Another post here reminded me of this story.
My grandparents had 4 children together. During her last pregnancy my grandmother started having problems. After delivery she had a full emergency hysterectomy. My great grandmother (grandmother's MIL) was infuriated. No more baaaaaaaabies. She was as I understand it a monster and my grandmother despised her. (I like to fantasize there was a voodoo do full of pins hidden somewhere kind of monster)
While my grandmother was recovering my grandfather told her he really had no use for her anymore other than keeping house and raising his children because she couldn't fulfill her "wifely" duties. His mother had convinced him that due to the hysterectomy he could never sleep with her again. She was broken apparently and dirty somehow.
It's my understanding that he never touched her again in an intimate manner. I remember as a child they slept in separate beds (she told us he snored).
She was in her early 30's when she had that last baby (my favorite uncle). They were married for 50+ years. He provided for the family and I know he loved her in his own way he told me that prior to his death. But his mother had him convinced without the possibility of more children my grandmother was worthless. GGMIL even told her to her face that she should have died so he could have remarried and had more children.
I asked my mother why grandma never left. She said it was a different time and a different place which I can believe. Myself, I'd have told him to pound sand but that's just me.
I really, really hope that when her justnomil passed (as I understand it was an awful slow death - Karma anyone? ) that my grandmother threw herself a private celebration.
I'm glad I never got to meet her. (GGMIl I mean not my grandma - figured I'd clarify that)
Edited too many "hers" :)
First of all, I'm sorry, but english isn't my native language... And this is also my first time ever posting something on reddit! So please be understanding if I make too many mistakes... And sorry for the throwaway account... Some of my old friends are really into reddit and even though they don't really visit this subreddit, you never know.
Now, for some backstory. I live with my grandparents since I was born, as my biological mother was too young to take care of me and I have no idea who my biological father is. I consider my grandparents to be my real mom and dad, and there's no bad blood between me and my biological mother. I used to live in a really small town with my father and my mother, but some years ago my mom had to move in to the big city because of work. She has been living with her parents (my great-grandmother and great-grandfather) ever since. I've been admitted to university this year and had to move in with my mom and her parents, since it's in the same city as my uni. I've been living with them for almost 3 months already and I feel I'm going insane.
First of all, after my mom moved out, it's been only me and my dad in a really big house. I'm a very quiet person, I like to spend time alone reading, playing games, drawing and stuff like that... Anyway, I just can't do any of that with my mom and my great-grandmother poking their noses into everything. I'm sharing a room with my mother, since my great-grandparents apartment is really small, and I have no privacy at all. That, and my mom talks all the time, she wants to micromanage me all day long when I'm at home, like, telling me to "put a coat on since it's cold" when I'm not really feeling cold or "change those pants, they are awful", "go to sleep it's late", "go eat something you must be hungry", "stop staring at the window, go watch tv with your great-grandfather"....... She has always been like this, and I guess I'm just not used to it anymore since after 2010 she only went home a couple days per month.
Anyway, that's not the real problem. The main thing that is driving me insane is my great-grandmother. (I'm gonna sound like a real asshole rn but) Theres this "running joke" (idk if we can call it that way..) in my family that you can't be around her alone or she will start talking and won't stop until you pass out. She talks about diseases all the time, and she's crazy catholic (I'm an atheist and so is my dad, but we don't really talk about it; my mom doesn't care about rel... keep reading on reddit ➡
The title immediately screams yes but I assure you its not that simple, but I ask you be truthful. I feel awful about it and need to know if I should or not.
I live as the live-in carer for my 98~ year old great grandmother. We have professional carers that were put in place to help her in the morning and night with things I, as her great grandson, cant do - clothe her, shower her, ensure her continence pads are on etc. She sidesteps them by attempting to do everything before they arrive, but thats another story.
I ensure her meds are taken at the right time (9 spread out over 4 times; 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 8pm) and that she is fed and has company etc.
I get up with her at 8am. She goes to bed around 8:20 (used to be 9 but then she started to get very stressed and argued she always went up at 8:20 so we changed her routine to suit her new desires because we weren't getting anywhere with her)
She wakes up several times throughout the night believing it to be morning and sometimes gets fully dressed and attempts to come downstairs. Whether its pitch black or not, she will believe its half 8 in the morning. Always half 8 for some reason. Usually once or twice a night she dies this between 10pm and 3am.
Due to this my time for sleep tends to be between 4 and 8am. Recently however, she has begun to get up at 4-5am and even when I get her back in bed, she is adamant it is time to get up so the moment I leave her alone she attempts to sneak downstairs. Which due to the stairlift, isn't as sneaky as you'd think. Even in the rare occasion where she understands its too early within fifteen minutes she's up and about again.
I feel awful, like I'm shirking my responsibilities by doing so, but I'm at the point where if I hear her doing that I just let her, because in the end it will happen unless I physically stand at her bedroom door and argue about how its too early until it is no longer a valid argument. I am willingly choosing to ignore her going downstairs because its less hassle for me.
It really drains me and then she spends most of the day complaining about how she's incredibly tired. I know its because she isn't able to remember that she got up super early but it still pisses me off. I hate that I'm getting angry with her for things outside of her control and I loathe that I am cutting corners in her care for my own benefit.
I feel like an absolute prick, and so thought this would be a good subreddit to figure out if I'm being too critical of myself or... keep reading on reddit ➡