My husband asked me to stop cooking dinner to change a diaper while he sat on the couch.
Tonight I was cooking dinner for myself, my husband, our daughter, and my dad who lives with us. I popped in earbuds to listen to a podcast while I cooked.
About halfway through cooking dinner my husband got my attention from the couch and asks me how much longer until dinner is ready. I tell him 30 minutes. He says more but I can’t hear him so I tell him to hang on while I wash the raw shrimp off my hands so I can take out my earbuds and hear him.
Once I do he asks how long until dinner is ready. I tell him 30 minutes again. Then he asks if I’m in the middle of anything - because our daughter has to poop and it’s my turn to change her diaper.
My response: “what? I’m cooking dinner. It’ll be another 30 minutes”
He says he meant was I in the middle of any step. He was sitting on the couch listening to an audiobook on his phone with earbuds.
He says nevermind and heads upstairs with our daughter.
He comes into the kitchen later to get a drink. I ask him “did you really want me to stop in the middle of cooking dinner to change a poopy diaper so you could sit on the couch and listen to an audiobook?”
He says he meant was I in the middle of anything or just waiting while things cooked. The said “I did it anyway. I’m not mad. It was your turn”.
Me: “you asked me to stop cooking for everyone to do something for someone else, so you could do nothing on the couch”
He got frustrated with me and reiterated that it was my turn and he did it anyway.
My husband is great, but I’m flabbergasted that he couldn’t see that was a dick move. Am I the asshole here?
I have a lot of personal opinions when it comes to parenting - I'm pro cosleeping, I believe in letting babies wean themselves of breast milk, etc.
I have two sons, three and one, and they both sleep in mine and my husband's bed most nights. I always ask our oldest and he decides if he wants to sleep in his bed or ours, and with our youngest I put him in his crib every few nights just so he can sleep alone if need be.
Generally they both sleep in our bed, and this was an agreement me and my husband came to. I don't think he thought he'd sharing would go much past a year, but he accepted it. For some reason, these last two weeks, he's been really angry about it, even going as far to yell at our three year old when he went to grab his blanket to get in our bed.
We had a small fight, and I told him if he ever yelled at either of our children again he was on the street. He said he didn't want to share with them anymore, and I told him to sleep on the couch. He's been sleeping on the couch for the past few nights, and has been rather loudly complaining about back and neck pain.
His mother called yesterday and called me a "Self centered bitch," which isn't the worst she's called me, but it was grating. My father thinks I'm in the right, (a man should never raise his voice unless he's defending his family is one of his biggest rules) and my mother thinks we should come to an agreement.
I don't really know what to do. I understand that I'm in the wrong - my husband should be able to sleep in his own bed, but our children can't just have that added comfort ripped away from them.
I don't know if I should be apologizing or not. AITA?
A little update: After everyones judgement I did a lot of self reflecting and realised I couldn't continue pretending my marriage was fine, I spoke to some friends to help me get my feelings straight and last night had a much needed conversation with my husband. We've both accepted that our marriage is not going to get better, and we will be getting divorce in the future. My husband is going to pick up a bed to put in the boys room for me and the children until we get things further sorted. Thank you all for your help, I may post a full update at a later date.
For context, I(22F) was staying with my new boyfriends (23M, we will call J) family for the first time this Christmas. We returned home yesterday evening.
Yesterday I was watching TV, and I spent some time making a buffet lunch for all and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch. While I was doing this, my boyfriends brother (19M, we will call B) came downstairs and started messing with the TV.
I asked what he was up to since I was in the middle of watching a show, and he said he was setting up the switch to play smash bros with my boyfriend. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make an issue, so I just went and sat on the couch that was directly facing the tv, since that is where I’d set up the lunch and I wanted to have access to it to eat.
Here’s where the problem started. B came and sat next to me on the couch waiting for J, and J then came over and sat on a small side bank next to the couch. B made a comment to me that if I moved up a bit that J could probably fit, but as a short person (5’1), people always assume that they can ‘probably fit’ and most of the time I end up squished. Since I was eating my lunch I replied ‘I’ll move up once I’m done with my lunch’ and carried on eating.
I didn’t think anything of it since there’s multiple different seats J could have sat on that face the TV, including 2 office chairs he could have wheeled over and a bean bag also facing the tv. B and J kept making comments about ‘how much room I was taking up’ and ‘how much better it’d be if J could sit facing the tv’, so I felt pressured and only ate a little bit of the lunch I’d made and moved up so J could sit down.
As soon as he sat down, J started very deliberately pushing me against the side of the chair. It felt like he was punishing me for not moving the second he came over, and every time I moved in discomfort he kept pushing me really hard into the corner. I felt very unwelcome by this point and so left the room quite upset and went to lay on my own in the bedroom until it was time for us to go home.
I never planned to bring it up again, but this afternoon J brought it up and mentioned what an asshole I was acting the day before when I wouldn’t move. I defended myself and commented that they had never even asked me to move, just kept making comments and expecting me to, and that there was other places he could sit.
He outright called me a liar and said he had asked me, and then he text his brother and asked him if they’d asked m... keep reading on reddit ➡
My wife and I have been married for around 2 years now. It’s went well with no real problems that I know of. Since the pandemic we haven’t went out much at all. We are both at the house almost 24/7. Because if this we don’t really dress up much or anything like that. Even though I don’t dress up or really go out, I still like to try to keep myself groomed the best I can. I shower everyday and still shave and all that. She on the other hand does not at all. Every since we have been staying at home more she hardly ever showers or does any grooming. I’d say at most that she showers twice a week. Recently it’s probably been closer to one. We haven’t worked out much or done a lot to sweat, but still, she doesn’t really wash anywhere that I know of.
Not only that but she’s just gotten pretty gross all together. She hasn’t shaved anywhere. This one is more understandable to me. I know I’m not able to control how she looks, and if she wants to grow her hair out everywhere then she is welcomed to. But she just looks completely different. She even has a little bit of facial hair. This is all really crazy to me because before, she was completely shaven everywhere and always dressed up and clean. I tried to let this go for a while. The other week I finally decided that I needed to bring it up. I asked if something was wrong. She said no. I kept asking and she promised that she wasn’t. She said she was not depressed or anything like that. I decided to drop it then.
Well recently I’ve been having trouble going to sleep because of the smell. Our sex life has been ruined as well from it. I would think she could tell but she hasn’t said anything about it. I finally told her that I needed to talk to her. I just said that I can’t handle her smell anymore and that she needed to do something about it. She looked upset. She said it wasn’t my right to tell her what to do with her body. I said that I understood that, but if she wants to keep that up that she’s either going to need to sleep on the couch or go stay with her parents. She stared sobbing and ran out of the room. Since then she had barely spoke to me and won’t come close to me. I haven’t apologized yet as I don’t feel I’m in the wrong. Am I the asshole here?