As the title states; my (M29) girlfriend (F29) passed away 12 hours after giving birth.
A blood clot had formed in her leg during pregnancy, after she had a C Section she was taken onto the ward to recover. She got up to go for a shower a few hours later and the clot travelled to her lungs.
I'm in a bad place right now, I've cried everyday and there are no words to describe my emotions. The feeling of loss is indescribable, not just for me but for our son and for my partners mum and her family as well. The emotional contrast that occurred between that 12 hour period has shaken me in ways that I can't describe.
That day went from the best day of my life, our beautiful son being born with the woman I love, to the worst day of my life and all the future we had planned and prepared and talked about for so long being ripped away in some cruel, horrible and unfair turn of fate.
I honestly don't know exactly why I've decided to share this experience on Reddit, I don't know if it will help, I don't know.
Edit: I just wanted to say a massive thank you to every single person who has replied on this thread or DM'd me, I will try and respond to everybody as you have all wrote to me. I appreciate your advice, I receive your condolences with respect, your love and humanity have all been felt in my heart.
I felt alone in grief and I realise I am not, there are so many who have had heartbreaking situations; there's no comparison of one persons grief to another I don't think they can be compared.
I do think that talking and sharing the emotional burden is the only way to survive. Not just myself but for anyone affected by tragedy/emotional trauma etc.
From the bottom of my heart thank you for allowing me to share my burden with you all, you're all amazing people.
I'm tired of seeing guys on Reddit and Quora and in real life, stating things like, "Well if that woman would have just gotten an IUD" when she had an unplanned pregnancy, or "They need to provide free IUD's and better education" in countries where many poor people have pregnancies..
Firstly- poor people should be allowed to have babies too.
Secondly-- yes, I support the idea of education and free IUD's and birth control-- but female BC is not just some super easy thing and there is a problem of this being pushed on people. It's not fair to push the problem of systemic poverty and population control solely onto women by pushing them to take the pill and get IUDs. Plus we are constantly told that IUD's and birth control pills are super easy and painless and have no side effects-- and this is a lie. We need honestly from our doctors. Many women have some kind of side effect to birth control pills and this information is still skewed and dishonest. It's so hard to find research regarding mental health and birth control pills. Some studies suggest birth control is strongly correlated to depression, but even with this information, people never want to acknowledge it. They just want to keep women in charge of birth control and not support men's right to birth control. Hey, why aren't there MRA's out there fighting for more male birth control options? hmmm.. I wonder...
Also- IUD's aren't just like, wha bam, super easy breezy. Some women say they barely felt it, but many women say that insertion was extremely painful, some say even the most painful thing they've ever experienced.
I'm tried of the burden of birth control being forced only on women. We need to share this burden with men. Women tend to keep their struggles and pain regarding their female body parts, including trans women who get monthly cramps and PMS type symptoms from hormones. So when we get all these side effects we usually keep it to ourselves and collectively so. We are told our complaints are nothing. We tell our doctors and they shrug in our faces.
You can read here of women complaining about IUD insertion. What's even more sad is we are told pain is so rare and unusual, so they don't even regularly give the pill suppository to soften the cervix the day before, to make insertion easier. They should obviously give it to everyone: [https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/kf4ejh/is_mirena_iud_removal_as_painful_as_insertion/](https://www.reddit.com/r/endometriosis/comments/... keep reading on reddit ➡
Why YSK: because mistakes happen and minds change, especially during such an emotional and stressful time. You don’t have to live with regret because you messed up the spelling or you suddenly realize that the baby’s name just isn’t the right one.
Thinking about leaving your spouse/partner, or leaving the home of abusive parents? Try your best to get your hands on important personal documents like your birth certificate, passport, social security card etc... it can be very difficult to get replacements.
These documents can be targeted, they can also open the door to "having to go back" for them. Don't let anyone hold you hostage.
Edit 5: Please. Read. The. Edits.
Edit 6: Stop. Jumping. To. Conclusions. Read. The. Damn. Edits.
Look, I understand why you don't want your teens to be sexually active so young. But that's the problem, they're young and dumb. They have urges and hormones. They don't always think about all the consequences of their decisions.
If they trust you enough to come to you and ask something like this and you turn them down because you don't want them to have sex, youre just screwing both of you. Think back to when you were a teen, if you really wanted to do something and your parents said "no" , were you immediatly going to accept the answer?
Pregnancy is preventable, even more so with a doctor prescribed bc. If you deny it to her, you have no right to be angry or surprised when she tells you she's pregnant, because it could have all be prevented had you said "yes".
Edit: Stop taking this post out of context. Stop compairing it to drugs and murder. Those are extremely different situations. I think some of you all are just looking to bitch about something.🤦
Edit 2: To the people saying condoms are easy to get. Yes, youre correct. However condoms can break very easily and an inexperienced person might not realise it until too late. Yes, you should always use condoms but condoms + another form of bc is best. That's what I'm talking about.
Edit 3: I'm talking about all (IUD, arm implant, ect) forms of bc, not just pills.
Edit 4: Yes, the teens are responsible for their actions. But if a teen comes to you and asks for bc then they are trying to be responsible. Getting on bc is responsible, they could go out and fuck with no protection, but instead they are taking appropriate steps to prevent accidents. And if a parent denies their child that safety then it's on them too.
I (27M) live with 2 other guys, I'll call them Matthew (26M) and Jay (27M). There used to be a 4th guy but he moved out a few months ago.
So six weeks after he moved out and we were looking for a new roommate, Matthew tells us that his girlfriend , who I'll call Alyssa (25F), had to take a pay cut a few months earlier after her employer restructured and was having trouble paying her rent, he asked if she could just move in. Jay and I didn't see why not so we agreed. When she showed up I noticed she was obviously pregnant. After he had finished helping her unpack and stuff I confronted Matthew about it. He confirmed that she is in fact 7 months pregnant.
For context, the lease is under my name and Matthew and Jay are sub letters. Matthew's sub lease is renewed every 3 months, and his current sub lease ends 16 days before Alyssa's due date. I told him that I don't want to deal with a crying baby and will not renew his sub lease. He has pleaded with me to just give him and Alyssa an extra six weeks after this so they don't end up without a place while she's in hospital and everything, but I refused. If the baby comes early I will not be made to deal with that for 5 and a half weeks. When I told Matthew this he couldn't believe it and urged me to give them the extra time out of "compassion".
I spoke with Jay about it. He says that he will respect my decision and gets that everyone has to be ok with having a baby in the apartment. But he says that they are in an objectively bad situation and has said we really should just let them have a few weeks and would let them stay if it was up to him.
This should not be a surprise to anyone. A few common responses to Qanon conspiracy theories are:
"How can anyone believe this shit?" they ask?
"This is non-sense!" they say!
I'll tell you how anyone can believe it: they have been conditioned and indoctrinated their entire goddamn lives to believe that the irrational is ration, that the impossible is possible, that fiction is fact.
They were taught to believe in talking snakes as literal truth.
They were taught to believe in virgins giving birth as literal truth.
They were taught to believe that human sacrifices can resurrect after three days.
When someone has been conditioned their entire lives to believe absurdities, it should be no surprise to anyone that those same people will embrace other delusional things, truth be damned.
Religion has taught people to accept nonsense as truth.
And now we are watching that play out with very real world consequences.
Fake God help us all.
I (38M) have bipolar disorder. I was officially diagnosed when I was 34 after years of denial and ineffective coping.
A year later I got on medication and my wife (40F) and I got married.
However, a year after that, I realized that while my meds moderated the highs and lows I felt, my job required a lot of creativity and the meds were stifling that part of me.
Around that time my wife got pregnant with our first daughter. It was her first pregnancy at 38 and was a stressful one. She gained an alarming amount of weight and she’d yell at me when I said she was at risk for getting gestational diabetes even though I merely paraphrased the doctor’s words.
It turned out to be a 20 hour labor and when my wife said forceps were her worst fear a nurse yelled at her. After seeing what they were doing with the forceps I got lightheaded and threw up and needed to lay down.
That birth experience caused me to barely be able to eat or take my meds.
Two years later, my wife got pregnant again.
The stress of her going on maternity leave caused my emotions to go haywire. My wife tried to comfort me but when I look at her, I don’t see the girl I fell in love with and I couldn’t look at her the same anymore.
This month, she suggested a vacation with her to our cabin up north. I drove up first but her mom called and said she didn’t feel well enough to travel. After the ensuing fight I texted my therapist and she said to take some time for myself.
So I have been at our cabin for a little more than a week.
My mother in law calls me two days ago to tell me my wife went into labor early. This made me instantly nauseous because I just kept imaging the gruesome, disgusting sights from last time. And I feared what would happen to me mentally if I ended up having to relive it all.
I didn’t know the baby would come so early and I could feel my head spinning. I had been slowly going off my meds since our two year old was born and by the time my wife got pregnant again, my doctor has been trying to sell me on med adjustments which I hate even more.
So I realized the only thing I could control right now is my environment. And a delivery room wasn’t one I could handle. So I ended up staying at the cabin for the rest of the night and through the next morning.
My mother in law sent me an angry text saying that my wife needed an emergency C section after 13 hours and that words can’t express both of their rage at me not being there. But then added that she was sure I would... keep reading on reddit ➡
Bit of backstory: my periods were INSANELY painful. I’ve been hospitalized because of them.
On to the story: (D= dad, M= bio mom, SM= entitled stepmom, G= grandma)
So when I was around 15, my SM and D where going to a BBQ for my SM’s brother. I don’t remember the occasion but it wasn’t for anything big. They asked me to come along and I told them I didn’t feel that great so I was gonna stay home.
They left and about 2 hours later I fell to the floor in COMPLETE pain. They were still out and my dogs found me on the floor. My pitbull stayed next to me while my boxer ran around for someone (yes this is important). I texted my dad telling him he needed to come home but he didn’t answer. So I texted my grandma.
OP: hey grandma I think I started my period do you have any pain killers?
G: of course I do! I’m out shopping right now but I’ll drop them off once I’m done here
Op: ok thank you.
About 5 minutes later I get a call from SM. The conversations goes as followed:
SM: why did you text your dad that?
Op: because I’m laying in the floor in pain and can’t get up.
SM: why can’t you get up?
Op: I’m on my period and this pain wouldn’t stop unless I stay curled up in a ball like this
SM: ugh fine we are coming home. But don’t EVER text your dad with that again.
Then she hung up. I waited about 15 minutes for them to arrive home. My boxer ran over to them and showed them where I was. My D picked me up and carried me to my room. My SM gets some pain killers, a heating pad and then tells me to sleep. She was mad the rest of the day and wouldn’t even look at me.
The next day we meet my M and my D tells her everything that happened. My M and I decided to start looking into birth control. We found out I can’t have the pill due to the fact I have epilepsy, so we heard about how an implant was still in testing and how it wouldn’t have an effect. So we went with that one.
I told my D and SM that I got birth control to help and my D was happy. Then my SM says “well I hope you know that means you can’t go around sleeping with everyone.” I sat there in shock that she said something like that IN FRONT OF MY DAD. I’m Demisexual which means I don’t have sexual attractions towards people I have no emotional bond with. So random stranger hookups were out the window.
Around dinner time I still couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. My dad knew that something was troubling me and said “she didn’t mean it you know. That’s not how it meant to come out.” I belie... keep reading on reddit ➡
So I was watching What You Need To Know on ABC with my mom. (Her and I are extremely close and she’s 100% supportive of my childfree stance.) I barely pay attention if I’m going to be honest lol but I’m quiet and respectful of my mom who wants to listen. We watch general hospital together as a mother-daughter bonding thing and What You Need To Know is on before that. One thing I heard (I think it was Dr. Jen Ashton?) say something along the lines of “the sad thing is the health of women who have just given birth is often neglected and overlooked because everyone’s so focused on the baby. Even doctors are guilty of neglecting the health of new mothers after they’ve given birth because literally everything becomes about the baby.” I felt my heart sink because it made me feel for my mom who was sitting next to me. I hugged her and told her I’m sorry. She said “see how much we women are treated like crap? In my case I wanted you guys (referring to me and my brother) but it’s still sad. Both the baby and mother should be attended to. That’s why do what makes you happy. Hearing this makes me so glad you are childfree because I would die if they neglected my beautiful daughter(me) like that.” And yeah... this story saddened me and reaffirmed my childfree status.
They're usually a dropdown menu, and I doubt Antarctica is a choice there
By doing the aforementioned, we narrow their scope of moral development, restricting them into believing that the religion of their family/gov-t is right.
But a lot of the time, children could have chosen a different religion if baptising at birth wasn't a thing. But they confuse it being the only option they are subconsciously given between it being something they choose.
Even if there is a god who will in their afterlife punish them for not following their religion (which is highly unlikely, from our beliefs), it would be better for them to choose a religion when they become self-conscious and have developed their own though patterns rather then being indoctrinated at birth.
The same applies to almost any values we try to pass on - first let him learn to walk, talk, read, and think - then let him choose his values.
Obligatory this didn't happen today, but about 5 years ago when my firstborn son came into this world.
My wife was 37 weeks pregnant and the obstetrician wanted to start the birthing process early due to excess liquid in the womb. My wife called me at work and asked me "wanna have a kid tomorrow?". I was so excited I couldn't wait to get home and celebrate with my wife. Over dinner I cracked a nice single malt whisky and proceeded to have far too many of them and I guess you can see where this goes. In my head I just had to wake up the next day with a clear head - ain't no way this baby coming 3 weeks early until I'm ready for it.
I remember playing rocket league in my man cave, completely wasted and nearly a whole bottle gone, when my phone started ringing. I tried to answer it in between goals, and figured out quickly that my wife's water had broken. Fuck me.
So I stagger across my lawn and into the house, and there's my wife with no pants and trying to get towels to mop up the mess. I confess that I've had far too many whisky's but that I can totally drive. She insists on driving even though I'm about to call the ambulance, and next thing you know we are driving to the hospital, my pregnant and contracting wife in the drivers seat, and drunk me in the passenger seat.
When we got there I ushered her inside and managed to drive the car into a parking bay, and pay for the ticket (to this day I don't know how cause I was a mess). I got into the hospital and found my wife, she was in labour for 10 hours, about half of which I was awake for. Eventually I sobered up around 6am and held my wife's hand until 8am when my baby boy was born and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life
TL;DR - Got drunk before my wife gave birth to my first born. My wife drove to the hospital for us and then gave birth. I'm a POS
Edit: just so we're clear I know it was irresponsible to drive anywhere drunk, there is no excuse for it even if it was around the empty car park at midnight. But what is done is done and thankfully no one was hurt for it.
And yes my wife is an amazing woman that puts up with far too much. Thankfully I am not such a burden these days.
This is the thread for your in-depth opinions, reactions, and thoughts about the episode.
This thread is a spoiler zone, so there is no need to mark or report spoilers. Please remember to mark any spoilers outside of this thread (including the next time preview)
Synopsis: Randall uncovers new truths about his past.
Celina Mays was born in Florida in 1984 and was the bi-racial child of an African-American father, Crezonzo Jerrel Mays, who went by the nickname “C.J.”, and a Caucasian mother, Lynn Vitale. They soon moved to Palyrma, New Jersey, but the couple had substance abuse problems and domestic violence issues. While C.J. and Lynn never officially married, they split up in 1990 and Lynn retained custody of Celina. She made made a successful attempt to clean up her life, overcoming her substance abuse issues, moving into her own apartment, and taking on a steady job. Lynn became a very loving and attentive mother to Celina until she unexpectedly suffered a fatal brain aneurysm in May 1994. One of Lynn’s sisters wanted to adopt Celina, but after a bitter legal dispute, C.J. was awarded custody of his daughter. By this point, C.J. claimed he had turned his life around, had gotten remarried, and was living with his sister, Cerita Smith.
Cerita was the founder and head pastor of a Pentecostal church known as Gospel of Christ Ministries Inc., which was based in Mount Holly and had a congregation of between 50-60 people. Cerita’s residence was a communal home in Willingboro Township and housed no less than 15 people, including Cerita, her husband, five of their children, and multiple grandchildren. Celina also lived there alongside her father, stepmother, and stepsiblings, and she would be home-schooled and live a very sheltered life within the church. At approximately 11:00 PM on December 15, 1996, Celina was in the kitchen with her family and reportedly said the words “thanks for everything” before heading to bed. The following morning, it was discovered that Celina was not in her bedroom and a number of pillows had been placed under her blankets. Even though all of Celina’s personal belongings were left behind, C.J. said he believed she had simply run away and would return soon, so he waited a day or two before reporting her missing to the police.
Shockingly, even though Celina was only 12 years old at this point, it turned out she was nine months pregnant and the projected due date for her child was December 29, two weeks after she disappeared. Since Celina’s birthday was May 28, she technically would have only been 11 years old when the child was conceived and her family claimed she kept her pregnancy hidden from them for about four months. Cerita took her niece to see an obstetrician and even though Celina’s family maintained that she never revealed the identity... keep reading on reddit ➡
Yet according to all supermarket 'recommended portions', I identify as a family of four
I'm just a bit curious to be honest, because if they arnt straight then what are they, what about a gender fluid person, if they identify as a male one day, and like girls, and then the next day they they identify as female but still like girls, does that mean they are gay for then or does it depend on assigned gender?
Edit: you can stop replying now, I think I got the gist
Edit 2: please stop, I was going for maybe 10 answers, I don't need 100,unless you have a perspective you think is different to other comments