The quilt was one that my grandma made for my mom as a gift when she was pregnant with me. She wanted to start the family tradition of having it passed down from one generation to the next so when my ex wife and I had our daughter, that was her favorite blanket. She took it with her everywhere. We lost her too soon when she was barely two years old and life wasn’t the same. We weren’t the same. We both fell into a deep depression and the only way I coped with was by drinking. My ex decided she had enough of it 2 years after and filed for divorce. It took time after the divorce before to finally get help. The one who really pushed me into it was one of my best friends who is now my fiancée. We started our relationship a year after that and here we are 3 years later. Currently engaged and we’re expecting our first boy in August.
After all this time without contact my ex reached me about the quilt. Some of my family are still in contact with her and so I know through them that she had decided to have a baby on her own (via donor sperm). She has a 4 month old daughter and she’s asking for the quilt back. Because she wants her daughter to have something of her sister’s and she’s been wanting it for years since it was something our daughter treasured. And it’s not that my ex doesn’t have things that belonged to my daughter, but she knows how attached my daughter was to this.
The thing is my fiancée and I would like for our son to have it for the same reasons and the fact that it was something from my side of the family. My ex said it’s the least I can do after what happened between us then rebuilding my “perfect life with someone else” while she has no one and raising her child on her own. It’s been this constant back and forth. Now some of my family, mainly my sister and dad say I should just understand life has been hard on her so to just let her have this. Everyone else says it’s a family item and neither she or the baby are part of it anymore. So I’m sort of in the middle. I don’t want to give this up because it’s what I’d like my son to have. Does that make me an asshole given that I know life’s been hard for her?
Someone shared this on Instagram, there was this quilt on Ellen show one time and no one seems to be able to figure out what the J on it stands for... I thought if TOMT can't solve this then no one can, please help!
Photo of the quilt with the mystery "J" https://i.imgur.com/hE1S171.jpg
First, please let me express my appreciation to everyone on this sub. You are amazing people and really helped me manage to wrap my head around something I was loathe to do.
I even had the pillow planned and sketched out, but now I don’t even have to give it any more space in my head.
My coworker’s lawyer got involved. The whole “everyone has to give a gift thing” is against board policy. The lawyer took it to the supervisor of the best friend in HR. It’s taken care of now.
As far as the pillow is concerned, when I started playing around with my scraps last night, I found I really did like the way it was looking. It doesn’t match anything in my decor, but it does match my sister’s decor, so now I will be making and sending her the pillow as a surprise “I love you” gift.
I simply can’t thank you all enough for helping me turn a hated project into something I am excited and joyful to make.
You all have such wonderful suggestions, and most of all, you surrounded me with support and understanding, which, it turns out is what I really needed.
Every one of you is an amazing person, and I am truly indebted to you for your kindness and righteousness indignation on my behalf.
Thank you again.