I'm female and am questioning If I am bisexual or just a lesbian. Or potentially bi-romantic and homosexual....who knows.
My question is, how do you seperate sexual attraction from arousal? Is it possible to be aroused and feel turned on by men touching me and having sex with them, yet still not feel I am sexually attracted to them? It's sort of like what they can do is a 'tool', for instance, penetration feels good, yet I don't feel sexually attracted to men themselves nor penises (I'm actually quite repulsed by them), it's more just the stimulation feels good almost regardless of who does it?
I don't feel like I desire men sexually, more just I desire the feeling that they can give me (or tbh, anyone could if they wanted). Like if they can make me orgasm, I like them touching me, yet I don't desire them, I don't want to touch them but I like what they can do for me.
In the same way that I could get pleasure from a woman touching me or using a sex toy, the attraction I feel towards men is more like that, i can sort of use them as a tool (which sounds horrible, but that's the best way to describe it) however, I don't feel any desire for them?
So, is it possible to separate arousal from sexual attraction? Can I still be aroused by the feeling that men give me when they touch me and have sex with me, yet not feel sexually attracted to them? It seems contradictory.
EDIT - forgot important info lol: I've always had strong sexual desires for women. I have a male partner currently and I've never really felt desire towards him sexually, nor any man I've ever been with. I know that I love him a lot and I we have a lot of emotional intimacy but sexually I'm just kind of uninterested!
I was "straight" before. I certainly didn't see men like that... it's more like "ooo he looks presentable, i guess I'll give him a chance" kinda thing. Its not like I ever looked at them, and be like ooo he's hot, therefore i wanna bang him...
This is probably because I have always been gay, and I was stuck in Comphet..... But it seems like every time i talk to my straight girl friends, they all say the same thing about men. None of them look at men in a sexual way. To them, the only thing that matters is how well a man treats them... if the guy had abs, tall, and good looking, then its good simply because that's something to brag about to their friends and family...
Not to dismiss anyones sexuality, but if this is the case then, straight women aren't really.... heterosexual in the actual sense of the word???
I'm not sure if this is normal but my left hip bone is highly sensitive and sometimes causes my whole body to jerk when touched. Just wondering if anyone else has something similar
I’m a guy and I definitely have romantic attraction to females, and I do think girls look pretty. However, my arousal is not based on anything sexual or visual and instead I can only get aroused through fantasizing about something non-sexual. Is this asexuality or no?
When I watch straight porn I feel zero sexual arousal, I don’t even get hard at all, anyone else?
I keep losing my sexual attraction to boys,but have very strong false arousal to girls (well I hope it’s false arousal) and I have lost my romantic attraction for boys. How do I know what’s real and what’s fake arousal ? And I used to have so much anxiety and I would be crying all the time now the thought is still always there and I still do not have my attraction but I’m not anxious anymore which makes me worry I’m in denial, Is it normal I am not anxious?
I had to go to chiropractor when I was young, it continued for 3 years. After some time as I grew bigger, he was doing treatments on me, I was alone with him in room. My mother did not suspect anything wrong, and I did not say anything to her. It went more strange after several times. The doctor said I suffer from Scoliosis. As I got older,, I needed to visit him many times, up to twice per month. My mother trusted this doctor, she never question anything he said.
++ Trigger warning below
He always examine and treat my legs, back, hips and chest. By stretching and manipulation of joins and ligament. After I reach puberty, I noticed he changed his slowly exams and start with touch my chest and breasts also. He never comment on this, he said all was required for treatment. He made my nipples stand out. I would feel aroused, and I was feeling so embarrassed. I was thinking that he did normal medical produce and I was so shameful for how I reacted. When I was lying down in the medical bed, on my front, I could not see what he was doing. Only feel it. When he treated my back and hips I can feel he had many times one hand between my legs, and he kept on pressing a finger there, while I need to stretch leg. I felt that something was not correct with his examinations, but I was too scared to tell anything to my mother. It also was arousing feeling. I understand now, that he was trying different ways to arouse my body. He was putting pressure and touching on the clitoris area, through my panties. It is so shameful to admit, but sometime he would go on until I had an orgasm, I tried to prevent it so much. But sometimes I could not do it. My legs would be shaking so much.
I went to him for several years, I stop when I was 14 years old. I never told my mother about this. After this , I am now easily sexually triggered by many medical treatments, I also fantasize a lot about what happened, and sometime I can not stop my body to react. It is usually very embarrassing after I orgasm, and I feel shame.
Edit: title should be "Is sex really consensual IF** sexual arousal makes you more willing to perform disgusting tasks?", sorry!
Hi, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I'm a 19 year old woman who's never been in a relationship, but I've realized I have some fears of intimacy and men and patriarchy stuff in general.
Last night I had a dream where I nearly kissed a guy, before being interrupted. However, initially in the dream I hadn't wanted to kiss him. But once I'd been turned on, I was happy to do it.
I read multiple studies that explain how sexual arousal lessens the disgust response, and makes women especially more willing to do sexual tasks they wouldn't otherwise. For me, I can see myself being persuaded in the heat of the moment to give a handjob or even blowjob, despite the fact that I wouldn't have wanted to before and would feel icky and gross about it after.
I know this is kinda crazy, and I'm basically looking to be disproven here. But why is this any different from, say, being coerced into consenting? Or being inebriated and unable to properly consent? If you're in a state of heightened arousal, and you're willing to agree to things you wouldn't normally, is that not analogous to being drunk and agreeing to things you wouldn't normally agree to?
By this logic, I obviously don't know how I can feel comfortable consenting to ever do anything sexual, unless I just get over my icky fear of it even when I'm not aroused. Obviously this isn't ideal, and I have issues of my own to work out. But can anyone explain to me why this isn't true? Or just give their thoughts on it? Why DOESN'T being aroused enough to get rid of disgust mean you can't consent?
So, I have noticed that I am very sensitive to my partner's sexual arousal. I have been known to climax off their excitement/climax alone, with very little physical encouragement from them at all. Sometimes this has surprised them ("wait, you came? But I didn't touch you!").
This in itself is not that rare, I don't think, but sometimes I can taste it? And no, I don't just mean if I'm using my mouth.
As an example, during mutual masturbation involving no oral sex at all, as my partner is getting closer to climax, I can sense a sort of tingling on my tongue. The taste is almost metallic, but not in the same way as when you taste blood.
I've tried to look into this, I might be tasting my own blood closer to the surface of my skin.... Maybe even theirs? Pheromones (quick study today says this is unlikely)? Adrenaline?
I was just curious if anybody else experiences anything like this. Also would be interested to hear opinions/thoughts!
Happy new year xx
I read a comment of someone saying this but I want more information so I can understand it better
Hey, ever since I’ve been diagnosed with low iron deficiency I’ve been having issues with being sexually aroused. Like I literally cannot get turned on from anything or feel anything. This never really happened before I was anemic. Is that normal? Will I get better soon??
They'll be sometimes where I'll feel like I can just rip a girl's clothes off and get down to business and they'll be other times where I just feel apathetic towards the idea of sex. I also try to imagine myself actually doing it and I get mixed feelings and thoughts about it. I feel aroused and repulsed at the same time thinking about having sex with a girl.
I low-key feel frustrated and annoyed because I just want my body to pick a side lmao. But I just want to know if I'm the only one or not.
So my first sexual experience was rape by an intimate partner when I was 17. The only thing I remember was being wet before and after and now whenever I’m with any new partners, being wet feels like danger to me. Does anyone else experience this?
I fell down a bit of a rabbit hole the other day and ended up on an asexuality forum about the difference between sexual arousal, sexual desire and sexual attraction.
It’s really spun me for a loop and I don’t understand the difference at all so I’m gonna ask some questions& apologies if any of them seem really stupid or like they have obvious answers, I’m still learning about how I experience sexual attraction and arousal !
If you see someone you’re sexually attracted to- does that automatically mean you’d experience arousal? Or can one exist without the other?
If you were to do something sexual with someone you aren’t specifically sexually attracted to, but you still get aroused, what does that mean?
If you find a pattern of things that arouse you (ie a certain gender doing something in porn) but you don’t want to have sex with the person you’re watching - are you not sexually attracted to them ?
Basically I’m confused about the link between sexual arousal and sexual attraction. If was to get really aroused around a guy/girl I like does this mean I’m sexually attracted to them ? Even if I’d never felt a pull to have sex with them ? Or does sexual attraction mean you have sexual desire specifically for that person ?
And lastly (by far the stupidest question so apologies) 5) Could someone get aroused by a person not of the gender they’re attracted to ? And if so does that not mean they’re sexually attracted to that person ?
my ace partner of 9 months and i have kind of started making ourselves question our sexuality. last night we did a lot of grinding/touching genitalia, we both got physically turned on i guess but i still don’t make the connection of these actions to arousal and sexual stuff.
sure, being touched down there is cool, but i don’t experience any emotional arousal. perhaps im connecting these actions with how allosexuals view them, as physically arousing, pleasurable etc but i don’t feel any of that. if it makes my partner happy i’ll do it, if it makes our bodies react in an interesting way i’ll do it, but there isn’t anything more to it than just knowing the act itself is sexual and wanting to try it out.
i still squirm at the thought of actual intercourse and literal genitalia words like d1ck etc so i’m awfully confused
thoughts? am i just making excuses to preserve my asexual label?
Trying to understand why is humiliation so sexually arousing. I am a male in late 20s. I have an active plain vanilla sex life with women.
However, the idea of being humiliated and abused by other men turns me on. I like to be told to strip and perform submissive acts in front of men. I have been in multiple dom-sub relationships with different men in the last year (offline and online)
Over time, this has started affecting my normal sex life with women. Sometimes I prefer to being abused and humiliated by a man over a hook-up or a date.
This is changing my sexual identity. Keen to hear from the group, are there other men who have similar experiences? And am I leading a kink/fetish overpower real intimacy?
I wonder what it is about phenibut that makes people so horny? It isn't just me.. I have a friend i got started taking it for her anxiety. It works very well for that but she said at 2 or more grams she gets really horny and has to masturbate 3-4x a day! It must stimulate the more primitive areas of the brain. It seems a lot like MDMA, but it's a downer rather than a stimulant. What do you guys think? Does it make you freakin' horny as well?
hen you are sexually aroused, can you control your moans but if you don't think about it you moan, do you just not moan, or can you not control your moaning? Just curious. I don't moan at all (male teen) while masturbating, under the age of consent so no sex. Just curious.
I've been feeling hesitant to face my sexual issues recently. Sexual images and fantasies that my mind generate just seem so disgusting and sickening including apparently-healthy ones.
Today I had a sexual dream because of increased sexual drive while being abstinent. In the dream, a young good-looking guy was grabbing a young good-looking girl's big boobs. Maybe I should post this on r/askfeminists , but I really don't like my thought that connects physical features like big boobs to sexual arousal. I think true beauty and sexiness come from inside, but not from outer features. I don't like me being trapped in the wrong ideas/images that the media instilled. I feel defeated, being controlled by the media to the point of losing my own sense/eyes.
Shoutout to my limpdick gang over at r/pssd
I've been looking for resources on this for a while with little to no luck. So, im going to ask here.
Is it normal to feel bitter towards your gf after sex or even sexual arousal?
Though I care deeply for my partner, I get really upset at the idea of cumming around her or even her seeing me cum such that I need to pull away and put my back to her.
When I do come on/around her I feel extreme animus toward her such that I am concerned that I may say or do something that I'll regret.
It feels like deep resentment, as though she has stolen something from me and I feel like she's laughing at me in her head.
Obviously, this makes no sense as I love my partner dearly. But I can't help but feel humiliated, robbed and bitter after anything sexual.