Backstory: I (15 F) am a child of divorce and stuck in the middle of two feuding parents. My mom is Muslim while my dad converted from Christianity to Islam but now converted back to being Christian so you can imagine how challenging that was. I grew up in a fairly happy household until my dad cheated with my now step-mom and that's when everything went downhill. My parents went to court seeking divorce but not without nastiness from both sides. I got stuck in the middle over and over again by parents wanting me to testify. They finally divorced and my dad remarries to my stepmom and god it was horrible. She came with 3 boys who were all horrible to me.
Now on to the issue: I wear the hijab and in Islam, there is a list of who can and can't see my hair. On that list of who can't are my stepbrothers, this has lead to tension in the house. My stem mother who is Christian can't seem to understand and is making backhanded remarks about me wearing the hijab all the time. It's gone as far as threatening to kick me out or saying she'll convince my father to never see me again. She is taking this as a sign that I don't like them which is sort of true about not related to this in any way. My father is doing nothing to back me up and at this point, I'm really losing my mental health. This is not the first time she's tried to make me do something that's against my religion. She took my prayer mat away and coincidentally didn't tell me a dish she was making had pork in it. I'm so tired of the tension and constant remarks. I could just take my hijab off and save myself from so much misery but on one hand, I feel so guilty and on the other hand, I don't want to disappoint my father.
ETA: For those asking why I can't stay with my mom she is a medical aid worker currently deployed overseas in an active war zone. Pre-pandemic I would stay with my grandparents when she wasn't here but with covid, I don't want to risk it.
We have been friends for 5 years, and in the whole time she's known me I've never taken my hijab off around men from outside my family. I have taken it off in front of her before, but only because I was only around women, and she knew this was the case.
When we were trying on bridesmaid dresses, I offered to wear a different dress to the other bridesmaids or wear a covering over the dress so they didn't all have to conform to my needs regarding the modesty of the dress. We settled on all wearing a dress that I could wear, as the bride wanted us to match. I was happy that they accommodated me, and none of them seemed to mind wearing a more modest dress than they might have worn otherwise.
Yesterday I asked the bride if she wanted me to wear a scarf that matched the dress or of a different colour. She was startled and told me she was expecting me not to wear a hijab, because when she said she wanted us all to match she thought I understood she meant not just the dresses, but that I would not be wearing a hijab. She also said that she thought I would be ok with it since I took my hijab off while trying on dresses, which I only did because I was only around women and I was trying on some dresses that go over the head so I felt the hijab would have fallen off anyway.
I said that if I could not wear a hijab as a bridesmaid, I would not be able to be a bridesmaid. My friend is now frustrated as some of the other bridesmaids have made alterations to the dresses and cannot return them, and she would have wanted them to wear a different dress if it were not for my modesty needs. She's also annoyed that I have backed out as now there is an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
She says she tried her best to make a compromise with me, the modest dress but no hijab, and I should have explicitly said I would need to wear my hijab and not taken it off while trying on dresses. I think she should have explicitly asked if I would go without before committing to a compromise I didn't even know about.
Edit: I messaged the other bridesmaids explaining that I can't be a bridesmaid anymore as the bride doesn't want me wearing a hijab, and the responses are coming in very much anti-bride so far. I'm hoping the others disagreeing with her on this will snap her out of it. It seems like she's overall stressed and focusing in on this one thing too much and hopefully if she stops to think about it she'll register that it's not a big deal if I'm wearing a hijab.
Ed... keep reading on reddit ➡
So I've been uncovering little breadcrumbs that my girlfriend might be fundamentally racist. The case was broken wide-open when we were viewing LWT ep: 5 (21 mins in) when Ilhan Omar appeared.
She talks a lot when watching TV/movies so I've trained myself to block her voice out. So I half-heard her make a snide comment about the woman on TV, to which I replied, "stf up". I thought it was well-warranted, and had a warm enough tone.
She stands up (she might have already been standing), raises her voice and yells at me, something like,
"Don't tell me to stf up. You're not even supposed to wear that thing in front of the american flag. It's disrespectful."
To which I replied something like, "What!? Wtf, thats not a thing."
And she goes, (BIG FINALE),
"You're not supposed to wear stuff like that in front of the American flag. Read a fuckin book. Same reason why Jews are not supposed to wear a yamaka in front of the flag. It's disrespectful!"
And I shriek, "What!?! Thats definitely not a thing, Jesus Christ, you can't say that! While becoming increasingly infuriated, partly because of her xenophobia and blind patriotism and partly, I must admit, because she prefaced her batshit crazy remark with, "read a fuckin book".
I'm just so tired of entering arguments with her while knowing (this sounds shitty, but it's the truth) "if you were smarter, we wouldn't be in this argument."
To give you some bg on this senseless sap, she has a military father from Detroit and a mother from the Philippines. So she grew up in Guam, Hawaii, Japan, CA and FL. The family is all Trump supporters, and I believe her views are a result of heard (family) mentality. She commented how young Tucker Carlson looked in the show which led me to believe that his show is often on in the house.
A few minutes of arguing and I shooed her out of my house and blocked her calls. Havnt spoken since, its been over a week.
Curious if anyone else has ever heard that people shouldnt wear hijabs or yamakas in front of the american flag. I believe if I heard this in Hawaii, you probably hear it x3 on the mainland.
Sorry if TLDR. I thought it was a good scoop of raisins.
i’m muslim, but i HATTTEEEEE wearing the hijab, mostly bc of my mom. she’s not even religious, she just cares about her other muslim friend’s opinion a lot. i know this bc we once moved to a state that had NO one she knew there and she allowed me and my other sisters to remove their hijab, show their arms etc, but when we moved again (to an area with a LOT of muslims and people from our country) she got fake strict and forced up to wear these ugly baggy long dresses and hijabs...
once i went out and when i got back home she BBBEEEAATTT me bc my “neck was showing”... SHE NEVER ONCE CARED MY NECK WAS SHOWING UNTIL SHE FOUND OTHER STRICT MUSLIM FRIENDS.. i had a hijab on and everything it just slipped a little
it’s soooo embarrassing going out with ugly baggy dresses and a hijab while my friends wear cute stuff... i’m not even asking to reveal that much, i just wanna expose my arms, shins, hair 😭 it sounds so weird...
yeah, i’m starting uni soon and it’s only 30 mins away so i still have to live in this damn house, saving money to move away but until then i gotta COVER up or i’m getting my ass beat (my mom is abusive in general no matter what i do, she’s just bonkers)
EDIT: THANK U FOR ALL THE REPLIES AND LIKES... i saw this really late but THANKS!!! also, i didn’t mean to start a bunch of different discussions in the replies.. this was just a rant, nothing political or something to fight about.. don’t attack my religion pls bc this really was just about ME and MY experiences, also i will be keeping my hijab on until i move out, since that’s the safest option! also thank you for all the advice!
another thing, YES my username says ‘barbB4christ’ it’s just a meme 😭 i love nicki minaj lmaooooo... so yeah this isn’t some christian trying to make islam look bad, i really am a teenage muslim girl, and this is a real life rant of mine, WALLAHI! i promiseee
1- hijab being a choice is a privilege.
Hijab culture is so toxic it's pretty much women one upping eachother on how invisible they could be because the more you cover up, the more brownie points you get on being a "good muslim women".
This reaches it's top in the niqab/burqa whose women give up their enitre idnetity becasue it's a race to the bottom. How invisible can you be to avoid triggering men sexually.. well the face is an attractive part of the body.. cover that.
If you grow up in a Muslim community, they will not teach you that hijab is a choice. They will teach you that hijab is mandatory to all women in Islam. Depending on where you live/ your family the option of it being a true free choice is different for every person. And best case scenario in which you are only doing it for Allah it's the choice of wearing it or going to hell.
Instead of advocating that women live their life freely islam advocated that women live their lives trying to avoid triggering men sexually. For example you shouldn't speak softly to avoid triggering men with your voice. Another example there is a religious saying by the prophet that if a woman wore perfume and walked by a group of men and they smelled it, she is considered an adulterer cus she might trigger them with her perfume lol it's so effed up
2- the pressure on men to enforce it
Because of honor culture women are already not free to do what they want anyway, add to that the idea of hijab and you have a society where women's clothes is considered a reflection of how much of a man her husband is.
So, not only is the woman considered less because she doesn't cover up, her husband is also considered less of a man because he doesn't make her do it. Men are shamed for how their wives dress/behave and are called dayouth ديوث ie why do are you letting your wife showing her body to people ..This is because of a hadith by the prophet mentioning the dayouth word.
This means that it's not just men forcing women to do it. It's a whole community that enforces Islam on everyone. Other women can be worse than men.
3- Extreme slut shaming.
Women are called / "motabraja" which is a dergatory term for uncovered women or those who wear makeup/ whores / "naked meat" "cheap meat"/ the wo... keep reading on reddit ➡
Nobody would cover their hair if they weren't told to. How many non-muslims do you see cover every inch of their hair because they want to? NOBODY. But in islam you're told you're a slut and a shame if you don't. Nobody would give you respect. You'll get excluded from the community. How is that freedom? It's not. You can literally face charges if you don't wear one in some countries.
And how many of us actually chose to be a muslim? How many of us were born into it without given a choice? Talk about losing in the lottery when you're born a female in a muslim country. And if you're lucky enough to be born in a non muslim country? Doesn't fucking matter because you're still socially forced and the majority of non-muslims fucking applauds it. They call it "freedom". The moment you label it as "freedom" is when you made it clear that you're spineless and doesn't dare or think that arabic women are worth fighting for.
A lot of western muslims say that hijab/niqab protects women from male gaze/internalized male gaze. But I disagree.
Many muslims believe that women wearing jewelry, colorful clothes, makeup, perfume, women talking loudly, women laughing, women reciting Quran all in public is haram and if you ask them why, they will reply with, "Because it attracts men". Everything a woman does is about NOT attracting men.
Before doing any action, even an action as simple as laughing in public, women have to ask themselves, "Can this attract men?". If the answer is yes, then it is supposedly haram for them to do that. Women have to look at the world from the heterosexual male perspective, and that is the male gaze in its purest form. They have to act like a woman with a man inside watching a woman, to make sure that that they don't push any man towards sinning and don't gain his sin.
Trying so hard not to perform for men is still performing for men.
The thesis of my argument is that Muslim women should have the freedom to decide for themselves if they want to wear the hijab or more restrictive headwear (e.g., niqab), and that legal mandates that require women to wear hijab are every bit as oppressive of women as legal restrictions against the wearing of hijab and mandating its removal.
The general consensus among classical Islamic scholars is that Muslim women should dress modestly and the hijab is regarded as an important symbol of this sense of modesty. Whether hijab is obligatory or preferable is not the purpose of this debate, because even if it is obligatory, the idea of having legal consequences for women not wearing hijab is inherently discriminatory.
For Muslims struggling to understand how this is discriminatory, consider the case of countries where instead of having legal mandates that require women to cover up, they have legal mandates that prohibit women from covering up. In France, for example, women who wear niqab in public face legal persecution and can be arrested and/or fined.
And while a 2018 commission of the European Court of Human Rights declared France's hijab ban to be in violation of Articles 18 and 26 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, France nonetheless maintains these draconian laws. Despite official censor by the United Nations Commission on Human Rights for having violated the human rights of women, the European Court of Human Rights has upheld France's ban on face coverings, a ruling that of course only adversely impacts women (thanks /u/mellobie for providing evidence that the original Wikipedia source used in this debate was overly ambiguous and for clarifying that the institutional violation of women's rights remains state sanctioned).
One thing that countries that regulate what woman can and cannot wear have in common is rampant misogyny. Countries like Saudi Arabia and France are able to tell women what they can and cannot wear because of the deeply entrenched sense of "women as property" in both these cultures. In Saudi Arabia, women's lives are legally controlled by men (
and women cannot travel without the written consent of their husband, father, or other legal guardian - thanks /u/Cujo55 for showing me evidence that this is no longer true). While the sense of ownership over women in Saudi Arabia is overt, the sense of ownership over women in France is less overt. Writing for CNN about the absurdly high rate of femicide in
being a nun is quite literally just a female monk. it literally is a choice. don't wanna be celibate your whole life, dress a certain way, eat a certain way, etc? you don't have to become a nun in Christianity. on the other hand, in Islam, it's mandated in the religion itself. muslims keep having to bring up the past or ill comparisons to justify their garbage.
The title. I’m probably going to get a lot of flack for this. But, please hear me out. Apologise if this offends, as this is not my intention. With the increase of instagram ‘influencer’ hijabi’s in the recent years, I’ve noticed a trend of hijab done in a loose manner with strands and a lot of hair sticking out at the front most of the time.
I personally, don’t agree or disagree with this. The only thing that irks me is the affect on young hijabi’s, those who are very easily influenced! I experienced this firsthand as a young teenager. Before I put on my hijab, I was very tempted to style my hijab in a way that many girls do nowadays, but realised it defeats the point. This is possibly why some of my friends do this as they’ve been influenced by what everyone else seems to be doing around them :(
I don’t wish to judge those who style their hijab in such a way as hijab is always between an individual person and Allah. However because of this recent trend, I’m so saddened to see that a lot of hijabis who once wore their hijab properly, now do not. Even my own closest friends. I’ve asked them why but don’t really get a proper response other than ‘it looks better’ truly saddening. Anyone else feel the same?