“You’re a cripple and a fucking freak, so you should know desperation when you see it.”
I breathed in slowly, visualizing the personal attack, quantifying it, analyzing it, and deconstructing it, piece by piece, until it stopped hurting me.
“I died once, you know.”
I closed my eyes, but showed no further sign of exasperation. The bottle of eighteen-year-old Macallan sat just inside my desk drawer, inches away but far beyond reach.
“You feel that you died, Mr. Jundin. Tell me about that.” See, I was good about pretending to care. That’s exactly why I was so damn good at this job. Unfortunately, the caffeine buzz was wearing off, the vicodin hadn’t kicked in, and HIPAA guidelines force me to be very discreet when stealing sips of my drawer whisky.
It’s so fucking hypocritical for people to expect me to produce empathy without the chemical additives that make the human experience bearable.
“I don’t feel like I died, I did die. I just came back.” He sighed, rubbed his eyes, and stared at the floor. If it weren’t for his receding hairline, his burgeoning gut, a complete lack of style, off-white teeth, unkempt stubble, stained shirt, sloppy posture, more than a touch of misogyny, body odor that hinted at a lack of self-care, corresponding halitosis, and general pathetic nature, Mr. Jundin would be kind of cute. “Please, ‘Mark’ is fine – Dr. Barkara.”
“Okay,” I responded with a convincing smile.
He waited for me to offer a first-name relationship.
After five awkward seconds, he kept talking.
“They said you wouldn’t believe me.”
“About the dying?” I asked.
“Yes, about the dying.” He sighed. A tiny roll of fat slid over his belt.
I didn’t like judging my patients. Except for the pathetic ones.
“They told me that you were too cynical, and that it’s easy for you to listen because you’re smart enough not to have any hope in our species,” he droned.
My nostrils flared. I hated being figured out, and I was good at lying my way away from it.
“Why do you want to talk about me, Mark?” I asked with icy calm. Seriously, the Macallan was right next to my hand.
He grunted. “You really don’t think people talk about your arm when you’re not looking?”
I showed no outward reaction. “People talk about my arm when I am looking, Mark,” I explained flatly.
I did not move the prosthetic from view.
“You see the brokenness in others because you can’t escape it in yourself. You’re good at it, which makes you successful enough to af... keep reading on reddit ➡
I had seen this psychologist 11 times over the course of about 8 months in 2019/2020. He was consistently late to every session (both in-person and virtual) but always prompt about ending the session on time which bugged me but, since it was just a matter of a few minutes, I tolerated it.
Our last session was a virtual one in September 2020. I logged in five minutes before the start time and waited. After I had been waiting for 17 minutes (at which point he was 12 minutes late) I got fed up and decided I was sick of his tardiness, so I closed the browser and no-showed. To be clear, I still paid for this session even though I did not attend it.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I've been really struggling and having a hard time finding another doctor, so I decided to give him another shot. I made an appointment (he has switched back to in-person sessions) and texted him the day before to confirm.
The next morning, I showed up but his office was locked and the lights were off. I called him, no answer. I texted, no response. Nothing. I instantly had a feeling like I had been ghosted, but constant feelings of abandonment are common with my condition so I tried to put that thought out of my mind. I tried to remind myself that he's a professional, that it makes no sense for a psychologist of all people would resort to that kind of petty tit-for-tat...and decided instead to assume he was dealing with a personal emergency and would get back to me when he could.
Fast forward again to yesterday. It had been 16 days since the scheduled appointment and I'd not heard anything from him until he called me and ~very kindly~ left a voicemail saying he would be happy to start fresh if I had learned to respect other people's time, and if that was the case then I was welcome to book another appointment with him.
I mean. I just. Wow.
On the one hand, he's got a point, I shouldn't have no-showed and I had even been planning to apologize and explain my reasoning during the session he no-showed for. On the other hand, it wasn't exactly a waste of his time - he was conducting virtual sessions from his home. It's not like he got up, got dressed, and drove to the office only to be stood up - as I had. And he was still paid for the session just the same as if I had shown up. Forgive me for saying it, but our no-shows were not the same.
So I declined the offer. I'm not interested in seeing a psychologist who engages in exactly the kind of retaliatory behavior that I'm... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’m a psychologist with a borderline diagnosis. In dsm and literature, personality disorders are described as we are like impulsive animals with no control. I would like to change that and focus on the good side of being borderline, there must be! Like, being able to feel more than others, more love, more joy, more happiness, of course also the bad things but we can learn from these feelings. What do you experience? What can be said about borderline that differs us from others and this is actually a good thing? I would like to gather these perspectives from you and add them to literature. Dsm would be a much better guide if it included positive things as well, for us to use this in our advantage, focus on our strong sides.
<edit: Wow. I am amazed at all of the insightful questions and comments that you all have shared. I have really enjoyed this AMA and answering questions about perfectionism and appreciate the feedback. As mentioned, I am going to try to answer many more questions over the next few days, but I wanted to provide some resources as I am wrapping up.
You can learn more about me at my website: https://morganlevyphd.com
Here are sites to help find a therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us https://openpathcollective.org https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com
I also try to occasionally post helpful information on my Facebook page and youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4ptBEDXdGfalaNEXWA-gMQ https://www.facebook.com/morganlevyphd/
Please feel free to reach out to me through my website if you have follow up questions about perfectionism or would like a free consultation.
Again, thank you all and take care - Morgan >
Original Post: I’m a psychologist currently providing online psychotherapy. I’ve been providing therapy for several years now and specialize in treating people with a history of perfectionism and anxiety. While I can’t provide therapy over reddit, I am happy to answer general questions about symptoms and treatment of perfectionism, anxiety, online therapy, and mental health/psychological issues in general.
Outside of the therapy room, I love young adult (YA) and sci-fi stories! Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Supernatural, The Magicians, etc.
My proof: https://www.facebook.com/morganlevyphd/photos/a.550859938966011/742249863160350/
Disclaimer: This post is for educational and informational purposes only and not therapy or a substitute for therapy. If you're experiencing thoughts or impulses that put you or anyone else in danger, please contact the National Suicide Help Line at 1-800-273-8255 or go to your local emergency room.
Edit 11:12AM EST: I'm loving all of these questions! I am going to try my hardest to answer as many as I can throughout the day. Keep them coming! :)
Edit 1:13PM EST: Wow, thank you all for the questions! I am going to take periodic breaks and answer as many as I can.
Edit 5:45PM EST: I am still here! I am taking my time and trying to answer as many as I can. I will edit the post when I am no longer answering. I'm hoping to answer as many questions as I can over the next few days. I appreciate all of you sharing and being vulnerable. I am reading every single post. Please keep in mind... keep reading on reddit ➡
Dr. Joy Harden Bradford is a Licensed Psychologist and the host of the wildly popular and award-winning mental health podcast, Therapy for Black Girls. Her work focuses on making mental health topics more relevant and accessible for Black women and she delights in using pop culture to illustrate psychological concepts.
Named by Glamour Magazine as a Game Changer for her work in the mental health field, she received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Xavier University of Louisiana, her Master’s degree in Vocational Rehabilitation Counseling from Arkansas State, and her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Georgia.
I couldn't process what happened because the falling out was so abrupt and my ex's answers to all my questions were either "I don't know" or "It's messy."
I kept asking asking myself how someone who showed me so much attention and affection two weeks ago could suddenly tell me he never had feelings for me and stop doing all the sweet and caring things they used to do every day for me.
I kept asking myself why he didn't see a future with me when we were happy and he even told me that on our last trip together he realized that he was happier with me there than when he went abroad with his ex fiancee.
I kept asking myself why, if my friends tell me I settled for a 6 when I'm an 8, I'm still not enough to make that 6 happy.
I kept asking myself what I did wrong or what I could've done better because I just want him back so badly.
My psychologist told me to stop asking questions, because they only lead to more questions, and even if I knew the answers, it won't do anything to ease the pain. He told me to try to find closure in myself despite the unanswered questions so I can start to move on.
I still cry every day and I still feel the physical pain of not only his loss but the loss of everything he meant to me - comfort, security, a future. But I've stopped asking questions that I will never know the answers to.
Instead, I'm trying to find my peace.
I am a man who's been in therapy for almost a year now. It's helped me tremendously. However finding my therapist was near impossible. I think many men (including myself) find it challenging to open up to a female counselor, and roughly 80-90% of the therapists on my health insurance plan are female. This really limited my options and I eventually decided to pay out-of-pocket.
A phrase I'm hearing often lately in our social zeitgeist is "toxic masculinity"- but I think it'd be more accurate to say this "toxicity" is just negative patterns of thought/emotion and unhealthy coping skills. And those behaviors are certainly NOT exclusive to men. However, access to professional help to manage those thoughts/behaviors seems to drastically favor women.
As an analogy, let's think about gender disparities in STEM. As a society, our de facto solution is to offer financial incentives like grants and scholarships to female students and encourage their involvement. The idea here is that lowering the barrier to entry for an underrepresented group facilitates more balance in the long run. I think we need to use this exact same strategy to encourage male students to pursue careers as mental health practitioners. I think it could really help address a shortcoming in our system and better society on the whole.
Reading this made my heart warm today :)
>Consider the case of the pandemic. The prevailing narrative, especially among academics like me, is that lockdowns are both required and effective. So, if I am not fervently supporting lockdowns, then I am assumed to be opposed to any form of restrictions. This has been the reaction from across the academy when I have variously suggested: that the stay at home messaging was so effective that it might have resulted in more life years being lost from missed cancer treatments; that middle-aged decision-makers might have been unduly influenced by their own fear of dying; that the life experiences of younger people have been seen as a luxury good whilst we focus on the life expectancies of older people; and that it unethical to scare people into believing that their own risks from the virus are higher than they really are.
>At no point have I ever endorsed a no-restrictions policy. At no point have other “lockdown sceptics” more prominent than me ever suggested that we simply let the virus rip. When Sunetra Gupta and colleagues argued for the focussed protection of older people (which is a long way from doing nothing), they were rounded on by many in the academy, and subjected to considerable personal abuse. Given all the uncertainties surrounding COVID, none of us can know with any degree of confidence what the right approach to the virus is, and I remain deeply sceptical of anyone who is so confident that strict lockdowns are best for social welfare in the UK.
Does anyone else have to fast forward through Christine’s monologues? Whether they’re confessionals or actual scenes. I think they’re the only parts of the show that make me dislike Christine at all.
I can’t do her pseudo-psychologist voice. It’s a mix of posh Utah accent and some bastardized British thing. Her whole demeanor gets really condescending.
I'm finishing my Master's degree in June, and just a couple of days ago landed my first job, starting August. It's in my favourite field (neuropsychology!) and while I have to move a few hours away, it's to a cute little town by the sea. I'm so happy, so incredibly relieved and really looking forward to the future!
I think all of us can agree that the mental game is an underrated aspect of football. And I also think that a lot of us can agree that some if not most of our players seem to have some mental roadblocks when it comes down to decisive games (CL and League cup finals, whenever we have a chance to go x amount of points clear in the league and fuck ourselves over etc).
This makes me wonder why we don't seem to have a sports psychologist involved with the team. Who can work with the players on the mental aspect and help them work through their roadblocks or "problems" both before and after games.
I cannot find any info on us employing one so I assume that we don't have one. If we do then I have to question what they are doing with their time.
Some of our losses are on the manager, recruitment has not been great recently. But on the pitch a lot of responsibility does land on the players. And I think that working on their mental game would allow them to shoulder that responsibility better.
I think that employing a sports psychologist would help us get the most out of the players on hand as well.
I hope this is ok to post but I just can’t comprehend how people can be so fxcked up like Josh. I’m genuinely curious how someone ends up like this and why pedophiles exist? It’s at such an extreme end of society my mind just can’t grasp it.
I’m scared to put my story out there but I’ve been lurking on this sub for awhile and everyone seems so supportive.
I was raped by my biological father from the age of 4 until I was 9. He tormented me physically, emotionally and psychologically until I was well into my 30’s.
I’m sorry. This is all I can handle disclosing. It’s not much I know but it’s a big step for me.
Much love to all survivors. We’re not victims anymore. ❤️ 💪🏻
Edit: My biological father committed suicide 3 weeks ago. I feel guilty for not missing him.
I procced to explain. Sorry for my mistakes, English is not my first language.
You see, I live in a rural area where I have buses every hour and a half, and she started rescheduling my shifts an hour or two ahead of schedule. If my shift was at 10 o'clock, he would let me know at 8:30, sometimes I had to go home when I arrived because I had already taken the bus, having to wait two hours for the next one (with the expense of money that means, of course).
Other times the sessions that had to last 40 minutes I felt that I was doing them in a hurry, so one day I controlled the time and realized that sometimes the sessions lasted 25 minutes and he charged me as if he had given me the whole session. .
And to top it all, I started to feel like he wasn't listening to me. I began to have to explain situations that we had already discussed entire sessions from scratch over and over again. He also handled one of my traumas in a very WTF way wondering if when it happened I enjoyed it, which offended me because damn, if it's trauma to me, how the heck am I supposed to have enjoyed it?
The last time I went he charged me more money, and well, I understand that he raised his rate, but what I do not understand is that he did not tell me that the price was going to go up.
The last thing that happened is that I had to cancel a shift due to an emergency and she wrote to tell me that that same day she would give me a shift for the next week. Guess what? The turn never came. She never wrote to me again since I've been with her for months.
I want to find another psychologist and stop going to her. I don't feel comfortable anymore. I don't even want to have to explain anything to him. It makes me sick because it was great when he wasn't doing this shit and I'm not going to explain to him why I stopped his sessions even though my mom tells me I should.
There is a lot of misinformation regarding Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF), particularly among school psychologists, so I was hoping this post could clear a few things up.
What is it?
PSLF provides full and complete student loan forgiveness for individuals who meet the following criteria:
How do I know if I would qualify?
There was an annual Employment Certification Form, but in an effort to uncomplicate PSLF, it’s all in one form now: PUBLIC SERVICE LOAN FORGIVENESS (PSLF) AND; TEMPORARY EXPANDED PSLF (TEPSLF) CERTIFICATION APPLICATION. It’s not mandatory you fill it out each year, but it’s a good idea.
After you submit the form, you will receive a letter (it can take a couple months) indicating whether your employer counts and how many qualifying payments you’ve made towards the 120 needed for forgiveness.
A few notes for school psychologists
Why did it fail for 98% of applicants a couple years ago?
PSLF became a thing in 2007 under the Bush administration meaning the... keep reading on reddit ➡
I'm a psychologist, and I just had a strange walk-in client last night.
I was working late, as usual. Most of my clients have to work during office hours, so I offer evening to night time appointments to fit their schedules.
I had a long day yesterday, seeing different clients from 9am to 9pm at night. I don’t usually schedule in these many clients in a day. In fact, I usually try to keep my caseload down to 3 to 4 clients a day.
However, due to a congregation of many different factors, such as emergency session requests, a few walk-in clients who really needed immediate support, I had a packed day.
At 9.30pm, I was still writing up my clinical notes for the day. Suddenly, my clinic door swung open, the electronic doorbell startling me from my concentration.
I opened my office door and automatically called out, “Hi there, so sorry but we’re closed for…” I couldn’t help but trail off, when I caught sight of the man’s stare. I felt like his eyes were burning right through me. It was almost as if he had emitted this energy from his eyes that made direct contact with my nervous system, and I felt an electric tingle run through my body.
“I need to speak with you.” He said matter-of-factly, in a quiet but commanding tone.
“We’re…we’re closed. Our operating hours are until 9pm only. You can make an appointment by calling our clinic tomorrow when –“
He cut me off with another deep stare. It was really odd. I had this sensation of not wanting to disappoint him, and every word I said had to be forced from my mouth. The words rejecting his request felt forced and invalid, though logically, I knew they were actual facts.
He simply walked by me and into my office, leaving me open-mouthed at the doorway. As he made himself comfortable, my body somehow turned and closed the door behind me. I walked towards my seat and settled in, as if programmed to do so. Before I knew it, I was repeating the familiar words, “Thank you for coming here today. I’m Chloe (this is a fake name, I don’t want to be identified, and I’m sure you’d understand by the end of this post). May I know how you’d like to be addressed?”
He paused for a long moment, and I found myself captivated by his presence, waiting for his words with bated breath.
“You can call me…” He paused again, clearly deciding upon a made-up name. “Marco.” He finally said.
“Nice to meet you, Marco. What brings you here today?”
“I will get straight to the point. I have done things in certain ways for as lo... keep reading on reddit ➡
I will be entering a master's program in counselling psychology this fall and am interested in reading some books about psychotherapy (interested in CBT, trauma, practice, etc.) Any book recommendations would be much appreciated! Also interested in knowing if anyone has a specific book they found particularly valuable before starting graduate studies. Thanks!
A while ago, I made this post
The report was met with a lot of pushback from my doctor and my dad (a psychologist).
I ended up booking a consult with the psychologist who diagnosed me, and the NVLD was actually rescinded.
Now my dad and I have serious reservations about that psychologist, but without getting into that he removed the NVLD wording and diagnosis from the report. He explained that, from all my test results, the diagnosis came from that fact that my verbal abilities far outpaced my abilities in other areas. However, he mentioned that I was in actuality not deficient in any area, with most areas me being either average or somewhat above average (with the exception of some math related skills where I was slightly below average). The NVLD diagnosis came from the fact that, according to him
“the fact that your verbal abilities so greatly outpace some of your other abilities creates cognitive imbalance. But in actuality, you aren’t notably deficient in any category. Your writing clarity and some math related skills are at the lower end of average, but that’s it. NVLD is very broad and exists across a wide range of profiles, and in your case it’s just the discrepancy between language capabilities and some other capabilities. But you aren’t “disabled”, since that seems to be the point of contention”
He then went on to talk about how he’s dealt with people with similar profiles, but most were in actuality deficient in other aspects. But he had to categorize the difficulties that come with that sort of imbalance in some way, so he fit under NVLD. But that “you could be classified as someone who’s just got really strong language skills, and other skills which are relatively weaker compared to that but not deficient”
Anyway guys, all this to say, NVLD has no agreed upon diagnostic criteria. When I explained this to my dad he was quite unimpressed with the the psychologists performance, and justifiably so. There’s a difference between being disabled and have cognitive imbalance.