For some parents, they decide to abort their baby because they can't handle the emotional/financial stress it might put on them. I respect all special needs people and I'm constantly grateful on how easy I have it. For this particular reason, I don't want to have a special needs child simply because I don't want one. I don't want to come off as a jerk so I have to repeat, I respect and don't think less of special needs people
Edit: Sorry if I haven't made it clear what I meant by not wanting a special needs child. I mean a child that can not live life as a full adult. If my child is mildly autistic (yes, I'm aware it isn't detectable during pregnancy), I can deal with that but definitely not children who can never be independent
I had a very short relationship with a woman. We weren't really together because I don't well, have relationships with people very often because it disgusts me. I have diagnosed OCD but would be a germaphobe even without that. I've been in therapy but some things don't go away. I don't have as many of the rituals, but I can't just ignore how disgusting people are. I can't deal with bodily fluids at all. I know immediately when something (ex. a baby needing a diaper change while I'm holding them) happens and I just need them away from me so I can try to not need to leave immediately to go puke and/or take a shower.
I also have epilepsy, and with my meds and condition, I have to have a solid 8 hours of sleep every night. There are no exceptions to this unless I want to be of even less help and end up in the hospital with potentially now ineffective meds. Because of these two things, I never wanted to have children or thought that it would happen. I've always used condoms on the rare occasions that it came up, but one condom breaks and here we are.
When my child's mother got pregnant, I made sure she was aware of these things, but she chose to keep the baby anyway. We broke up, and while there is no formal child support, I try to help. I visit her and the baby multiple times a week and can hold the baby so she can go do something else, it just can't last that long before she has to come deal with it. I cannot change diapers or do feeds or anything like that.
She is now complaining that she has to do everything by herself, is overwhelmed, and has no help because she can't just have constant visitors like in normal times and I "don't do anything" (because I literally can't). I reminded her that she knew what she signed up for when she insisted on keeping the baby and now she's mad at me and is enlisting whoever she can. Am I in the wrong here? She chose this knowing that I wouldn't be able to help her beyond money.
I am a special needs parent whose son's disorder is so rare that they couldn't detect it in utero. He was diagnosed at almost 1 after, in addition to the many other problems he was having, he began to have seizures and thus genetic testing.
I am currently pregnant and on a parent forum where so many parents post about not knowing if they would do the early genetic screening and it's followed by even more parents saying it would matter what the results are they wouldn't do anything about it.
Life is hard. Life as a special needs parent is even harder. I've lived both ways and I hate the naivety and toxic positivity that dwells among these communities.
I hate that my son was born with his issues. It has taken a toll on every aspect in my life. There is no real specials needs child care. The amount of procedures, doctors appointments, surgeries, extensive therapies, equipment is ungodly expensive and exhuasting. He suffers in ways that I can't do anything about. My relationship has gravely suffered, we never get to spend time without him and when we do it's brief.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish this wasn't my life. I see too many people on instagram etc. Posting in matching clothes with inspirational quotes and nobody is being honest. It sucks. It's not fair to me or my family.
It's isolating as hell. People act like you're an amazing parent just because you're going through this when half the time I'm falling apart.
Does any of this mean I don't love and cherish my son? No. But, If faced with results of another genetic disorder or something similar, I would absolutely terminate.
Edit: I feel like people need to understand something which I've commented to another user:
This post specifically highlights the hardships I face. Which is relevant to the point I'm making. It doesn't mean I don't love my son. Loving him and treating him well is not mutually exclusive to the struggles his disorder causes myself and my family.
Being honest and candid about how hard it is instead of fairy taling myself as some noble hero and smiling my way through it all allows a space for other parents or be able to feel safe in their own challenges. Many of these parents desperately need that. Many people need to understand that it is willfully ignorant to not consider the genuine challenges they will face forever with a special needs child.
If you can't separate the fact that if I were given a crossroads choice of being a special needs parent or n... keep reading on reddit ➡
My boyfriend of a year found out he was going to be a father by his ex-girlfriend when she was 8months pregnant and the baby is now four months old. They dated for a long time before breaking up and he and I met about eight weeks or so later when I moved to this town. Before he and I started dating I never even met this girl, not until she had given birth and I never had a problem with her.
This girl, however, has a problem with me, because she thought the two of them would get back together (he initiated the break up and she didn't want to) and I sort of ruin that plan by simply existing. She's jealous and she's openly said she thinks I should go away so her baby can have an intact family. When we refused to break up she took him to court for custody and child support and used my criminal record against me so that I can only be around the baby when my boyfriend is present and I cannot stay in our apartment overnight when the baby is there. My criminal record is a lone case, from several years ago, I was 18 and made a stupid, senseless, idiotic choice that had consequences. No one was hurt but one of the people I committed the crime with was under 18 and those of us over 18 were all charged with child endangerment. I'm currently at the tail-end of my plea deal probation and have had no infractions or violations and strive to make up for the stupidity of my past.
So two nights out of every week, plus every other weekend, I have to find other accommodations, which is kind of a drain on my financials and also makes me angry because even though I'm not on the lease at our apartment, I pay 50% of the bills and can prove this with proof-of-payments and credit card statements, etc. So, 12 days out of the week I have to leave my home, and my boyfriend is now paying child support and spending money to buy the baby food and clothes and toys, doctors bills and such, so he can't afford to help me.
The other day I was running some errands with my best friend and the baby's mother happened to be at the same shopping complex. She waved at me and began to come over. I don't want to deal with her for all the obvious reasons so my friend and I hurried up loading the car and drove away. Later my boyfriend came to me and said the baby's mom was blowing his phone up with complaints because I ignored her. He told me that he's trying to keep a cordial relationship with her even if she refuses to do the same and now this girl was threatening to take him back to court and get h... keep reading on reddit ➡
So when my husband and I were looking at houses we found this great one with a pool in the backyard. Normally it would have been out of our price range, but this one was a great deal. The reason why was because one of the neighbors children had drowned in the pool last summer.
I know it’s really morbid, but my husband and I discussed it and we decided we could look past it. I mean we could never otherwise afford anything like it. It was big enough that all our kids could finally have their own bedrooms.
When we had moved in the pool was empty and we didn’t see the point in filling it since at the time it was too cold out to go swimming anyway. Since it’s getting hot out now we decided to finally fill it last week. Our kids had a great time swimming and were having fun laughing and playing games.
Later though husband was confronted by our neighbor (the one whose kid died) saying that the sounds of kids playing in the pool was traumatizing to his family and that we were horrible for letting our kids play in that pool after what happened.
Since then we’ve learned from an online post that several other people in the neighborhood similarly feel that we are being insensitive by letting out kids play in the pool. Many of them thinking that the right thing to do would have been to get rid of the pool or fill it up.
Even considering it all though we don’t want to get rid of our pool. We never had a pool before, but now we’re really enjoying it and our kids do too.
We’ve noticed a lot of comments are telling us to put in a fence. We already have a tall fence that is completely solid (not see through) and we always keep the gate locked.
Also the child in question died while swimming during a pool party.
So that’s going to be all for us and we’re going to sign off now. Sorry we didn’t read them all, but thanks for all your comments.
So I (f/30) am currently pregnant - wish I could say I'm excited but at this point I'm still scared out of my mind.
It's still early days but I have started to make arrangements, since the father of the child, let's call him Andy, ditched me very unceremoniously a week after I told him the news.
We stayed in contact after that but Andy can't decide whether he wants to be involved or not so I decided to just start making plans on my own. I'm currently part-time taking care of my sick grandmother and I work fulltime, so I'm busy enough as is without having to deal with his crisis. I personally don't think it's my duty to guide him through that, he's no longer my boyfriend.
Yesterday, Andy wrote me a very long message talking about names and how much he'd like for our child to have his grandfather's name etc.
I shut him down and told him that no, I had already decided on names. He reacted as if I had made a joke and said well, as the father he should get a say. I again told him, no, he didn't get a say. Predictably, he got mad. I just told him to get his ducks in a row and decide whether he even wants to be involved in our child's life in the first place and to be aware that that would include much more than just "deciding on a name", that if he wanted to be involved that meant custody, that meant responsibility, that meant helping to pay for our child's education and clothes, to invest time and money and effort, consideration and love and - to "man up" and be a parent, pretty much.
I think that spooked him because he called me and said that I was being a b*tch and that all he wanted was for his child to have his name. I just told him that my child would have my last name either way, period, I would not discuss tha tpart but that I would be willing to discuss their first name if he decided and legally agreed to take responsibility for them.
He called me the c-word, hung up on me and has been ranting on instagram ever since. My friends are all on my side, even my family is but I can see the comments under his posts and some people are saying I'm being completely inconsiderate and already trying to alienate him from his kid, so here I am, wondering if I was being too harsh.