Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.
Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!
ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!
Roads: falling apart
Homeless: Fuck you we put up spikes on the bench you tried to sleep on get fucked loser
Water supply: poisoned
And on and on and on and on and on it goes.
But full blown riot gear to squash a citizen uprising??
OH HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER! We got that shit for days! stocked floor to ceiling! Unlimited funding, all the money you need in the world!
They just rolled that shit out! Its been sitting in wharehouses and store rooms just waiting for this moment. Its absolutely insane and no one on the cable or network news will bring this up.
And apparently it’s OUR fault the family is being ripped apart because of it.
I posted last week about my MIL who flipped out when she learned I had a medically necessary hysterectomy while giving birth to mine and DH’s only child 18 months ago. Then late last week, she tried to rug sweep in an attempt to get pictures of DD.
I know some people suggested we just ignore MIL, but DH and I wanted to say our peace and make sure MIL knew that she was no longer welcome in our home. At this point, she’s blocked on all of our social media, our emails are set to put her emails into a separate folder, and her numbers are set on Do not disturb on our phones, (god forbid we need proof of crazy later on.)
DH emailed her, I think it was too long, but it’s his side of the family, he’s the one who gets to choose how to deal with them. Then he texted her only “Go check your email.”
I won’t copy and paste the entire thing, but my favorite parts were:
“You’re not the one I parent with, so I’m not s... keep reading on reddit ➡
>I don't really dislike anybody in the league, but playing Reggie Miller drives me nuts. It's like chicken-fighting with a woman. His game is all this flopping-type thing. He weighs only 185 pounds, so you have to be careful, don't touch him, or it's a foul. On offense I use all my 215 pounds and just move him out. But he has his hands on you all the time, like a woman holding your waist. I just want to beat his hands off because it's illegal. It irritates me.
>Of course, our guy Dennis Rodman can be irritating. But he used to guard me when he was with Detroit, and I didn't let him get to me. I didn't get irritated by any of the Pistons, because that was their tactic, to get into your head. Dennis gets into Alonzo Mourning's head now. Alonzo's weak in the mind. He has to know how to be tough and overlook those types of things. Alonzo's an intimidator, but sometimes the intimidator can be intimidated. The bully can be bullied.
Source: https://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/29050123... keep reading on reddit ➡
Portland police have been shooting tear gas and rubber bullets into peaceful protests for the decade that I’ve been paying attention, especially the past four years. Taking a knee a few hours before tear gassing a majority peaceful demonstration is a pr stunt. It isn’t cute or meaningful, it’s camera candy for the media. “But there’s a curfew”. If you think that police imposing physical harm on citizens is an appropriate response to being out past their bedtime, shut the fuck up. Police are in place to arrest people so that they can be tried for their crimes. They aren’t there to live out some judge dredd fantasy about being the judge jury and executioner. Beating people in New York is a crime. Shooting tear gas through people’s front doors for no real reason in Minneapolis is a crime. Taking a knee before engaging in crimes doesn’t make them not crimes.
I know this sub has been full of this style rant for a minute and I’m not the most articulate dude, but I can’t say this elsewhere... keep reading on reddit ➡
Hey fapstronauts let s make this challenge. Let s no nut the whole month of June to start becoming a better man! Let me know if you accept this challenge!
Also, quote Fury Road non-stop.
Kids fail at something: "MEDIOCRE"
I'm about to try something stupid that will hurt me: " I AM AWAITED IN VALHALLA!"
aaaand so on....
I have so many I can think of. But I’d love to see footage of Kratos and Atreus fighting an intense epic battle in God of War 2, running on PS5 with ray tracing and some insane graphics. Even if it’s just a tease and ends up being a Holiday 2021 or 2022 release.
Edit- Here's a link to my last fuck up if you feel like killing your brain cells: https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/g8ku2x/i_fucked_up_by_using_acne_medicine_instead_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x
You all enjoyed my last fuck up, so I guess I’m writing you another one. My existence is basically a fucking meme, so I have a lot of these stories.
Our tale begins in an average New York high school, several months ago (before quarantine). First period has yet to start. I had only woken up half an hour ago, and needless to say I had a ginormous log of morning wood. I figured the only way to give it a proper sendoff was to go wack the willy in the school bathroom.
“Do I have time?” I ask myself. I check my watch.
7:30, first period begins in 8 minutes.
“Yeah, I got time.” I smile, and begin the trek towards **d... keep reading on reddit ➡
Puppey's been around the top of this game for a ridiculous amount of time and played alongside so many stars it just blows my mind. To still be innovating and putting together teams and drafts of this caliber, applying creativity in the most serious way we've witnessed in the scene...baffles me.
edit: run-on sentence, its still pretty bad.
I’m not sure if this is the correct place to put this, but I woke up this morning and wanted to listen to some classical music. I’ve dabbled in classical music but I’m no seasoned listener, so I decided to listen to Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5, which I’d never listened to before. (it’s so good.)
To say the least, I can feel my mood swelling, almost to the point of bringing me to tears. I’ve always been depressed but I can literally almost feel the dopamine firing in my brain. Is this a normal thing? I’ve never experienced this before in my life. I feel almost euphoric, elated, it’s a hard feeling to describe, but I just feel so full and energetic. It’s really bizarre and incredible and I’m not quite sure what’s going on or if it’s the music at all. What’s up?
By "gun nut" I mean the people with 10+ firearms whose closets resemble small armories. For a long time I never really got having more guns than you could easily take to a single range day.
I've always been pro-2A, and in fact I used to shoot a lot growing up. But my time and money priorities drifted and I stopped shooting for a long time. I only had a .22 Buckmark anyway, so any range day would just be a one note affair.
But a couple of years ago my grandfather passed and I inherited a couple of long guns and that started to rekindle my interest. Last year I made my first actual purchase thanks to the Siren song for the wallet that is r/gundeals: an LEO trade-in S&W 10-6 (I had been entertaining the idea of a .38 and for $300 I figured why the fuck not). I took it to the range and remembered how much I liked doing that. Covid kind of derailed my plans to go out more but I made my second purchase ever with my stimulus check. This time a gun I had wanted for many years, a... keep reading on reddit ➡
r/OuchMyBalls and r/whowouldwin crossover.
Superman isn't resisting or escaping, so questions of whether a character is fast enough to kick him or suchlike doesn't matter. It's a free shot. Likewise, he won't take vengeance, so any considerations in that regard don't matter. (Why is Superman just standing here and letting people kick him in the nuts, you ask? Look, dude saves the multiverse, like, once a month. I feel he's earned the right to do whatever weird bullshit he likes.)
To be clear, the title isn't entirely literal: he has to actually feel pain, not just notice the kick. It does need to be an actual, physical kick, though. Force blasts and telekinesis and so forth are not allowed, although you can use them to empower your kick if you want. Only one kick per contestant.
How wins in this Quarentine Madness Inspired battle?
I hear awful music, people having conversations, etc. I guess I'm the only nutjob who talks to himself the whole time I'm driving. I'm in the process of buying a cam and think I should probably mute the audio!
As nuts are a staple of my diet, I buy a lot of them, but they can be pricey. I recently found that at least the more common variants are sold at a fraction of the price as baking ingredients. For example, a package of 100g-200g of whole hazel nuts can cost between 2 € and up to 3-4€ depending on the brand. At the same time, roasted and shredded hazel nuts cost 0.59€ per 100g in the baker's section. Coconut shavings are also really cheap there, as well as thinly sliced almonds. All of them make a great addition to cereals, fruit bowls, salads or can be used to cover banana slices for a cheap and healthy snack.
Due to them being usually chopped or sliced, you might not be able to use them for everything, but if you can substitute at least part of your usual staples that way, you will save a bit.
Raisins are also two to three times cheaper in the baker's aisle compared to the dried fruit section.
(This applies to a typical German supermarket, so your MMV, but it surely couldn't hurt... keep reading on reddit ➡
I think I’m going to save a ton of money on a vasectomy at this rate. I have two year old twin girls and they’ve grown to optimal potato mashing height.
Thankfully they don’t do it on purpose (yet) but I feel like I’ve spent the past month in near constant pain and the only I’ve been able to speak is that guttural gasp that comes as every bit of your soul is forced out of every orifice and your vision turns to static.
Every single action seems tailor made to inflict as much damage as possible. Every interaction an opportunity to bring daddy to their level.
“Daddy pick me up!” But first I’m going to use your man purse as a speed bag to get your attention.
“Give daddy a hug!” But first make sure you head butt him like you’re trying to score the championship goal from across the pitch.
“Climb up on the couch with daddy.” His giblets can be used as an emergency hand hold for greater leverage.
I love my children but if I met a genie I’d ask for a time machine, a box of Trojans, and... keep reading on reddit ➡
We live in an area that has until now been generally compliant with social distancing, granted there's always a handful of plebs.
The last few days however, social distancing seems to have gone out the window. There's tonnes of people from different households mixing and hanging out as normal and people en masse acting the bollix.
My partner and myself are young enough but in a slightly higher risk category (pre existing medical issues), we abide by the rules and the recent change in a lot of people's attitude is genuinely fucking infuriating.
Some people must interpret 'staggered lifting of restrictions' as 'let's go back to normal now'.
I'm going to call it, the numbers will likely spike over the coming weeks and it's going to drag on longer and longer because people can't have a little foresight and self control when there's a bit of sunshine.
The situation isn't easy on anyone and fair play to everyone that is doing their bit.
My left nut is prosthetic so I don't mind if... keep reading on reddit ➡