I've been married once before; my ex and I were a couple for a nine years and married for seven of them. We have three kids together (Ages 11, 8, and 6.)
I kept my ex husband's last name after we divorced. We're still friends and it was too much of a hassle to revert to my maiden name since I'd already graduated college and started my career with my married name. I also like having the same surname as my kids. My ex has never cared before, nor does my current boyfriend.
However, my ex recently became engaged to his new girlfriend. (together less than a year) I've met her only a handful of times, but she seemed nice enough and my kids haven't voiced any issues with her, which to me is the most important thing.
So I was shocked when out of the blue she contacted me a few days after they announced the engagement and asked that I revert back to my maiden name. I literally laughed out loud when I read her text, I didn't think she was serious at first but she was.
Her reasoning is that since my ex will have a "new wife" it would be wrong for me to keep his name. I essentially told her "no f-ing way" although a bit more tactful. My ex then called me and asked that I at least consider it since its something his fiancée really cares about, and that its not "technically" my name anyways. I let him know I wasn't going to go through the headache of changing it again, but if they were so concerned about names he should take her surname. My ex said I was "being petty" and asked me to just please think about it. I would have been happy to end it there but I got ANOTHER message from his fiancée which was basically a thinly veiled legal threat about suing me to change my name.
I didn't bother to respond to her message, you can't make someone change their name and I'm not concerned about some frivolous lawsuit at all. But I did screen shot what she said and sent it to my ex, telling him his fiancée needs to back the hell off, which he hasn't responded to.
My boyfriend also thinks the whole situation is stupid and thinks I should just tell them both to fuck off next time they say something. I don't know if I'm being an asshole though, I get its not my original name but its my professional one plus my kids' last name as well. I don't know, this whole this has been so ridiculous.
I just started learning English for my honeymoon so please excuse any mistakes plus fake names
Background- back in May my sister(26) found out her (27) husband who’s she’s been with for 7 years married 4 and has a child (1f) together was having an affair with my best friend Kate(32) for the last 2 years. it was a shock there were tears and tantrums for weeks when Kate and Tim told my sister about their relationship and he was filing for a divorce. My sister became very angry and bitter towards them both which I can understand
But here’s the issue me and Kate have been best friends since we were 5 obviously I told Kate off about the affair and stopped taking to her but in July we made up and I saw how happy they were so I invited them to the wedding (me and my ex brother in law were close).
I thought they’d put the differences aside for me for a single day because even tho my sister won’t admit it she has to be civil to them in the long run for her daughters sake
Well Friday when Kate and my sister showed up for a fitting all hell broke lose. My sister called Kate a “nitty prostitute” and asked me what kinda game I was playing, Kate was crying/apologising but sis just told to fuck off than left
Since than my sister told me she and her daughter aren’t going to my wedding, most of my family have joined her calling me a bridezilla and an asshole even my in laws are mad
So give it to me straight AITA for just wanting a perfect day were everyone puts their differences aside for me
I’m was asked to add this info-
Yes Kate knew my sister was gonna be there she wanted to talk to her and maybe try to mend things
No my ex BIL didn’t know he chewed both of us out because my sis is 8 months pregnant and has already been making it difficult to see his daughter
Me and Kate are closer than me and my sister my sister and I have an ok relationship but the age gap does get in the way and my sister is closer to our younger brother
Also my sister is telling people to chose ether go to my wedding or she’ll never speak to them again
I'll keep this short. When my and ex's daughter "Megan" was turning 13 she wanted a tiered Harry Potter cake (she loves the movies). She was very specific in what she wanted. I told her as gently as I could that I didn't think we'd be able to afford that. And my Ex took that opportunity to be the "fun parent" and said in a doting voice "Oh baby don't worry, Daddy will get you your cake." She was all smiles and ran off to get her bags.
I told him if he was going to promise this to order it early, cuz bakeries require advance order. He got all huffy and said he "knew what the fuck [he] was doing" and I should mind my business. I said anything involving our daughter IS my business. He said he didn't need my help, and I should just handle the birthday party and he'd get the cake. I said okay then they left for the weekend.
I know my Ex. He puts things off that aren't about him. I knew he was going to forget to order. Usually I'd pester him so he wouldn't forget. But he said he didn't need my help so I decided to not bring it up unless he did. But I did call a friend I have who started decorating cakes to order the cake from her. It cost a bit more than I'd have liked but not as much as I'd been worried it would.
Well he never brought the cake up again. At least not until the DAY BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY. Where he called me, frantic. He forgot to order the cake. And now NONE of the bakeries will take his order without tacking on a MASSIVE fee cuz there's no way they can have the cake ready unless they focus their FULL STAFF on ONE cake. I was going to tell him not to worry, I ordered the cake for him. But then he says "Why didn't you remind me?!" I just snapped and said he needed to figure this out and he better have a cake tomorrow, then I hung up.
He brought a cake... a plain white sheet cake with red trim and one of those print out sugar decals on the front of harry potter and his two friends. And a wax '11' candle.... she was turning 13. He revealed the cake DURING her party so everyone was sitting quiet and Megan looked heartbroken and tried to be nice but she asked what happened to the cake she wanted. Ex floundered and I let him for a few seconds before laughing "HAHA JUST KIDDING!" And then I went and pulled the cake I ordered from the kitchen.
Megan LIT UP and everyone laughed and it was just one huge joke and the rest of the party went great. But after everyone went home and Megan was in her room Ex tried to lay into me about "humiliating... keep reading on reddit ➡
My MIL has never liked me, and it only seemed to get worse when I married her son, and now we have kids.
No matter the fact my husbands ex cheated on him, MIL looks past it and acts like they are made for each other, and expects them to get back together.
It's been 15 years since they were married, and you know surely they would have moved on, but not according to MIL, she is still extremely close with my husbands ex and makes comments constantly about them getting back together.
I haven't spoken to MIL since the summer where she made a comment, about our kids being raised by hubby's ex. And how much an amazing mom she would be. Thankfully the kids don't know her, even though MIL insists of them meeting an old friend of Thier dads.
Which my husband has told her won't happen, because he isn't friends, and he doesn't want her around the kids.
MIL though went around my husband and asked me directly if his ex could come over for Christmas at our house, telling me his ex wasn't going home for Christmas, and MIL doesn't want her to be alone on Christmas.
When I told her no, MIL literally cried and then went on about me being ungrateful, and how if it wasn't for me they would still be togother.
I don't know how that would work out since the ex ruined Thier marriage and me and hubby meet three years later...
When my husband was in high school, he dated his best friend at the time for two months. They didn't break up, she died in a car accident, God rest her soul. I also attended the same high school, albeit as a student two years junior, but we only started dating after we both went to colleges that were close by each other.
From when we started dating to now, my husband has had a stuffed bear with an audio clip of his ex saying "I love you" in it. You know, one of those bears that you squeeze and they say the audio. Every night, he squeezes it and it supposedly helps him fall asleep. He never went to therapy to get over her death, and the fact that he still has the bear and squeezes it to help him fall asleep at least once every night leads me to believe that he still hasn't moved on from her death.
At first, when we started dating, I was okay with it. I know that everyone has different times for processing loss, and that she wasn't just his lover, but also based on what he told me, she was his best friend who was there for some hard times in his life. However, as the years went on, and he remained attached to the bear if not more so, I suggested and started pushing for therapy. He adamantly refused at the time, saying we couldn't afford it, which was true, because we were both struggling financially. Now, however, we're both financially stable and able to afford therapy. He still refuses to go. We got into a huge fight about it yesterday, and I ended up taking his bear. I told him that I won't give it back until he promises to either attend some sort of online counseling or actual therapy when this pandemic is over. My husband is extremely upset with me.
I don't want him to get rid of the bear by any means. I think that it's a lovely idea to continue to honor the memory of his best friend, but his attachment to the bear is nuts. He NEEDS to hug it every night no matter what, panics is he cant find the bear, panics if I take it for a bit to wash or clean it, etc. I want him to keep the bear, but stop being so attached to it. I communicated this to him several times over the years, but he has either brushed me off or told me that I'm disrespecting his ex.
I know at face value what I did as definitely an asshole move, but I think I have enough justification and reason behind my actions. It's going to be twenty two years next month since she died, and I just don't think his obsessive attachment for this long is healthy. Still though, my husband hasn't talked... keep reading on reddit ➡
My husband cheated on me and moved out 4 months ago.
We were in the process of filing for a divorce but we were still getting our stuff in order first.
He moved in with the woman he's been cheating on me with for past four years. I've been married to him for a year but we've been together for 5 years.
My soon to be ex husband passed away two months ago in an accident.
Since we are still legally married, I get everything. I'm still the beneficiary on his life insurance, his investment accounts, everything. And none of our assets were even split yet.
The woman he's been living with came wailing to my door saying she's supposed to get his half. And that she's expecting a baby with him.
This is the first I heard of a pregnancy. My ex was cremated as per his wishes. He has no other family.
There isn't any formal way for her to get a child tested for paternity (if the child even exists).
I'm also not legally obligated to provide anything for this supposed child. I simply called the police after she refused to leave my doorstep.
AITA? While I'm sad my husband died, I stopped loving him after the betrayal. But I'm definitely financially much more secure now. I've been getting grief from two people for not splitting the money.
I’ve changed some things about this just in case my family sees. My (27) soon to be ex-husband (45) was a terrible person. Through therapy I’m realizing just how abusive he was. He gaslight me, raped me multiple times and groomed me since I was 16 (He was a TA at my school). But this isn’t about him.
The final straw was when he got me pregnant without my consent and my parents agreed with his verbal and sexual abuse because I got an abortion. They are extremely Christian and think that I shouldn’t have gotten and abortion and that he is justified in the abuse. I haven’t spoken to them since.
My mother reached out via email about wanting my forgiveness because they want to see me for the holidays. I honestly don’t think that they actually feel bad about siding with him. It seems like they just want me present for thanksgiving and the other upcoming holidays.
Of course I want to see my family, but after they sided with my abuser I feel like this could be a trap and he might be there. Or I feel like this could be an ambush for them to try and encourage me to not proceed with the divorce.
Should I visit my family for the holidays? It’s not just my parents I’m missing out on.
FYI: Our holiday festivities are only 10 people at a time, masks are going to be worn at all times and eating will be done separated in distanced spacing.
Edit: Look, I change the ages and other details up so that people who know me won’t connect the dots. My ex husband I do have a large age difference. My ex and a few of my family members are very active on Reddit and I don’t want to have to deal with them knowing it’s me.
The victim blaming and doubt isn’t helpful, if you can’t be helpful just don’t comment.
Found out in July 2018 my husband was cheating on me with his sons mom. We didn’t really have anymore problems with it after that. I’ve also gone to every single one of his family events with him since, not to keep tabs but just because it’s what wives do I think. Anyway. For the first time ever I didn’t go to one of his family members birthday parties and of course she just happened to drop her child off alone (which I’ve never seen her do) and then she stayed and hung out with my husband, his family and even played with my bio daughter (not my husbands bio daughter). I don’t even know how to feel. I doubt anything happened since it was a child’s birthday. But what the heck. He hasn’t even told me she was there, SHE was the one who told me.
sorry, I deleted my first post because my husband uses reddit and I thought he had seen my post but he didn't
And just to clarify before someone says something yes, I (21F) started dating him (30M) when I was 17 but that's legal where we live.
Yesterday they came to our house to visit us and after dinner I went to another room to do some projects for college while they were in the living room. After a few hours I went downstairs to drink water and I heard how they were talking about me, I only heard when his friend asked him if I was as good in bed as his ex girlfriend, who is black, and he told him that for him I'm better because he loves me and because he likes the way I make him feel, which was very sweet of him since I lost my virginity to him and I don't have much experience with men, but what made me feel bad was that all his friends laughed and told him he was lying because there was no way a "white girl could be better in bed than a black woman" and my husband told him that it wasn't right to compare women, so the talk ended and after a few minutes they left and I told him that I heard what they said and how it hurt me to know that they hate me so much.
He told me so many sweet things to me to make me feel better and told me that he will cut off contact with them for a while until they learn to respect me because I'm his wife and they need to understand that. But honestly that didn't make me feel any better because I feel betrayed, in these four years I had a good relationship with them and I considered them my friends too, and the way they tried to get him to say that he prefers his ex made me feel so bad. But I don't want him to lose his friends because of me, should I let him cut off contact with them or pretend that nothing happened?
I forgot to cover them up, hopefully he didn't see.
Short but sweet one here.
My ex and I were together for about five years before we got married, and our marriage lasted about three. I was and still am an artist, and at the time I was struggling to make ends meet or get my art off the ground.
Part of that, I believe, is because I don't have a catchy name. It's about as plain as you can imagine. Think Jane Smith. However, when I married my ex, my name became something much more notable because his last name is much more unique-- think Jane Chalamet.
My art actually began to take off when we were still married. I was starting to get into shows, people were starting to notice, I was starting to make money. All of this was done (and signed) under the name Jane Chalamet.
We divorced (long story), and it's been about five years. My art is doing very well. I've kept the name Chalamet because that's... just my name, to me? It's the name associated with my brand and my portfolio. This wasn't an issue to my ex. However, he's about to be married again (they've been dating for the past couple of years), and his fiancee has suddenly expressed discomfort with my sharing her husband's name. Keeping in mind that I don't even know this girl (ex and I didn't super keep in touch, even though we're on amicable enough terms), I tried to be polite and explain that I don't even think of it as his name, but my own because of my career, but she wouldn't hear it.
I would have just shrugged it off, but now I'm having friends and family awkwardly saying that it is weird and I should just go back to being Jane Smith. I don't feel as though I should. While Chalamet is an unusual name, my ex and I are hardly the only people in the world with it, and I genuinely think it would generate a lot of confusion around my career. But I don't know. Am I just being an asshole here? I don't even think about my ex anymore. AITA?
To sum up, my parents in law have made it no secret that they vastly prefer my husband's abusive ex wife to me, and constantly send us Christmas cards with her name still on it, compare me to her, openly wish he was still with her, insinuate I broke them up, and claim they thought my husband was cheating on me with his ex. We also recently discovered they had his wedding photo with his ex up on their wall instead of his wedding photo with me, and my sister in law took it down and burned it on our behalf. We had minimal contact with them and mostly just found it annoying rather than a huge issue. The rest of my husband's family is lovely and furious at his parents for this and had been trying to get them to stop.
Well, my sister in law just had a baby so we went to meet him (after a covid test of course) and my parents in law were there. Of course they brought up my husband's ex multiple times. My husband was already very emotional (we'd had a frustrating time getting there and he was overwhelmed meeting his new nephew) and eventually after a comment about how his ex was a sweet girl, he burst into tears, turning my parents in law into stammering, awkward messes trying to claim they did nothing wrong. My sister in law and her husband immediately took the opportunity to kick them out of their house.
My sister in law and a couple of other family members have now made it clear my parents in law are not welcome back at their places until they can promise to stop bringing up my husband's ex. Let's see if that actually works. Even if it doesn't, I still count this as a win. At least they know people won't put up with it anymore, and it has consequences.
Link to the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ioneid/would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back_together/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Its been a few days now since I've posted and reddit has given me some solid advice especially the kind redditors who messaged me directly. I'm very grateful for this cause it helped me calm down and not give in to my impulses.
The morning after I posted, I texted Mike saying that I needed time and space to think about everything. He then replied with "I've waited 10 years, I can wait a bit longer". My heart melted.
When the kids woke up, our son was looking for his dad. He's at the age now where he pretty much idolized his dad. I get why though, Mike is an amazing dad. Our daughter gave me the stink eye all morning.
After lunch, when our son was in his room playing video games, my daughter confronted me about Mike. She basically said how she knew there was something going on (guess we're not that sneaky) and that she didn't want our fighting to affect their lives. She thought we were fighting.
Now, the divorce affected her but not as badly as expected. We made sure to get her counseling immediately after and made extra sure her life was as normal as possible. I'm not gonna delude myself and think she wasn't hurt by it but I'm pretty confident in saying we dealt with it pretty well. Or as well as we could.
I then had the conversation about how we weren't fighting but quite the opposite... We were thinking about getting back together. She thought about it for a while and said she was happy for us and hoped it was forever this time.
The next day I dropped my kids off at my parents house so I could talk to Mike at his place. We had a long talk about how we felt about each other, what we plan to do about it going forward, and as many of you suggested what he planned to do next time we hit a rough patch especially since we plan on having a 3rd kid. He told me that the night he cheated still haunted him 10 years later. He told me how it wasnt worth it one bit and how it was the biggest mistake of his life. He said that if ever we hit a rough patch again, we would talk about it like adults. He even suggested we do couples counseling every now and then even when times are good. I liked this idea. There are some details about our conversation that I want to keep private but long story short we got back together. We are going to take it slow and in every step we take, we both... keep reading on reddit ➡
Due to several extenuating circumstances (like COVID), my ex husband and I had to live together for a while after our divorce. We are civil with each other and don't fight (mostly due to my restraint lol), so it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was such a relief when we were finally able to physically separate a couple months ago. We do share children, so we have to be a part of each other's lives.
In the months before moving out he did start to do some incredibly invasive things like constantly digging through my drawers and standing outside the bathroom door while I was in the shower. I confronted him when it got to be too much, but knowing he was moving out soon, I tried to ignore as much as I could just to keep the peace. Now that he is out, he will still me periodically text me just to chat. Sometimes about work or silly things about the kids did or just daily life stuff and I just do not want to talk to him beyond the logistics of taking care of our kids. So far I have obliged him with simple replies, sometimes delaying responses or when I'm done talking I just ignore him, but he isn't taking the hint. It is especially annoying in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed as that is my quiet time.
I don't want to be rude and I feel bad because I don't think he has any friends, but I am just DONE and don't want my day interrupted by idle chit chat with someone I have chosen to no longer be in a relationship with. If we didn't have kids we wouldn't interact at all, but it seems the tie of the children has him believing we are still friends or that everything is "cool" between us when it's not. What do I do?
Now that was a smug cocksucker
My 33F son was born with a congenital heart defect, he had a surgery during his first year, That's where my suffering began, my life literally changed, my husband and I started working with his pediatric cardiologist to take care of him although we felt hopeless because his condition continued to get worse, he had a low weight for his age and wasn't able to get enough nutrition.
My husband started getting depressed and slowly pulled away from our child's care, I did everything, took care of everything I had to home monitor my son 24/7 and took the lead in managing his medication,procedures and therapy for two years, My husband sat me down and told me it was best or us to get separated, he said he couldn't cope with this new life and me being emotionally "absent" from him and having to care for our son all the time, he said he couldn't live like that anymore.
He added to my suffering by having me attend court sessions while trying to take care of my sick son, he just left me to take care of my son alone, he just walked it was that simple for him, I'm so grateful my family stood by me during this difficult time.
I later found out that he got married again, moved away and was living a normal life completely forgetting about his sick son. But I made sure my son had everything he needed, But after everything I've done, it just wasn't enough, he passed away, he was taken from me in an instance, all this joy he brought to my life is now replaced with heartache and lonliness and it's horrible feeling.
I tried to call him, after all he was my son's dad, but he changed his number, I couldn't find a way to get to him, After the funeral I stayed for additional 2 weeks with my family that's when my ex husband rushed in and came at me for not telling him about his son's death, he berated me and said that I was heartless and called me nasty names and was upset he had to hear the news from an outsider, I tried to explain to him but my attempts were met with yelling and cursing, I yelled back telling him that he abandoned his son while sick to go marry again and didn't visit nor called, he defended himself saying my fault was way bigger and greater than his and that no good mother does this, my dad sided with him and told me to be more understanding of his anger, I didn't wanna talk anymore because I was in the middle of grieving my baby and he had to pull this in me and turn my dad against me pretending to care now that it's too late.
LinkedIn suggested him to me as a contact, because I'm alumni at the college he works at.
I looked him up on a professor rating website out of curiosity, and I was absolutely not prepared for how validating the student testimonials were. His rating was terrible. People were ranting about how disrespectful and rude he is.. how he makes you feel like shit for the slightest mistake, or how he acts like you're stupid for asking questions. His students hated him!
I feel seen by so many people, and it's really hard to digest what I'm feeling, right now...
I wanted to share and celebrate with you all. It feels like people only know the tip of the ice burg of what I’ve been through. I can’t really talk about it on Facebook because I still have my ex mother in law on there (but maybe I will take her off now). It’s a surreal feeling. No one can ever take my daughter away from me again. She’ll never be in the hands of an abuser again. We are finally free.
Edit 1: thank you for all the awards! I love having reddit coins that I can use to give other people awards
Edit 2: I wanted to clarify that we’ve been separated for 10 years and the divorce process has taken this long. I didn’t recently leave them.
For some background, we met in college, and he was the first person I'd ever really seriously dated. We got married when we were 24. The 6 months prior to getting married, he had an emotional affair with a "friend" of mine. A month after we got married he cheated with her. We eventually decided to move to a different state to try to work things out between us.
This effort lasted about 7 more years, until I told him I wanted a divorce 2 years ago. During the time we were trying to make it work, he became depressed and anxious. Both his parents died. I became his caretaker basically. He couldn't drive or leave the house due to panic attacks. He had zero friends. He refused to seek help. I was an enabler. I lost friends and was deeply unhappy for these years. He was manipulative, and selfish, and eventually I came to realize that he did not value me as a person, and would always put his own needs in front of mine, no matter what. Even asking him to help me clean the house we shared would send him off, and by the time he was finished, I would believe that I was selfish for expecting him to help me. Every time I expressed a boundary, or a need, or a wish, if it was inconvenient for him at all, he would fuck with my head until I somehow believed I didn't need that boundary. Even with sex stuff that was uncomfortable for me. He made me believe I couldn't be a good partner unless I satisfied those needs, even though I got no pleasure out of it, and had expressed many times that it was a boundary I didn't want to cross. I felt used. I started to go to bed earlier than him to avoid him trying to instigate anything. Or I would sleep on the couch whenever I could justify it.
I didn't really know that the relationship was emotionally abusive, I just thought it was normal. It wasn't until I finally got the courage to leave that he started threatening suicide to get me to stay. We went to counseling, but for me it was just about closure. For him, he didn't want to let go. He tried everything he could to convince me to stay but I knew I would rather take any risk than continue in the relationship. It was so manipulative. I saw it for what it was, and my role in his life, and I felt so devalued and used. After about a year of living apart, I really started to understand how bad the dynamic was for me, and it was like I had to rebuild my personality. I was extremely fearful of interactions with him, but I also still felt somehow responsible for his feelings. I still fe... keep reading on reddit ➡
I (34F) am Indian, but my family moved to the US when I was in middle school. My ex-husband is white American. We split up just after my daughter’s (“Ana”) birth in 2017. He was cheating during my pregnancy, got the AP pregnant, and made her abort. He’s a scum bag, but we share custody.
Anyway, it’s important in my culture to shave a toddler’s first hair. The idea is to cut off any negativity from the past life — I’m not a religious person, but it’s still a very important ceremony. Everyone does it, even if you are atheist.
Well, my ex-husband was bitching and moaning about it for months leading up to the ceremony, but I told him it was happening no matter what. We had the mundana ceremony a few months ago, and Ana’s hair is slowly growing back. Every time my ex picks up Ana for his week, he uses the opportunity to complain about her hair. My parents think he’s just racist.
AITA for going through with the ceremony despite him not liking it? In my view, Ana deserves to know her culture, and hair grows back.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ixi3pf/should_i_33f_tell_my_best_friend_33f_that_im/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=s
Ok, so first of all thank you for all the advice. I got a lot of mixed replies ranging from telling her, not telling her, or letting Ben tell her.
So the day after I posted, I went to Ben's house to help the kids with their homeschooling as always. Ben, his mom, and the kids all surprised me with a big breakfast which was really lovely. After that, Ben's mom said that she'd help the kids for now and Ben and I had a little talk about Ana. He told me he wants to tell her himself since he was the one who asked me out I agreed.
Later in the day I got an angry call from Ana calling me a man-stealer (what?) And a bunch of nasty things. Apparently, since we were friends Ben was supposed to be off limits. She told me how I "stole" the love of her life. I guess she wanted to come back after milking the new guy? Im not very good at dealing with confrontation so I just hung up, blocked her, and cried. Im pretty sure the friendship is over at this point and there's no going back.
Ben later told me that when he told Ana, he got the same BS about how she still loved him, wanted to come home, etc. Then when he said he was going to start dating me gush her tone changed to her fighting him for custody. Ben assured me he talked to his lawyers and it would be very unlikely that she'd win, especially since shes barely seen them since the divorce. It's also worth noting that Ana's new boyfriend is childfree (she told me) so I doubt he'd relish the thought of a couple of kids wreaking havoc in his fancy condo in the city.
Friday's date was amazing. Ben took me out for a drive and we ended up having dinner on the beach with meals him and his mom cooked. Without boring you guys with too much detail... We're both into each other and have been for the longest time (2 years for me, a year for him after he fully got over Ana). Hes always wanted to ask me out but was too afraid to do so till his mom scared him by saying some other guy would snap me up (thanks for the assist Ben's mom). We already have a pseudo blended family thing going on. I mean... My son goes with them when they go camping, fishing, and all the father/son stuff. Ben's pretty much the closest thing to a dad my boy has ever had.
We're definitely not rushing into things and have agreed that whatever happens between us, stays between us. He's stil... keep reading on reddit ➡
Edit 2: I'm talking to the lawyer about modifying the divorce decree. I know it's not going to stop anyone but the comments about my current relationship are getting a little ridiculous, as are the ones about the dog custody agreement or whatever you want to call it. You know literally nothing about my current relationship and trying to make weird judgement calls about it just makes you look stupid, as does being hung up on the dog aspect of the story.
Edit because I'm too lazy to keep answering the same question: it's not altogether uncommon to have ownership/"visitation" of a dog included in divorce proceedings! the statute or whatever it falls under was more designed for things like beach houses or boats or whatever but when both parties can't decide between themselves where the dog should live or one party causes trouble about where the dog should live the judge can make a call on what happens to keep things simple and usually civil.
My ex and I married fairly young. we were each other's only partner and just simply outgrew each other. we divorced in 2016 and one year later I started dating my current partner.
The only reason my ex and I are still in contact is because of our dog. we had two dogs when we were married and during the initial separation he took one and I took the other. He "couldn't take care of" the dog he took and gave her to his parents without asking me about it (I would've taken her) and then regretted it and threw a fit about not being able to see the other dog. It ended up going to court as part of the divorce proceedings and now I have to take the dog to see him one weekend a month. If you hadn't guessed by now his being a man child was part of the reason we divorced.
I always wanted kids, he didn't and he was way too immature and emotionally stunted to have kids with anyway. My current partner also always wanted kids but was widowed young and didn't date again for almost 10 years after his wife died (he'd been widowed for 15 years when we met). We started trying for a baby after getting engaged in December and ended up getting pregnant pretty much right away and our baby is due in November.
I intentionally didn't mention this to my ex. I use social media very rarely and we have chosen not to announce on social media until after the baby is born. on Saturday we met up for the scheduled dog visit, which was the first time he'd seen me in a month. because i'm fairly tall it took a long time to actually look pregnant and... keep reading on reddit ➡
My ex and I have three kids, 17m, 13m, and 8f. They all live with my ex and his new wife and her kids full time. (Too long for the limit, but that's by mutual agreement between me and my ex.) I have an apartment about two hours away in a fairly large city. My oldest son (Drew) called me several months ago and told me he's been seeing a boy for awhile now. I admit I was thrown at first, that's not something I would have ever guessed about Drew. But I let him know he had my support. He said he wasn't ready to tell his dad yet, and I told him I wouldn't say anything.
It's been months and I haven't told my ex. I understand why Drew doesn't want to tell him. I've never known my ex to be outright homophobic, but he does have a lot of set ideas about "being a man". I know he's sees Drew as an athlete and ladies man, and it's source of pride for him. I also know he and Drew fight a lot as it is. So I'm not surprised Drew isn't ready to tell him.
I've met my son's boyfriend and he seems like a sweet kid, and Drew seems happy. I know he's also been doing a lot better in school, and getting in less trouble overall, so I think the boyfriend is a good influence.
Well, my ex found out last week, and he's livid. We normally get a long okay, but he's furious at me for keeping this a secret from him. He says that since the kids live with him, I can't make calls like that. That if I'm not going to parent, I can't step in to things like this. He said it's easy to be laid back about things that aren't happening under my roof.
I said he's being ridiculous. It's not like I'm keeping from him that our 13 is doing drugs. Drew is almost an adult. All he's doing is dating a boy. He'll be out of that house in less than a year anyway. Plus, they are still my kids even though they don't live with me, and he came to me. I also reminded him that when we met in high school we used to sneak around and not tell our parents things all the time, and we both turned out okay.
The call ended when I called him a homophobic jackass and he told me that absent mother's don't get to make parenting decisions. I still think i made the right call, but my ex is right that he's a full time parent and I'm not. AITA?
Ron Erickson was weird, vulgar, and broken: like many men can be in the military. We knew he had a sordid past and we knew his upbringing was strange to say the least.
He seemed like a harmless man.
My husband, Ben, went to the same post-boot camp school as this guy. He and a handful of boys were bonded by the shitty conditions and even shittier higher ups while attending school.
Ben married me while on leave, we’ve been together a long time and known each other much longer than that. Eventually we moved into an apartment together at his duty station in Southern California. It was wonderful. Ron would come around occasionally and spend weekends with Ben. Sometimes he even slept in our home on the sofa or an air mattress in the living room. Eventually we moved to a larger house on the military base and Ron had to deploy to Japan. It was a long six months! Life went on normally without him. Friends came and went. This isn’t unique.
Eventually it was Bens turn to deploy. It was hard to cope but fine, we said our goodbyes and smooched and he was off to strengthen his sea legs for the next six months. When Ron came back to California, one week after Ben deployed, he wanted to pick up a box of his things from our home we had tucked away for safe keeping for him. I was excited to see the familiar face! He picked up his things, shared small talk and left. Nothing strange at all, honestly.
Knowing he was back from his journey and many of his friends were deployed with Ben, I extended some kind and friendly words over Facebook messenger occasionally: wishing him well, being polite. Unfortunately for both of us mistook my kindness as romantic gestures.
One night at 2am Ron called me via facebooks calling feature. Concerned for him, I answered. I thought the worst: had he become depressed? Maybe suicidal? I can’t in good consciousness deny a listening ear to someone who maybe needed it, especially someone my husband is somewhat fond of. The conversation started somewhat normal, as normal as a strange unwarranted 2am call could be. He was loud, possibly drunk, and sounded desperate for conversation. He rambled on fora while then admitted to me that as a child he had a sexual relationship with his younger step sister. He talked in a lot of circles but a few statements that stood out to me were “I just can’t trust myself around women, especially alone” “I’ve always liked you” “I think you’re hot and I remember the way you looked in your bikini at the beach” Dur... keep reading on reddit ➡
We have had a disastrous relationship. It started out fine but once we moved to a different state 5 years ago it all went downhill. There were some red flags that I saw in him in the beginning from him but I was so in love I chose to ignore them. It’s been 5 long years of him yelling at me, screaming, throwing stuff at me, punching holes in walls close to my face, raping me, threatening to take our son away from me..
But after 1 child and 5 years later it’s finally over. My friends and family rallied behind me. I got a new place, have primary custody of my son and I’m happy now. We’re now working on our separation agreement. I was ready to sign up until yesterday. I’ve been checking the mail at the old house and found a bill in his name for a hospital we don’t go to. So I thought “we’re still married I’m going to open it.” When I did I found a bill that he was tested for Gonorrhea and chlamydia....the test was done less than a week after he left me. I suspected he was cheating on me in the months before this but I couldn’t prove it until now. I found the girls Instagram and I saw a pic of her standing on his truck and another picture with his reflection clearly in the microwave. She looks like a nice girl and I almost feel sorry for her because she doesn’t know what she’s stepping into. Oh, and she also works where he works. He works at a mall and would always tell me to dress like the hot girls there. BUT that’s also not my problem. I’m sure she knows he’s married. I’m also his (soon to be) SECOND ex wife.
It hurts because he gave me a lot of shit about his last wife. She cheated on him and he constantly told me that if I ever cheated on him I’d throw me out and take everything from me.
I’m trying to take full custody of our son now. In our agreement that isn’t signed yet we are supposed to disclose any new relationships because it can be confusing to our son being around new people. I intend on staying single forever. No way in hell im letting a man live with me again.
He’s coming on Sunday for his 2 days with our son. He doesn’t know I know. I’m scared.
I’m Sorry if this sounds scattered. I’m working night shift and I’m very tired. He’s given me one penny in child support or alimony so far even though I’ve asked. He keeps blowing me off.
Also for more context. We lived in a house his mother bought us as a wedding present. When she learned we were separating she went through the process of evicting me knowing I couldn’t afford to go anywhere... keep reading on reddit ➡
This happened last night, but the scars will last a while. My ex husband and I are close friends. He's out of town, so he asked me to house sit and take care of his dogs. I got here yesterday, got some work done on my latest project, and decided to end the day with a nice relaxing soak in the whirlpool tub. I wiped the tub down, filled it with piping hot water, added salts and a few drops of essential oils. I lit candles and poured a glass of champagne. It was beautiful. I lowered myself into the tub slowly, sank down, and sighed in happiness. Then I turn on the jets to kick everything off. I learned back, and for a few brief moments, I was in heaven. Then I opened my eyes. There were black slugs swimming in my bath. Hundreds of them. It was horrifying. I screamed like a banshee and dove out of the tub, falling to the floor. In my panic I knocked the wine glass off the tub ledge, shattering it. Now I'm naked on the floor, wet and covered in broken glass. The tub jets are still on, and now spraying the entire room with water. After managing to grip the counter and haul my ass up off the floor, I see that I have little cuts all over my legs, hands, and abdomen. Now the dogs are roused, and they are barking and jumping at the door. I tried to get ahold of myself enough to open the door, but as I do so, the largest dog pushes through, knocking me BACK on to the broken glass, so at this point I now have to do what I can to keep the dogs from getting hurt. After a moment or 2 of total panic, I get the dogs out again. When I look into the tub, I realize there are no slugs, but apparently my ex hasn't cleaned the tub jets in a looooong time, because it is absolutely full of big pieces of the disgusting shit that builds up in tub jets. Big black pieces of that horrid mix of dead skin, oils, bacteria, and other delightful residues. I honestly think slugs might be LESS gross. So instead of relaxing, I spent the night cleaning and picking glass out of my wounds. Oh, and the dogs are fine, btw.
TL;DR...I took a bath in a whirlpool that wasn't as clean as it looked. I saw a thousand gross black slugs things floating around, panicked, dove out of the tub and ended up covered in broken glass and cuts
Our son had a game and me, my ex and his wife were watching on the bleachers. We were not sitting together. I was at the bottom, he was on the top, different stands, etc. I don't really have much interaction with my ex unless it has something to do with the kiddos. I have no real relationship with his wife (Jessie). I do pick up some tension from her though.
My ex had our son's phone and had to leave. For some reason he gave it to Jessica to give to me before they left. She hands me the phone and says "Here you go my sweetie." She said it sarcastically. I snapped at her that I'm not her sweetie. She was taken aback but the comment and tone and that was the first time in four years that we exchanged a single word.
My ex and I have a daughter who is 8. When she was 2, my ex left me and ran off with another woman. She was barely legal and he was in his mid thirties. Their marriage fell apart last year. She reached out to me and asked to see our daughter because our ex husband wouldn't let her. This woman was my daughter's step mom for 6 years and my daughter misses her very much and says she doesn't even miss going her dad's house because her stepmom isn't there. I asked my ex about it and he said that since she's divorcing him, she's not our daughter's stepmom anymore and he doesn't owe her anything. I tried to reason with him but he refused to listen.
So instead, my daughter's (former?) stepmom and I worked out a schedule where I cancelled her daily after school program and she goes to her stepmom's house instead. This is also a great arrangement for me because I'm saving several hundred dollars a month on childcare and my daughter often comes home from her stepmom's with her homework all done. It's a total win-win for me. Honestly it always felt like I was coparenting more with my ex husband's wife than with my ex husband so this doesn't feel that different.
Her father is livid about this because I circumvented him but I told him that it's my decision who she sees during my custody time. I already checked with a lawyer about this and he said I'm in the clear since my ex would regularly leave our daughter with her stepmom and there are no allegations of anything shady, but my ex and some of our mutual friends say I'm being unreasonable and petty and poisoning the relationship. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I think it's cruel to cut off our daughter's step mom just because she's divorcing him. AITA for ignoring my ex's opinion and letting our daughter go to her stepmom's after school?
Edit: Wow this really blew up. Thank you all for reassuring me! I thought you'd like to hear that my daughter just gave me a drawing titled "My parents and me" and she included me and her stepmom, but not her dad. Maybe I'm a little petty because I chuckled inside and made a scan for her stepmom. That picture is going to make me feel a lot better when my ex is being difficult.
I purchased a house before we were married, both of our names are on the deed (this was my realtors doing, not mine as I put the down payment down myself and solely hold the mortgage).
He started a business (a brewery) in the garage and then 1.5 years later told me he wanted a divorce. We got a dissolution. I told him I wanted to keep my house and we needed to talk about a lease and rent for his business.
My offer was: “$375 a month, plus you pay your portion of the utilities. If covid shuts down the bar, then you wouldn’t have to pay rent.”
He told me this- “I want a 5 year lease for $0/month in exchange for me signing my rights away on the house. We will calculate and pay for the water we use and give you $20 a month for the gas bill. I also want right to first refusal on the sale of the house within the term of the lease”.
They use my internet, electric, water and gas and plus he would be on my property 3+ days a week for 5 years. I’ve also been paying the entire water bill myself for over a year without realizing it was tied to the brewery and I have no security deposit from the business.
He said I “owe it to him to be fair” because he did physical work on the house (that total not amounting to over 8k) while he was living there/we were married.
I feel like $0 a month is a slap in the face and what is the point of him signing his rights if he still wants first refusal for 5 full years?
His business partner has a much larger space available to them that would give them room to expand and they could use for free, but here we are.
Please tell me, am I being an asshole?
Side info- House was purchased for 66k House was recently appraised for 83k I offered to sell it to him early on for 70k but the bank wouldn’t approve a loan for him in that amount, so I decided to keep it.
I (32f) have been married to my husband (34m) for 7 years and together for 10. He and his ex (35f) have two children together (14f) and (11m). My husband and I have three children together (6m) (4f) and (3f). My husbands ex has 4 other children and she's a single mom. My stepkids are the only kids of his ex who have a father involved.
I provide that information because my husband's ex has been struggling the last two years, after the birth of her youngest. Because of this my husband started providing more for my stepchildren, which is what the kids deserved, but now she has asked for increased child support and for us (me) to take her other four children sometimes to help her out and I have a problem with that.
This woman has been less than kind to me since day one. She engaged in parental alienation which we still feel the effects of even though it has gotten better in the last four years (since a judge threatened to change the parenting time if she didn't cut it out). The kids are still distant with me and favor their other siblings. But we're still in a better place than we were. I still don't like their mom. She tried to get me arrested because I picked my stepkids up from school on my husbands parenting time. Actually called the police and I was forced to provide the court order and proof it was my husbands parenting time. All the while she encouraged the kids to stay in he car. She has also allowed and encouraged her younger kids to bully mine (we had an issue with my older two and two of her kids). I had to get my son moved to a different class and sent my middle to a different daycare.
I know my husband feels we need to help her because she's the mother of his kids and I respect if he wants to give some of his time. But he will not offer mine and I have told him this. I also don't want him taking from our family and putting us in financial hardship, which what they are talking about would do. I also told him to think of what it would be like for our kids being around kids who have been taught how to be unkind to them. I also fear it will hurt them to see their older siblings love on the others and not them which has happened before.
I was told to post this here. I appoligize for my spelling and grammer. I am autistic and have dyslexia.
I married what I thought was the love of my life and high school sweatheart at age 20 right before he joined the army 'to help support us'. Two years down the line and I found out he cheated on me when I found everything from porn videos of him in Army uniform to photos of him having sex with another girl on my 21st birthday cause he was angry at me, to texts once I got into his phone with 2 women and a man he is still with to this day (he is Bi) and had been cheating since we started dating back in high school. It was a train wreak to say the least not even mentioning the financial and emotional neglect and abuse he put me through during our marrige.
Before I left however I found out at the beginning of our marrige he used a huge amount of money solely under my name buying things for him and his side peices on my credit cards I never really used myself. He then didn't pay a dime on them and they have hit collections and collected insane amounts of intrest. We are talking $4000+ which is a huge amount for someone whos never had a yearly gross over $15,000. After we moved for the army to TX he never let me try to go to school to be a vet like he promised or even work for the 2 years I was with him and would take away any and all electronics including my cell phone at one point so I couldn't even fill out applications or talk to friends or family. If I manged to via another device and mentioned even the dumbest negitive thing about him he would yell how I was disrespectful and how things like that should be kept private and take away my electric I was using.... (again I know I was a idiot). He would never give me any money and constantly scream how I was using him for money if I asked for anything while he spent upwards of $400 a month on video games or other luxury items for him as he would tell me he deserved it as he was the one who earned the money. So I have no job experience and no education to back me up to even look at a good job (Again....I know I was dumb. I hope to go to college soon as I can).
Ive been away from this and trying to get a divorce while surviving completely on my own for a year now. He has been giving me $300 every 2 weeks when Ive been told because he is Army he is supposed to have been giving me BHA around $700 per 2 weeks. I cant cover food costs yet alone my divorce, rent, electric, etc on the $300 he gives me that barel... keep reading on reddit ➡
I don’t even know where she currently resides, I just lover her and think she’d bring an interesting aspect to the show.
We had a little meeting about our 9yo son's behavior with his teacher. She made a comment about how artistic he is and enjoys looking at his drawings and poems. My jumped in and said "he gets that from me." My ex has no artistic ability and I've been writing and painting since I was 15. So I said "actually he gets it from me, not dad." He called me a bitch after the meeting but I don't think I did anything wrong.