I'm a bisexual woman. When I first realised this a couple of years ago, I was loud and proud about it. I finally found myself, and was proud to be part of the community. Over time, however, I saw there's nothing to be proud of. Both of myself, and the community as a whole.
I'm not saying you should be ashamed of being a part of it, or for being an ally. I just personally felt as if there was no longer a place for me. Every identity I saw was more complex than the last: pronouns, genders, sexualities that all sounded the same.
Not to mention that I witnessed how self centered we became. Labelling people as transphobic and homophobic for having a simple question, or a slightly different opinion, was not something that I wanted to be associated with. Also, people who have "simple" identities such as myself- a lesbian female for example, or a gay male- I felt as if we became ostracized and prejudiced against in our own community. I would see lesbians verbally attacked, even threatened, for having a preference/identity that was plain and simple- they're a woman who is attracted to other women. That's it.
But no, they would be attacked. "You don't want your female partner to have a penis? Wow, that's transphobic. How dare you not want a trans woman. Your preference is transphobic."
Useless, petty arguments, over something as simple as preference. Feeling offended over the simplest of ideas, opinions, statements. I wanted no part of it. It became embarrassing to call myself a member of the LGBT community.
Witnessing the festering madness within it, I removed myself. After all, it's not something that we chose to be, right? Why be proud of something you have no control over? That's like being proud to have naturally brown eyes, or proud to be named Elizabeth.
I get it, we should be proud because we've been "attacked and prejudiced" thoughout history, but that's it, really. That's probably the only reason I see a reason to be proud of it, tbh. But to each their own.
Edit: I'm seeing comment after comment saying that the people agreeing with me are TERFs and bigots. Where in the flying fuck did I ever say that I hated trans people? All I said was that no one- ANYONE, of ANY gender, sexuality, ANY identity should NOT feel pressured or obligated to be attracted to someone based on ridiculous standards that have festered within the LGBT community. I simply used gays and lesbians as an example, because I have seen these two sexualities attacked countless ti... keep reading on reddit ➡
I was reading out the details of a news story about a prison in DR Congo. The male prisoners broke in to the women’s side of the prison and subjected them to rape for 3 days before anyone even knew what was going on. My heart breaks for those women.
He just shrugged and said, “I can’t feel sorry for them. They’re in prison, they’re not good people so they deserved it”. I kept repeating that no one ever deserves to be raped but he stood his ground. I can’t be with someone who legitimately thinks like that so he’s upstairs currently packing his stuff and going back to his place. I want nothing to do with a man who thinks like that.
My mum and sister think I’m being dramatic and should give it until tomorrow morning to calm down but i feel duped. I thought he was an ally.
EDIT: thank you for all of the awards. This post was me venting after a shitty encounter with him. I didn’t intend (or want) it to blow up like this.
EDIT 2: to all of the men DM’ing me to ask me about my stance on male prisoners being raped: my opinion is the same. No one (male or female) deserves to be raped, and especially not in prison where they are already trapped and can’t escape. The prison sentence is the punishment. It’s not for anyone else to decide they need to be further punished with rape.
EDIT 3: for the other men asking me “but what about rapists? Do they deserve to be raped?” Jesus wept. Fucking no.
Anyone who does report their rapist is showing a lot of strength. Strength that I just do not have.
First, you have to explain to complete strangers what happened to you. Strangers who will question you, write down everything, and probe for details. Rape is sex related, and like anything sex related, it’s very hard to discuss things that feel so private with strangers.
Second, the rape kit. You have to go to the hospital and basically get violated again. Photos of your injuries, samples of fluids and hair from your body, etc. No thanks.
Third, if it goes to court, that’s point #1 all over again, but worse.
I’m lucky in that I actually moved beyond being raped pretty easily. It doesn’t haunt my dreams or really bother me much at all anymore. It was hard for one day: the day it happened.
If I had decided to report it and tell anyone though? It would probably still be bothering me to this day.
So for those of you that don't know, there is a luxury bath / shower shop called LUSH in much of America. A lot of what they sell is handmade organic items, such as bath bombs, face scrubs, shower gels, and beautiful soaps.
My husband has always been very secure in his gender identity. He likes to cook, sew, and doesn't fear expressing his more feminine side. I've always appreciated that, and it's the reason I felt comfortable introducing him to LUSH (and yes, I understand that something is simple as bath bombs shouldn't be gendered/considered girly... But in the South South it honestly kind of is).
I actually ended up getting my husband hooked on these products. It's now a weekly ritual that he gets his "lush bath". Bath bombs, bubble bars, bath oils, oil scrubs, face masks, hair oils, and all. I really enjoy pampering him like this once a week, and he enjoys it too. We'll even light candles and drink wine and talk while he's in the tub.
Well, a lot of LUSH's products need to be refrigerated. We've been keeping them in our kitchen refrigerator, but I thought it would be nice to have something in the bathroom. I decided to pick up a cosmetic fridge for him for Christmas.
I'll admit that part of the reason why I got it was as a gag gift, as I know his family would get a kick out of him getting a clearly labeled, pink and white cosmetic fridge. But the other half of my reasonings was because I think he would genuinely benefit from having one. So I bought it.
Well, come Christmas day he opens it in front of his family. At first he looks confused and asked if he accidentally opened one of my gifts. I politely reply no, and his brother burst out in laughter-- with the family following. At first I was kind of worried by my husband's reaction (he gave pause because of his initial confusion), but then he began to laugh too. I had to explain that this was for his LUSH products, not necessarily cosmetics. He then thanked me for the gift and set it aside.
And that was it. Nothing else was said about it. Everybody seemed understanding that a man could use a cosmetic fridge. And Christmas went off without a hitch.
I know it's something small, but I would like to think that this is helping break down gender norms. I was happy with everyone's reaction and the fact no gender jokes were brought up.
Well, that was my useless story. I guess moral the story is get your husband whatever he wants, regardless of what gender it was "meant" for. Merry belated Christmas, y'... keep reading on reddit ➡
Maybe this belongs in a different sub, but I found this out the hard way. I used to have such a dysfunctional work environment that the stress and anxiety would follow me home and (though I wouldnt call myself suicidal) I would fantasize death as a form of escape.
I thought I was alone, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to support my family if I changed jobs.
I eventually sought a different position - one that makes $1,000 less per month, but entails a better work environment/lifestyle and habits - and after some counseling, I can finally say I can enjoy my life again!
I’m happy. My wife is happy. That makes my kids happier. We can enjoy the time we have together.
I’d rather look for creative ways to make ends meet than sit at home worrying about work and wishing I was dead. And in the end, it’s the time we have together that matters.
Anyways, I just want to tell you from experience that if your work life is unhealthy, the leap of faith will ALWAYS be worth it! Pursue health fiercely. You will NEVER look back and wish you had the cash instead.
Edit: I realize that not everyone has the privilege of getting to make this choice - but if you’re out there and youre suffering from abuse or mental health issues from your place of work, this post is for you.
Back in 2011 I went to university, and for some reason made the decision to study Environmental Science. I still have no idea why I picked this, other than the fact I had decent grades in maths and geography, so it felt like a mix between my two best subjects.
Looking back, I didn’t really consider the job market, or what types of jobs it leads to, whatsoever. I didn’t even consider what exactly the modules of the course even involved, so it was always a case of making it up as I went along when choosing the structure and modules.
It was a fun degree, I made some good friends, and I got a good grade, but so far it has only really lead to getting some fairly low-skill, generic office jobs that any new graduate could realistically do. For example now I am working for a local council in a kind of admin/data role.
There were so many other choices that would’ve been better with my A levels. Pharmacy, civil engineering, computer science, for example (in that order of preference).
Just wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts?
I miss being my own person. I miss sleeping in. I miss being impulsive. I miss focusing on my career. I miss traveling.
My daughter is 1.5 years old. She's a great kid. Ahead on all her milestones. Good temperament (for a toddler). And she's adorable.
I feel like I'm a pretty good parent. I spend tons of time with her, she eats well, she is constantly being challenged through new games and toys, and I try to never show any negative emotions around her (aside from scolding).
But if I had a do-over I would definitely change my mind about wanting to have kids. The responsibility is too much, I'm too selfish, and I am not naturally a nurturing type of person.
It feels good to write this out since it's too taboo to discuss with people without them potentially becoming concerned for my daughters well being.
Happy holidays reddit. Thanks for listening.
I posted a while back about a friend who openly regrets having her kids, and talks about it with them. No one asked for an update, but here it is anyway
My original post is here
She posted on Facebook today that she is divorcing her husband and when asked about her children in the comments she just said “I’m not keeping the kids.”
Afterwards she was recommended foster parents to help adopt them out. This is a mess. 3 kids that didn’t need to be born are now going into the clisterf**k that is the foster system because she just doesn’t want them any more. She’s blaming the desire for the children on her deadbeat husband but told me blatantly that she was having mania during her pregnancies and backed out on terminating like she’d planned. I just can’t bring myself to understand how someone can take on the responsibility of not one, but THREE children and then just... give it up? This could have been totally prevented if she just didn’t have them.
EDIT: woah this blew up, I went to sleep and woke up and it’s a lot. I’m going to answer some questions that have been cropping up:
As for the father, I can’t really speak to wether or not he wants the children for himself but as of right now he’s in jail. He went to jail for another duii, as I understand he’s had several. Otherwise he’s on disability and can’t hold a job. The reason I didn’t mention him much in my post is because I don’t really know his perspective, as I’ve probably shared about 5 words with him ever. That being said, I wholly agree that he has equal responsibility in caring for the children, but sadly he is no more interested that she is based on what she says. The intention of the post was not necessarily to shame her, or even him but more so to draw attention to the mess that comes from people irresponsibly breeding and then not following through with parenting once the sparkle wears off.
Secondly, I loosely call her a friend, she sewed my wedding dress for me and we spent some time together as a result, but more of an acquaintance.
Third, I’m not quite sure how old the boys are but I’m going to guess about 8, 4 and 2
Fourth, her mental illness is real. She was diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar, depression, PTSD as far as I know. She is on medication for it, but ultimately that cocktail of mental illness seriously contributed to her mania which she had during her pregnancies. She knows that... keep reading on reddit ➡
I found Nio when it was $3.5 and I knew with near 100% certainty it will fly
I was a cam girl before Onlyfans was a thing (a few years ago). I made decent money during my gap year off of it. It was fun, I got to be cute and sexy and laugh on camera for money! But I have a vanilla job and I'm in a STEM grad program at a T25. I am constantly worried about when someone will blackmail me or ruin everything I've worked so hard for with one screenshot. I can't make a Youtube. I can never be on TV. I'm nervous when I get a lot of likes on Instagram, fearful that the wrong person might recognize me.
But... if I ever get exposed, I hope it happens when I can spin it like Kim K. When I can show the world that women can be smart and sexy at their own discernment. I want to be famous for having done whatever the fuck I wanted and doing it well.
Mine: I put off reading the highly recommended Piranesi by Susanna Clarke because I thought it would be too exhausting to read and was in the mood for fluffy reads for ages. I loved it in the end and have already recommended it to others!
Edit: I didn’t actually realise Piranesi was such a new book but I’d felt like I’d seen it recommended here for months. ‘Putting off’ can be applied to one week or 15+ years so my answer still stands :)