I have been interning over the summer for a company they invited me out to dinner since it was my last day there. I am a guy (21) and the other guys are in their 30s and 40s. These guys all pretty much have the dream jobs I would like to have 150k+ a year, they all drive luxury cars.
They started giving me career tips and what to do so I can be successful as well. The topic of marriage came up and it seemed like they all agreed with the same thing. Now I am not condoning what I am saying, but just repeating what I am saying. They told me that marriage is made for women not for men. That for women it's pretty much a guarantee that even when they get old and fat someone will stick by them. And if shit goes bad they can divorce and take a ton of money from you. They said that majority of marriages end in divorce and of those that don't very few people are happy. They don't believe in swearing off women altogether, they say just have a girlfriend. When things start to get bad you can split up and find someone else.
I always envisioned one day that I would get married and have children. But these guys scared the crap out of me. Married redditors can you share how your marriage is, and how it has progressed.
I have been interning over the summer for a company they invited me out to dinner since it was my last day there. I am a guy (20) and the other guys are in their late 20s early 30s what not. Pretty much we were all talking and all about my future what I want to do and all.
They were all throwing out tips and shit, and then they all start telling me not to get married. I have always wanted to get married (not right away) but would like to down the road but I didn’t want to upset these guys so I just listened. They told me the way the culture is these days I am going to get fucked over hard. Women with social media and friends accounts think marriage is supposed to be perfect and when shit isn't looking that good its over. Or you are going to come hom and your wife will be fat as shit. Divorce/shitty marriage and all. The one thing which they told me which I found weird was that they said to never marry a white woman. (all of these guys were white). They start going off on how if I do ever get married go to some Latin American country and get a hot 18 year old.
Its not like these guys were bad looking rejects or anything they were good looking (well off drove BMW’s and Mercedes) and they have been nothing but mentors for me since I started interning. I still would like to get married in the future but I they really did get me thinking. Is marriage really as shitty as these guys put it?
edit 1 Reason I want to get married is to eventually have kids. Not be lonely when I come back from work/school, someone that cares about me when I get sick and shit. Second of all these guys aren't sexist at all they have positive relationships with women but just don't believe in marriage.
Forgive formatting errors, am on mobile.
Context—I met my fiancée in December of 2010, when we were both in high school. I’ve known I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl since 2013, a time where I was in love but didn’t know what being in love felt like. She lived in CA and I lived in KS, but we met online and quickly became friends. We would talk on Skype for hours a night, every night, and we met face to face a few times between 2012 and 2017. Those trips were some of the best days of my life—I was spending time with my best friend.
In 2016, I realized I was less straight than I thought, and asked her to be my girlfriend. She had been openly pining for me since 2012, so of course she said yes, and it’s been everything I could have asked for and more. I could not ask for a more loving, compassionate, amazing partner. When I asked her to go out with me, we had already made elaborate plans to be roommates one day, and knew damn well we were in this for the long haul. Some of our family weren’t so convinced, so in 2017 we got “engaged” with an heirloom to get across to our families that this was a serious relationship, but we agreed ahead of time that we wouldn’t start planning for a wedding until we were more ready.
In 2018, I moved across the country, and earlier this year I popped the question, for real this time. Got down on one knee and opened my hands like a ring box and presented the key to our front door (which says “Home <3”) and asked her if we could do this. She said yes.
We have a wedding date picked out in June next year, because that’s typically a convenient time to have family fly out 2000 miles for a lesbian wedding, but we (mostly me) would really like to go to a courthouse and get married on the tenth anniversary of the day we became friends and just hold a reception in June. Her mother is vehemently opposed to this, and wants to see us get married. She also offered her old wedding dress for fiancée to wear, and insisted that she wanted us to at least get it tailored so that her dress can be part of her oldest child’s wedding. Neither my fiancée nor I are the bridezilla type, but FMIL gave us a hint of a “this is my special day” energy and it makes me nervous about sharing future wedding plans with her in great detail.
I’m against this because in my opinion, it only makes things more complicated. We already have a venue settled—her parent’s second home, which is a mansion and we live close to. We have a guest l... keep reading on reddit ➡
I keep forgetting we're approaching our 30's... It feels like highschool, and even elementary school were a couple years ago but they were a decade+ ago. Wow does time fly...
I still feel like the exact same guy too, not exactly disconnected from my youth despite the adulting I've been doing. Same friends, same immature sense of humor, I pretty much didn't age besides wearing a beard now, only difference is a have a good job I guess.
It's just mindblowing to me seeing us growing up. That's one positive of social media, you can be caught up with other people's life journeys.
As I stare in horror at my friend standing over my husband's bludgeoned body, I finally realize that he had always planned on ensuring the 'single' part took place.
I can easily say my twin brother(28M) was my mom's golden child and I was my dad's(28M). Also,my mom never liked the fact I was gay because I could not have " biological grandchildren and a lovely wife". My dad was like "I knew since age 9" and they got a divorce after I came out at 13. My brother was angry with us for leaving and decided to live with mom. I lived with my dad.
My brother has understood the issue when he was in highschool and became a really good ally and they started a co-parenting agreement for him but I never went to my mom's house ever again until I was 21. We are civil but not friendly.
My brother has really serious attachment issues with our mom. When he meets a girl,he always makes his GF meet with our mom after maximum 3 months and if our mom does not like him(which is basically 90%) it ends after that family dinner. I have only met with one of them and she was a real naive conservative girl who would accept to be a maid to her MIL but they broke up because her sister was successful to wake her up.
Last night my brother started to complain about this and then I honestly said "Then stop being a Momma's boy." and told him about the pattern he is living. He was shocked and cried,a lot. I also told him how he linked himself to our mom and was her little.puppy. It was heavy on him and I found him this morning really drunk at my backyard. He got out,got really drunk and managed to come my house. My dad thinks I pushed him too hard,my mom thinks I am the most vile creature in the world and my friends think I am a prick.
UPDATE: Well,a lot has happened in 13 days.
After he was hospitalized,he said some disturbing things in the hospital that made them to file a police report against our mother(they are disgusting and unf. includes some anti-LGBT conversion stuff) . Turns out she was holding his bank account without his approval and blackmailing him. She is currently in jail and her car+her real estate(our childhood house+3 flats) is confiscated and given to my brother as part of her debt.
My brother is currently at my home and he was found ineligible to conserve his money due to addiction problems so I am his conservator now(and Yes,I have read about #FreeBritney and a lot about conservatorship,I support the movement.) Me and my dad decided I am not gonna make any big movements and we will just hold them until my brother is eligible to do.
My brother is a mess,but a mess will get himself together. He is fired from his job... keep reading on reddit ➡
We both make minimum wage. We do not currently live together or have finances together, until our marriage next week. I work about 35 hrs/week, he works about 25-30. I get paid the 10th and the 26th of every month, while he gets paid every Friday. This comes out to us combined having 6 paychecks (7 once in a while when there's 5 weeks in a month). We made our budget for April and with our average income combined we make enough for our bills, a bit of savings, and a little extra. The problem is figuring out how to make sure we don't accidentally spend our bill money. Currently the bills are due on 3-4 different days of the month. I will be calling to see about trying to make them all come out on the 1st to make it easier. When it was just me, I was splitting half of my bills each paycheck and sending that half to a seperate account to make sure there was no way I could spend it. It seems way too complicated to try and do that 6 times a month. We will be having a joint bank account and have all finances together. Do we pay certain bills with certain checks? Do we set aside an amount from each check for bills? If so, what percentage? Any idea how we can do this? We are clueless.
I've posted this story on TwoXchromosomes and Justnofamily. I thought I'd share it here as well.
I'm a 38 year old woman. I have a great career, a loving boyfriend (31) , great pets and friends. I have never, ever wanted kids. Five years ago, I ended a relationship with a man named Jason (name changed) who, I thought wanted the same things that I did.
We had been together for 2 years in 2015. We'd travel together, read comics, play video games and do all kinds of fun things. I had always been honest with Jason that I never wanted kids. He told me he didn't either. Then, in the summer of that year, I began to notice changes in him. He would talk about how great our friends' kids are. He'd try to get me to spend time with his nephews, even though I wasn't close to them. He also began talking to my parents way more than usual.
Then one evening, he said he wanted to have dinner with my whole family. I found this a bit strange as I don't often spend time with my family. But for him, I agreed. We were having dinner, my parents and siblings (my brother and sister) were there. Then, he dropped a bomb on me.
He got down on one knee and said "I love you. I want you to be the mother of my children".
"What the actual FUCK!" was the first thing that came out of my mouth. We hadn't talked about getting married, much less kids. I never wanted kids and wasn't ready for marriage. I took him to another room and asked him what the hell he was doing. He dropped another bomb and told me he had been talking to my parents about us getting married and starting a family. Let that sink in. He talked to my parents, not me about our future. He said he had asked my dad's permission. My dad's permission, before he asked for my consent. I was furious. All this was obviously meant to pressure me into saying yes.
My mother, being nosy, walked right into the room we were in and asked what was wrong and why I had not said yes. I told her and the whole family that they needed to leave. When they left, I tore Jason a new asshole. I asked him how dare he assume that I was going to marry him and have kids with him, when I had made it very clear that I did not want those things. He told me he was hoping that I would "grow up and want something meaningful". He had the gall to act like I was the bad person in all of this. I threw him out and the following day, I ended the relationship for good.
My parents were pissed at me. My mom cried about how she had been looking forward to get... keep reading on reddit ➡
I'm the only grandkid on my grandfathers' side of the family and we have the coolest name ever. It's travelled through many generations of strong men and women that have settled in America. The catch is that I'm a woman and unless my future spouse wants to lose their last name, I'm going to be stuck with something lame like *shiver* Harris or Smith.
Edit: My last name is Champion for those wondering
So I (F21) and my bf (20) are getting married in March on our 1 year anniversary.
My mom had gotten a storage unit under his name that she was giving us the money for. She had apparently forgotten to give us the money one month (by a few days) and he ended up having it pulled out of his account automatically. My boyfriends parents had noticed the account withdrawal and ended up going ape shit on my bf about the money. His mom ended up sending me a bunch of really nasty texts while I was at work and when I didn’t respond, she sent my bf up to my job to make me answer.
Once I contacted my mom, she immediately sent us the money and apologized. His mom was going to apologize to me but I never called her to have the conversation due to the anxiety/left over frustration. I just feel like it’s weird that they go through all of his bank info when he’s never had any issue with spending, they also never did it with his other siblings.
I have been keeping my marriage to Ann a secret from my Father, Mother and the rest of my family.
I didn't mention my engagement, my marriage or the fact that I enjoying bossing my wife around.
But during a recent wedding in a fit of frustration revealed she was my wife and not just some
random whore. Which resulted in this phone call.
I finally plugged my land line phone in after my mother demanded Ann file her 2020 taxes.
Which is odd because I am sure that the deadline for
filing tax returns had been extended from April 15 to July 15, 2020.
So yeah I am pretty sure it has passed.
The very next day I get a call from my father.
My Father Doug
" Listen Wolf....Me and your mother Sherry have been talking."
" You see it is a custom to get the approval and Blessing of both of your parents."
" So we won't accept your marriage unless you get our Blessing."
I take a big breath and said " Let me guess if I do you a favor you will give us your blessing."
My Father said " Yeah that is correct."
So I said " What favor? "
My Father said " Pay off my rent for three months."
So I ask " How much is your monthly rent? "
My father comes back with $700.00 per month. Thus putting the total at $2,100.00
So I just said " What does my mother want? "
Suddenly I hear my mother say " I want the same thing. So pony up the cash."
I simply look around and said " Well let.....think...what "
I then unplugged the phone and said " Fuck those dumb shits. "
The update is that we are going to get a divorce! I decided to use some of our yearly vacation money (unused this past year for obvious reasons) to grab a few weeks in an AirBnb and think about things. My husband was very supportive of this, but when I left he was 100% sure that he was going to use this time to convince me that he could do what I needed and we should be together, kind of win me back. That is not what has happened! 4 days in he had a total change of heart and decided that he actually needs us to split up, that I am keeping him from doing all of the things that he wants to do, that he is never going to make his life smaller for me, etc etc. It is not unusual for him to have like, Sudden Major Life Realizations like this but this one still caught me by surprise.
It was REALLY hard emotionally for a few days after that, just the feeling of whiplash from me being the one who isn't sure about the relationship and how he treats me in it, but thinking that we have been together so long and love each other so much that I should be giving it every chance, to him deciding that actually I am the problem here and we are done. Now that I am a little ways out from it, I am feeling a lot better and think us being on the same page about being incompatible makes it easier.
Talking to him about it has been a double edged sword--it tends to make me sad and angry, but also hearing him say the things that he thinks have gone wrong in our relationship and the things that he needs in the future have really cemented for me that this cannot be a partnership in the way I want a partnership. It's doubling down on the impulsivity, the fact that I basically have no say in how our lives go, the idea that if I don't want to do something or am uncomfortable it is my fault and not something we should talk about, the weird attitudes about women (he announced at that same moment that "we should both consider ourselves single" starting immediately and that he was excited to be entering post-pandemic dating without being married), etc.
I have been looking into the practicalities of getting a divorce and they are scary. I have been te... keep reading on reddit ➡
Edit: Got it. I'm the asshole. I'll apologize later if she unblocks me. Please stop calling me homophobic or ableist.
I (f20) have two half sisters Amy and Juliet, both 21 (yes, don't say anything about our ages)
Juliet's sexuality caused problems in the family as our grandma didn't accept it and they were super close. Dad isn't super happy about it either.
Juliet recently got engaged to her girlfriend. They've been dating for 5 years and they've been through a lot together. She recently told us about her engagement and is super happy about it. I immediately told her that i don't agree with it.
Juliet has bpd and ptsd and i think her girlfriend has ocd so it just seems like a disaster. I told her that and she got super upset, saying that she is excited about celebrating her love and about marrying young and spending the rest of her life with the person she loves. They're both too young and too pretty, they have lots of people to see. She is now not talking to me and Amy thinks i shouldn't be invited to the wedding, she is on Juliet's side.
AITA for telling my sister the truth?
So I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend, we've talked about marriage many times and shes in love with the idea. But i still want the proposal to come as a surprise. But it lead me into a problem, how can i get the size i need for her ring finger without her realizing? I was hoping some of you married (or engaged) guys have a good trick for this.
My SO (M) and I (F) have been dating for 7 years now, since college. We have gone through some rough patches that a relationship could have, including years of long distance, nasty fights, "let's end it"s, etc. It's been a few years since reaching a stable and mature point in our relationship where we're now thinking about tying the knot. We just know each other from head to toe and I can't wait to marry him.
However - there is one big issue. Yes, the MIL. It would require chapters to denote how this woman has treated me. But the issue is that she is very insecure with herself and she dumps it on me. She mocks my culture, job, personality and everything that she *feels* like she's much more superior in. She's the type of woman that would say she's not an attention seeker but she'd actually get mad if she doesn't get any attention. Some days she'd love her life and other days everyone is her enemy, so no I don't take it super personally but sometimes I become the target. I'm pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder, but no she would never set her foot in a therapist's office.
My SO knows about all of this, also doesn't understand why his mom is this way. However, he's super family-oriented (their whole family is) and they always have to spend time together even if they're ripping each other apart. That's what they call "family" and I find it pretty dysfunctional. They need to literally do everything together and be with each other all the time, which I don't really understand. FIL and SIL are tolerable but they have the same mentality that "family" always needs to be together. If I get married, I want to start my own family, instead of joining theirs.
There was a period where we had a huge fall out lasting ~1 year. I went on absolutely no contact with MIL And SO supported all of that. He also became distant with his mum and this created a whole "everything is OP's fault" atmosphere. Under some pressure from FIL I caved in and decided to be the "bigger person" (cue the eye rolls) and reach out to apologize, which she gladly accepted. But she has not changed, not that I was expecting her to change by any means.
I really want to marry my SO, but I can just envision what my life is going to be like. Constant tantrums from MIL, picking on literally every single thing in our life where we wouldn't need her input, asking us to see them every week, etc. Her not wanting her son to be happy without her in the picture. I am so not ready for this and... keep reading on reddit ➡