TIFU By Not Knowing How To Eat An Artichoke, Which Led To Me Arti-Choking

Obligitory "this didn't happen today" blah blah blah-

Some background: When I was 11 I was home schooled due to me being bullied and the school not doing shit, my mom was a single mother so unfortunately she couldn't take time off to stay home and teach me. Her best friend, being an absolute sweetheart, offered to teach me at her house until my mom got home from work each day.

My mom's friend (let's call her C) was the definition of "fitness mom." She took a literal 5k jog every morning, was on a diet, and gave her kids mostly healthy food. She was also way more religious than my mom, so things at her house were very different than things at my house were.

One day, my mom had to work late, so C offered to let me have dinner at her place until my mom showed up. I asked what we were having and she said "artichokes." Artichokes? The fuck is an artichoke? I didn't want to be rude, so I told her that I would like to stay for dinner. I sat at the dinner table as she finished up in the kitchen, she later came in with what looked like a bush on a plate. She and her family held hands and did their dinner prayer, while I looked at my plate with one thing on my mind, "How the fuck am I supposed to eat this?"

Everyone began to dig in, I on the other hand was still staring at my plate. C had worked hard to make dinner, I wasn't about to just refuse to eat it. For all of you that don't know, you're supposed to eat an artichoke by picking off the leaves and scraping out the soft insides with your teeth, I on the other hand, did not bother to ask. So instead of asking how to eat this because I didn't want to be "Rude," I picked off a leaf, and shoved the entire thing into my mouth.

The first thing I noticed was how hard it was to chew. Literally felt like I was trying to chew through a tire. C looked at me and smiled. "Does it taste okay, OP?" I didn't want to upset her so I just nodded my head. People were already almost done, and I think they noticed that I was just sitting there chewing the whole time. C looked concerned and asked me if I felt sick because I wasn't eating anything. It hit me that I needed to answer her, so I fucking SWALLOWED this whole ass artichoke leaf, and that's when I started choking.

C ran over to me and started patting me back really hard, after about 10 seconds she hit my back hard enough so I coughed the damn thing back up. Where it proceeded to land in the center of the table, where the following conversation happened.

C: Uhhhh, OP?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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Artichoke's Saturday Football Slightly Drunk Gut Feelings

Short, sweet, to the point. These are my gut feelings, very brief justifications. Scores in PPR

Bills

Josh Allen - High End QB2 w/ QB1 Upside - Solid QB going into a meh secondary - Floor: 22, Ceiling: 25

Stefon Diggs - WR1 - He's Stefon Diggs, fucking start him - Floor: 18, Ceiling: 26

Cole Beasley - WR3 w/ WR2 upside - About average meh secondary, with Diggs drawing targets he should produce. Not a great floor, but he gets by. - Floor: 10, Ceiling: 17

Gabriel Davis - WR3/Flex - He has floor, if you need floor and not boom, take Davis - Floor: 8, Ceiling: 14

Devin Singletary & Zack Moss - RB3 - Running into a pretty good Denver front 7, you're playing end zone roulette. Not trusting these guys with my Semi -final runs - Floor: Bad, Ceiling: Touchdown (10 pts)

Broncos

Drew Lock - Don't do it

Melvin Gordon - RB3 with TD Upside - Runs the risk of getting phased out of the game plan if the Bills go nuts, but should have a nice floor - Floor: 10 pts, Ceiling: 14

Tim Patrick - WR4 with WR3 Upside - Terrible floor, but he has potential to rip off big plays - Floor : 4 points, Ceiling: 15 points

Jerry Jeudy - I will never recommend starting Jeudy to anyone

Noah Fant - Fuck Noah Fant, I refuse to be burned again - Floor: 0, Ceiling: Leaves the game early because he got thirsty

Panthers

Teddy Bridgewater - QB2-ish - Start if you have no one else to go to, but I'd rather risk it on Trubisky or Cousins - Floor: 16, Ceiling: 19

DJ Moore - WR2 - He always has the danger of being forgotten about, but he tends to come in clutch when needed - Floor: 12, Ceiling: 18

Robby Anderson - WR3 - Don't feel great about his instability, but he has TD upside - Floor: 8, Ceiling: 15

Curtis Samuel - WR3 - Good RB potential with CMC out, generally overlooked, but I don't like his upside this week barring a TD - Floor: 10, Ceiling: 14

Mike Davis - RB2/3 - You can't bench him after last week, and with DJM back it should be hard to stack the box effectively, fire him up - Floor: 14, Ceiling: 20

Packers

Aaron Rodgers - QB1 - Start him, just do it, he's going to pop off, real playoff winner here - Floor: 22, Ceiling: 30

Davante Adams - WR1 - C'mon, really? - Floor: 22, Ceiling: 45

MVS/Lazard - Nope

Aaron Jones - High end RB2 with RB1 upside - Last week he got scripted out, expect him to bounce back in a major way - Floor: 16, Ceiling: 22

Robert Tonyan - TE2 with TE1 upside - Everyone is high on him, he does well, but if he doesn't get his weekly

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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[TOMT] Live theater play Involving a very poor, dysfunctional family and artichokes

On mobile so sorry for formatting. I am looking for the name of a play but I can only remember little details and events, have no idea what the plot is because I forgot (plus I’m hard-of-hearing and couldn’t hear the dialogue anyways lol)

I remember the following:

-A poor, starving family who can’t stop screaming at each other.

-The father of the family is an alcoholic

-set in a poorly maintained home somewhere rural and dusty

-1950’s vibes for some reason. Either set in that time or the house had outdated appliances.

-frequent mention of artichokes for some reason. symbolizes something and is on the cover of the playbill

-A bird is also part of the story. Dunno what kind though.

-the son at one point goes up on stage completely naked

-(I may be remembering this wrong) I think someone died? Maybe the daughter? Idk

Unfortunately that is all I remember but I hope the details help.

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I came in here to: a) grab artichokes. b) cry. c) I can't fucking remember
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Going to miss my lucky artichoke in Beyond Light...
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Anyone seen this trailer? Stolen from the Cully neighborhood sometime in the last week or so. Artichoke not included.
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Is spinach and artichoke dip a hot salad?

Been thinking about this for awhile and want to get some perspective. I hate warm lettuce with all my might, but spinach is a different story! Is a warm gooey mess of spinach and artichokes with a creamy garlicky sauce with cheese and if eaten with a small crunchy toast essentially a hot salad??? It has many of the components needed for a salad...just...hot.

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First Haul of 2021: brand new Cole Haan leather shoes, tag-on embroidered sneakers, two scarves, down jacket, tag-on shirt and Gap sweater, two other cute shirts, and an artichoke bowl.
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