Like many people who want kids, I had grand ideas about what kind of parent I’d be when I had kids. Only a few things actually stuck and one was, I wasn’t forfeiting peeing in peace. When my kids became toddler age and could understand, I told them unless they’re bleeding or the house is on fire, don’t bother me in the bathroom. Anything else can wait. It did take a few times of the door jiggling or them passing me things but eventually they stopped and learned the boundary. (Equal respect, I don’t go in the bathroom when they’re using it once they can use the toilet on their own)
My kids are now 8, 5 & 3. I have a friend with a kid who’s also 3. We were talking about the kids and she told me “yeah, I haven’t peed alone since (child) learned to walk”. I replied that I nip that in the bud early on. She asked me to explain, so I told her above. She said that’s mean and I said no, it’s setting a boundary. My 8 year old would hate it if I walked in on her. She said that we should always be accessible to our kids. I said if it’s truly an emergency, they know to tell me. She kept arguing and finally I said, “Its not my fault I have boundaries with my kids. You don’t. That’s cool.”
Well, this offended my friend. She says I’m a mean mom. Am I being an ass?
The neighbor’s kids took to playing in our driveway soon after the lockdown. Since I don’t own a car, I just lined up my dumpsters to block them. The kids would literally wait for garbage day to sneak in with their bikes because the dumpster positions would change a bit. None of the parents seem to have taken the hint from the dumpster barricade either & the little brats would shoot straight down the slope into a vehicular alley. One day I walked straight out & quietly told the kids to never bike on the slope again before lining up the dumpsters. Their mothers were chatting 3 houses down & were not even close enough to react. I don’t believe I have ever seen as many mouths hanging open at one time. Starting the next day all the moms started supervising their kids. I got tons of angry looks but never took the bait or engaged anyone (it helps to be an introvert). Turns out all of them had decided my clean driveway was a “convenient” place for their kids to play while they socialized during lockdown. Their own driveways were either blocked with cars or full of leaf litter. Most of them are now having to take turns babysitting each other’s brats in their own backyards & it’s looking like a real shitshow from all the screeching & wailing. My husband was impressed at my move to which I said, “what the f*ck is anyone going to do about it?” They can’t ostracize us (we are not the social kind to begin with) and they can’t punish my kids because I have none. THAT is the power of being childfree when you claim your space & boundaries.
My MIL is mostly justmaybe: she is overwhelmingly negative and pretty selfish, but she did have an awful childhood and has a myriad of health problems so we mostly just nod along and politely grey rock. She and FIL came over to visit DH today (I was working in my office all day so I just came out to say hi).
After they left and I got done with work, DH said, "so...my mom needs a kidney and asked if you'd be willing to donate one, and I told her not to ask you." DH and BIL also have health problems, FIL is in his 70s, and BIL's wife has two kids and is not very fit. I'm healthy as a horse in my early 40s and donate blood as often as I can, so I guess I'm her closest possible person for donation trading so she can jump the list. But:
MIL can barely walk, has hearing and eyesight problems, hand issues preventing her from being able to do crafts (which is sad since it was her main joy), has had major heart problems in the last couple of years, and honestly we're surprised she's still with us. Which sounds callous, but she's also miserable so it won't exactly be a tragedy when she passes away: we'll be sad, but she's had a full life and given her health problems she's already far outlasted expectations. A new kidney wouldn't come close to improving her overall quality of life, but it would help her live longer.
I'm perfectly healthy and DH is dependent on me, so I not only want to keep my own body going as long as I can, for myself, but I also don't want to endanger being able to support him long into our elderly years. Risk of complications isn't very high for kidney donation but it's not zero either. And, though this might sound horrible, I only have one spare kidney and she's not the person I'd choose to spend it on.
So I'm going to selfishly not even think about donating a kidney for her, my husband will 1000% back me on that, and if she gets to the top of the donor list we'll give her moral support through the surgery and recovery. And that's just how I want things to be.
For some background I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth removed in May. Original doctor would not do it because of covid, got a second opinion and that lady said I could wait a year or possibly not have them removed at all. Middle of last month one got impacted and it was the most agonizing pain I’ve ever felt in my life and emergency notice had all four removed.
While I was recovering my boyfriend was over and I was completely out of it on pain pills. He’s always wanted to have anal sex. I’m not opposed to it but want to work up to it. He asked me if I thought I might be able to try since I was in the pain pills and I thought he was joking so I said sure but then said no way. The timeline is a little hazy but it seemed like in seconds he was on top of me with his dick in my butt and I screamed no so loud my mom heard it from the other side of the house. It hurt so freaking bad but he finished in maybe 5 seconds so it didn’t last long. He was thought I was upset because it didn’t last long enough for me to enjoy it and I was upset because he took advantage of me. But we have talked about it many times since and I feel like it was at worst him pushing some boundaries, at best it was a miscommunication because of the pain meds.
I have a group of 3 friends who are literally like my sisters. There isn’t anything I would do for them and then for me. However they are all convinced he raped me. And now they refuse to be around them because they fear for their own safety. I love them to death but I think they are being a little dramatic. My boyfriend is worried that they are going to say something and ruin his life and he wants me to stop hanging out with them. This isn’t possible since we’ve been friends for 13 years but I agree with him that I don’t think his life needs to be ruined over this.
I just want things to go back to the way they were before this went down and everyone is just cool with each other. How do we do that?
My aunt is awesome. She is so happy that I'm out of the fog and allowing myself to see my nmom (her sister) for who she truly is, and she lets me vent and will sometimes reassure me that I'm not crazy. She's not willing to go NC with my mom, though, which I understand from her perspective. Nmom doesn't realize we talk, though, so aunt gets to hear nmom's side of the story as well. It gets interesting.
So I've barely spoken to my nmom since her surgery. My dad also had quadruple bypass after a heart attack and a recent cancer diagnosis, but mom is still insisting on having people over all the time and not wearing a mask, putting him at risk. This us just the latest reason I'm mad at her, but dad isn't innocent. He's an enabler.
The other day, I get a message from nmom. "Can we meet up somewhere and talk?" Not wanting to get into it with her, I say "not until we get vaccinated" (the only good part of the pandemic is having this ready excuse to avoid her). She replies with "so if don't get vaccinated, does that mean we'll never talk? I'm not ready to jump on that bandwagon." I reply with, "we won't meet." She answers with "right. I see."
Of course, a sane person would consider phone or zoom, which she's willing to do with my aunt or my grandmother. Me? Apparently she has to meet up with me. How about no. I'm not willing to introduce her risk to my family nor my risk to my dad. Not worth it. Not even close.
Plus, you know, I don't want to see her. Or talk to her. Last time she "wanted to talk" I told her why I was mad and she gaslit me about gaslighting me.
My aunt gets it, so I screenshot the conversation and sent it to her.
Well, she messaged my aunt the next day, saying "im losing my daughter because she wants to control everything I do." My aunt, knowing EXACTLY what was said, asked if there was any compromise (hinting that maybe meeting wasn't the only way). My mom just answered "nope."
Aunt told me about this and said, "I'm proud of you for setting boundaries. Don't budge. She always makes everything about her. You set a boundary, and she is trying to make it into an attack on her. Hold your ground, Jelysca. You've got this."
It's nice to have that reassurance sometimes, especially from someone who also knows the narcissist and isn't under their spell.
First time poster, long time lurker of this sub.
Anyway, I (26f) come from a culture where the community has ZERO boundaries. Like I’m talking showing up to your house unannounced, giving you unsolicited advice, entitled to know all your business. there’s no such thing as privacy. I was born and raised in Canada so obviously I think these practices are absurd and invasive.
I got married 4 years ago and the first year of my marriage my mom and mil were showing up unannounced. After explaining my boundaries to my mil, she was offended but understood and always talks to us before coming. I can’t say the same for my mother. I think I have to preface this by saying my mom calls me about 10 times a day and expects me to answer all the calls since I’m a SAHM to a toddler and I’m “not doing anything”. Last week one day I decided not to answer her calls cause I was honestly mentally drained and needed a reset. Well my mom didn’t like it apparently and the next day while I JUST went down for a nap I hear banging on my front door. It’s my sister with some forms my mom sent her with that she needed me to fill out.
Naturally, I was pissed. I barely get any sleep and the one time I’m napping I get disturbed for a form?? I yelled at my sister (she knows my boundaries too) and called my mom. She said she wanted to tell me but I wasn’t answering so she decided to send my sister. Mind you, my sister doesn’t drive so she bussed it all the way to my house. I sent her on her way and didn’t accept the forms because I didn’t want to reward people disrespecting my boundaries.
It’s been a week and my mom is refusing to talk to me. The one time we spoke she basically made me feel guilty for what I’ve done and said don’t worry I’m NEVER coming back to your house. So it’s like she wants to come whenever she wants or not at all. I told her good don’t come then. It’s been a week since we had a normal convo and my husband is telling me I should make up with her cause she’s my mom and I need to accept her the way she is. I’m tired of being treated like an extension of my mother but reinforcing boundaries is HARD 😭
EDIT: Thanks everyone for taking the time to confirm I’m not crazy or unreasonable for standing firm in my boundaries. You all gave me the confidence to continue reinforcing my boundaries. Also, I decided that i will look into therapy to address all the guilt and shame that’s been programmed in me. I choose peace that’s it.
Apologies if this is written poorly, my mind is a jumble at the moment.
For context, my family has always been very close knit. We aren't allowed to finish any argument, no matter how bad, without saying I love you. Hugs are given often. We generally get along really well.
About a week ago my family all got together for dinner. This included my 6yo nephew and 2yo niece. My niece is still very attached to her mother at the moment, and usually tries to stay as close to her as possible. My dad has always liked spending time with the kids in our family, and my niece/his granddaughter has quickly become his favorite.
After dinner was over we all sat around in the living room and talked. At some point, my dad asked my niece if he could pick her up. She said "No. I want to see mommy." He then proceeded to pick her up regardless, which elicited a lot of protest from her. She cried and told him she wanted him to get off, to which he responded with a "Noooo."
After a few seconds of crying niece I spoke up. I told my dad "If she says to get off of her, you should get off of her. Just because she's little doesn't mean you can ignore her boundaries." He set her back down, but got pretty upset with me. We went back and forth for a few minutes. I tried to get the point across to him that we should teach her that her words have meaning, and no means no. He told me I was overreacting and that she knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt her in any way.
All of this hit me pretty hard. In the past few years, I've made some massive changes to myself as a person, and seen firsthand how fragile consent and boundaries can be when someone is determined not to listen to either. In the heat of the moment, all I could think about was the message my dads actions were telling my niece. I want her to grow up and know that her words have purpose and meaning.
After my brother and his family left, my mom pulled me aside and told me that I had been a bit harsh, and that I could have been nicer in explaining it to my dad. I left to drive home pretty frustrated, but a week or so removed, I'm starting to wonder if I'm the asshole?
I would assume (based on the fact that the layer represents the environmental devastation) that a large number of animals died right at that point but fossils seem to appear much earlier, why?
I just want to start this out by saying this is not a religious debate. I’m not bashing religious people, or their beliefs, this is just a story about MIL and how her religious superiority is overstepping boundaries.
MIL is very religious, she is a die hard Christian who pushes her beliefs and the Bible (or what she takes away from it) onto people. She’s even pushed them onto total strangers.
While I was pregnant, she told me flat out she doesn’t care how I parent but we have to baptize our son. I said I’m not baptized, but this isn’t really a discussion we will be having. She told me we,me and LO, should get baptized together. I told her I don’t plan on being baptized because I’m not religious.
Husband was raised as a Christian but hasn’t gone to church (besides Christmas and Easter to please MIL) since he lived at home. We had discussed and decided we aren’t baptizing. To me, it doesn’t mean the same thing if you don’t belong to a church and aren’t going to church regularly or partaking in church activities.
Husband had told her we decided against it which obviously she was mad about. She then basically proceeded to tell the entire family. She told us we needed to explain to everyone why we weren’t because it was extremely important to everyone.
Husbands uncle sends a 3 page long letter explaining how it’s his duty to “train his family in the duty of the Lord” and how “satan has worked over his life at one point too.” There was a lot of other stuff in the letter too but you get the point.
My husband told her he didn’t appreciate her telling him or anyone else about our decision since it’s really not ones business. She said “it’s my duty as a Christian to tell you that you’re wrong.”
It’s been a couple months without another word about it, but it sticks with me. Another thing not up for debate but, she also admitted to spending an hour trying to convince someone not to be gay. And said conversion therapy is worth a try. Which is exactly the stuff I plan on teaching my kids is WRONG. Because we love everyone no matter what!
There’s a long list of reasons why I don’t particularly like my MIL, and her religious superiority is close to the top.
PS: my husband browses Reddit and would definitely recognize me if he read these posts :) hi babe if you find this
So a few weeks ago, I went on a date with this guy, he invited me over (just cause it's corona and we had nowhere else to go) and after some time, we started making out. I told him I wasn't ready for sex because I barely knew him and he said that that was perfectly okay and that we can still continue making out. So we did, took some clothes off, we were almost naked and then he asked me again if I really didn't want to have sex and I said that no, really, it's too soon. Everything was okay to that point but then he told me it was really hard for him to stop and that he hopes that I appreciate him for not having sex with me. He also said that a lot of guys would just continue and claimed that he was the nice guy cause he didn't have sex with me although we were both almost naked.
I didn't mean to be provocative or tease him or whatever so I felt really bad about it but then I thought.. This guy just wanted my gratitude because he respected my boundaries??! Was he really considering violating my trust because if he had continued.. that would have been a rape, right? So I was just thinking, was it that weird to just make out being almost naked? Is it that hard for a guy to stop or was this one just a prick?
Edit: Thanks for all your comments, I didn't expect so many of them! Thank you for all the opinions and I just want to say that I resolved not to see this guy again even prior to this post. It just doesn't feel safe. He didn't have to mean what he said, to be honest, I don't think he is a rapist but probably just wanted to make me feel guilty because he was disappointed I didn't change my mind. Still not okay.
A lesson I learned: Be more careful, don't go into strangers' houses, and look for the genuinely nice guys because they are out there and I can see them here in the comment section. Some of you are not into intense making out if it doesn't lead anywhere, that's also good to know.
Something to tell you: If she says no, you can be the one who determines how far you go, don't blame her for going too far, you can also stop it whenever you feel like it's getting too heated. Girls, if you say no and then change your mind as the emotions kick in or you actually want the guy to push you, you make it harder for the rest of us who really mean our no as a no.
Thank you again, stay safe and Merry Christmas :)
Guess what, genius: your child is closer to being ten, not an infant. An infant is admittedly excusable because they were just born and lack any sort of cognitive functions aside from subconsciously flailing around with their limbs and babbling. A baby can't control themselves, but a three year old pretty well can.
I fucking hate my sister, mate. Her nephews are what made me want to go child free. When they were toddlers, I was seventeen and preparing to move out in a year. Those crotch-turds would come to our house, scream, cry, pout at everyone; basically, they were running wild. They always wanted to go in my room for some reason, so it stayed locked.
My mom is equally an idiot, and would threaten to take away my privileges and possessions if I didn't let my privacy be invaded. I'm a natural introvert, so being around high-energy children is exhausting. I can't cope with it. Worse yet: when asked to fucking babysit (again achieved through threats), I couldn't handle the goblins. All I could do was send them to time out in our basement. What did they do? Nothing..yet. I preemptively gave time outs for when they inevitably would act up.
By the time I was in college, my oldest nephew was six. On the occasion I go to see family, they bring over the nephews. Haha, no, don't try using me as your free babysitter, I was 19, an adult, and I shocked everyone by finally getting to say no without consequence. The six year old still tries messing with me and my privacy, which I can easily shut down now. Hell, kid tries throwing diapers from my now youngest niece, and right at me. Whenever I say "No, that's gross, don't do that." My family of simps retort with: "He's just a kid!"
You're stupid, he's six. He's closer to being double digits in age, and he should have grown up a lot more. This excuse no longer works, he's cognitive and able to make conscious decisions. Stop defending your child, discipline it.
So my mom is horrible. She has bullied my wife in the past and there is just nothing we can do about it, because she can't be reasoned with, she doesn't care about boundaries, and everyone else enables her, so we went no contact a couple years ago. I really feel for my dad, because he is caught in the middle, though my wife feels like its his fault for being with my mom, so we just agree to disagree on that.
My dad spends Christmas with us, without my mom, once every three years. This year was his first year doing it, and my sister came as well, so my mom didn't have any family, but she has a lot of friends, so I assumed she was not alone. I guess my wife thought the opposite.
Yesterday we saw my dad and Christmas came up. My wife said she would think spending Christmas alone would teach my mom a lesson. My dad replied that my mom wasn't alone. She was on Brad (hella rich family friend)'s yacht and it looked pretty amazing. My wife immediately got mad at my dad and said he should not have said that, and he could have at least let he think she "won" My dad did kind of laugh at her and say she doesn't get to win, and he would never leave my mom totally alone on Christmas. My wife was cold to my dad for the rest of lunch, and we fought in the car.
I said that she should not have been rude to my dad, because all he did was tell her a fact. She maintains that he shouldn't have "rubbed it in" and that my mom deserved to be alone. i told my wife that the point of boundaries/no contact, is to protect our mental health and not to punish my mom. My wife ended up getting mad at me, and she said I talked like a therapist, and that I should stop being "clinical" and let her have her feelings, and that I minimized how she was feeling.
My uncle groped me back in October. Since then I’ve been upset about being touched. Especially by men. I told my dad I’m not comfortable with hugs or any touch anymore.
He doesn’t care. He’s tried to touch and hug me at least 4 separate time now. I keep saying “ughhh stop I don’t like that!” And he angrily storms off each time.
Just now, he snuck up behind me when my back was turned and started to rub my shoulders in a very creepy way. A way he would never touch my brother. So why me?
I told him AGAIN “I don’t like being touched!”
He walked away pissy.
He doesn’t care about my boundaries. He’s creepy for touching me in ways he wouldn’t touch my male brothers.
My younger brother has aspergers and doesn’t like touch. So my dad doesn’t touch him. He respects his wishes. Mine? Not at all.
It’s almost like he thinks I owe him touch just for being his daughter. He calls me disrespectful all the time. I’m sure he’s off thinking I’m disrespecting him right now.
Some of the boundaries on my list was not to belittle me being gay or my relationship with my girlfriend, not to interrogate me, call me names/be rude, and not to guilt trip me. . She absolutely lost it when I told her I was moving in with my girlfriend. She called me ungrateful for not wanting to live under her roof. I told her that I wouldn’t tolerate her calling me ungrateful and that I had made my decision. She told me that “she would always love me unconditionally” even though I am “forcing” her out of my life all because I won’t allow her to be rude to my girlfriend. I again told her that I wouldn’t tolerate her crossing the boundaries and that I was going to hang up, she then asked me if i was getting all this “power” from my therapist. I said yes. She then started yelling about how it’s bad for me to go to therapy if i’m not going to therapy with her. Seriously considering going NC.
Edit: wow thank you all so much for the support. this means so much to me. none of us are alone in our fight to reclaim ourselves. thank you all and i love you!!
If it doesn't benefit me, then it's non existent. I'm only looking out for myself and myself only.
I'm (21) on my third month in my first job as an analyst and working from home. My shift only requires me to work 8 hours a day (with 1 hour unpaid break) but I usually end up working 12 hours, sometimes after I've already clocked out. My one hour unpaid breaks always get interrupted with work and sometimes the only time my eyes leave my screen is when I have to use the bathroom. I really try my best to finish whatever tasks my manager gives me but sometimes I couldn't finish them on the same day/week. I'm on my third month but I honestly think I'm still struggling to do things quicker. Because of my guilt, I can't help but beat myself up and work outside working hours and Sundays unpaid. I've mindlessly thrown myself into a work-eat-work-cry to sleep cycle. I can feel this is worsening my anxiety; out of the 14 working days so far this year, I've had anxiety attacks for 8 days. The only time my mind gets to breathe is during Saturdays, I make sure to ignore any work-related messages and do what I want. But after that, I'm back to dreading my existence.
My manager and his boss recently expressed they were very happy with my performance so they offered to convert me into a full-time employee (I'm contractual). I accepted the offer since it pays pretty okay, the people I work with aren't toxic at all and looking for another job is hard for a fresh grad in a pandemic. While I'm relieved I won't have to job hunt again, I feel so depressed thinking about work. I'm feeling so lost, I don't know what to do to stop beating myself up.
Edit: I didn't expect to get a lot of responses. I really appreciate all the advice.
P.S. -I'm not from the US. I also work the night shift.
-We do have overtime pay, I just have issues convincing myself it's okay to not get everything done.
-Yes, this is my first job fresh out of college. My internship was super chill so I didn't have a glimpse of the real corporate "lifestyle" prior to this.
-Again, thank you so much for the advice. I feel more enlightened.
I (25/F) live with my hubby (29/M) and mom (60), and help take care of her. She is mostly self sufficient but we're there to make sure she's safe, help with groceries and transportation, and do the things she isn't able to.
This year has been tough on us for obvious reasons but also because we have been stuck in a tiny, cramped apartment while we are building a house. To make things worse mom and I butt heads on the best of days; but add hubby, quarantine, a hurricane, and 2 moves to the mix and this house can NOT get finished soon enough.
My biggest issues with her is that she is insanely passive aggressive and will make derogatory comments about me and my life choices. (Think, "You're beautiful but you'd look so much better if you just lost some weight!") The worst this has gotten recently was her literally bribing me to not do things she didn't like and calling my doctors office behind my back to try and get a transfer because she didn't like the unit I work on. (I'm a Covid nurse)
Hubby does not handle this well and despite mom saying she would rather have him as a son in law than my ex and being the one to ask him to live with us, mom has been treating him almost worse than me. She says its "creepy" that he stays in our room all the time, but when he does leave she picks fights with him or dumps a million honey-do's on him and expects them done immediately. She will act like he isn't there and tell me to ask him things when he is in the same room, and her most recent tirade has been "Well if he doesn't like it he doesn't have to stay here." anytime he voices concerns or disagrees with her. She has made it clear she doesn't consider him family and it's to the point he feels unwelcome in our home.
All of this blew up today when she decided to tell hubby and I she was going to sell some furniture we were planning on taking with us to the new place. She thought it was appropriate to do this over text, in our group chat, while I was at work. I keep my phone on do not disturb at work so when my phone went crazy from mom and hubby I freaked out a little. Only to find him upset that she is trying to sell our furniture and mom threatening to kick him out because he was being "rude" to her by protesting.
I jumped in as soon as I could step away for a second to call her. She tried to start in on me about hubby being "rude" but I told her the comments and threats were unnecessary and uncalled for, that she needs to stop overstepping boundaries, acting lik... keep reading on reddit ➡
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Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with mil demanding to facetime? I've found with lockdown it's just gotten worse. We've tried to set boundaries but they keep being pushed😔
My friend Nora decided to come stay with me for a couple months on a whim. There’s a whole story but basically she’s dealing with some heavy stuff. It’s been difficult and stressful for me but Ive been doing what I can to help my friend.
I have 2 cats, I’ve had them since they were kittens and I love them to death. I have PTSD and spent the last few years in therapy, reading about trauma, I quit drinking and started going to AA. While doing this hard work, remembering and examining my past while struggling with chronic pain and fatigue, my cats have been there for me, consistent, they are always kind to me, and without fail, put a smile on my face everyday.
One day Nora was sleeping while I was eating breakfast & there was a loud crash, I looked over and one of my cats had knocked over a lamp on my desk (by accident) when trying to get to one of his window perching spots. It woke Nora up, her bed was a couple feet away and I told her that he knocked down a lamp so she knew what happened and could go back to sleep. I didn’t yell at him. My desk is a mess rn, I’ve been meaning to clean it. I know my cats use that window everyday, so in my view it’s not his fault for accidentally knocking it over, it’s my fault for not clearing a path for him. Nora told me later that she was frustrated with the way I handled it, I should’ve punished him for knocking something over and she could’ve gotten hurt if the lamp fell on her head. I said it didn’t fall on her head and i don’t yell at my cats. I tell them to stop doing things sternly or them up move them away from whatever trouble they are getting into, but I never yell.
Growing up the pets in the house were yelled at constantly, every mistake big or small received the same amount of terrifying screaming. When they were younger I yelled at them but it always made me feel like shit and it wasn’t effective. I know a lot about the lingering effects of bad parenting. My cats gave me an opportunity to raise them the way I wish I was raised, to be the kind, understanding parent who gives unconditional love.
Nora went on to say that I need to set boundaries with them and they shouldn’t knock over water glasses or go on the counters. I let them sniff my food because 99% of the time they are just curious and want to smell, only when it’s chicken to do they actually want it, but she said that they beg for food since I do that and I shouldn’t.
End of the day, they’re cats, they’re curious, they want to be part of what... keep reading on reddit ➡
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I've previously posted on here about my MIL and how she does not respect boundaries (please read for context).
For a quick update: Last week my FIL sent my OH a long email being very nasty calling him names, blaming me and my family for the reason he isn't replying to them etc. This was due to my MIL creating a false narrative that we had blocked her and were ignoring her. We hadn't blocked her number but we were not replying on the group chat as she had not respected my OHs boundary previously. The email spoke about how my MIL felt and it was evident she had asked my FIL to message for her. OH replied to FIL via the group chat so MIL could see and my FIL apologised immediately. My OH said he appreciated the apology but said my FIL has to be careful and to think before he messages and he also said he would now like space before they talk again. They both replied (one sent a thumbs up, another said ok). Anyways within a day my MIL was sending my OH messages. She continues to send videos from when my OH was younger, despite him saying in the message he doesn't reply to messages where she tries to guilt trip. He hasn't opened the messages MIL has sent or replied. Then yesterday evening my FIL sends a picture of his meal he cooked to the group chat (I could see what it was as it automatically saves to my picture folder). I feel its maybe a way to break the ice or to see if we will reply. I spoke to my OH and he says he's not ready. So that's ok and tbh after talking to him, its clear there's a real pattern of disrespect and feeling not listened too. It's also again my MIL getting FIL to message to see if we will reply to him for her.
I just want advice on whether there's anyone here who has had a similar experience? I feel my inlaws are trying to drag me into it. Because if I don't reply, I can blamed again. I also feel this is MIL playing the victim again. As she's probably said "OH isn't replying to me". But he's not replied as it's been less than a week and he asked for space!!! This is not the first time my FIL has had an angry outbursts to my OH and sent him an aggressive messages. Also this all started because my OH told them he wasn't free to videocall at this moment but he would let them know when. They didn't like that he didn't video call when they wanted him too.
Edit: Do I remove inlaws from my social media? I only use Instagram and they don't follow my personal page, but do follow... keep reading on reddit ➡
Long but juicy, and I need to vent. I might have set a record for how much MIL drama can happen in the span of 3 days.
MIL and I have never gotten along, but I I thought it was a comfortable “we just don’t have a lot in common” type thing. DH and I were both raised in an extremely conservative religion, but left long before we knew each other because it just wasn’t for us. I love wine, at our wedding I had a Man of Honor (my gbf), and DH and I cohabitated before marriage, so again, MIL and I really don’t have a lot in common.
For a year, MIL wrote down the sermons in her church and took notes on them, went on an app like Shutterfly, turned all her notes into a book and, even though DH set a boundary with her when he left the religion that he didn’t want her to try and “bring him back into the fold” or preach at him in anyway, she gave us a copy of the book for Christmas last year. Lately she’s been preaching more than usual in the family group chat (literally takes every message she sends back to religion), so about a week ago, DH text her and asked her, very respectfully to knock it off. He told her he was offended by the book, and her response was “I wasn’t trying to convert you, I just never thought I would be an author” (I didn’t realize printing a book on Shutterfly made you an author) “and was proud and my real gift was sharing my accomplishment with you.” DH made me oh so proud when he responded “I’m glad it filled you with a sense of pride and accomplishment, and had you told us about it and said we could have a copy if we wanted, that would have been just fine. If I started to brew my own beer and was proud of it, would it be appropriate for me to wrap a bottle up and give it to you as a gift?” (MIL is extremely against drinking and anything fun). MIL got defensive and stopped texting.
Next day, MIL text DH while we were having dinner asking him if he would come over to talk WITHOUT me. DH said no, that she was crossing my boundaries, too, so this is a 3 way convo. She said no, she would only have it with him. He reminded her that before we got married, she preached at him about “cleaving unto” me and she was contradicting herself by wanting to cut me out. She, again, got defensive and stopped responding.
Next day I called SIL (DH oldest brother’s wife) who also left the religion and told her what was happening and idk what to do. I asked her if she thought I/we were the ones in the wrong. SIL tells me no, MIL has pulled the same bullshit t... keep reading on reddit ➡
My BBEG is trying to destabilize the boundaries between the Material Plane and the Lower Planes, with the ultimate goal of merging them into one giant empire that he will lord over. He’s found the notes of a group of ancient mages who attempted a ritual that would do exactly this, so now the party is going to have to race him and his minions to collect the components in time. Help me come up with some interesting materials to send them after that go beyond typical spell components!
EDIT: Thanks so much to everyone who's contributed! I'm realizing I forgot to add a few people's suggestions before marking this list as complete, so I'll be going back and putting those in now. I'll keep adding new additions as long as they're being commented, or possibly just make a part 2? Either way, you've certainly given me some interesting ideas to think about!
So, I have been with this man on & off for the last 4 years. Every time we break up, we’re unable to move forward. I’m not sure what he is going through, but I’ve just started to put myself back together again since he left in September. He moved back to his home town, & I slowly worked on letting him go. We went no contact for 4 months & then he came back out of nowhere.
I continued no contact & wouldn’t make eye contact with him if we were in the same room together. (We live in a very small community so it’s inevitable that we will be close in proximity.) He wants to talk to me now. Something about resolving our issues.
I love this man but he has caused so much pain in my life. I want him, but I’m so afraid he’s just bored and lonely and hasn’t found a replacement yet, so he’s gonna be the man he knows I want. After I let him back in, he’s going to meet another potential candidate & bounce on me again.
Maybe he’s struggling with letting go, maybe he’s not sure if he wants to. Maybe he’s just gonna see if he can still get me again like bump for his ego..Idk.. I have agreed to talk with him & am trying to come up with some boundaries for it. For example, he stays up really late. When he’s bothered by something, he barely sleeps. He tries to stay up all night talking and I can’t do that. I have to have adequate sleep so that I can function effectively. If I talk about really stressful things late at night, my brain won’t shut off & I won’t be able to sleep, so one boundary was no late night conversations. Another was no conversations while intoxicated.
Does anyone have any suggestions on some boundaries I can implement to keep myself from being manipulated by him?
This just dawned on my while I try to get some thoughts in order. I have been called every name in the book, often by close relatives/family members. For some of the more colorful insults I don't even have a proper english translation. And while thinking about every conflict I had in the last years, about the insults I had to hear and sometimes abuse that my realtives inflicetd on me it was always the same trigger:
I said no.I enforced a personal boundary. I wanted to be treated like a human and not like an object.
And then I am called bitch. Diva. Stupid goat, piece of shit, fucking failure of a human being. Or sometimes people just complained I was being difficult or hysterical.
And you know what? No. I am not. I just have rights and I want them to be fucking respected.
If I tell people I don't want them to touch me, then THEY are acting bitchy if THEY do it anyway, it's not me here who is the bitch.
If I tell a relative at a family gathering to please stop photographing my every move without my consent, then they gotta stop. They don't get to complain.
When my almost 30 y/o brother shouts at me at the top of his lungs that I sit "on his spot" when we visit our parents and I tell him to leave me alone and stop fucking screaming at me, then it's not okay my parents tell ME that I have to calm down and not make a scene and better move over. If I had started the shouting, they would have just kicked me out because this behaviour wouldn't be appropriate. Why should it be appropriate then for me to be yelled at without reason?
So I am done. I walk away from people who treat my like garbage or think my voice doesn't have any worth because I'm a woman. If being a person makes me a bitch, then a bitch I will be. If this is what it takes to be a bitch, then I want this word on a tshirt, I will wear it with pride.
Edit: Guy, thank you! Seriously thank you! For all the kind words, the good advice, the awards and kudos to all the people who feel the same.Some of you asked where I am from and expected a very patriarchal culture. Sad thing is: It's not. I come from Germany and this is also my cultural background. IMO this country is very liberal, but my family definitely raised me with an outdated mindset. Politically liberal, but full of misogynistic thinking. I am also the only female child, said brother was always the pampered one. He never got punished for anything, other than me. And he never had to do any chores around the house, before... keep reading on reddit ➡
So I’ve been with my now fiancé for about 6 years. He is an only child and his mom has been single since he was 5.
I sense a little bit of overloading attention from his mum at times. In the past, If he didn’t answer his phone she would blow up my phone asking where he was (he was 24 at the time). That started to fade out once I expressed my annoyance at the situation but he was very defensive over his mum.
Anyways she made a comment the other day as I was expressing how much of a sweet guy he was and said “you know if I told him to break up with you he would”. I was so thrown off I just gave her a weird look and moved on.
This really bothered me and now I’m starting to think she’s going to be one of those crazy mother in laws. She also ALWAYS brings up her moving in with us one day. HELP.