Why the fuck are you working 24/7, 7 days a week, for the same amount of pay as a bartender? When the fuck did your brain stop working?
This job is bullshit. The demands are bullshit. The hours are bullshit. The pay is bullshit. I have spent 3 years at Big 4 doing this garbage staring at my computer screen, having no life at home during lockdown, manager calling you every weekend. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shitty ass job. NOT WORTH IT. NEVER RECOMMEND AUDIT TO ANYONE. This job is bullshit.
At 2:30 in the morning the other night I was busy auditing away behind the front desk counter. The hotel was completely silent, just the sound of my pen marking up the reports and the low hum of the radio in the office behind me. We had only a few guests staying that night all of whom had long been sleeping by the time I arrived at 12 AM. A perfect night.
Suddenly I heard this extremely loud exploding popping noise. It was loud enough that I ducked under the counter. I thought to myself, “What the shit was that?” and peeked over the counter to see an empty now silent again lobby. It sounded like it came from the kitchen just off the lobby. I waited a minute and then grabbed the phone and did a walk through the building and found nothing to explain the noise.
The lobby is large with a vaulted ceiling and it has ridiculous acoustics so gauging how loud a noise truly is or where it came from can be tricky. It was also more than 10 below zero that night and it is common to hear lots of pops and groans come from the roof and building when subzero temperatures hit. This was way louder than the normal cold building noise though. I finally convinced myself that it must have just been an ice chunk crashing off the roof and went back to the audit.
At 3 AM “BANG!” it happened again and I jumped behind my office door and peeked out into the lobby this time. I was sure now that it came from the kitchen. I grabbed the phone again and slowly walked my way over, craning my neck to see if there was now a hole in the vaulted ceiling above, while also scanning for any gunmen, or burst pipes. As I passed the coffee bar counter and dessert display, movement caught my eye. Brown frosty foam was creeping down the front of the dessert display case. I looked closer and saw the completely blown apart remains of several soda pop cans, frozen pop foam covering the whole inside of the cooler, and the temp on the case read 19 degrees (F).
So yeah, I spent my night being terrified by a banging noise that turned out to be exploding pop cans in a frozen refrigerator. Such is the life of the night auditor.
Long time lurker first time poster etc. I've dealt with my fair share of problems-guest and otherwise over 6 years in the industry, but yesterday I came face to face with an enemy that had no desire to speak with a manager, no request for upgrade, and no threats of poor reviews or calling corporate, but an enemy that wasted 3 hours of my time nonetheless. It's the story of an unexpected audit shift, and a necessary audit step that wasn't a part of the "Detailed Night Audit Checklist" (but definitely is a part of it now).
Like many good hospitality stories, it starts with a faithful text from a coworker calling out for their scheduled shift. While I wasn't particularly jazzed about covering for my employees other work obligations, I wasn't going to have the other auditor come in for a 6th day so I agreed.
So audit night arrives and I come prepared, laptop in hand and enough caffeinated beverages to kill a small to medium sized bird. Now I haven't worked an audit shift at this property, but I have at other properties and as FOM I review a lot of the auditors work, so it should be a piece of cake. I have the vaunted audit checklist ready to go, and everything is going smooth. Until I get to running the audit...
Now I consider myself very experienced with this PMS, but haven't run an audit on it before. So a little before 2:00 AM I get to the audit step and see this screen. Huh. OK lemme take a look at the checklist again maybe I missed something... Well that's not good, it just skips from backup to after the backup... Ok, I don't know what an RDX cartridge is or where I'm going to insert it...
After looking around for a bit I see it: the blue pelican case. I know I've seen one of my auditors locking it up, that has to be where we keep the cartridges. Ok great, now I know where the cartridges are but I have a new problem, it's locked, and I don't have a damn clue what the code is. Ok no problem, my night auditor calls me in the middle of the night all the time, I'm sure he'll pick up the phone when I call aaaand straight to voicemail. Great. I send a text just in case
Alright. To move forward I need to get into this box on my own. I don't have the code, but there's some slot on the side which I assume is for a key. But not a normal key, some... keep reading on reddit ➡
Feeling extra salty in the second week of busy season as I'm still logged in at 11:30PM explaining to the client why a 400 page depreciation PDF (versus excel) isn't auditable.
I've never seen an adverse opinion personally. I've seen a couple qualified/disclaimers, but those were for reasons so unavoidable even the biggest client fee couldn't cover it up.
Conclusion: it's impossible to be paid to produce an independent opinion of something. No, a quality control review or management taking responsibility for the financials is not a sAfEguArD.
Change my mind? Hard to feel like caring anymore...
I haven't told any tales for a while. This takes place after I decided to quit a cybersecurity job that I thought untenable.
I had left my most recent gig and decided that I needed to take a road trip to clear my head. I packed my saddlebags, made appropriate arrangements and headed west. I had originally planned to fly to a conference, but now I could leave early.
Two days later, I was experiencing the space that is Iowa. Highways in Iowa are something of a sensory deprivation tank for me. There's the boredom of being unable to sleep on a red-eye flight or staring at a hotel room ceiling not knowing what city or time it is. Then there's a ruler-straight Interstate for hours.
On a motorcycle, there's no radio or playlist to distract me from myself. My mind had been wandering since the Illinois border. I was going between self doubt and wondering how much longer I could ride before I stripped naked and carried a decapitated 7-eyed goat head into a Kum & Go.
An image formed of the store clerk ringing up a customer. She'd turn, look at me and say:
I took the next highway rest stop and took a break to read a book and check my mail. The email is mostly noise, but there's an email from a recruiter I like asking me to get someone through a vendor risk assessment.
I've done these in the past. It's a day of dumb questions about your firewall's update schedule and occasionally I'll see an Eldritch technical horror in the corner and varied levels of indifference about it. I should be able to distract an auditor if they hear otherworldly screaming and odd lights behind a closed door. I used to be an assessor, so I know how the game is played.
I call him up.
Recruiter:"Good to hear from you! I've got a client in need called DynaPro. They just found out that they're being assessed in two days"
me:"I'd love to help you, but I'm on a road trip. I don't think I could get there by then"
Recruiter:"Are you close to an airport? Just fly to Denver from there. They'll pay expenses"
me, (looking at the map on the wall):"Denver? I can be there in two days as long as they'll pay mileage."
I call the contact at the vendor and tell her that I'll be there at 8AM in two days. They're a little shocked, but the're good with the timing. I realize that I'm getting over on corporate America.
I'm going to bill the mileage. I like riding motorcycles, but being paid to ride is sweet.
Normally with these... keep reading on reddit ➡
There is a massive problem about to happen. EDD did not announce it until yesterday evening.news 10 has the story and details. PLEASE LOOK INTO IT.
Over the years, it has just become something I habitually (and excessively) do without thinking about it. Probably multiple times every hour. It's also the first thing I do (
LAYWALK is second) when I get a drawing from someone else, and there is always a ton of extra stuff in there. Just based on that, I would suspect that
PURGE doesn't get a ton of use. Surely I'm wrong about that, though?