You’ve died and arrived at a train station to your afterlife. The trains are “animals”, “traditional Heaven”, “rebirth”, and “eternal nothingness”...Which train do you take and why?
👍︎ 68k
📰︎ r/AskReddit
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📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?

I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, A Royal Flush beats a Pair. no matter how big they are.

Edit: Obligatory "Wow, this blew up!" message. Thanks for all the awards!

To those calling this out as a repost, I wasn't aware but fair enough. My dad told it to me and he's chuffed that you all like it! And as far as I can see, this has brought a lot of laughter to a lot of folks.

👍︎ 23k
📰︎ r/Jokes
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📅︎ Jan 18
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Horny heaven incoming
👍︎ 103k
📰︎ r/memes
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👤︎ u/vaginalera
📅︎ Jan 13
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Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought.”

👍︎ 24k
📰︎ r/Jokes
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👤︎ u/zouss
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Sauce: Fate stay night heaven’s feel 2
👍︎ 16k
📰︎ r/Animemes
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📅︎ Jan 12
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Match Made in Heaven (art by 砧板13, translation by me)
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👤︎ u/Lolliloop
📅︎ Jan 07
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I mentioned the verse that says it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven to a friend. His reply? “It’s not talking about a literal needle.” Isn’t it convenient how the Bible stops being literal the moment it says the rich will burn in hell?

I’m talking about Matthew 19:24 in which Jesus says that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

When I pointed this out to one of my conservative Christian friends, he suddenly claims the Bible isn’t to be taken literally in this passage.

He takes the virgin birth literally.

He takes the resurrection literally.

He takes the flood literally.

He takes all passages condemning gay people literally.

But the moment the Bible says that rich, greedy folks will burn in hell? Of course that isn’t literal.

How fucking convenient.

👍︎ 28k
📰︎ r/atheism
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📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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That headbutt sounded like heaven v.redd.it/i0ht546bml261
👍︎ 16k
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👤︎ u/kush_peter
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
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Hey Reagan! Dang, heaven is a lot hotter than I expected...
👍︎ 15k
📰︎ r/HolUp
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👤︎ u/TwoHoot
📅︎ Jan 07
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What's better than a 600m shot? A 600m shot to complete your Shooter Born In Heaven. v.redd.it/jocn6f58ljb61
👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/menteto
📅︎ Jan 15
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Einstein probably faps to them in heaven ... or hell
👍︎ 22k
📰︎ r/dankmemes
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📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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POV: You died and go to heaven v.redd.it/n988x35sb9b61
👍︎ 8k
📰︎ r/Hololive
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📅︎ Jan 14
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My new GTA life in less than 2 minutes! This is solo grinder's heaven v.redd.it/bi8vfb0qnl761
👍︎ 6k
📰︎ r/gtaonline
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📅︎ Dec 26 2020
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I think it’s fair to say they smashed the visuals on this game, it’s a heaven for photographers reddit.com/gallery/kiptmo
👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/_rtwenty3
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
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Yeah I know none of you care but have a photo of my dad standing on a piece of wood lol. He did die 20 days after, he took his life. RIP dad may you be bending ramps in heaven.
👍︎ 2k
📰︎ r/teenagers
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📅︎ Jan 14
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Yo Gaby, this is Jesus. He's in Heaven now
👍︎ 9k
📰︎ r/sadcringe
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📅︎ Jan 04
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Pathways to heaven. ( Russia, Moscow )
👍︎ 11k
📰︎ r/pics
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👤︎ u/__messy__
📅︎ Jan 02
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For heaven's sake!
👍︎ 3k
📰︎ r/brasil
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📅︎ Jan 16
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Heavens to betsy, Kevin (we could have been hanging out this whole time bro I didn't know)
👍︎ 17k
📰︎ r/trees
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📅︎ Dec 17 2020
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LPT: Know you're about to get fired? Then for heaven's sake don't throw your resignation in first in one last show of defiance. The meeting where they let you go is your chance to extract a great severance package and positive references. Employers want a clean departure—don't make their life easy.

If things have gone sour but you think they're on shaky ground, hold your nerve and stay the course. Your future self will thank you for it.

Edit: Lots of debate about whether you are getting fired, laid off, terminated, fired for cause, or whatever. The point is: you don't make your situation better by quitting right before they fire you. Their documentation will be the same: terminated for xyz.

Edit2: The 'severance package' might amount to just securing a supportive reference for your next job.

👍︎ 87k
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👤︎ u/m77w
📅︎ Oct 29 2020
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We finally closed on our slice of heaven in NC. 5000’ elevation. No neighbors for 1 mile. reddit.com/gallery/ko61xg
👍︎ 5k
📰︎ r/homestead
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📅︎ Jan 01
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I have created various shitposts and cannot enter heaven as a result
👍︎ 8k
📰︎ r/dankmemes
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📅︎ Jan 15
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Heaven’s feel shirou was really cool
👍︎ 13k
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📅︎ Dec 17 2020
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RIP to the amazing chonk heaven gets to meet. He was the very best boi.
👍︎ 12k
📰︎ r/Chonkers
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👤︎ u/chipmunk39
📅︎ Dec 30 2020
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Its a fact, those days were heaven
👍︎ 4k
📰︎ r/memes
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📅︎ Jan 19
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Poor bastard just needed heaven
👍︎ 40k
📰︎ r/memes
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📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Shooter born in heaven on one run, siccest thing I've done so far. v.redd.it/e3dn3kfusra61
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Furbergg
📅︎ Jan 11
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If Christians really believe that babies go straight to heaven, then they should be more supportive of abortions.

Even though this view isn't specifically stated by the bible, most Christians assume that God would have to allow Babies/infants into heaven and that it's only when they make a choice not to follow Jesus that they lose this salvation.

These same people are often the same ones who are staunchly against abortion even though by their logic these aborted babies are 100% likely to go to heaven when babies who grow up are not. Surely this is the most efficient way of getting people into heaven.

I also imagine the free will argument will come up (God would prefer us to be able to chose) and to that I would say if he is letting babies in without needing them to make a choice, then it invalidates the entire free will argument as it would require the babies to be somehow less welcome in heaven.

👍︎ 324
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👤︎ u/pretance
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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The lesson we should all take away from this trade: If you don’t feel like doing your job, break the rules, be stubborn, don’t show up, and your employer will move heaven and earth to satisfy you 👍🏾

James Harden started off the season not showing up to practices, breaking COVID protocol, going to strip clubs, not communicating to the team, and demanded a trade to the Nets. And what did the Rockets do? Trade him to the Nets.

Kyrie Irving publicly said his team didn’t need a head coach, decided to sit out the last few games because he didn’t feel like playing and didn’t give a reason, broke COVID protocol, communicated with nobody on his team, and what did the Nets do? NOT trade him away, bring a generational talent to the Nets essentially guaranteeing them a place in the Finals, and most likely securing a second ring for Kyrie.

In simple terms, treat your boss and coworkers like shit and they’ll have no choice but to give you what you want. Really eager to use to this tactic for the future 😀

Edit: I really thought I didn’t have to include a /s for this but apparently I do lmao

👍︎ 639
📰︎ r/nba
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👤︎ u/webyaboi
📅︎ Jan 13
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Bruno arriving in heaven
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📅︎ Jan 03
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Jesus never said there was an eternal hell for sinners. Secular Bible historian Bart D. Erhman does a zoom lecture on the history of heaven and hell in Christianity, and how time, poor translation & Dante's Inferno have obscured what the original New Testament books actually claimed on the matter. youtube.com/watch?v=lYl24…
👍︎ 194
📰︎ r/videos
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📅︎ Jan 13
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aetrna | xi - Ascension to Heaven [Death] +HDDTHR (9.98*) 88.90% 1109/1111x FC | 1171pp | 113.12 cv.UR osu.ppy.sh/ss/16037859/83…
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📰︎ r/osugame
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👤︎ u/notjagan
📅︎ Jan 07
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This symbol will be the one that will pierce the heavens
👍︎ 4k
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👤︎ u/Snoo_3765
📅︎ Jan 18
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They are one way ticket to heaven
👍︎ 4k
📰︎ r/Animemes
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📅︎ Jan 09
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I’m seriously loving the contrasting heaven and hell imagery in this room
👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Jan 07
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Charlie from All Dogs Go to Heaven [OC]
👍︎ 3k
📰︎ r/furry
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📅︎ Jan 17
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YAGOO in heaven... v.redd.it/yvyx6gylnj961
👍︎ 8k
📰︎ r/Hololive
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📅︎ Jan 05
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[WP] You, a wildlife photographer, fall into the ice while making a documentary. As you fade into frozen oblivion, you feel a gentle touch on your shoulder. You wake to hundreds of them. They bow. They sing for the dying. They raise their tusks in salute. Heaven is run by the walruses.
👍︎ 7k
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📅︎ Jan 07
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A bigger slice of heaven...
👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/Frontzie
📅︎ Jan 17
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Ashkandi server, I watched for 15 minutes as hundreds of lvl 1 bots climbed the stairway to heaven. How is this not detectable? v.redd.it/8ifi2hnqru561
👍︎ 2k
📰︎ r/classicwow
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👤︎ u/LaffAtU
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Holy Duck goes to heaven v.redd.it/5bq3dizdmx861
👍︎ 7k
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👤︎ u/LuneFox
📅︎ Jan 02
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How I imagine Heaven v.redd.it/03b7gjsssj961
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Larrydog
📅︎ Jan 05
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When the angel told me the only thing I had to do to enter Heaven was to live through and experience the deaths of every soul I had personally killed, I jumped at the opportunity.

After a lifetime of being an exterminator, if I had known insects had souls, I would have chosen hell.

👍︎ 17k
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📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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Defeners still defening in 2020... Led Zeppelin? Not humans, but gods? Lmao OK. Grampa Defeners acting all alpha against 15 yr old defeners? Lol the elite defening is real! Defeners gonna defening. I found this in a Stairway to Heaven video.
👍︎ 727
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 14
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A toilet in heaven v.redd.it/33efa2z6l3361
👍︎ 13k
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📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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I mean unless Araki decides to make Eyes of Heaven real and brings in Heaven Ascended Dio, I don't think there's much Diego could have done to affect Part 8's plot
👍︎ 7k
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📅︎ Dec 26 2020
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John Prine - Your Flag Decal Won't Get You In To Heaven [folk] youtu.be/heuGzSgsiwk
👍︎ 2k
📰︎ r/Music
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👤︎ u/Dad2DnA
📅︎ Jan 10
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Sweet lord why did it take me this long to finally make buttermilk honey biscuits. I’ll never understand how pillsbury is still around when there are recipes like this out there that can manifest a piece of heaven on earth. reddit.com/gallery/ki5kdh
👍︎ 4k
📰︎ r/Breadit
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📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, “This goes higher up than we thought”.

👍︎ 36k
📰︎ r/Jokes
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👤︎ u/boukhfif
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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