My (32F) brother (43M), his wife (40?F), and their two kids (9F and 15M) have been staying with me for a little over two weeks now because they lost their jobs due to coronavirus and were evicted. Four people is obviously a large addition, but I didn't want them to be homeless and they assured me it'd be a temporary stay.
Two days ago, my nephew set my bathroom on fire for a tiktok. From what he told me after, there's some kind of trend where you draw a shape on your mirror with hairspray and then you light it on fire, and it's supposed to go out on it's own without any damage. Well, his fire spread onto a nearby stack of towels and got out of control. We all had to evacuate, but luckily I live relatively close to a firestation so the damage wasn't that bad. My guest bathroom is scorched and will need repairs, but the rest of my home is okay.
I think that my brother and SIL had to have been wildly negligible to allow this to happen, especially considering the lighter he used was my brother's, meaning he must have taken it from him at some point. I'm asking them to leave within the next week because I don't want to risk something of this nature happening again. They've apologized and asked me to reconsider because it was an accident, no one was hurt in the end, they'd be homeless if I kicked them out now, and to think of my niece who did nothing. I'm not going to charge them for the repairs because they flat out can't afford it, but I no longer feel safe living with them.
I’m 29 and 2 years ago I lost my twin brother, Roy after he suffered a head injury. My brother left behind 2 boys (my nephews). Brandon who was 9 at the time and my youngest nephew Chase who was only 4.
My mom helped out a lot after Roy passed and I unfortunately wasn’t able to be around the first year because I was working out of the country. When I got back I got more involved with the boys and helped my SIL out when I could. Picking them up from school and watching them for a few hours after, taking them out sometimes on the weekend. You know being the fun uncle.
There have been a few times recently where my SIL would accidentally call me Roy and it made her emotional. Now it’s like she avoids me if we’re alone and is very short with me.
Since quarantine, my SIL leaves the kids at my mom’s house during the day while she works and I always stop by for a few hours. Last time I was there, I played with Brandon on his PS4.
When SIL got there and saw us, she asked if we could speak in private; where she told me my presence has made things harder on her because all she can see is Roy. It confuses her and makes her uncomfortable.
Me playing with my nephews and being involved doesn’t make it any better and she asked me to stop spending time at my mom’s house for a while, or be around them at their place.
That hurt if I’m being honest. I told her if she doesn’t want me at her house, then that’s fine. But she can’t demand I not come over to my mom’s just because my nephews are there and there’s a chance she’ll see me.
This made her upset and they left shortly after. I told my mom about this and she said I have to understand SIL’s still grieving so seeing me doesn’t make it any easier because me and Roy are identical.
I just don’t think it’s fair to ask me to distance myself from them over this. Brandon texted me all weekend asking why I hadn’t come over because we usually play basketball Saturday mornings.
Today I did come over to my moms and the second SIL came to pick them up she got really cold with me. She got angry when Brandon asked if I could come over this weekend and told him no.
Brandon was mad about it when they left. Afterwards, my mom said that maybe I should just follow her wishes and keep my distance from the boys. Which again, I don’t see how that’s fair to them or me.
It upset Brandon that I didn’t spend any time with them this weekend and it makes me sad that I can’t see the boys because I look like my brother. I understand grief... keep reading on reddit ➡
My husband’s brother (my BIL) and his two kids (13/m and 8/m) were staying with us for christmas. They’ve had a rough year because his wife died in March. The kids are a handful because of it, but I’ve been trying to be gracious. Yesterday was my last straw, and I need a gut check for if I overreacted.
I got home from work yesterday and discovered the ground floor toilet is cracked and leaking water. It’s a mess and after shutting off the water, I ran upstairs to get extra towels and discover the upstairs toilet is cracked and leaking too. At this point I’m pissed. I go to the basement and, yup, the basement toilet is even worse.
I ran into the kids on my way up with extra towels and asked wtf they did to the toilets. The oldest said “maybe it was the boiling water bandits.” I said that makes no sense and we get into an argument. BIL came along to ask what was wrong. He was taking a nap. The kids start saying the boiling water bandits did it. As we’re arguing, it comes out the kids were trying to do a prank because of home alone. They dumped boiling water in all the toilets and tried to blame it on burglars who go around breaking toilets.
At this point I’m saying that’s ridiculous and they’re old enough to know the difference between a stupid movie and real life. BIL gets upset at this because the kids have imprinted on home alone because it’s about a mother and her kid being reunited at Christmas. At this point, both kids start crying about missing their mom.
I told them they need to leave because I need to fix my house. BIL says “you’re throwing us out?” I explain there’s no functioning toilets in the house and if anything they threw me out of my own home because I’m going to have to stay in a hotel.
Husband is not speaking with me because the kids’ feelings are upset. He’s staying with BIL and I’m at a hotel alone while trying to find a plumber who can fix all of this. AITA
I found a dog (Dave) that had been abandoned at a dog park. I waited with him until it was dark and then took him home with the intention of trying to find an owner or a rescue that would take him. He had no collar and when I took him to my vet the next day, we couldn’t find a microchip. He was clearly someone’s pet at some point—he’s neutered, housebroken and very friendly.
Re-homing him never really panned out, no owner ever turned up despite searching and posting on lost pet pages, and I wasn’t willing to take him to a kill shelter. My husband was annoyed at first, but it’s been almost two years now. My other dog has bonded with him, I’ve fallen in love with him, and even my husband has grudgingly accepted him. As far as I’m concerned, Dave’s part of our family.
My brother-in-law and his family relocated to our city and moved in with us while they were closing on a house. My 8-yo nephew has autism and it’s caused him some struggles. His parents had talked about trying to find him a pet but I guess they never found a good fit, at least until they met Dave. He really bonded with Dave, to the point where he sneaks out of bed at night to sleep in Dave’s dog bed with him. Dave is all he talks about and he gets upset whenever we leave the house and don’t take the dogs with us.
I guess my SIL talked to my husband about keeping Dave when they move out and my husband told her he’d have to talk to me but I guess there was a strong insinuation that it would okay. I only found out about this proposal when my BIL approached me and thanked me for letting them keep Dave before my husband ever even mentioned it to me.
My husband and I had a fight and when the dust settled, it’s the 3 of them against me. My husband feels that because Dave was living with us more by accident than design so we were really fostering him more than keeping him, and so it would be selfish to keep him when my nephew clearly loves him so much. He says we can go to the shelter and get another companion for our other dog, so that’s like a win-win—Dave gets a home and another dog gets out of the shelter for Christmas. And Dave would certainly be very loved and spoiled with my in-laws, and yet…after two years, he feels like my dog.
The thought of giving him away after all this time hurts and the idea that my in-laws are using my nephew’s autism as some kind of trump card to prove they’re entitled to have him really rubs me the wrong way. And I don’t see him as interchangeable, like I can just... keep reading on reddit ➡
***GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING***I posted "Husband decided he's raising his nephew, with or without me" a couple of months back and received a lot of good advice and support along with a lot of hate. Ultimately, I ended up leaving and haven't had much contact with my-soon-to-be-ex (ex) and have had no contact with his family.
This weekend, I got a call from my ex begging me to consider working things out. His nephew has been placed in a temporary foster home waiting for a treatment facility bed due to some deep issues, including watching illegal content involving "acts" with animals (which was apparently the last straw for my ex). Hopefully he can get the help he needs.
I'm most definitely staying single, I'm pretty happy and doing ok. Still mourning the end of my marriage and loss of my partner, but feeling strong. I'm so much happier without his family in my life and looking forward to my future.
Thanks to everyone who validated my reactions and feelings. I guess a lesson here is be careful what hill you choose to die on. Ex is alone and miserable, I am happy and free. Don't ditch a good partner to become a martyr.
UPDATE: just wanted to say thanks for all of the encouraging messages and well wishes. You are all very kind and supportive and it's meant more than you could ever know.
This has been causing a conflict with my entire family. And they think that I'm being selfish and unreasonable. Let me explain first.
I M39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. He was 15 years old. It was devastating and I just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. They didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. They didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. They didn't take care of other things while I had a lot to deal with I wasn't offered any help just words. They'd just talk but do nothing.
Despite the struggle. I've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever I could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. He was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college.
I started saving money To keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. He had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. They were friends for 5 years, and I can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. To be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family.
He never stopped visiting and asking how I'm doing after my son's death. He'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together.
Last week. While I was with my family my sister asked me what I was going to do with my son's college money. I didn't wanna mention this but since she asked I told her that I will be giving the money to my son's friend. She barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. My mom agreed that I wasn't thinking straight and that I should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and I was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else.
I didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that I was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. Thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son I don't even know why he'd be bothered. My sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college I told her this was my decision and I felt mor... keep reading on reddit ➡
This happened a couple of years ago, but still gets brought up at family gatherings. My family will make snarky comments, so I thought I’d come here for insight.
I live in a mountain home with my family and we have to use a private water supplier, as our house isn’t connected to any public water supply. We also have a pool.
My wife has a big family and we have about 15 nephews on her side. We invited all of them to go on a paintball trip, our treat. Then, we invited them all back to our house for a bbq cookout and pool time. It was just a day trip for most of them, but a couple of my nephews wound up spending the night since they live a little further away.
Between our nephews, my sons, and my siblings’ kids, there were about 20 kids in total.
We went to the paintball place and everyone had a blast. We played for about four hours before heading back and got home in the early afternoon.
It turns out that none of the kids wanted to go swimming and as soon as one of my sons went to shower, all of the other kids wanted to take one, too.
Honestly, I should have seen that coming, but it’s easy to gloss over the fact that everyone is going to be dirty and exhausted after a morning of paintball while you’re planning.
I told the kids that they couldn’t take showers because we had to conserve water for our family. Honestly, I could get more water if we had run out and I could afford it, but the paintball trip and food for the day was already pretty costly and I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day monitoring 20 kids’ showers.
If they each took 10-minute showers and spent 5 minutes drying off and dressing, it would take 5 hours for all the kids to shower. And even with our low-flow showerheads, 20 showers would use 400 gallons of water, assuming they were 10 minutes and not longer.
One of my sons suggested “military showers” as a compromise, where you get in, only turning the water on to rinse before and after soaping up. None of the kids wanted to do that. I tried to encourage the kids to go for a swim to freshen up, but they only wanted to lay around and complain about how dirty they felt.
I asked the kids who were spending the night if they could wait until everyone left before showering and they were okay with that. I thought it wouldn’t be fair to only allow the kids who were spending the night to shower while everyone was still there.
They were only at our house for maybe three hours after we returned to eat.
One of my sisters-in-law complaine... keep reading on reddit ➡
My sister and I have always had a strained relationship. I usually just let things go and try to keep the piece. We both have sons who are around the same age. My nephew is 13 and my son just turned 11. For my sons birthday I bought him the new gaming system he has been wanting. He was absolutely thrilled and he plays nonstop.
My sister is bad with money. I usually have to lend her money for bills and stuff for my nephew. I know my nephew doesn’t always get the best Christmas gifts so this year I went a little crazy and I purchased the same gaming system for him for Christmas. I already had it ready and wrapped under my tree.
Yesterday my sisters family came to visit. My son asked me if they could go play video games. I said yes and reminded them to be careful. About 30 minutes later my son comes running to me crying. I asked him what was wrong and he led me to the front hall. When we get to the stairs I see the new system smashed on the floor. Someone had thrown it from the upstairs and it was now smashed to pieces.
I asked my son what happened and he sobbed and pointed at his cousin. I asked my nephew if he did this and he started to laugh. He said that it was a “stupid baby toy” and that he saw people break them online.
My sister came in and I told her what happened. I explained that this was an expensive system and that her son needs to be disaplined for what he did. I told her I wanted her to pay for what her son broke.
She laughed and said no. She says I shouldn’t have let them play unsupervised. That it was my fault and that I am a bad parent. She said my son will get over it and that it was not important.
Seeing my son sitting on the ground next to his broken system trying to put the pieces back together tore my heart out. I walked over to the Christmas tree and grabbed the system that was meant for my nephew. I pulled the gift wrap off and it gave it to son and told him to go upstairs and set it up.
My sister asked me why I was making such a big deal when I had another one already. I than laughed and told her that was her sons Christmas gift. That since it wasn’t important and it was just a stupid baby toy than they obviously won’t miss it. I than told them to leave.
My nephew realized what happened and began to cry that my son had stole his system. I said no his was the one that he smashed. My sister was livid and told me that I will never see them again. I just said okay and slammed the door.
Other family members have now been callin... keep reading on reddit ➡
My dad and sister are estranged. My sister has two boys. Older nephew is 4 and younger nephew was born a few weeks ago. My dad was dropping off a couple of things for Christmas and saw a photo of nephews and asked for a copy of it. I told him I couldn't give him a copy if my sister wasn't okay with it. He told me she didn't have to know and he wanted a photo of his grandsons since he is likely never going to meet them. I told him I could ask my sister if she was okay with it but I wouldn't be okay doing it behind her back. He told me I was allowing my sister to be spiteful and it was just a photo, no harm no foul.
I stuck to my guns and now he's mad. He keeps adding pressure and telling me I am acting like she controls me. I said it's a photo of her kids, not mine, so of course I would want her to be okay with it.
Do you guys think he's right?
So I run a small business with one of my ex-classmates from college.
My family situation is a bit complex, but in short I have a much older half sibling.
This means that my nephew is actually closer to me in age. Given the family dynamic, we were never super close, but my nephew is a cool guy. If nothing else, has always been very professional.
So it came to be that through circumstance he came to work for me, dealing with the "business" side more, while I'm more into the creative part.
4 years ago, his girlfriend Lisa was graduating from college and he asked me if I could give her a job. I said I was not willing to offer that, but that I'd take her on for the summer at least (it's busy for us) and she can look for a job during.
Long story short, I really liked working with Lisa and I kept her.
Now about a year ago, my nephew and her broke up, and almost immediately started dating someone else. I could see he was not really happy working with his ex, but then corona happened. We obviously took a financial hit, and some people, including her, were on temporary unemployment (that's a thing in my country), but if we survive I'm planning to take my employees back.
My nephew became aware of this and asked if I couldn't use this as an opportunity to lay off Lisa entirely. I refused, and found it atypically unprofessional of him.
Lisa is a good employee with a good work ethic, and also works well with me. We "click" as people, which is important in a small business. I have trained her and letting her go now would be a bad move professionally, as well as a personal betrayal.
My nephew argues that as he would have to see her almost daily, this would impact his work. I quite frankly thinks he needs to suck it up and be professional, especially as he was the one to bring her in.
I was on a family vacation driving around the mountains and while in the van my little sister had her kid. The family is in celebration and apparently there was still a discussion on what the childs name would be. (Father not in the picture, long story). While they were discussing potentially unique names I kept overhearing they wanted it to begin with the letter Z (for whatever reason). by PURE COINCIDENCE I was in the van playing Pokemon Sword on my Nintendo switch in the back and I had JUST caught Zacian with a quick ball. (Truthfully this was my 2nd attempt at him and i just opened with it). I jokingly suggested, "Hey Zacian is a kool name. It means sword in Japanese." My mother and family loved it so its now official.
On the real, my older sis and GF are the only ones that know the truth, so now we are getting some pokemon related gifts for the baby for christmas to reveal the truth and make it a funny joke.
Edit: I will post a photo later if requested of the baby with their name.
Edit 2:, I should clarify. The baby was NOT had in the van. Most of my family was in a van together in a different state where we got the phone call/video chat about it.
Edit 3: Holy shit. Thank you all so much, especially for rhe awards. Ive never gotten any before. I've been mostly a lurker redditor for years. I never thought this incident would get so much attention. >3
Edit 4: I'm updating now that the holidays are done. I made a 2 part tiktok video that covers the reveal to my mom bout the baby name and including photos at the end of baby zacian with his name and a special Christmas gift.
TL;DR I proposed the name Zacian from Pokemon Sword for my nephew since they wanted a unique name with a Z and the family took it seriously. My nephew is officially named after a legendary pokemon.
So I 32M, am single and no kids, never really wanted any. But I have a nephew who is 6. My sister 28F wanted me to watch him for the first time because she just recently moved from 9 states away to around 6 miles. I took him out to get food, just got some takeout because indoor dining is still closed. I brought him to the park and we played some soccer together. We got ice cream and played some video games at my house before I dropped him off later on that night.
Fast forward to the next afternoon and my sister bombards me with calls and texts saying how I set a bad example on how he should be eating and how productive he should be during the day. She also yelled at me for keeping him inside a majority of the time when “you should know he has a slight vitamin D deficiency.” I told her off completely and told her to let a kid be a kid and not to micromanage every little thing he eats and does.
My mother caught wind of this and completely took my sister’s side saying I have no right to mess up a child’s “dietary schedule” like that, I’m not even sure what that means. I’m really thinking of just going no contact whatsoever and leaving them behind. AITA?
To preface, my mom acknowledges me (F21) and my little sister's (F13) stance on being childfree, but is still apprehensive on some things (i.e. abortion, sterilization) due to her beliefs.
Typically, when we're talking about pregnancy, birth, and babies (News Flash! It's always about the negative aspects of it), I end the conversation with, "Good thing I won't be [ doing any of that ]."
Well the other day, we got to the topic of babies again and she lamented to me for the 100th time how she was the only one changing diapers for all 4 of us and my dad only changed one diaper in his lifetime. I comment, "Good thing I won't be changing baby diapers in my future."
Well she surprised me this time with a retaliation. "You will when you have take care of your nieces and nephews."
She smirked at me like she finally got me. Yes, I HAVE to experience childcare once in my personal life if I'm not birthing them.
Well that smirked got wiped away quick when I replied, "I won't be taking care of them either."
"You won't?!?" She gasped, then sneered, SNEERED at me in disbelief like I told her that I'm racist.
Before she turned the conversation into a lecture, my little sis walked in, to which I ask, "Hey Sis, are you going to take care of our baby nieces and nephews?"
"Ew, no, babies are annoying and gross."
We preceded to high-five in agreement and my mom had to leave the room.
My nephew is seven and he has autism. He is still in diapers, although he doesn't need them.
He never wets himself out in public (he doesn't like the changing rooms) and he never messes himself anywhere besides home.
Not only is he using diapers when he can use the toilet, he will revenge pee on you. If you upset him, next time you change his diaper he will pee on you. Which is frankly disgusting.
She argues that transitioning him over to underwear would be too much stress, and it would be incredibly hard to find underwear that has the right texture.
I suggested moving him over to pull ups and potty training him in them, but she continued to say the texture wasn't right.
My parents think I should let her parent her son how she sees fit, which I agree with, but I also think she should help him cope in the world as much as possible.
I feel like she's stunting him. If he can be in underwear, using the toilet, why shouldn't he? I understand the texture thing, but theres hundreds of brands. I'm sure we could find something that would work.
She's getting increasingly pissed off and keeps telling me I should have my own children if I want to parent, (which hurts even moreso because I can't have children).
I don't think I'm in the wrong. I'm trying to help my nephew in the long run. Reddit, AITA?
Edit: I'm just here to add that I babysit my nephew eight hours a day five days a week, occasionally having him overnight. Cutting contact is not an option right now.
Back in 2000, I had the fortune of winning a lottery. It wasn't millions or anything, but I paid off my college loans, bought a house, and was able to be comfortable even through the recession in '08. When my niece was born three years later, I immediately loved her like my own, and decided she would have the same head start I did.
Now, my niece will be 18 next year, and I've saved enough for her college and for her to outright buy a decent sized house whenever she's ready. My living expenses have only been a few thousand a year, and my job pays very well, so I've saved most of my pay for this. This will hopefully allow for her to pay it forward to the next generation and always be comfortable.
The issue is my wife. We've been married 8 years, together 13. We've had multiple talks, and have agreed to keep our finances mostly separate, mainly because she had a financially abusive relationship before we got together. We have a shared bank account for our few expenses, vacations, and buying gifts for loved ones. Otherwise, savings, retirements, everything is separate, to the point where she didn't even want me to add her name to the house. Neither of us wanted kids, so that's not an issue. I'm happy with my niece, and my wife is happy with her 3 nephews.
However, one nephew is the same age as my niece, and is freaking out about what he's going to do since he didn't get a scholarship he was hoping for since he's graduating after next semester. My wife and I were discussing it, and I asked if she had saved up anything. She was surprised by this idea, and asked what I meant. I told her what I had saved for my niece, and now she's demanding I split it. There would still be enough for her to go to the college she wants, just not buy a house.
I'm not happy with this. My wife has also had very low living expenses, and hasn't saved anything for her side of the family. I'm happy to give the kid gifts, but I want my niece to never be scared of debt or being homeless. Am I the asshole for refusing?
Edit: Quick edit to clarify some things. My wife moved in with me after 2 years of dating. Ever since then, the only expenses she's had to pay are half of utilities, half of groceries, and half of our fun money. Both of us contribute about 10-15k a year to the household depending on what our vacationing plans are, and the rest of the money is ours to do with as we want. I know she had some debt when we first got together, but she finished paying that off years ago.... keep reading on reddit ➡
My sister works 60+ hours a week as an essential worker. She was widowed a couple of years ago and had a sitter for awhile to look after her son, but in November that sitter quit. My sister and I discussed it and came to the agreement that I would care for him during the week. He lives with me, I take him to school, help him with homework, etc. I already have 2 kids around his age so he’s got someone his age to play with. The whole thing has allowed my sister to have a better relationship with him.
My nephew is now 10 years old. He’s always been a picky eater and I don’t entirely blame him. Both of his parents always worked insane hours, so he was with a sitter who basically just fed him junk food as she was pretty young and didn’t know how to cook. He’s a healthy, fit kid despite this because he plays several sports and is highly active. Even so, he has like 5 dinner meals he’ll eat: mac and cheese, grilled cheese with Campbell’s (has to be Campbell’s) tomato soup, chicken nuggets or hamburgers. I obviously cannot just feed my family this. Occasionally I will make one of these meals, but other nights I’m making grilled chicken, seafood, pasta, rice, etc. He refuses all of it and I don’t force him to eat, but have made it clear I’m not making two meals. Eventually, we reached a compromise. I won’t make two meals but he can make his own dinner. He knows how to use the microwave or can make a sandwich. It worked for a while, but he’s 10. There are some nights he refuses to make his own food and throws a tantrum because I won’t. I have this rule for my own kids, who occasionally do end up making PB&J for dinner.
I guess he complained to my sister this weekend that I’m “mean” and “refusing to cook food he likes”. Despite me making mac and cheese one night last week and having tomato soup as a side to something else another so he had plenty of that. My sister says that he’s a kid who lost his dad and has a mom who works all the time, would it kill me to just make his favorite meals. I explained if I made it for him, my kids would wonder why they can’t have it and I don’t want my kids eating junk every night. She got mad and then had groceries sent to my house today. It was stuff to make his favorite foods, so I “wouldn’t have an excuse”. Tonight, I made pasta primavera and told my nephew yet again, if he didn’t want it, he could make something from the bag.
Am I being an asshole?
EDIT: No, I'm not getting paid to watch him. Even if she offered, I woul... keep reading on reddit ➡
First I want to say thank you all for the support, upvotes, and awards. As a long time reddit lurker that doesn’t do a lot of post it really caught me off guard and I’m really greatful.
A lot of people asked for follow-ups, updates and such. My gf recorded my mothers reaction when we told her the story and the reddit post over the holidays. She took it well and we laughed about it. I made a 2 part tiktok video of her reaction and included some photos at the end of Baby Zacian with our xmas gift to him. (Sadly my gf stopped recording right when my mother cursed us out in a funny way)
Below are the links to the videos. Hope ya’ll enjoy.
TL;DR I proposed the name Zacian from Pokemon Sword for my nephew since they wanted a unique name with a Z and the family took it seriously. My nephew is officially named after a legendary pokemon.
I(32M) have a brother (30) and a sister (29), but my sister and I have always been child free, so my brother was the only one who had children in his plans. I love my siblings and we’re very close we hanged out a lot and had a great time. When my brother met his now wife (29), she would also hang out with us and she quickly became friends with me and my sister, so she knows that I really don’t like kids so when she and my brother had them, she never expected any babysitting from me.
Back in May my SIL had a terrible accident (of which I won’t give details) while she went to get groceries, since my brother is considered an essential worker, she was alone when the accident happened and the first to know was brother when the hospital called him to his job.
He was in terror and called me to inform the situation and asked for help to watch his kids (8F, 6M) as my sister was stuck in another state due to quarantine and our parent were vulnerable. I had never babysat his kids before but given the situation I obviously said yes and went to pick them up from their house (a neighbor usually watches the kids when SIL has to go out for short periods of time).
Long story short SIL ended up being in the hospital for 2 months and my nephews lived with me for those 2 months, and not to pat myself on the back but I could tell I had done a great job in helping them to deal with the accident, the change in environment, their schoolwork and keeping them informed about their mother’s health.
So yesterday while having a group call with my parents and siblings for Christmas since we’re not able to gather due to the pandemic, my brother asked me if I was willing to video call the nephews in the morning after they opened their gifts and I said I would probably be to hangover to do so, he laughed and said ok but that I better start behaving like an uncle now and be more involve with his kids, I also laughed and said that I couldn’t wait for things to go back to how they were. The mood got serious and I got scolded by everyone they said that I couldn’t just abandon them, but I disagree, I’m not abandoning them they have all the love in the world since they are the only grandchildren in both families and the reason I went all out wasn’t because I wanted to be an uncle to them, I just love my brother and wanted to help him.
Now everyone in my family and my gf is saying I’m an asshole as their just kids and will be hurt if I go back to how things were. The way I see it, I did ever... keep reading on reddit ➡
I (35M) own my house. The layout of the house is important. The basement is a mother-in-law’s suite - a medium bedroom, a living area and a small kitchenette along with its own full bathroom. It has its own entrance. The first floor is the kitchen, dining room, and a great room, powder room and a mud room connecting to the garage. The upstairs is the master bedroom with a master bath and massive walk in closet. There are 2 more bedrooms along with a bathroom and a laundry area. One of the bedrooms upstairs I have turned into my office. I am currently working from home full time.
In April my nephew Alec (M20) came home from college because of current events. Alec is the oldest of 6 kids and my sister (F37) has a bad habit of making him take care of his younger (M10, F8, M6, M6, F3) siblings. He reached out to me and I let him move into the mother-in-law suite it. He has been living with me since then and we have had no issues. He does not pay rent – nor do I want him to.
A couple of weeks ago my youngest sister (29F) came over. She and her husband are having financial problems since her husband lost his job. She has 2 children (6M, 4F). She asked if they could move in with me for a while. I told her that I didn’t think it would work because I only have 1 empty bedroom, and I don’t think that 4 people would fit very well. She said that she figured she and her family would move into the mother-in-law suite in the basement. I told her no – that was my nephew’s area. Well, she started throwing a fit about that – about how she needed room and he didn’t. I didn’t budge.
I knew what was coming next, so I spoke with Alec – telling him what his aunt asked and telling him it was his decision whether or not to give up his space. Sure enough she went to talk to him and he told her he didn’t want to move upstairs. She started ranting about what an entitled asshole he was and more. I should say that my youngest sister (let us call her Ann) has always been jealous of Alec. His mom was just 17 when she had him, so of course she was still living at home. Ann was the baby of the family – until he was born. She was jealous of him since the day he was born.
After she calmed down she said fine – they would take my bedroom (using the walk in closet as a bedroom for the kids). I said no to that, and also to giving up my office. Well, she started ranting about how I never help her and basically just yelling at me. I told her that I was not throwing Alec out of what we... keep reading on reddit ➡
So hear me out. I get that you need to change a kid's diaper. I get it's a normal thing for parents, but I've made it very clear. It grosses me out. I can't help it. Earlier today I caught them changing my nephew's diaper on my bed. It grossed me out. I mentioned it, and changed my sheets. I thought that would be the end of it.
So I caught them about 20 minutes ago trying to go in my room to change his diaper on my bed again. I told them before they could even set him down "hey please don't change him on my bed. I'd actually prefer if you didn't change him in my room. That grosses me out. I'm not okay with it." The look they gave me. They looked pissed. They even tried to ignore me and just brush me off. I guess I got louder, but basically again said "do not change him on my bed. It's gross." Well they got pissy and changed him on my floor, ignoring me.
Now the reason I think I'm the asshole is because, maybe I'm just overreacting? Like I said. I think its gross, and I just can't help it. I'm sure when they inevitably tell my parents I'm being "mean to my nephew" I'll be called an asshole until they leave. At this point I just feel grossed out about even being on my bed. So AITA?
Edit: I'll add that they have their own room. They do not use a mat to change him on. They don't even have a towel under him half the time. They are also just visiting. Also I might be a bit excessive in keeping things sanitary. Washing hands before and after handling pets, food, babies, ect. Dusting, vacuuming, and spraying, and wiping down stuff in my room with lysol and lysol wipes.
Update: I just talked to my mom. She's solved it quick. Told them to change him in the bathroom. My brother apologized. He explained they're used to changing him wherever (except places humans eat) since they live in a camper. I forgive them. I think they're just stressed. We all are fitting like 7 people in a small house, and recovering from holidays.
So I bought Christmas presents for my nephews (8+14) and gave them to my brother since I won't be seeing them for Christmas this year. They had tags on them that said "To xxx, love Aunt xxxx." Well, the 14 year old's birthday was 3 days ago, so he opened one of his birthday presents from his dad (my brother). Then the 8 year old got jealous, so he let him open one of his Christmas presents from me. Then I guess he just let them both open everything.
On his birthday, I asked my nephew what he got. He proceeded to tell me he got an RC helicopter, a card game, and a game for his Xbox. Two of which were what I gave him. So I was confused and asked if he opened the Christmas wrapped gifts. He said yeah he and his brother just opened them on his birthday. I said "Oh ok! Well I hope you liked what I got you, I'm not sure what teenagers are into nowadays!" And he said "Huh? Dad said he bought those."
I was confused so after the conversation, I texted my brother about it. He was upset I ended up telling my nephew and said "Money is tight this year, I wanted them to think I was able to give them a good Christmas and you ruined it. Thanks." and hung up.
I'm so mad and confused. Logically, I know the point is that they got presents. But like damn I'm still mad because now they think I didn't give them shit for Christmas either. AITA? Should I have talked to my brother first before telling my nephew they were from me?
I'm 55M retired after getting really lucky with investments. I'm not "rich" but me and my wife have more than enough to live comfortably for the rest of our lives.
My nephew 24M has been putting himself through an ordeal this year. Trying to hold onto his job while also proposing and planning a wedding to his lovely girlfriend while also planning to buy a house. After doing the math on his purchase, due to HOA rules he needed another 35k in cash to close the deal. As soon as I heard about this I offered to lend him $50k interest free as a wedding gift. I told him he can pay it back whenever he can. I know Reddit has a thing about not lending to family but he's a good kid and he's good for it. No question.
My nephew, his soon to be wife, and my brother have all called me to thank me for the gift. To be honest I'm happy to help out the new couple so it's not a big deal. My sister-in-law on the other hand was not so sanguine. She called me this morning to tell me the couple has an online wedding registry and I told her I already gave the couple my gift. She got very upset with me and told me that a loan is not a gift since I'll eventually get all the money back. I told her that it is a gift because:
The loan is interest free, whereas with a bank over 30 years they'd probably pay $25k in interest
My nephew doesn't need to spend the money; the HOA just insists be have it in cash. (Don't ask...) He intends to invest it, and should be able to grow it in the coming years. Eventually he can return the principle and keep all the gains
They couldn't buy the house without the money, so part of the gift is the ability to buy their dream house.
The couple is happy with their gift.
Even still my SIL took the opportunity to call me miserly and cheap and insisted I actually spend some money to buy the couple a gift. At first I thought she was wrong but then I thought maybe she has a point? In the sake of family peace I purchased a few things off the registry but AITA for initially only giving the loan?