Edit: Relevant study for anyone interested: Here
Edit2: You guys are really great, I've really enjoyed reading through your personal experiences :) Please stop messaging me asking for acting advice though, what did you see on my profile that made you think I'm an actor?
So, my 14 year old son recently caused a huge disruption in class. Because of the quarantine all of my sons classes have been moved online. Earlier this week, during one of his classes he made a disgusting racist comment in his classes zoom chat.
The teacher of this class is a young African american woman. During class, a student, who according to the school was also African american, asked the teacher a question. While she was answering my son posted in the chat "Fuck, when will these dirty n****** just shut the fuck up already?". Apparently, he had been messaging a friend over discord during class and accidentally posted in the zoom instead of a private message. The class immediately went into an uproar and the teacher had to end class for the day because of it. The teacher has gone to the administration about this with an external recording of the class that included the chat log, he is now facing administrative action.
Suffice to say, me and my wife are absolutely disguste... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve seen it mentioned in a few posts and I wonder how common it is among children of narcs. I’ve struggled with these things for years.
Edit: wow! So many responses! Looks like it’s definitely a thing. Also, please don’t feel like you’re gross or need to apologize for your behavior. You’re not alone!
Some helpful subreddits:
/r/trichotillomania (hair pulling)
/r/trichsters (hair pulling)
/r/calmhands (all nervous body-focused habits)
/r/CompulsiveSkinPicking (AKA dermatillomania, photos are allowed on this sub)
/r/dermatillomania (skin picking, AKA excoriation. Text posts only)
/r/dermatophagia (biting skin, most commonly fingers)
Article on how to treat BFRBs:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/touchy-subject/... keep reading on reddit ➡
It will bring them to specify their criticism. Sometimes it brings them to their borders as they realize they don't have any examples to bring up (which is needed in some forms of constructive criticism, not necessarily your SOs btw). Sometimes it will shut them up if they know a more direct criticism is not allowed or appropriate.
Many times, it will give you ground to react on or debunk the others critique. Be mindful though that, depending on your reaction, it can escalate an argument as well. It is recommended to hear the other person out and be mindful of what they have to say, IF they can really take a more direct approach to talk about problems with you.
Edit: This is gaining some traction, so I will add comments with good additions to this YSK
My favorite: u/meowhahaha: [Using "Help me understand" as a sign of cooperation instead of "you vs me"](https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/gib8r3/ysk_that_what_do_you_mean_by_that_is_a_good/fqdxc3z?utm_source=share&utm... keep reading on reddit ➡
I am 27F.
I moved to a new town last year for a new job, and after a few months found a social group in the new town that I get along very well with and we have similar interests and hobbies.
However, one part of this group is 'Sam.' Sam is autistic, functional but he doesn't really get social interaction for the most part, and his brother 'Nate' brings him to everything we do. While I find him a little offputting (he has a habit of laughing at inappropriate moments and will ramble for hours about some subjects if someone mentions them), I get that it's not his fault and have always made an effort to be polite and considerate to him.
Over the last four or five months, Sam has developed a very unsubtle crush on me - from what Nate has said, I get the impression I'm the nicest any girl around his age has ever been to him. He constantly goes out of his way to buy things for me, even when I insist that I can pay for it myself, obsessively follows me on social media, asks if we can hang... keep reading on reddit ➡
I have had many therapists throughout the years, a few that weren't so good, some that were ok, and a few that were awesome. I found the best therapists are always supportive, but will say things that might seem a little controversial to you at first, but rational.
This therapist had said to me, a few sessions back, some reasons why my family has done what they did. It boils down to: they're abusive bullies.
They are. That won't change. The best thing I can do is avoid them.
My nparents have very clearly been abused but not nearly as close to the extent of their abuse dealt unto me. They amplified their abuse.
Usually the previous generation has it harder. Not to make it a contest, but I have undergone more brutalization, homelessness, sexual assault, heartache, etc. Than they ever did or ever will in their entire lifetimes, yet they insist that my generation "has it easy".
I live rent free here which is all I have that's "easy" from them, and with harsh discipline, I saved 11k... keep reading on reddit ➡
Sorry if this is a stupid question, I live in an area of the UK where I think there is really very limited racial diversity, like really limited.
I don't care that a particular child is disrupting a class. Classroom behavior is such a small part of your life, and school with ADHD wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of problems, it meant a lot of struggling and teachers who didn't understand.
But as an adult who has to work for a living, it is so much harder than I ever imagined. Over the last 5 years as a line cook, which I associate with daily torture, I've watched brand new employees get better than me in two weeks. I failed my classes when I tried to go to school to better my life and I'm afraid to waste that much money now that I have a family to take care of. I've been to 3 different neurologists/ sleep doctors, 2 psychologists and countless visits to them. Nothing works and I've given up. I still take 54 MG of Concerta every day, but it only helps enough such that I can avoid losing my job.
I'll turn 26 in a couple years, and I won't be insured by my parents. I won't be able to afford Concerta, and I'll get... keep reading on reddit ➡
Hey! With the release the day before yesterday a few people brought up some more bugs they encountered (as well as an annoying crash) so today's build seeks to address those and builds on the 1.8 update from a few weeks back.
In this update (in addition to 1.8.2 from two days ago):
Hello! I need your help!
My partner is an alum of Valley Christian in San Jose. Since last week, there has been an outpouring of testimonies from students- over 200 have been collected- regarding the racist, homophobic, sexist, and anti-Semitic behaviors that they have witnessed and experienced at the school (they can be found on the petition below). The president and former superintendent of the school wrote in a book that all students are required to read that slaveowners were justified as they treated slaves with "dignity and respect." On the first day of school, students are told that gays are unwelcome, and there have been expulsions for queer students. Please share this petition in order to help us bring awareness to the atrocities that have occurred there. During this great movement we are seeing nationally, it's time to dismantle the institutions that exist that reproduce inequities, trauma, and hatred. We don't think that they will be willing to change unless they see the... keep reading on reddit ➡
Link to Tweet:
I (23,F) had to unlearn racism, sexism, generalization, having a condescending delivery, and bigotry towards religion, influenced by my mother who would always belittle me and say bigoted things about other people in front of me, and no one would ever correct her.
So I thought all of the things she would say to people were normal, until I got into the workforce and had many associates check me for my behavior. Since my mother has been this way for years and nobody ever called her out on her toxicity, I didn’t know any better.
She’s also very argumentative, which is another thing I’m trying to unlearn from her. Again, my mother would always accuse me of stuff I didn’t do just to start an argument with me, so I thought being argumentative and opinionated towards other people was normal. I didn’t realize until recently that my mother barely has any friends, which makes sense in context. This argumentativeness is something I’m still working on. I hate being argumentative, and I hate ar... keep reading on reddit ➡
“I do not condone her labeling Hispanics as thuggish. In the same vein, she called my family ratchet. I do not for one second believe that was just a random dig.”
“Every bone in my body believes that was racially motivated,” Briana elaborated. “Look at the footage of her claiming Javi Marroquin’s ‘darker skin’ would clash with certain colors. This is clearly an issue she’s had prior to me and perhaps that’s why she had an extra issue with me- aside from the fact that her ex was interested in me.”
“I also want to mention that when we had the fight on the reunion, my family was told to go home and Kail was allowed to stay,” Briana also added. “I 100% believe this was racist as well. Kail, being white, has a privilege and it’s always seemed like the other moms are treated differently.:
“We are in a culture where everything, finally, is coming to light. If we’re really going to let go of those who have exhibited racially motivated discriminatory behavior, I believe in my heart Kail... keep reading on reddit ➡
Back story - been together over 4 years.. found out boyfriend was cheating for almost the first two years.. he ghosts me for a month or so and comes back saying he misses me and wants to do better. I give him the second chance. I honestly try with everything I have to understand his POV and to make him happy. He has a really bad temper and when he freaks I try to be understanding and help him work through things. I'm not always perfect and sometimes I get mad or upset but I never say cruel it vicious things to him.
Fast forward to this week, he (35M) and I (32f) went and looked at a new apartment, we don't currently live together nor has he ever lived with a girlfriend before. Love the place we go to look at, says he wants to think about it, great. A day later I ask have you emailed your landlord to just understand your options of getting out of your lease if you decide you want to move forward? He freaks out says I have no right to ask him that but honestly, I was just excited about... keep reading on reddit ➡
My passion is to help pet owners and pet pros understand, manage, and modify aggressive behaviors in dogs and my journey over the last two decades in dog training has included working with thousands of clients around the world, serving as past president of the [IAABC](International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants), and creating educational content about working with aggression cases. My website is [here] and you can follow me on [Instagram] or [Facebook] if you want to get notified of the projects I'm involved in.
I have been fortunate to travel all over the globe for the last five years (well, up until the pandemic!) teaching and learning from other dog behavior professionals in more than 100 cities in eight different countries. The journey has been fascinating as I have enjoyed observing the regional differences in dog be... keep reading on reddit ➡
I love reading about all your "last straw" experiences, and putting your foot down. I think sharing experiences is super important. That way we can learn our limits without having to experience every instance firsthand.
Plus, I'm a sucker for bad date stories 😅
I'll start with my most recent ex:
We would make plans for a Saturday at 4. I'd get off work around 1-2 pm, and rush my entire hour commute home. I'd rush to shower, do my hair and makeup, get dressed and drive another 20 minutes to his house. I'd call when I was close to say I might be a few minutes late and I'm so sorry.
Then I'd get there, and he'd answer the door in clothes he slept in. Unshowered. Dishes left in the sink from when I came over and cooked the previous weekend. He gives me a kiss and then sits down at his computer, saying he was just about to get in the shower he just wants to finish a video.
I let this exact scenario happen an embarrassing number of times until one day on my drive over I said "if... keep reading on reddit ➡
Okay, I don’t normally go around calling my wife names, but we had a blowout and frankly, I’m pissed that she doesn’t seem to empathize at ALL on my POV. Need some perspective here
So my wife Kara got laid off, so we’ve been at home together pretty much 24/7 (I work from home). At first it was nice, but these past few weeks, work has been keeping me busy, so we haven’t been spending as much of the day together as we used to. She got bored eventually and decided to create an Instagram account.
Now I’m not huge on social media; I’m a private person (and she knows that), but she promised to just make it between her close friends and families. I thought that was reasonable, but a week in, she turned her profile public, with the rationale “the only people who’d stumble upon her is just old friends and friends of friends”. I think Kara underestimated just how pretty she was because soon, “just friends” turned into a 100, to 500, to 1000, to now a little over 5k followers in just a few wee... keep reading on reddit ➡
Since the start of D2Y3, Bungie has been trying to make people change their playstyle to fit the seasonal content. Seasonal artifacts, seasonal mods, seasonal champions all are ways to make you play the game differently and have all been met with frustration.
Players have less fun when forced to play in a way that isn't their favorite. In a loot based game, people have worked hard to build towards playing their favorite way. Sunsetting does nothing but deny people the ability to play the game the way they want to and have put a serious amount of time and effort into maximizing.
Taking away our weapons removes the primary way we interact with the world. This is the source of our fun and how we engage in content.
Taking away our armor nullifies months of work. Seriously, the armor grind in this game is insanely tedious and difficult. By the time we actually end up theorycrafting a build we like that complements our playstyle, unlocking the mods that are timegated to late in the seaso... keep reading on reddit ➡
These kind of games are purely the most toxic, disheartening and unmotivating games you can play currently. I have no idea how far this reaches but it feels like it goes all the way down to the behavior trenches and it is almost unbearable.
If there would be an option for "Strict behavior" Matchmaking that limits it to +- 1000 I'd gladly accept 2x or even 3x the queue times, because before I play a Highly Varied game I'd rather not play at all.
Lovely behavior coming from a streamer with 54 thousand twitch follows, twitch partnership and an established Youtube channel.
Though the UN, reddit, and mainstream media does not want to admit it, It is completely the fault of the Chinese government for deliberately covering up and lying about the coronavirus until it was too big to go unnoticed, just to save face. For this, and for a slew of other reasons, China should face severe punishment from the international community for causing as much chaos and damage as they have caused the world through their actions and behavior, including but not limited to:
-human rights violations
-damage to global climate, environments, and multiple now extinct species of wildlife
-imperialism and aggressive expansion in the South China Sea
-blatant disregard for even basic animal welfare.
Sanctions, cut trade agreements, cut alliances, recognize independence for Tibet, Hong Kong, and recognize Taiwan as the true China or recognize their independence. Pull manufacturers out of China. Anything to strip China of their power and influence.... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’ve always thought of my mom as the devil and my dad as the angel. But now that I’m an adult it’s not that cut and dry. I think I have one shit parent and one that meant well but ultimately failed to do what a parent should.
By the time I was in 1st grade I was ripping out chunks of my hair, throwing myself on the ground in hysterical tantrums, slamming my head on hard surfaces. When I’d slam my head they’d just get frustrated and walk away, making me feel like I was a piece of shit and abandoned. When I’d rip out my hair I’d get yelled at. Yelled at when I’d have tantrums. But my dad is the only one who ever tried to soothe me so I pedestalized him.
For the entirety of elementary school this behavior continued. My parents were brought into the school MULTIPLE TIMES because they were concerned for my welfare. They thought I was being abused (which I was!). When teachers suggested I needed a therapist, it was taken as a personal insult (guess they hit a nerve!). ALL my problems wer... keep reading on reddit ➡
This relationship has taken such a toll on my ability to care about myself. It took advantage of the already insignificant amount of regard I had for my actual well being. Or sense of being a person. It persists. I've been told I'm not worth caring about. I'm not worth anything beyond what I can achieve "win". I am not a person. I have never been.
That is not true.
I've attached myself to others who are real people. I've gathered my sense of existence through being sensed by others. Seeking validation though that lens and never quite filling my bucket. That validation is quite fleeting.
I have found that worth. I can be a person without other people. I have found my right to exist not through others' perceptions. I have my own. I can care for myself. I have a warmth inside of me. When before it was just a husk. a void. it was cold. and dark.
When I lost those who I felt "saw" me. When I felt abandoned by my only means of existing, through the perception a... keep reading on reddit ➡
It’s fashion week in NYC. Sonja is preparing for her "Sonja, by Sonja Morgan" fashion show and the ladies sit front row for Tinsley’s big return to the runway. Luann plans her new cabaret show, “Marry, F, Kill,” while Leah fears that Sonja resents her for comments she made.
Here is the sutta reference:
I can't understand how the owners of small breed dogs justify screeching "Get that big dog away from my fluffy!" While said Fluffy is snarling, baring their teeth and lunging out of their owners arms towards a passive and confused looking large breed dog and its even more confused owner.
I've often heard small breed owners call such behaviors cute or harmless, and even baby talk while it's going on! "Aww he thinks he's a big dog!" Or "You're just so big and tough aren't you? Yes you are! You show him!". Even when said dog is in the middle of biting frantically at or outright attacking another person.
They're never quite sure what to say though when you ask them to pretend their little dog is a Rottweiler and then ask if the behavior is still cute.
I'm so tired of seeing it at dog parks. Moreso when an unstable small breed starts a fight and the owner blames the larger breeds.
I work on the subway. During my last trip, we were removing a train from service to go to the yard. there was a homeless man who refused to leave . so following protocol we called for police assistance.
4 cops showed up. And they begged and pleaded for an hour and a half for this guy to leave the train. And during the whole time the homeless man was swearing cursing and threatening and not Cooperating at all . Eventually, he got tired and left on his own.
In the past all four officers would have grabbed a limb and removed him from the train.
So my observation is that police are now hesitant with using any type of force in fear of being accused of police brutality , etc. So now they wont lift a finger . And honestly, i cant blame them.
I wonder what this will mean for the future. I dont know what police should do honestly. it's like damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don't.
Why are they pepper spraying and tear gassing peaceful protesters when everyone is pissed at the cops instead of trying to rebuild trust? Even a little kid knows to be good when being watched.
This is something pretty important that not a lot of people seem to know about how this game works behind the scenes.
Bethesda designed the game to try and "realistically" spawn enemies during events. What that means that rarely if ever will you see an enemy just pop into existence, they'll always come from around some corner or behind some nearby obstacle out of view of ANYONE present.
The problem with this spawning behavior though is what happens when the game starts running out of these blind spots to spawn enemies in. For example during Fasnacht with the entire server spread out looking for radtoads during the parade what happens is the game starts getting desperate for locations to spawn them in meaning they end up spawning further away than normal or in awkward positions where they may get stuck and you have to go looking for them. Another great example again from Fasnacht is the Megasloth spawn at the end, which normally spawns behind the house, shed or barn, but what happe... keep reading on reddit ➡
Just like the caption says. I feel that a lot of people like to pretend that being drunk makes them suddenly a different person, or unaccountable for their actions. Alcohol lowers inhibition and self control, yes I understand that, but it doesn’t just magically change you into a different person. So many people try to blame cheating, or being an asshole to people, on being drunk and its ridiculous. All the alcohol did was make it harder for you to repress your true intentions and desires, it didnt put those thoughts or ideas in your head, that is all you. If you cheated while drunk, I am more than willing to bet you were having those thoughts sober. The same thing for people that say awful things to others, or become violent when they drink. The alcohol wasn’t the problem, you are
“Procrastination is an emotion regulation problem, not a time management problem,” said Dr. Tim Pychyl, professor of psychology and member of the Procrastination Research Group at Carleton University in Ottawa.
People who arent emotionally stable will instead of facing their emotions postpone them til later. It's a short term mood repair. It's not the task itself that you are procrastinating , it's your emotional respond.
Procrastination is also derived from the ancient Greek word akrasia — doing something against our better judgment.
“It’s self-harm,” said Dr. Piers Steel, a professor of motivational psychology at the University of Calgary and the author of “The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done.”
She added: “People engage in this irrational cycle of chronic procrastination because of an inability to manage negative moods around a task.”
Procrastination isn’t an unique character flaw or a mysterious curse on your ability to ma... keep reading on reddit ➡
Frats and sororities don’t do anything beneficial for a college campus. There’s a reason that frat boys and sorority girls are stereotyped the way they are. Hazings have caused a disturbing number of injuries and deaths, and the constant party culture of Greek life encourages alcohol abuse and creates an environment that drastically increases risk of assault. In addition, the Greek life on my campus has basically destroyed the single residence hall “dedicated” for them and their constant partying and general disregard for their noise levels has caused a lot of disruption, especially on weeknights when people are trying to sleep for class.
Y'all...I wish I was making this up. I wish this hasn't been going on. But, it is.
So my husband and I announced our pregnancy to his parents on February 1st. We presented it using baby items mixed into regular birthday items for his dad's birthday. His dad was genuinely happy but his mom gave me a genuine stink eye. I mean this woman glared at me (keep in mind, husband and I have been together six years and I haven't had too much of an issue with MIL, so this was unexpected). After announcing to MIL and Father in Law, she took it upon herself to make an announcement on Facebook. I told husband to call her immediately and tell her to take it down. She did, but not without having some form of opinion on how she did nothing wrong.
I am now 17 weeks and have just started showing around 14 weeks. Before showing, she would make a point to always touch my stomach and talk in baby talk. She is literally the only person to touch my stomach, nobody in my family has done so. I am not fond of p... keep reading on reddit ➡