in full swing until I get Kassam reddit.com/gallery/n4003l
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👤︎ u/Mancub1122
📅︎ May 03 2021
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We might have gotten in a lot fights recently, but please keep talking about where tankies can shove their CCP v.redd.it/drk8v3ceezt61
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📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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THE PROBLEM ABOUT BOYCOTTING SUDOCREM FOR LEAVING BALDOYLE IS THAT WHEN YOU TELL THEM TO SHOVE IT UP THEIR HOLE IT DOESN'T HAVE THE DESIRED EFFECT
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📰︎ r/ireland
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👤︎ u/Mr__Conor
📅︎ May 08 2021
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