/r/psychology: I have borderline personality disorder, a reasonably high IQ and I score 94/100 on MACH I-V tests. Is there any hope for me? (outside of being a political figure)
👍︎ 2
📰︎ r/psychology
📅︎ Sep 11 2010
🚨︎ report
"I think you should get tested for Borderline Personality Disorder."

I tried coming out to one of my closest friends a little while back. Started off via text, but that quickly turned hostile so we agreed to discuss it in person. The conversation included her telling me my coming out to her was the shittiest thing I've ever done to her, that it was full of manipulation, and that I should see a therapist because, according to her, I match the symptoms for BPD she read about on Wikipedia.

I get her being offended and uncomfortable. I get that I can be manipulative sometimes, especially when I'm scared about how a person will react. But... what the fuck? Despite having one hell of a year, I'm possibly the most emotionally stable person I know. I have many long-time friends, and was involved in little-to-no drama during high school. But she decided I was crazy and Wikipedia-diagnosed me?

Just... what?

👍︎ 41
📰︎ r/exmormon
👤︎ u/DeAdvo
📅︎ Aug 18 2017
🚨︎ report
"The idea is that you keep adding more and more stress/forces, until eventually the thing you are testing breaks." u/GreenLizardHands explains 'torture testing' in relationships**** (content note: borderline personality disorder perspective) reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones…
👍︎ 8
👤︎ u/invah
📅︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm sorry if this doesnt belong here or has the wrong flair. But someone sent this to me and I find it offensive to people actually struggling with these illnesses. It isnt a personality. And this just feeds to fakers
👍︎ 1k
📅︎ Jan 20 2021
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Did anyone here think they were bipolar or had a personality disorder before realizing/being diagnosed with ASD?

I don’t want to get into too much detail, but I’ll try to do a TLDR version of why I’m asking.

(Postscript- I was unable to not make this long, sorry lol. All this aside I’m just wondering if anyone here ever thought they were bipolar or got hypomania confused with autistic tendencies like special interests. Also I know that it’s probably possible to have both, but I’m wondering more about getting them conflated.)

I’ve had struggles with mental health my whole life, in childhood I was diagnosed with ADHD (at the insistence of my mother), I developed depression as a teenager than has been chronic/recurrent since, and I developed severe anxiety and panic disorder when I was 19, living on my own for the first time and became pregnant with my daughter. I never felt like ADHD was the right diagnosis, because I didn’t really have a hard time focusing on specific tasks. My inattention was usually presented in my social interactions. As a kid I think I had special interests. I learned everything I could find about dinosaurs and animals, and I used to read 1-2 animorphs books a day. I also loved computer games/video games. Other kids thought I was annoying and weird, but I didn’t understand why. I didn’t care much for having friends outside of school in elementary. I did have a best friend in 4/5th grade, and I did play with a couple neighbors throughout my childhood.

As I got older I lost interest in the reading and animals and gaming, and became completely fixated on fitting in and being accepted socially. I cared only about friends, having them, getting them to like/love me, and building strong connections with people. I wanted best friends who would do anything for me because I would’ve done anything for them. I didn’t try in school and had no hobbies. I became depressed when high school came around and I was constantly being stabbed in the back by people who only used me and weren’t my real friend.

Ahhh I feel like this is getting so long already, I’m sorry. Ok so fast forward a bit. I’m now 28, have an 8 year old, a stable relationship with her father going on ten years now. I had a severe drinking problem for a couple years, and I’m 16 months sober now. The past 8 years have been hard, sure, being a parent is hard. But the past 5 years or so, I’m really losing myself and I’ve been so emotionally wrecked. I have no control over myself sometimes. I am so sensitive. I get overwhelmed by more than one thing happening at a time. I can’t talk to someone whil

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👍︎ 140
📰︎ r/aspergers
👤︎ u/Ruca705
📅︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Trauma Responses?

This has probably been discussed before, so I apologize, and please humor me.

My exwBPD shows traits from other pds. I can see npd/other aspds, possibly cptsd or even adhd? Diagnoses aren't always the best way to go because no one fits perfectly inside one box. However, if I'm going to make an informed decision on how to make sense of why they treated me the way they did, I think it is important to distinguish the differences. Not to necessarily put all the blame on them, but to figure out what I did or didn't do wrong.

From what I understand, many pds are a result of trauma; most predominently early childhood trauma. Bpd's response to this trauma is a fragile, if not non-existent sense of self, which creates an inability to empathize with others while desperately trying to fill that void. Similar to npd, but the main difference is the amount of empathy or awareness of how they are affected others.

What's the main difference between bpd and cptsd? Do those with cptsd deserve more sympathy? They both stem from trauma, but does bpd exploit others while cptsd does not?

If my ex is an exwBPD, then I feel less sympathetic towards them. If my ex is actually an exwCPTSD, then am I misreading the trauma responses?

👍︎ 10
👤︎ u/Nyr15
📅︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Passed my LMSW on my 1st try!

Hello everyone!!!!! I took my LMSW exam today and passed it was my first try! Ive been a silent observer of this group and quite greatful. It's been nice to see posts of everyone it kept up the motivation I needed to finally get to this moment. I took the whole 4 hours down to the last few minutes....

I originally had alot of self doubt and negative self talk for a long time. I regretted the fact that I got my MSW in 2018 and didn't go for my L right away like I was advised. I took a break from the field and felt like "oh my gosh I lost all this information I need there's no way for me to pass"... I finally got the courage to set my exam for July 2020. While studying it was the beginning of the pandemic and all the anxiety I felt completely overwhelmed me I rescheduled the exam for fear of failure... I set it up again November 2020 and all those months in between I kept telling myself "I'll study tomorrow" for weeks just completely procrastinating....At the time the negative snowball effect of my thinking really got to me I rescheduled yet again... 🙄... For March 10, 2021...... during that time I set a schedule to study 1-2hr a day.

I utilized: -DSM 5 crash Audiobook from audible (on the train, while i slept so it sank in subconsciously ,while driving etc) -Quizlet and other phone apps -Phillip Luttrel youtube videos ,. i really like how he breaks things down but i didnt pay for group study sessions although im pretty sure they wouldve been very helpful

  • I took the practice test in the back of the Apgar book (also read the whole book /took notes skim through things i already knew)

And ALOT of positive self talk/affirmations. I needed to rebuild the confidence in myself and trust my gut. I had a lot of first/ best questions regarding program development, community organizing, and responding to clients. A few diagnosing questions, 1-2 medication, safety assessment type questions.

Use acronyms (FAREAFI and /or AASPIRINS ) and create your own!

I created this for 3 cluster personality disorders since I struggled alot remembering them all. I say: I will PASS (my test)
BABHN (my head)
cause I CADO (what I want)

Paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic Avoidant, Dependant, Obsessive Compulsive

Test centers give you a note pad/pen to write so i sugess writing down whatever you need on it first before looking at any questions. Read the question 2-3 times ask yourself (who are you in the situation

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 207
📰︎ r/socialwork
👤︎ u/Elissal7
📅︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Broke up after 4 years. Emotional abuse.

Four years ago, I met the only person I've ever been in love with at a concert. The only person who saw a special side of me that I haven't showed anyone else. We were madly in love, moved in together a year later, and at the time...I felt so happy and wonderful and grateful that I found someone that I could open myself up to. When I met him, I didn't even plan on dating him - I thought he would be a one night stand. We kept hanging out more and more and I could see he actually cared about me and wanted to know who I really was.

A year later, I moved into his tiny apartment that was barely big enough for one person. He was working as a restaurant manager (long days and stressful work) and I was having trouble finding a job after getting laid off although I eventually did. We started having fights after then - I honestly don't remember. Could have been closer to the 2nd year of our relationship. He would come home, be angry and have an outburst, and treat me disrespectfully. We would get into a lot of fights outside of that as well. He would threaten to kick me out of the car a few times on our way somewhere social over fights that I don't remember were about. He threatened to dump a water over my head at his mom's house after I made a small comment that he was annoying since he could only talk about psychedelics about ten days (he literally couldn't talk about anything else and we couldn't just have a normal conversation). When I was struggling with depression and crying, he would scream at me to shut up because he was tired causing me to cry further. Whenever I brought up these things hurt me, he would never apologize and would interrupt me saying that I had to let go of the past and that hearing how he hurt me hurts him so it was wrong of me to bring up for our relationship. During this time, I was also withdrawing from a 10+ year addiction to adderall (prescribed) and cigarettes making me extra emotional. He held a knife up to me one time. I remember our third Christmas together, the police came to our door - they told us because they had come to our home for domestic disturbance a few times before, the next time they would have to arrest someone out of protocol. As I'm typing this, I keep remembering other moments that I blocked out of my head.

It wasn't all that bad though. When we were good, it was really good. I don't even know how to describe how amazing our back-and-forth and rapport is when we're not fighting. Even with all the fights and traum

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 262
📅︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
44 [M4F] – Kansas: Confessions of an Online Reddit Dater and other Such Statistics.

Dear Reader:

I joined Reddit specifically to find a life partner. What I have found instead is a snapshot of the state of dating as it exists in world (yes, WORLD) of social media and the fastest spreading of information that there has ever been. I grew up going to the library to do a book report followed by the banning of graphing calculators for taking tests with and now my children are allowed to have cell phones in the classroom. I’m a hybrid of the old world that taught cursive in the second grade and the world where I am paid to do my job while I sit at home with myself and my dog (Mr. Gram).

I’ve got no complaints in general. Life has gotten better the older I’ve gotten. My Grandmother drove cars with steering wheels almost 2 and a half feet wide because power steering had not been invented yet and had she cared she would of noticed self-driving cars well before her passing. The human race has been blessed with the ability for one generation to accumulate knowledge and simultaneously being able to both preserve and pass on what has been gained in a way unparalleled in all of human history.

All that said dating has changed every bit as much and while it may be more convenient it still has found a way to blow monkey balls. I first posted on Reddit in August of 2020 and since that time I have tried to communicate to exactly 60 women (mostly, but no verified to be women by far). At the age of 44 with two marriages under my belt totaling 22 years and two children I have some shit I’d like to share; it might be brutal but it’s all sadly very true.

Out of 60 tries over the last 6 months I averaged 10 tries a month. That’s 2.5 tries per week. Out of the 60 attempts 55 were initiated by me, 2 were started by escort services and only 3 contacted me first. My opening intro lines have an average of 49 words with the least being 20 and the most being 144. Out of those 18 never replied back to the opening messages. Buried within those 60 attempts I have had one come visit me for a week. Out of those 60 I have had zero in real life dates. Out of those 60 4 were located within 1 hour from me (not including the one that stayed for a week).

That’s just Reddit. Let’s sum up Tinder. I’ve been using Tinder for well over 8 years. In that time, I have had 4 dates from it with 3 of them turning into short lived relationships of some kind or another. It’s hard to say how many attempts I have made on Tinder because the reality is that I’ve probably swiped north of o

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 20
👤︎ u/arcdragon2
📅︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Application asks about BPD

EDIT: Meant bipolar disorder...not borderline personality disorder!!

Hi all!

I'm applying to LVN program this week. I read over the actual application paperwork and it asks about mental illnesses including bipolar disorder. I am diagnosed for years now & also with ADHD w OCD and always on my medication. My meds are Lamictal & Adderall. Could answering 'yes' to this question hurt me? I searched this before creating this post and saw the great advice regarding drug tests, so I'm aware that I may as well be truthful, but I just have to know...will this hurt my chances of approval? Are these illnesses looked down upon in the programs? I don't really care about the 'looked down upon' if I make it into the programs (planning to continue to NP) but, again, just inquiring. Thanks in advance!

👍︎ 6
📅︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
JNSister slaps me at 23 weeks pregnant

(So I originally posted this in JUSTNOMIL because I didn’t know the world of JUSTNO existed, mind you this happened the night before New Years Eve)

Hang in there, it’s a long one. There’s an update to this story further down.

I do not give permission for this to be shared.

Backstory: So I’m 20f and I’ve had a LC relationship with my (adoptive) mother since I was 15 and a NC relationship after I turned 18. At this stage in my life, I only have (had, after tonight) a relationship with her youngest biological daughter, but she’s significantly older than me and we’ve never really had a sibling relationship. Her, 35f (She acts like she helped raise me even though she moved out of the house when I was 1 or 2). Now I’ve always been wary of maintaining a relationship with her because she is an EXACT replica of her mother. From looks, to explosive, narcissistic, and controlling behavior, to drug addiction, to mental illnesses, I mean her TWIN. Part of the reason she’s made the cut in my life this far is Bc she’s tried the hardest on that side of the family to maintain a relationship with me and even helped me furnish my first apartment. On top of the fact that her kids and I are very close in age, and basically grew up together. My niece, 19 and my nephew, 16.

Now recently my sister has been to prison, got out in April of 2019. In that year and a half since, she’s tried to get back on her feet. But has yet to get a steady job, picked up a heroin habit, began tricking, and still getting DUIs. (I will say she’s a hustler and has made sure my niece and nephew has had a roof over their heads, and has even helped me out a few times.) When I found out I was pregnant, she was very excited and offered to plan the baby shower, and went out and got me prenatals and found a crib her friend was giving away. I thought it was nice that my daughter might actually have a chance at a family. However, I knew to keep her at a distance because of her behavior and addiction. But I never expected she’d go this far and act THIS much like our mom.

THE STORY: So my boyfriend and I go over to her house so my 16yo nephew can change my brake pads. (Impressive for a kid, right?) so it’s a VERY normal night. My boyfriend and nephew are outside working on the car, my sister and I are inside talking and what not. And she brings up the fact that my nephew passed a drug test she gave him. And doesn’t believe that he actually passed it. Now let me just say that the ENTIRE family smokes wee

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 169
📅︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Tragedy of vulnerable autistic young girl

On the 23rd November 2020, my daughter took her life after a buildup of critical events, abuse and multiple failures by the local authority to act. My daughter was a young vulnerable adult with learning difficulties and mental health problems.

On the 29th November 2020, I received a call from a manager of Children’s services, Mrs W. In this call I asked if they would be opening a serious case review, to which she avoided the subject and could only reply it’s no one's fault.

I have since become aware that under the Care Act 2014 section 44, a Safeguarding Adult Review should have taken place as a mandatory requirement as my daughter was an adult with additional care and support needs who died as a result of not having her care needs met and being I suspect mentally abused by her then boyfriend and his family. Her boyfriend was was my daughters registered carer and received payment for this.

I have made enquiries and this investigation which is covered by law has not commenced.

The Local Authority Children’s Services were aware of my concerns regarding boyfriend and his family. I sent several emails and made calls to the service, outlining my concerns of abuse towards my daughter which seemed to fall on deaf ears as my concerns to this date have not been addressed.

Concerns were made known to Children’s services by the Specialist Mother and Baby Team (SMABS) about the possible controlling nature of my daughters boyfriend in the relationship.

Although my daughter at the time of her death would not have been under Children’s Services care, where concerns of abuse of a vulnerable adult are reported they have a duty to pass this information on to the relevant agencies. Something which did not happen.

When Children’s services were first contacted after the birth of child A, my daughters child, she was 17 and still fell under Children’s services.

Service failures occurred as referrals were made on the following dates and no contact was made by Children’s services to my daughter. My daughters case had previously been stepped down to Early Help following a pre-birth assessment. Early Help had all but disappeared following my daughters move from the boyfriends family home and made no contact following the birth.

16th March 2020 - The First Response team contacted. My daughter was 4 weeks postnatal and her GP had diagnosed her as suffering from postnatal depression.

20th March 2020 – Health Visitor completed a MARF referral form.

9TH April 2020- Specialist

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👍︎ 139
📅︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't do this anymore

I know I have adhd. I know have it. My friends think I have it, my boyfriend thinks I have it. I've had symptoms since I was a child. And yet here we are.

I've been dx with persistent depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. I've tried every psych drug under the sun (I'm at #18 now) and not much has helped me. I've dropped out of college, I can't get my life on track and I am so incredibly frustrated with myself. My life is a complete mess.

I had an appt with my psych today (hate the guy) and after months and months and months of adhd evaluations, he says he still doesn't have a dx, but he can't prescribe me stimulants bc I need to have a cardio appt set up first. He talked to my cardiologist and she said it was okay, as long as I came in to see her after 1 month of starting them. But here's the deal: I have mitral valve prolapse (mvp) in my case, a very minor condition that I am rarely bothered by. My ekg and echo are completely normal. I had tests done in nov/dec. I lost my job in december (again) and I don't have health insurance. I'm currently fighting with financial aid to help with my insanely high bills. I CANNOT afford to wait another few months and spend a couple hundred dollars on an appt where they will just ask me generic questions.

Alternatively, he said he could prescribe me Mirapex, a drug for Parkinson's, which I've never heard of for the treatment of adhd. I asked if he could do it today, but he said I would still need to schedule a cardio appt.

I'm at a loss here. I've been jumping through hoops and calling and waiting for so long, I just can't do it anymore. I've been crying for the past hour, since the zoom appt ended, and I am trying really hard not to relapse with >!self harm.!<

I don't know what to do anymore and I cannot handle this,

👍︎ 11
📰︎ r/adhdwomen
📅︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I now consider myself "cured" from borderline personality disorder. Here to share some positive vibes. Feel free to ask me anything.

Hello, I used to be a somehow active member of this sub. My last post was about me entering a treatment center. Here the post. I've stayed there for 14 months. I now consider myself 99% rehabilitated. I thought my experience would be useful.

Long story short. I suffer from mental issues for my whole life. I am 29 and starting to have problems at 12. At 27 I attempted suicide. The list of the disorder I suffer from were. Severe anxiety, social phobia, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder. After my suicide attempt at 27 I was officially diagnoses (through SCID 5 test, based on DSM) for Borderline Personality disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Depressive Disorder, and Passive-Aggressive Disorder. I also had a history of abusing Xanax and stuff.

So my year in a treatment center had transformed my life, I have remission of most symptoms, I no longer feel that sense of emptiness that I used to. I no longer have depression. I used to have all the common symptoms of BPD (i thought probably I used to be a quiet borderline To put it simply. I still got angry a lot, and violently but I suppressed most of it. Instead of driving my rage outside, I drove it inward.)

Still, life isn't perfect. But the difference between the person I was before and the persona I am now is like night and day, I can't even tell how I changed.

I now feel like my life is fair. I always feel like I was giving too much to bear. Living with borderline, and other mental illness is a nightmare. Right now is like I'm finally awake and I'm kinda happy. I feel like I have control and power over my life. The suicide thinking pattern was a big one for me. I no longer have it. like never.

I still doing individual therapy. I went from 10-15 (antidepressant, anxiolytics, lithium, mood stabilizer, etc) meds at the day to just one that I intended to stop taking soon.

The thing that helps me the most were CBT therapy and uncovering my dysfunctional thinking pattern, and slowly modify them. Also, I followed a program called STEPPS that is made for BDP disorder that is really good to learn to cope with intense emotion and extreme behavior.

It would take a book to tell all the ah-ah moment and the step by step process I went through, that led to my rehabilitation but I Just wanna say It's definitely possible to live a good and satisfying life.

I wish you all the best.

P.S. I'm from Italy.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 365
📰︎ r/BPD
👤︎ u/Giorgiark
📅︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Is my experience common in asperger people?


I'm 28, he/him.

I feel like I need to write this thread because...I don't know anymore. I am at the point of my life where I feel fatigued from what the world has become. I am regularly followed by a psychologist, and my mental health history has been really...troubled since I was a kid. I became epileptic when I was 14, and, because of violent outbursts, I was brought to several psychiatrist in that same period.I have spent half of my life dealing with mental health. However, I would say that before I wasn't so "typical" either. I didn't easily get along with my peers - and if it was okayish at elementary school, it became stressful in middleschool.I had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. When I grew up, I read what it meant and I...didn't see correspondence to my experience. The only aspect was the impulsivity in only one aspect of my life: i have strong emotional responses to stress.I have always felt "different" in a way that isn't inherently good or bad, but alienates me, honestly.When my mother learnt about autism, she was afraid I might have been autistic...but "apparently" I wasn't because I presented in a way to my former psychiatrist. However...I was expecting a diagnosis back then, and I masked pretty much everything about me. I wanted to go to school and not being marked as "not sane" (i had a lot of internalized abilism)...so I didn't tell a lot of stuff on purpose. I hate lying, sadly.Now...I am followed by an indipendent psychologist and some months ago we took a long test: while not diagnostic, its purpose it to evaluate asperger's people and their experiences, and it turns out my scores 3 areas out of 4 are the same of aspies, with sensor-motory area being only slightly offset.
Now, this didn't exactly caught me off guard but gave me something to think about. I often picture my feelings about something in my head very visually; it felt like opening a huge gate in a unseen garden. It has always been there, yet it its way is untrodden.I am scared of psychiatrists, and I don't know if i'll take a diagnosis.I am also a lover of non-offensive humor and puns, I think I have developed empathy at some point in my life and it became devasting making me absorb what people are feeling.
I have used for the longest time the "neurodivergent" term thinking it is an umbrella term. Apparently it isn't but I don't feel typical either.
I had temper tantrums in the past frequently. What always motivated them was communicat

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 2
📰︎ r/aspergers
👤︎ u/Frozenskin
📅︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My Plea to my Fellow Type B – 199 --> 236 (Pt.2 Electric Boogaloo)

MY BAD: You might be thinking, "Hey, I saw this yesterday and then it disappeared" and you'd be right! I'm an idiot and accidentally deleted the post when I was trying to delete a reply that I put under the wrong comment. So I am not the best resource for Reddit functionality but I am happy to help with step prep.

DISCLAIMER: This is a long post and it is not a guide of how to get a certain score. I wrote this just to tell my story and help anyone who is type B like me and struggles to study or follow an intensive study schedule. I hope this can aid you as you prepare for step and try to tackle the beast.

My Plea to my Fellow Type B

I have been meaning to write this post for a little bit, but I got too busy with my PEDS and OBGYN rotations, so I just found the time to do it. This is the perfect lead in to explaining my struggles during med school. Like many of you, fellow type B’ers, I found that med school is not only overwhelming in the course workload but also when you are constantly surrounded by type A students. I have nothing against type A students, and I am honestly jealous of them. Hearing how my fellow classmates would study 8-12hrs a day during the school year (not even preparing for step) and then studying 16+ hrs a day during dedicated, I just couldn’t understand how they did it. I saw their perfectly laid out intensive studying schedules and they would follow them perfectly. I even tried to copy my friends schedule in the hopes that maybe it would work for me, but I only could do it for a week before realizing it was not going to be sustainable. Do not force yourself to do something that was not designed for you because you will likely get frustrated or become overwhelmed. It’s okay to not follow the standard schedule! Just because you don’t do 2 passes of UWorld, read FA front to back twice, complete Zanki, watch all of Pathoma, B&B, and Sketchy, and do every practice exam*, YOU CAN STILL DO WELL. If you think doing all that is borderline insane then good news, you’re at the right place!

* I understand not all type A’s do all those things before taking step but be honest with yourself, you wanted to. You’re probably sitting there right now wishing you could go back to the glory days of dedicated and fall asleep to the soothing words of Dr. Jason Ryan, you sick son of a bitch. /s

My Study Breakdown

I took step on 1/8/21 after getting cancelled on 6/1/20 due to COVID and pushing back my date from 12/28/20 (more on t

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 44
📰︎ r/step1
📅︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My story

I started drinking when I was 12 years old. I soon began sneaking drinks from my parents while they were asleep.

When I was 14, getting wasted was a weekly occurrence, however I always hid it from everyone else.

When I was 15 I started drinking more and more. My parents began getting concerned, but they didn’t know what to do with me. I began drunk texting friends and getting irrationally angry when they wouldn’t respond immediately at one in the morning.

I celebrated my 16th birthday by locking myself in my room and drinking one and a half bottles of vodka that I stole from a gas station. I punched a hole in the wall. I fell into a deep depression that only alcohol could relieve. I decided to finally go to therapy. I began talking and eventually was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I began drinking more and more, feeling that something was wrong with me to have a disorder like that. My friends became “busy” and stopped talking to me. One symptom of borderline personality disorder is an irrational fear of abandonment. I began drinking bottles by the days. I failed my drivers test and my grades plummeted. I lost interest in music and stopped playing.

When I was 17, I found a man who began selling me liquor. I didn’t know his true intention until later. I lost all my friends. My family stopped talking to me. I was miserable. I went on a two day drinking binge that ended with me almost killing myself. I became suicidal. My drinking got worse and worse. I decided to finally end it all by hanging myself, but couldn’t tie the knot. The next day I went to google “how to tie a noose”, but fell down a set of stairs. I was sent to the emergency room with broken legs, arms, and a punctured lung. I vowed to stop drinking.

I tuned 18 as soon as I left the hospital. I began drinking immediately. My family threw me out of the house, but with no job or money, I was homeless. I asked 13 former friends if I could stay at their place. One said sure. I was kicked out after stealing his money to buy whiskey and had passed out on his couch after urinating over his carpet. I finally was done. I went to rehab where I stopped drinking. I was released and began to drink again, so I went back.

It has been three years since I drank. I have a good job, girlfriend who I plan to propose to, and a house.

Don’t drink, it almost destroyed me. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

👍︎ 76
📰︎ r/alcoholism
👤︎ u/MrCreAm_a
📅︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Unable to receive treatment for borderline personality disorder

This all feels very strange to me and I don't know what to think about this.

  • Diagnosed BP2 when I was 17. I brought up the possibility that I had BPD to my psychiatrist and without going into it, she said I definitely did not. I understand that at 17 is early to diagnose a personality disorder, but I did not get better in the next 5 years and she did not reopen the subject. In fact, I deteriorated enough to have a full blown manic episode with a free upgrade to BP1

  • After another 5 years with my next psychiatrist, I asked again if I might have BPD. She didn't really want to talk about it either, and said I should get tested if I want to know.

  • I got tested at a clinic. I remember that the questionnaire was titled "BPD [something]" as if they didn't want to spell out "borderline personality disorder" and there was a heading saying "There are no trick questions." Odd. But odder, after I took the test and had the assessment interview with a psychologist, she suddenly said that she actually knew my sister from her position as a university counselor and that it'd be some kind of ethical issue to treat me as well. I asked my sister later if she remembered this counselor and she said no. (At this point I'm beginning to sound paranoid, but these are the things that happened anyway - I accept it's possible my sister just forgot her)

  • The result from the clinic is "possible borderline personality disorder". I asked my psychiatrist what that means - do I have it, or don't I? She replied "That's just what it means, it's possible. Why is it so important for you to know?" Having transference soooo bad at the time and having a "whatever you say, doctor" attitude at the time, I couldn't articulate why it really is very important to me.

Because I want to get better. How can I get better if my doctor doesn't want to talk about the problem? this was my line of thinking.

But lately I've been wondering if BPD is actually more like a marker than a diagnosis, because I can think of many people who fit the BPD criteria but I'm just sure would not receive that diagnosis. And I think about the people I know who do have that diagnosis, and there's one thing they have in common: they've been difficult and uncooperative during their therapy, either occasionally or all throughout.

I'm beginning to think that "BPD" is a label used by mental health professionals to signal that a patient is difficult. And that perhaps my psychiatrist's reluctance to put it in my file is t

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 2
📰︎ r/bipolar
👤︎ u/octarine16
📅︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
young hot ebony teen gets railed by mental illnesses 🤪🙄

aight so boom....

as of 2017 i've consistently stayed fucked up. and i know what you're thinking "drugs 🙄"

no bitch; i'm mentally ill.

if you name it, i've probably got it. ADD, BPD, anxiety, depression and OCD. a four for four happy hormone deficient combo slapped right onto the brain of an 18yr old teen.

we been knew that i had ADD cuz i can't get a grasp on the ontario learning curriculum for shit. i've spent most of my school years in the "troubled kids" rooms doodling on test papers and devouring fantasy books for as long as i can remember. sure i'm smart (don't think for a second i'm not) but taking in mass amounts of information is hard, my brain needs time to sift and sort and organize.

regardless, the ADD was nothing new.

then i had my first depressive episode. that tore through me like laxative in coffee and i got diagnosed with that as well. (the depression, not cosmic diarrhea) therapy was the only option at the time because i was a youngin' and taking pills was NOTTT the vibe. naturally, as a lower-middle class family, we couldn't afford the long term counselling so i braved it like my ENFP self usually did and decided to battle it head on with fun activities and regular communication with my mum and doctor.

that lasted a month. i underestimated the disease....a mistake i wish i could go back and fix. fast forward past a few traumatic events and the list just began to grow. i became well aquatinted with OCD and BPD (borderline personality disorder).

from there it spiralled.

after becoming somewhat accustomed to the royal ass fucking the cesspool of diseases had to offer me, i spent the rest of my junior/senior years smoking weed to help ease the crushing weight of the trauma and symptoms. skipping class, coming home late, spending money i didn't have, ignoring every warning sign my body offered me by staying high as a military fighter jet from the second i woke up to when i would eventually pass out from the 6 sometimes 7 bowl hits. even then, in my sleep, i was tormented by nightmares. i never allowed myself to process what i was feeling and how it was affecting me....outside of the few hours at night i'd lay awake silently screaming and crying.

for help. for release. for an end.

i felt alone. my mind was no longer my kingdom. and my body, which had been recently violated at that time, was peeling away from the fragile bones within them. i was lonely, desperate for a release, hungry for love that would heal me, frantically sea

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 206
📅︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
aint no way this is accurate, i will C R Y


i took this test and bruh the results 😭

ParanoidDisorder | High

SchizoidDisorder | High

SchizotypalDisorder | High

AntisocialDisorder | Moderate

BorderlineDisorder | High

HistrionicDisorder | Moderate

NarcissisticDisorder | High

AvoidantDisorder | High

DependentDisorder | High

Obsessive-CompulsiveDisorder | High

this can't be legit, there's no way i'm that messed up in the head

👍︎ 3
📰︎ r/teenagers
📅︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
To You Cowards

We always want to believe that love is the cure for all things. The very best of us think we can love someone enough to help them fix the things about themselves that are their sole responsibility to heal.

And that’s how people die.

Good people die of their own demise when they can’t reconcile their core beliefs. That’s where suffering starts. Anxiety, depression. Addiction. We’re all here trying to break generational curses. But sometimes, love isn’t enough. Sometimes evil survives anyway. It’s in choices. Narcissistic defense mechanisms. Borderline. Fucking personality disorders. This is so different than bipolar disorder or skitzophrenia. PTSD.

Psychology and psychiatry are two very different fields. For a reason. You can get someone on the right medication. But then you need to get them the right psychotherapy.

For years, I thought people stopped taking meds because they didn’t like the way they made them feel. That’s what it was for me. But that’s not the case with everyone.

For some people they stop because the jig is up. You can’t medicate the destructive personality traits away in someone with even the best meds because that isn’t where the problem is. It’s not in their brain. It’s in their heart. They stop taking those meds because they never worked in the first place. Not in someone with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder.

A skitzophrenic or someone with depression, anxiety, well yeah. We stop taking those meds when they make us cloudy or more dissociated. Not because they’re not working. They’re working, but they’re working at a cost. In order to blunt the pain with mental health disorder symptoms, we have to blunt other emotions. That’s just how those meds work. So we come off of them. We’re desperate to feel anything at all after a time. Then we don’t go back on them. Then, it’s a matter of time before we start self medicating. Isolating. Becoming further removed from the ones we love.

And that’s how people die. Depression is the name of the disease and the last stage of this terminal illness is suicide. If it isn’t arrested. If there isn’t intervention.

The ones of us that are depressed just from having lived and continue on living.. well, we’re the poets, the artists, the geniuses, the advocates. The ones that keep getting told we are the problem. We’re having issues because we don’t function on the same superficial levels as everyone else around us. It’s because we know the system is broken. All of them. All of

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 9
📅︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Attachment requires Awareness

Your understanding of your attachment style can only go so far as your awareness.

What I mean by this is that you can take as many attachment style quizzes as you want but if you are not aware of your actual behaviors and emotions the results will not be accurate.

I just got out of a relationship with a textbook fearful avoidant who scored as secure on the attachment project inventory.

My Mother has undiagnosed and untreated borderline personality disorder and scored secure on the same test.

In my humble opinion, both lack enough self awareness to actually be able to accurately evaluate themselves.

Now I would also acknowledge it’s possible that I’m the one who lacks the awareness. Haha. How could I know?!

But the point is still valid. The more you can develop your awareness with mindfulness and accurate perception of what’s happening in and around you, the better you will be able to assess and change your attachment patterns.

👍︎ 71
📅︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Her Name was Mano Aloe: A Fan Documentary of Hololive's Graduated Succubus

Hello to everyone.

About a week from now, on October 28, the birthday of an idol who graduated 3 months ago will be coming up. For those of you who are new to this subreddit, in all likelihood you don’t know who this person is, which is understandable and I encourage you to keep reading. For those who do, I hope that day is one of celebration rather than sadness for all of you. With her birthday coming up, I wanted to give a documentary of the short, but impactful journey of the succubus of 5th gen to those who've fallen into the rabbit hole. And while she isn’t officially a part of the group as of today, for many she will always be remembered as the idol who was lost, but never forgotten. Today I’d like to share with you the story of Mano Aloe and her impact on Hololive.

*As a disclaimer, please do not go to any Hololive member streams to discuss this topic. In addition, please do not start arguing with any of the groups or people mentioned in this post.

The Beginning of Holofive

On August 5th of 2020, five new members were announced and declared for the 5th generation of Hololive and would soon be given the nickname “Holofive,” not only because of their status as the 5th generation, but also because they happened to have five members (though most JP generations have that group layout, barring Hololive Gamers and Hololive Gen 0).


🎉Please Give a Warm Welcome to Hololive 5th Generation!🎉 : Hololive

They would subsequently all use Twitter in the days before their debuts, and many flocked to interact with them. It was an unprecedented amount of communication, not only with fans but with their senior coworkers as well. This became a major reason for their sudden boom in popularity before their debuts even started.

Aloe, unfortunately, was a special case. At the time, many remember Kageyama Shien, a member of the 3rd gen of Holostars, as having his Twitter profile locked out and banned for nearly a month the day after his debut, most likely due to the fact that he may have set his age to be 0. Aloe, on the other hand, had been locked out of Twitter the day of her announcement. Cover Corp came out with a statement about it, and Aloe was unfortunately restricted from using Twitter for a couple of days before eventually joining the rest of her crewmates in the festi

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 3k
📰︎ r/Hololive
👤︎ u/True_A3r0z
📅︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel bitter towards those in the Narcissistic community that opt for avoidance, instead of acceptance, whenever faced with Mortification..

I'm really not trying to make anyone feel invalidated in a recovery process composed entirely of individualistic, subjectual experiences.

"treatment efforts focusing on understanding and integrating vulnerability and feelings of fear in self-functioning and self-directedness is most meaningful in these patients. More importantly, these two treatment alternatives assume that narcissistic patients possess the ability to both recognize and process feelings of fear, even though they may for various reasons, be insensitive, ignorant, hypersensitive, or overreactive to fear. however, it is possible that neurocognitive limitations and recognizing and integrating feelings of fear greatly limit decision making capabilities. In such case treatment focusing on learning activities are alternate strategies that may be more useful. However, this requires the patient's motivation and realization for the necessity of change. Further research is called to fully identify such limitations.... in summary, strategies to address the role of fear and pattern of decision making May and will potentially diminish the common risk for ruptures and premature termination, ultimately promoting collaborative alliance building with patients with pathological narcissistic personality disorder....."

... You have the understand how fucking significant it is whenever narcissists are so scared at the confrontation of vulnerability that, literally the reason why we don't understand how to more better treat it. As soon as we realize the painful reality... short-term, maldaptive behaviorisms that make us seemingly undeserving of this superiority complex we fake in the first place....wtf At the same time.... It's extremely important to understand that coming to face your vulnerability is not going to be painless. I recognize the first few times will be difficult, as long-term recovery goals are not on the forefront of your mind, when fighting off short-term reward demons.

...Especially when people like you and me are in other communities (eMpAtH, AsPD,etc) so frightened by reality that, they adapt new identities to hide from coming to terms with themselves

This is not a display of the strength we've tried to make everybody believe runs through these veins.

Running away reinitiates a cycle that is never going to end. I don't understand why we pretend to be so strong when we are too weak to handle reality, when it looks us in the face... I can come from a place of understanding pain involved

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 5
📰︎ r/NPD_Memes
📅︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My sisters ridiculous onesided competition

A little back story. There's loads of genetic medical conditions from all directions in my family. Both my siblings, against all odds, won huge in the genetic lottery and didn't get a single one of the genetic issues, but I ended up with every single genetic issue from all directions.

Two of the conditions are pretty serious, they're both degenerative conditions and are rare, it's especially rare to end up with both conditions, and either one will end up killing me. If I'm lucky, I'll have about 15-20 more years to go(I'm 34).

All through my childhood my parents treated me like crap, but that story will probably extend the character limit, so in this post I'm going to stick with one issue for now.

All my life, I've had medical crisis pop up on regular basis, it doesn't exactly help that I'm seriously immuno-compromised. During those crisis, I would have benefitted from my parents support, but I never really got any because every time something was going on with me, my sister would pop up with some (made up) more serious medical issue... Hoarding all the attention from my parents, leaving me to deal with crap on my own.

A couple of years ago I was talking to my mom about when I got swine flu in '09, and pneumonia ontop of that. I was hospitalized for a bit and spent a month in Quarantine. Turns out my mom had no recollection of this ever having happened because my sister managed to hoard all the attention with some other made up medical drama, while I was just tucked away in Quarantine with no contact with my family.

Some years ago she had a few bruises and got convinced that she had leukemia. She refused all tests that didn't involve leukemia. Surprise! She didn't have leukemia.

Even as adults, she's still doing it. About a couple of weeks ago I got a pretty bad case of a UTI. My urine was literally pink. The doctor couldn't believe that this was my actual urine. The very next day my sister was in the hospital for something. I didn't even bother asking why, because the timing says it all. She was having major invasive tests, which I'm assuming gave no results like literally every single time she does this. Two days ago my heart was acting out (heartrate over 186rpm), and literally a few hours later she posted in a family group chat that symptom checker was telling her to call an ambulance immediately because of her "severe symptoms".

All my sisters life my parents have always fawned over her like a baby. My sister gets a cold... Obviously s

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 57
📅︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Diagnosed with ASD as an Adult at 29

So last Friday on the 19th, on my 29th birthday, funny enough, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. My “journey” towards this started around this time last year when I noticed an emerging pattern in my life of failed friendships, frequent moves, and frequent job changes due to interpersonal issues, so I decided to pursue a psych eval because I honestly thought I had borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and a nonspecific personality disorder with borderline, avoidant, and negativistic features and the doctor recommended, among other things, that I follow up with a psychiatric provider for med management, which I did.

I started seeing a psychiatric FNP shortly after for med management and started out on an antidepressant, but one problem I have always had and never known how to deal with was inattentiveness and pretty extreme episodes of fatigue that made me feel like I was going to fall asleep standing up every few hours. This past November, I talked to my FNP about going on Adderall because a different provider had prescribed it to me for the first time in 2019 and I found it extremely helpful for just getting through the day, and she did, but she also recommended a neuropsych eval which I completed towards the end of January.

I received the report last Friday from the neuropsychologist and was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type, GAD & MDD again, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and avoidant personality disorder with self-defeating and schizoid features. Reading the report and looking back at my life, it made a lot of sense to be diagnosed with ASD and I suppose I had suspected it in the back of my mind, and although it’s nice to have a label to explain all these problems I have had over the years, I also feel really overwhelmed with emotion and don’t really have anyone to process with.

I think I have done reasonably well for myself these past few years, all things considered, but it has been so hard, and I am so exhausted. Growing up, I remember teachers and other adults would tell me I was lazy, not motivated, and gave up easily and I always felt like they dismissed me as a lost cause so they could groom their star students to make the school look good and I can’t help but feel angry that not a single adult in my life thought to raise an eyebrow at any of my odd behaviors and have me assessed then so I could have had a semblance of a normal life as an adult now instead of spending the last 11 years of my life stum

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 5
📰︎ r/autism
👤︎ u/Diarmud92
📅︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone been misdiagnosed by an expert? Struggling with the results of my appointment today.

I know internet tests aren't diagnostic at all, but after wondering what was going on I kind of stumbled on the idea of ADHD, and have scored at a HIGH level on any test I took. This sub and all ADHD information is like it's speaking directly to me. So I finally got to a doctor, got referred to a psychiatrist, and my appointment was today.

He asked me nothing about any ADHD related symptoms, just took a personal history and asked a lot of other questions (Do I feel empty? No... Do I struggle with wild unregulated emotions? Not particularly.... do I have unstable relationships? No, 12 year marriage.... do you struggle with identity? Not really.... etc etc) and then basically said - you do NOT have ADHD, you have generalised anxiety and symptoms of borderline personality disorder.

I felt a bit shaken, because what he was describing sounded nothing like me, and I wasn't sure - am I really a completely different person to what I think? Am I making this up? I got home and did some research, and it's just not me. I feel like he came up with a theory and has just forced my answers to fit and ignored those that didn't. I got asked literally nothing about concentration, tasks, memory, nothing.

Should I trust my gut and get a second opinion, or should I trust someone who is an expert specialist? ADHD makes SO much sense to me, but I don't mind if that's not what I have - I just want to feel like someone has actually listened.

Sorry this is long. I'm just curious about other people's experiences with this.

👍︎ 8
📰︎ r/adhdwomen
📅︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Limerence for internet celebrity, it's killing me and I need help.

I know when people on here talk about limerence it's about someone they personally know, but mine is for a fairly popular youtuber in the gaming community. Not going to say their name, but we'll just call them G. Basically I'm obsessed with them. I can't listen to a song without relating the lyrics to them, I can't do my work because I'll stop to day dream about them, I feel physically sick over how I won't ever actually be with them and have the happy ending I want. And to be fucking blunt, I went full creep mode and read those "Reader X G" fanfics. I've always been of the opinion that writing fanfic about real people and shipping them is a no no, especially if it's pornographic, but I broke my own rule. That's how bad it's gotten.

I know it's bad. I know it's creepy. I know that like all celebrities and personalities they're projecting what they want you to see and you truly don't know them, but I still can't pull myself out of this hole. I have severe depression and my doctor wants to test me for possible Bipolar and Borderline Personality disorder. So my brain is a mess, always has been. I'm lonely and unhappy with my life and these little fantasies I create with G are escapism, but I wish I could stop. :( I don't want to be like this. It just makes me more miserable knowing I have such little control over it. I hate that how my love for someone has to turn into this unhealthy dying devotion. Why can't I just be normal?

👍︎ 3
📰︎ r/limerence
📅︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Film project, solo skiing think I just bored the fuck out of my mate on Snapchat I’ve been messaging him my life story or the past hour and half so I’m just posting on here what my plans are for the next few years and maybe a bit about my background. The future M4 PRODUCTIONS

Hi so I have always wanted to be an actor and a film producer and in the past I have done some pretty questionable things so I could be discounted by studios straight away just because of what they have heard about me, rumours that have been spread or my criminal record well I want to change that and it starts with step 1 which is go to university, I am currently doing a higher education course to get the points required to get into university, I have already been offered a place as long as I pass my higher education course which is why I’m putting my heart and soul into the course I am doing at the moment even tho it’s not what I wanna do with my life, I know that it is a necessity to get where I am going to be, my university course will conclude in 2024 and no one is prepared for what I am going to do, people always look down on me because of the things I do, people hate me because of what I’ve done. I used to rob drug dealers frequently, a lot of people are out to get me but I won’t give in the thing is I am not afraid to die I’ve been through hell and made it out alive, I’ve been beaten I’ve been bruised I’ve been cut. I’ve done 2 stretches at her majesty’s pleasure in prison, both for ABH. Everyone in the area that grew up in and Where I used to roam the streets knows my name I can be a saint but I can also be the devil when i need to, I’m ashamed of some of the things I’ve done but no one understands what was going on in my head when these incidents happen the only emotions that I used to have and still have now is anger or happiness there is no in between and I can change in a second from good to evil, if you are on my good side I will show you respect and I will respect you,but beware I could change in a second, I will not hurt you (there are times in the past when I would have, and I have hurt a lot of people emotionally and physically) On the other hand if you try to take the piss out of me or if I think that you are taking the piss, then I can be the most evil person on the planet. I have recently been diagnosed with EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder), which is a form of BPD (borderline personality disorder) ,PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and an intermittent paranoid disorder the drs and psychiatrists are certain that this is my mental illnesses and I agree with all the symptoms and I also had a third party who has experienced my outbursts to evaluate my symptoms and they agree with it 100% ,Better than what they thought

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 3
📰︎ r/cocaine
👤︎ u/BigSW
📅︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Feeling extra anxious today

I have had terrible anxiety ever since I was little, and it’s gotten worse over the years after the s/s of both bipolar and borderline personality disorder started rearing their ugly heads.

I would use alcohol and being drunk to quell the anxiety and fuel my mania, and it would lead to the worst crashes filled with anxiety and at my worst times, suicidal thoughts. I’ve never harmed myself and knew to call someone to be with me the few times that happened, but it felt like I would turn into a different person. If I were too wired to sleep and too anxious not to distract myself and my mom took my phone jokingly to help me sleep, or when my boyfriend would try to explain my anxious thinking and the unhealthy cycle of thoughts it kept me trapped in, I would just.. feel so dark. I would look up at them and feel so hateful. It’s something I’d never felt before and it’s not who I am. I never want to feel that way again.

This has turned into a tangent, but what I really wanted to say is that despite the anxiety I feel this morning, I don’t want to drink it away. I took some magnesium and my as-needed anxiety medication and am making some chamomile tea and trying to rest before I go into work tonight. Work is a huge trigger for me, simply because it is one of the most important things to me (I love my career and I feel like it gives my life extra meaning), so of course it’s a huge focal point and I find any part of it to zero in on when I’m feeling anxious. But I’m not going to drink.

The other trigger is boredom. I’m off for three days after tonight and that will be a true test. I plan on deep cleaning my apartment, going for a hike (weather permitting), and having a self-care night. My backup is to go for a walk whenever I feel cravings, to give them time to pass and also get some endorphins going.

Thankful for this supportive group, and thankful for this resolve I haven’t had before.

👍︎ 5
👤︎ u/xcvdvc45
📅︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Should I seek mental health treatment?

Hi everyone, I’ve (F/ 24) been struggling with life for a year plus and finally went to see a psychiatrist today. Spent 1.5 hours telling him my issues and at the end of the session, he told me I show strong symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD).

He suggests I do a blood test and go on medication for 6 months. I’m feeling torn if I should commit to this due to a few reasons:

  1. Financial issue - I’m earning below average fresh grad pay and his consultation costs RM300 which is a huge portion of my income. He also said that medication would cost RM70 monthly.

  2. Having a mental illness diagnosis may affect purchasing life insurance.

  3. I want to immigrate to either uk, sg, nz or aussie in the next 3 years and I’m afraid that having a diagnosis will make me inadmissible.

  4. I’ll have to declare my diagnosis and treatment if official forms such as employment or travel request for the info, and I’m afraid it’ll affect any decision-making by the officials.

I feel that I should get treatment as I’ve been struggling to live a normal and happy life after a traumatic incident, but all those concerns listed above are piling on to my load of stress and giving me anxiety attacks right now. Not to mention, it’s a huge commitment to me due to the cost & my psychiatrist is located an hour drive away from where I live so I’ll have to put in a lot of effort and energy. My parents don’t believe in mental illnesses so they’re unaware about this.

I’d appreciate it if anyone who has ‘been there done that’ can share some info. And if you’re a psychiatrist or immigration lawyer or any profession that can advice me on my concerns, I’d be eternally grateful to you all.

👍︎ 25
📰︎ r/malaysia
👤︎ u/janeytale
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Perhaps... This is it?

I had invested about 6 months of my life last year into MBTI and the cognitive functions. I've done tons of research, including talking with a woman who worked closely with Dr. John Beebe.

For those 6 months, I was testing and appearing as an INFP. Looking back, it's because I know I was so overly focused on the past and how that skewed my results, plus some mental illness (major depressive disorder/possibly borderline personality disorder).

So after diving into deep into the cognitive functions, lines began to blur and things progressively made less and less sense. I came to an understanding that people generally have their own unique ideas of what each function truly does or represents.

That's coming from the multitude of people I've talked to and the handful of youtubers I watched including; CS Joseph, Geek psychology, Heart of Michi, there were two channels that I can't remember the name of but one had a male and female narrator. The other had something they called the car theory or something like that and a handful of other creators i watched a single video from.

I digress, so I'm testing I'm studying and I'm asking people and everywhere I turn, I'm coming up INFP. But something about it just isn't sitting right with me. I've talked with several other INFPs and their personality isn't like mine. They all have a certain way about them, it's hard to describe. It's almost like they are eternally experiencing solipsism or something.

So I decided just 30 minutes or so ago, I'm going to retest. It's been almost 10 months since I stopped even caring about personality theory. I avoided it like the plague.

When I started answering the questions, I still answered as honestly as I could and I noticed how dishonest I was being with myself previously or how blinded I was, one or the other.

Once the final result came back, it was like I finally had that tiny click of acceptance. The test coming back ISFP. I'm a caretaker, I love being outdoors, but I've been hampered by my own mental health for quite some time. I've always wanted some sense of adventure even as a kid. I would race cars down the street, to see if I could reach a certain part of the sidewalk before the car would pass. All why pretending I was Link from The Legend of Zelda.

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of all of that. I became obsessed with getting my value from romance and being a people pleaser. But even as aware as I am, I'd still enjoy being a caretaker. Just with some healthi

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 11
📰︎ r/mbti
👤︎ u/Scribe83
📅︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Coworker thinks she is owed the world because of her “illnesses”

So I have a coworker, let’s call her Sally. She’s worked with us (very small tech company) for about a year and a half now. We hired her mainly to deal with low-key tech problems and answer the phones, but trained her to deal with more advanced issues as time went along. Sally, however, has not progressed in her job skills and can barely handle the most basic tenets of her job. But that’s not important. No, we are here because Sally’s sense of entitlement - unlike her job skills - is out of this world.

Sally has a lot going on both physically and mentally. She is a big fan of self-diagnosing and has asserted to both coworkers and customers alike that she has determined that she suffers from the following mental illnesses: bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety, depression, anorexia, insomnia, ADHD, PTSD, autism spectrum disorder, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, seasonal affective disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. She also has asthma, an unknown immune disorder, is pre-diabetic, prone to aneurysms, etc.

Now given that Sally has so many ailments - I am not ruling out she may well suffer from some but not one has been diagnosed by a professional - she naturally needs a lot of special treatment. She identifies as gender-fluid and bisexual and doesn’t have preferred pronouns. She is married to a cisgender, heterosexual man, whom she claims is the straightest guy on the planet. According to her she was once trans but “moved on because it was actually just a phase”. We got to learn all of this on her second day of work. It was riveting.

Sometimes she just can’t work because a customer or problem upsets her too much and she needs to take a full 30 min to 1 hour break to ‘collect herself’ and talk to her friends on the phone. Not about her mental health, you see, but just calling to catch up and talk about TV or random shit. You might think that she would take a shortened lunch on these occasions but you would be wrong because Sally is entitled to a full hour of lunch.

Sometimes she just has shit to do and spends HOURS on the phone with debt collectors, her husband, hair stylist, or makeup artists while she is supposed to be working. Again, if you thought she would wait until her OSHA mandated break or lunch to do these things, you would be wrong.

But fret not! Sally is not so inconsiderate as to always have these conversations in our small office space. Luckily she has her very own break room in which to take

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👍︎ 614
📅︎ Nov 09 2020
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Wikipedia claims BPD produces "the most intense emotional pain, agony, and distress"

At https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_pain#Emotional_agony_in_borderline_personality_disorder Wikipedia claims that BPD produces "the most intense emotional pain, agony, and distress" compared to all other disorders. It then talks about how various harmful behaviours are "desperate attempts to escape these subjective inner experiences". I'll quote the whole section here:

> Borderline personality disorder (BPD) has long been believed to be the one psychiatric disorder that produced the most intense emotional pain, agony, and distress in those who suffer with this condition. Studies have shown that borderline patients experience chronic and significant emotional suffering and mental agony.[21][22] Borderline patients may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness.[23] People with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation and perceived failure.[24] Both clinicians and laymen alike have witnessed the desperate attempts to escape these subjective inner experiences of these patients. Borderline patients are severely impulsive and their attempts to alleviate the agony are often very destructive or self-destructive. Suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, eating disorders (anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and bulimia nervosa), self-harm (cutting, overdosing, starvation, etc.), compulsive spending, gambling, sex addiction, violent and aggressive behaviour, sexual promiscuity and deviant sexual behaviours, are desperate attempts to escape. The intrapsychic pain experienced by those diagnosed with BPD has been studied and compared to normal healthy controls and to others suffering from major depression, bipolar disorder, substance use disorder, schizophrenia, other personality disorders, and a range of other conditions. The excruciatingly painful inner experience of the borderline patient is both unique and perplexing. In clinical populations, the rate of suicide of patients with borderline personality disorder is estimated to be 10%, a rate far greater than that in the general population and still considerably greater than for patients with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. However, since 60–70% of patients with borderline personality disorder make suicide attempts; suicide attempts are far more frequent than completed suicides in patients with borderline personality dis

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👍︎ 16
📅︎ Jan 23 2021
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I don't know who I am, but maybe you do!

• How old are you? What is your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

Hello! I am so glad I found this subreddit. I am a 23-year-old female. Honestly, I am not too sure who I am or really who I want to be. I find using the enneagram, MBTI, and my zodiac chart helpful when trying to ponder who I might be. I have taken many, many tests because my scores never seem entirely accurate so maybe with your guy’s help, I can feel more confident in myself! If you are curious, in the past I have reliably been a 4 on any enneagram test (I do not remember the exact tests though, I am sorry!). On MBTI tests through 16 personalities, I am an INFJ-T which I have been told is accurate from my boyfriend who read my test results. My sun sign is Virgo, my moon is Capricorn, and my rising is Aries!

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

Throughout my life I have had trouble with my mental health. I never truly understood why or what my issues were, all I knew is that my parents assured me I had problems because I needed extra help with homework, and they thought I belonged in special ed classes, but the school denied that request since I had an above average IQ (130’s). At the age of 8 – 10 I was diagnosed with ADD. A couple years later, my parents decided I did not need that medication, so they took me off and I did not see another doctor till I was 16.

When I was 16 my parents brought me to a psychiatrist and after meeting with my parents, they sent me in to talk to the doctor and he immediately provided me with a brochure for borderline personality disorder. He also prescribed me Wellbutrin for depression and thought it was appropriate to combine it with naltrexone for obesity / binge eating disorder.

Right out of high school my parents forced me to seek intense therapy and inpatient psychiatric care. Still, I never understood what I was doing to deserve this but agreed because the alternative was my parents calling the police and putting me into a mental hospital. The only problems I understood that I had was possibly depression and disordered eating habits, so I found a specialized unit for eating disorders and was admitted. Upon admission I felt like I needed to exaggerate how I feel to get the “help” I was forced to receive. They labeled me again with BPD, depression, OSFED, and panic disorder. I left the unit required to take a cocktail of medications that made me feel dead inside, lost all libido, a

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👍︎ 5
👤︎ u/lizthelezz
📅︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Amber Portwood has been such an example for me, and I can honestly say she has made me a better person.

Edit to add: I did not expect many to see this or even really read much of it, but I want to say: mental health is serious, it's hard and it's a lifelong struggle. I am not all where I want to be in life and I still need lots of change in myself. Like, a LOT of change. I am sorry if anyone gets offended, or upset. This was just something I was thinking and had to type out and share. Idk why, but I just needed to share this.

I too struggle with mental health issues & I am around the same age as her.

I also was diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality, and adhd(which is being linked to anxiety, and borderline now) and OCD (just barely) My whole life has been filled with chronic depression and chronic anxiety as well.

She has been a HUGE reason as to how I am today.

Being so confused in life, and being on many different meds trying to fight to fix my brain chemistry, constantly hating myself. I grew angry at the world and started seeing myself as a prisoner to my mind and my mental health. I always blamed my anger on my mental health, and my impulsive mood swings, along with being so angry at someone for the smallest thing, I'd stew and get furious as if no one could EVER possibly understand.

She has helped me so much in the sense of I see small parts of myself in her, BUT I feel she is doing mental health an injustice. She has been a prime example of what I do NOT want to be.

She will never learn, will she? I have learned that MANY people have mental illness and MANY people struggle with different things in life. SHE is the reason I have stopped any potential of a week long pity party. SHE is the reason I have stopped my victim mentality. SHE is the reason I refuse to use my mental illness as a weapon. I would never hit someone and say "sorry, it's my silly mental stuff"

There is technically no cure for BPD other than cognitive rehab therapy. Training your brain to process things in a healthier, less defensive type way. Yes, anger is major for me as well. But seeing her anger and how unapologetic she is following the instances of attacking Andrew is what's disgusting. Or even how mean she would get.

With the way I've learned to cope with anger, I've had one small fight with my sister in the past 4 years and even then, I apologized for being too sensitive and said I'll make sure not to let this happen again.

The pity party gets repulsive very fast. I will let myself sit and cope and allow myself to cry or be upset but she's the reason

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 177
👤︎ u/jenbunz
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Spikes in blood pressure and heart rate, feel hot, sweating

On mobile--sorry for any resulting ugliness.

Basic info: 25 FtM, 200 pounds, 5 foot 1

Current medications: 275 mg venlafaxine/Effexor once daily, 2 pumps testosterone gel once daily, 1 mg glycopyrrolate/Robinul thrice daily (discontinued a few days ago), basic gummy vitamin daily

Substances used: About 200 mg caffeine once or twice daily, moderate recreational cannabis use (currently discontinued as of a week ago)

Conditions: Hashimoto's thyroiditis, hypothyroidism (currently at a level not requiring meds), depression, borderline personality disorder

Duration of issue: Unfortunately I cannot say with certainty when this began, because I initially wrote it off as being part of a heat intolerance that developed as a side effect of my venlafaxine. I would guess it started about six or seven months ago and got progressively worse until a few weeks ago, when I finally realized this was not a normal side effect.

Symptoms: Any sort of stress or excitement brings on a sharp increase in blood pressure to around 180-200/120-140. (Usual number is around 140/90.) This is accompanied by an intense feeling of overheating that is reflected in neither body temperature nor skin temperature, as well as profuse sweating and a slight feeling of lightheadedness. By stress or excitement I mean everything from walking fast for a few minutes to thinking too hard about something that makes me nervous.

As I said above I initially thought it was due to heat intolerance, but as the weather has gotten colder I've realized that this is not a constant phenomenon. I was unaware of anything but the overheating sensation and the sweating until an episode occurred at work that was so bad I soaked right through my shirt in many large places.

I left work early and went to the ER at the behest of a nurse from my insurance's advice line, where I learned that my blood pressure and heart rate were dangerously high. Blood tests and a urine test were taken, as well as x-rays. Pheochromocytoma was the initial suspected cause but ruled out by 24 hour urine test and blood test. Thyroid levels are also normal, leaning towards hypothyroidism.

Other info: I'll be the first to admit I'm incredibly out of shape. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, after nearly a year spent furloughed and very depressed. I mostly laid in bed and it shows. I hesitated to seek medical help mostly because I felt sure that this is just what it's like to be this overweight, but the fact that my blood pressure and heart

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👍︎ 3
📰︎ r/AskDocs
📅︎ Mar 01 2021
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I think I've given up

I'm not sure why I make these anymore. I don't like it when people respond. I don't want people to. I don't like it when my friends see them. I don't know why I do it, or what I want. I really don't.

I guess it's just a way to vent. So you know what if this is just me, talking to me, then this time I'm gonna write it all. Paragraphs upon paragraphs at five in the morning because why shouldn't I? I think I have more than earned the fucking right to a bit of fucking self pity.

Let's start with me. Funny old guy, won't deny it. Tons and I mean tons of psychological damage. So much trauma there's more wrong up there than right. Crippling anxiety, suicidal depression, anemia which when coupled with the anxiety makes all forms of work a waking nightmare, and a suspected eating disorder. And to top it all off I'm Autistic so my motor skills are beyond laughable. Quite the concoction but hey everybody's got their quirks.

Then the family, like everyone I suppose. Alcoholic mum with Borderline Personality Disorder and suicidal depression. Oh and so many fucking physical issues that she's pretty much fucked and always will be. She does her best, always has bless her. But she's never been my mum. Not really. She's been different things to me my life, but mostly she's been stress and a burden. Fun times.

Then you've got the dad. Real nasty fucker, piece of work. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Horribly abusive to the mum my whole life, used to be to my sister and I but I put a stop to that shit. Massive control freak, total paranoid maniac, downright sadistic at times. Lovely chap.

Between the two of them and me being me, odds weren't great in my favour from the word go but you know what? I think I did pretty good.

School was hell. Beyond hell. Foreign environments, strange people, noise, always so much fucking noise, and just ughhh. Arseholes in charge, everywhere you'd look, totally fucking uncaring. Wankers.

Thats when the depression started. Cause it wasn't off for me to be different. I had to get real real sad. Bad anxiety, baaad anxiety, coupled with so much fucking LONELINESS man. So fucking much of it. No fucking wonder I snapped. School was hell and home was worse.

No one looked after me, not really. I was given shelter and food but I never got parents. Not me. Not Ryan. I've been parenting my fucking parents from fuck knows what age. So yeah I got anxious, and then I got depressed, and then I got suicidal.

At first it was small things. Occ

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👍︎ 2
📰︎ r/depression
👤︎ u/Rogue_179
📅︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Fear and decision-making in narcissistic personality disorder—a link between psychoanalysis and neuroscience (Narcissism)

Fear and decision-making in narcissistic personality disorder—a link between psychoanalysis and neuroscience

Linking psychoanalytic studies with neuroscience has proven increasingly productive for identifying and understanding personality functioning. This article focuses on pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), with the aim of exploring two clinically relevant aspects of narcissistic functioning also recognized in psychoanalysis: fear and decision-making.

Evidence from neuroscientific studies of related conditions, such as psychopathy, suggests links between affective and cognitive functioning that can influence the sense of self-agency and narcissistic self-regulation. Attention can play a crucial role in moderating fear and self-regulatory deficits, and the interaction between experience and emotion can be central for decision-making. In this review we will explore fear as a motivating factor in narcissistic personality functioning, and the impact fear may have on decision-making in people with pathological narcissism and NPD.

Understanding the processes and neurological underpinnings of fear and decision-making can potentially influence both the diagnosis and treatment of NPD.


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has its roots in nearly a century of psychoanalytic studies. Kernberg's and Kohut's, groundbreaking efforts to organize psychoanalytic theory and clinical studies into comprehensive descriptions and treatment strategies moved NPD towards recognition as a separate personality disorder.

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)-IV,5,6 NPD has been characterized as a pervasive pattern of:

  • grandiosity
  • need for admiration
  • lack of empathy
  • interpersonal entitlement
  • exploitativeness
  • arrogance
  • envy

Other notable phenotypic characteristics include

  • interpersonal distancing
  • avoidance
  • insecurity
  • vulnerability,
  • hypersensitivity,
  • aggressivity, and
  • proneness to shame.

The transformation of NPD into a DSM diagnostic category in 1980 required significant adjustments and narrowing of extensive clinical observations.

Several components and characteristics of narcissistic personality pathology that were central in the psychoanalytic conceptualization of narcissism and NPD were left aside in the final choice and formulation of the diagnostic trait criteria.

*One such characteristic relates to the proce

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👍︎ 4
📰︎ r/NPD_Memes
📅︎ Mar 13 2021
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20 days


I posted here a while back about how I want to quit. That I went cold turkey giving away my weed to a friend to the point I don't have any grinder, roach, papers or weed and blacklisted my dealers.

I want to say thank you to this group as I'm now 20 days clean. I want to stay clean now. I'm not saying that if it's my birthday next year that I won't have a birthday joint. But I'm happy where I am and the cravings are slowly going.

I've noticed I don't shout as much, I don't want to eat my entire cupboards contents. I'm having weird dreams.

But I'm doing this for my children and for my mental health as I need a clean drugs test to get the mood stabilizer needed to control my Borderline Personality Disorder.

Thank you leaves, and to anyone that's starting they're journey today or is in early days. You can do this!

👍︎ 17
📰︎ r/leaves
📅︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What the heck is wrong with me?

New here. I’m probably going to ramble so fair warning. F, 31 and struggling to put a pin in whatever my mental health issue(s) might be. I’m pretty sure I’ve been misdiagnosed a couple times by professionals bc their solutions and drugs just didn’t work.

Professional Diagnosis 1: Roughly 5yrs ago I was in a really toxic long term relationship with a person I now recognize to have been a blatant narcissistic personality. Charming, funny, the cool guy, HOT but very demeaning and bullying when it suited him. We were going through a rough patch, intimacy was dead, I was made to feel like I was the problem, saw my GP for annual exam per work insurance requirements and in discussion the GP advised a mild antidepressant. I can’t remember what it was exactly but it was the lowest dose and mildest available. Seemed to help for a little while but between the stress of the ugly home life that was progressively getting into full blown mental abuse (and eventually turned physical) plus extreme stress at work, I had my first mental breakdown. My doc said stress induced seratonin syndrome (to be expected kinda with my brain chemistry trying to find “normal” and my brain being starved for seratonin for some long from untreated depression).

Professional 2: Ok doc says I have anxiety too. So we added a lowest dose possible of a mild mood stabilizer and things leveled off again for a while. Then I snapped again - physical altercation lead to me leaving the relationship in the middle of the most stressful part of the year in my profession. This time doc said it was a full manic episode and it lasted about 3 weeks. I almost lost my job because I couldn’t function. It went from initially being like a panic attack over getting to safety away from my ex to panic attack about neglecting my work responsibilities while I sorted my personal mess out to unbridled joy about my newfound freedom and relief to be away from him. Doc adds Trazadone to calm me down. We also switch one off the original drug to sertraline. Doc changed the diagnosis to Bipolar 2 aka manic depressive.

Things continued for a while with still having drastic ups and downs - like not sleeping or eating because my brain was in overdrive with 4 million goals and projects I wanted to accomplish when I was UP and then I’d eventually burn out and sink into the deep deep DOWN like can’t get out of bed other than use the bathroom or sit in the shower for hours for a week depression. My quality of life seemed to g

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👍︎ 4
📅︎ Mar 03 2021
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Did anyone here think they were bipolar or had a personality disorder before realizing/being diagnosed with ASD?

I don’t want to get into too much detail, but I’ll try to do a TLDR version of why I’m asking.

Also I’m new to this sub, I hope I’m not breaking any rules :)

(Postscript- I was unable to not make this long, sorry lol. All this aside I’m just wondering if anyone here ever thought they were bipolar or got hypomania confused with autistic tendencies like special interests. Also I know that it’s probably possible to have both, but I’m wondering more about getting them conflated.)

I’ve had struggles with mental health my whole life, in childhood I was diagnosed with ADHD (at the insistence of my mother), I developed depression as a teenager than has been chronic/recurrent since, and I developed severe anxiety and panic disorder when I was 19, living on my own for the first time and became pregnant with my daughter. I never felt like ADHD was the right diagnosis, because I didn’t really have a hard time focusing on specific tasks. My inattention was usually presented in my social interactions. As a kid I think I had special interests. I learned everything I could find about dinosaurs and animals, and I used to read 1-2 animorphs books a day. I also loved computer games/video games. Other kids thought I was annoying and weird, but I didn’t understand why. I didn’t care much for having friends outside of school in elementary. I did have a best friend in 4/5th grade, and I did play with a couple neighbors throughout my childhood.

As I got older I lost interest in the reading and animals and gaming, and became completely fixated on fitting in and being accepted socially. I cared only about friends, having them, getting them to like/love me, and building strong connections with people. I wanted best friends who would do anything for me because I would’ve done anything for them. I didn’t try in school and had no hobbies. I became depressed when high school came around and I was constantly being stabbed in the back by people who only used me and weren’t my real friend.

Ahhh I feel like this is getting so long already, I’m sorry. Ok so fast forward a bit. I’m now 28, have an 8 year old, a stable relationship with her father going on ten years now. I had a severe drinking problem for a couple years, and I’m 16 months sober now. The past 8 years have been hard, sure, being a parent is hard. But the past 5 years or so, I’m really losing myself and I’ve been so emotionally wrecked. I have no control over myself sometimes. I am so sensitive. I get overwhelmed by more

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👍︎ 13
👤︎ u/Ruca705
📅︎ Mar 01 2021
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How not to get back together when you know it's a bad idea

It happened! We broke up but now I feel bad for not being patient enough or even having needs that were not met. I understand this relationship was killing me and I was getting nothing out of it but part of me still thinks maybe after COVID he will be better, maybe I can live a life like this and not expect anything from him because all relationships get boring at some point....

I don't know....and he kept on saying that I need help, that I have a borderline personality disorder. I took like 5 tests online (even though it's not a therapist) and all the test results were negative. He would give definitions/diagnoses to all my actions. If I'm mad at him I have BPD, if I say OK in a special tone it's passive-aggressive, etc. I'm not perfect, I'm going through tough times but he makes me feel I'm going crazy.

Now I need a week to move out and I need strength to not get back with him because I love him.

👍︎ 8
📰︎ r/BipolarSOs
👤︎ u/AstNik
📅︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Personality disorders and schizoaffective comorbidity

My first psychological assessment test concluded that I have marked characteristics of borderline, narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders. Some years later a second test indicated that I have schizoaffective disorder. After researching various disorders I wonder if I would qualify for a schizoid personality disorder diagnosis, or even autism spectrum disorder.

What is your experience with personality disorders and schizoaffective comorbidity?

As far as you know, is it possible to suffer from schizoaffective disorder in addition to schizoid and borderline personality disorders?

Is it possible that I do not have schizoaffective disorder but rather a combination of disorders which cause both abnormal thought processes and an unstable mood?

👍︎ 2
📅︎ Mar 18 2021
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