Sexual partner

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

I'll start this off by saying this goes for men and women, and NO ONE SHOULD BE SHAMED OR PUT DOWN by their sexual past. However, they shouldn't be surprised if someone rejects them because of it. Nor should that person be shamed because of their preference.

I have always believed this, but have never put anyone down because of it. It just plays a factor for me. I have only slept with girlfriends and don't do casual hookups nor do I think its cool for people to brag about their sexual history (goes for guys too) To me sex is a special thing that is shared between people who have a meaningful connection, it's an expression of love. I understand not everyone thinks like that though. Just my opinion.

My partner was and historically has been pretty open about her previous relationships.

She doesn’t share the really gory details or anything, but still. Hearing about doing this with that partner, or got nudes from that one, it kind of hurts.

I’m 99% certain she’s always been LL , and had DB in many of her previous relationships. Her LL is the result of a medical condition (among other reasons), so logically I know that it’s not me.

But hearing these stories make me feel like it’s me, even though I know it’s not.

I (21m) sent the 16personalities.com test to the last 5 girls that I have had sex with.

I was extremely surprised when 4/5 of them were ENFPs, even though it makes sense when looking back at it. All of them also had the turbulent or (-t) at the end of their personality type as well.

I was wondering if anyone had similar results, as in partners that had the same personality types, when sending the test to their previous partners.

Do certain people tend to subconsciously like a certain personality type even if they do not realise it when first interacting?

For extra context, the odd one out happened to be an ENTP-A aswell, which was the only one I could tell on first meeting. (I am an ENTP-t)

Let me know if you guys experienced something similar.

So me (F28) and my partner (M26) have been together nearly 7 years but I would say easily for the past 1-2 years my sexual desire or libido has dropped.. I love my partner so much but I just don’t want to have sex. I feel like the build up to it stresses me out and my mind always goes elsewhere and I just can’t get in the zone and sometimes I cringe at the thought of being touched, or I think about what I’m looking like during sex. Not only that but he would have sex probably every other day if he could and I just can’t keep up with that?! We’re getting married next year and I’m worried this will ruin it.

The weird thing is, there are times that when I do feel like having sex, it’s amazing and really enjoyable with him so what the hell is wrong with me?!

On top of that, I don’t want to have to rely on drinking to relax me to have sex.. there have been times where I’ve been a little bit tipsy (definitely not black out drunk or anything like that, I’ve always been aware and in control) and I suddenly get the urge to jump his bones, which must feel horrible for him because I don’t want him to think that I need to drink to have sex (I’m not a heavy drinker either, I would probably say this happens once every couple of months)

I just wish I could feel like a normal young woman who wants to have sex with her partner, it’s really upsetting. Any advice is really welcomed.

Also I have tried to look into relationship therapy but with lockdown going on it’s quite difficult and it’s not the cheapest thing either, but it’s certainly not out of the question.

EDIT - Thank you all so much for your advice, it’s really given me some perspective and a lot to think about :) plus I’ve got some reading material to look into as well.

EDIT (Again) - thank you again, there’s soooo many helpful and supportive comments I can’t keep up now haha but seriously guys, the support has been incredible. Ive ordered the books that have been recommended and will definitely be looking into relationship/sex therapy to get me through this 👍🏼 love to you all 💕

Link here

So, a lot of advice is recommending that a helpful tool for communicating about sex with your partner is creating a 'Sexual Menu' that contains a number of intimate/sexual acts and your interest in them. The intention is to be able to find a common ground with your partner, explore your interests, see if there are acts that can fulfill the HL partner sexually while still requiring low sexual motivation/energy from the LL partner, and open up communication with your partner in general.

I created this because there were three main issues I found with similar things online.

1. Every time I found something like this online, a relatively large portion of it was obscure sexual acts that 95% of the time are not going to be relevant to a couple who are struggling with their sex life. A lot of the lists had things that seemed to be way too obscure or high in intensity (be a Gorean slave for your partner?) or got really bogged down with specificities and small variations. These are either going to be applicable to such a ridiculously small percentage of people that they aren't helpful, or are going to bog down communication and have the potential to make the LL partner feel overwhelmed.

I've tried to make a list that is more general, and designed towards opening up the conversation instead of being 100% comprehensive.

2. But what about if you do have a specific fantasy that you really want to communicate to your partner or that you feel is meaningful to you? I've made the document customizable so that you can add in or remove things at your discretion (just download it to your computer as a word document). There are three different intensity section by default, but if you feel like one act belongs in a different section, put it there. If you want to remove acts and not talk about them at all, go ahead. If you only want to fill our one or two sections because your partner might not be ready to talk about kinkier things, that's okay too. This is just a starting point, and you should be customizing it for your relationship with your partner. Every relationship is different.

3. The other issue I had with similar tools is the lack of an objective scoring method. So I made one up myself. I wanted a scoring method that actually gave meaningful information about how one feels about each act, regardless if it's something you do regularly

He started counting but he fell asleep.

EDIT: Replace “immature” with “insecure” in the title

Staying chaste isn’t a sign of maturity or decency or whatever. It’s your personal decision and that’s fine. Just as it’s my decision that I believe you’re reasons for it are wrong. But my pet peeve is people shaming others for being promiscuous.

Also people get so defensive and annoyed when you question why they wouldn’t date someone with a certain body count. All the arguments I see on how it makes it more unlikely for them to connect on a deeper level sexually/emotionally or how it makes them somehow a bad choice for a life partner or parent because they have no self control are all terrible arguments which are all wrong.

People should grow up and accept that people had a sexual life before them and all the reasons they give for not wanting someone just because of their high body count are rubbish.

It sucks that people have to keep their true sexual history to themselves to avoid scaring off potential significant others.

TL:DR - Don’t judge people based on how many people they’ve slept with. And if you don’t want people to judge you on how many people you’ve slept with keep it to yourself unless you’re sure they wouldn’t mind

I (straight guy) am sure I'm not alone in this "stay at home" time being a stark reminder of my far-from-perfect sex life. My girlfriend and I have sex about once per week, almost exclusively on the weekend, and there will be a week here and there when it simply doesn't work out. She's fine with me masturbating and/or looking at porn as much as I like, which has kept me reasonably satisfied despite us getting it on much less often than I'd like.

I'd characterize our sex life as "decent quality, low quantity" - and I'm not sure how she would describe it. One of the biggest frustrations is that she has discussed her fantasies with me, and we've tried exploring them together, but she finds the IRL aspect to be a turn off. This results in her often retreating inward while we're getting it on - fantasizing about whatever she wants, but not being very present. She knows what I like, and she'll indulge me from time to time, but she doesn't really "sell it" and I have a hard time pretending that it's not a chore for her. This imbalance/disconnect means we don't have that much mutually satisfying sex - it's too much give & take and not that much "in it together". The most typical/vanilla/connected encounters we have can be a bit unsatisfying for me because as soon as she gets off (typically first) she's extremely uninterested in sex or doing anything giving. So I usually get off while she's checked out. (Just typing this out, I realize we should switch to me getting off first, since I remain interested in sex, haha.)

So those are the practical/tangible issues... but the thing that's really wearing me down is her disinterest in thinking about sex, the air of negativity that is present when we talk about this stuff during non-sexy-time, and - I know this is going to sound petty - her apparent disinterest in being attractive to me. This last point is making me bonkers because we're both 100% work-from-home right now, and she almost never has to be even "presentable" (as she would to go to work), so in my mind she could take all that surplus time/energy and recommit some of it to being a bit dressed up for me. We'll have "date night" and she still shows up in her PJs. I tried to hint at what I wanted but she took offense - probably my fault. To me, actively being attractive for my partner (or at least trying) is a no-brainer, though.

If I'm coming across as entitled right now, I'd like to hear it. I do think I play by the golden rule: I treat her the w

Hey, So I’m pretty new to the lgbtq+ community, only about 3 weeks ago did I realise I could be bi! Did any of you find it difficult to identify your sexual orientation? I feel like I’ve convinced myself that I’m straight for the last 21 years and don’t know how to stop arguing with myself about what I actually am! As well as this have you been successful in finding partners cause I’m seeing a reoccurring pattern of not being able to get anywhere!? 🤦‍♀️

I plan on leaving my wife of 8 years 1 kid after her and my dad's birthday. i admittedly have been talking flirtatiously on various dating sites and it has been part of the reason that I've got the courage to leave. All though i have no intention of being physically intimate with a woman until i separate i know there are those who will say even sexting or just being on a dating site is cheating. For me though it was eye opening meeting dozens of dozens of women all nationalities ages and religions who are so sex positive and upfront about their likes and dislikes. deal breakers and must haves sexually ie not being with a guy who doesn't go down. The most eye opening though was so many women were willing to do more things as a fwb or one night stand that my wife of 8 years relationship of 11 years wont or will rarely do and has promising to do with moving goal posts this whole time that stupidly kept me hopeful. I know this will be controversial but if you are worried you won't find anyone if you leave maybe test the waters textually like i did.

When I'm done restoring, will my penis look and feel completley natural during sex? I'm just worried I'll have a foreskin but minimal frenulum and no ridged band, and have a 'weird dick'.

I don't have any female friends left I could talk to about this with, so here I am...
Looking for advice/some thoughts

So... I tried the pill. I did not take it very well - Did not feel good at all.
After some research I decided I would like to have a cooper IUD (there is a chain version of it that is slimmer as far as I know, I would go for that one). My doctor was positive about it. Of course he is professional it why I would like it is non of his business. He just told me to come on the first day of my period, we talk about it and if I want to have it inserted, we can do it.

Thing is: I do not have frequent sexual partners. I just started to be interested in sex - which does not mean it happens often. And I am just very VERY scared of getting pregnant. I don't want to just casually hook up without contraception in place. The nervousity I get even just from petting is nothing sustainable.

So I talked to a close friend of mine about it. That I do not take the pill very well and decided for an IUD. He seemed a bit taken a back. Basically what he was talking about was that it "might be a waste if I do not have sex that often anyway" and "that there are condoms anyway". He talked about how it might not be worth it and his ex had it done too and did not feel well.

Pain or something is nothing I am really concerned about here. If I can't handle it, I gotta get it removed anyway.

So Tl;dr

My question is: Is it weird to get an IUD without having a (future) sexual partner/sex often already? Might my doctor look weird at me if I tell him that I basically want it, so that I do not have to worry IF something happens? Is it weird to want that form of contraception without having a "direct reason" too?

Thank you :)

I’m a 22 year old kissless virgin who’s honestly just waiting for the the love of my life, because having sex with strangers outside of my head sounds horrific...but I constantly feel HORRIBLE about it, idk if it’s my OCD acting up but I feel like I’m going to have major regrets down the road if I don’t “live it up” now.

I saw a post that was like, “do NOT skip your hoe phase, it WILL haunt you when you’re married” or something along those lines...it doesn’t help that my lack of experience already makes me really insecure...

I can’t help but feel like I’m not living my life right. Especially because I do have a high libido. I feel touch starved but I’m too stubborn to force myself to actively look for people to have sex with...am I depriving myself?? Or am I just letting societal expectations get to me?

It's a genuine question.

How can you have sex with someone and not think about the fact they've been with people before you.

How do you not worry and wonder about what they did together and if they were better than you or if your partner misses a thing they did or they looked better than you etc.

I want to lose my virginity to a fellow virgin, but I feel like there's not too many nice ones left at 19.. I feel an immense pressure and my options for love will become more and more limited.

Idk is that bad? What's your opinion.

I am not a sociopath, but I am curious about how your minds work. I have always wondered about how dating/long-term relationships work for sociopaths. Is there a value in romantic relationships beyond the basic satisfying of desires? Do you develop a deep connection with the other person, or would it be easy to part with them if a better situation came up? Do you think “love” and attached emotions are a waste of time? Feel free to answer one, some, or none of these questions. I’m very interested in discussion.

I told my LL spouse in the most gingerly, loving way possible that I needed more intimacy from him...kissing, foreplay, making out...I always told hi I loved him. I recognize that there isn't a good way to say this to a man. I mostly kept my feelings to myself at first, but honestly, he did get a lot better as time went on. I CONSTANTLY ask him what can I do better and how can I please him in bed. I asked hi if he wanted to try new positions? Have any fantasies? He said nothing. But, he also told me that he felt deflated. Last month I told him my sexual needs weren't being met (again, sweetly). About a week after that, he left and we are now separated. He does take anti-depressants. Did I do something wrong? How would you respond if your partner told you they'd like more ABC in bed or in terms of affection? Would this request make you angry?

Recently I've been having a lot of doubts over exploring my sexuality. I'm 20yo, and I don't feel like I've had truly pleasing sex yet. I don't know if I could be the type of person that only has sex/sexual experiences while in a comitted long term relationship, but I've made a lot of mistakes trying to have explore other means.

So here's my question: where do you guys draw the line between realistic practices and things that are only realistic in a porn setting? Is it normal for you to talk to and meet people from dating apps? And if so, how do you go about doing it (how long do you talk to them, do you meet only for sex, etc.)? Is it normal for you to respond to situational sexual advances (having relations with an Uber driver, for example)? Do you have any general recommendations on how to have a more active sex life without putting myself in danger?

Edit: Reposting since the first title was confusing.

*edit for clarity- her first serious partner and her first sexual partner

I’ve heard this is a red flag for some but I'm not sure how common this reaction is or what other common reactions are. If this is/n’t a red flag, why/not?

(School, time, and mental health were the main challenges before now; underweight but otherwise physically healthy. Questions you have would be great too)

Basically, my ass is sorta hairy and it really bugs me, I was wondering (as I’m very unskilled) I’d I should just go for it and try on my own, or is the gay community sorta into helping shave newbiews and i should ask a close sexual partner for help.

Edit: I’ve spoken with my roommates since posting this, communicated everything and we all reset boundaries so that we could move forward with all of our interpersonal goals in mind. We’ve also moved into a new place and are more actively striving to help one another thrive as friends close enough to be considered family.

Original post: So I came to live with my partner (23f) and her wife a few months ago after knowing them for years. Recently we all figured out that they had no romantic or sexual feelings for me but we all remained close friends and are living in the same house and they still call me their partner.

However I started talking to a few people I’ve met online (one here on reddit and one through an online DND campaign that we all are a part of) and she’s been fine with the idea of me talking to the random people I met but I noticed that she feels a little threatened by the person in our campaign.

I’ll call them CJ.

So CJ and my partner butt heads a lot during DND and my partner feels like they sort of taking the attention that she is more used to receiving. After I fixed my camera to join the video chat aspect, CJ started flirting with me on the side and I set boundaries for wanting to get to know them with the occasional flirty or sexual joke here and there.

However whenever it’s obvious I’m talking to or texting with CJ, she gets really overbearingly specific to tell me that she doesn’t want me having any kind of sexual involvement with CJ (despite her being comfortable with me having that involvement with everyone else I have spoken to) and that it makes her uncomfortable.

I approached her with the idea that maybe she’s jealous and both her and her wife shut me down. I was told that I was not only wrong but that they’d prefer me to stop talking to this person.

I don’t know how I should be feeling right now and it makes me just want to shut my phone off entirely.

I (M, dominant) enjoy using toys on my partners, such as when they're cuffed or restrained. Right now I mostly have sex with casual partners, so some are consistent and some are hookups. Recently I've been thinking it might be useful to own some of my favorite female toys, just so I wouldn't have to rely on others to bring their own, or for me to use in case they don't have the kinds of toys I want to use. I'm thinking dildos, wands, etc. However, I think some people would find it strange or be hesitant about using those toys if it's not theirs, and also knowing that I've used them on other people.

Of course I would clean everything properly after each session, but I can understand if a partner would not want to play with those toys. So here's my question: would it be worth it to invest in these kinds of toys? Do you think women would be reluctant to use them? I don't want to buy these if they're never put to good use, since I would never use them on myself.

Thanks!

Carbon-14.

Like the title says my GF has a list of her sexual partners with a rating system of “whether or not it was good.” I feel like that’s kind of like being stuck in the past but maybe I’m just a guy and don’t get it. Like yeah I can recall generally which women from my past were good or not but can’t say I’ve gone through and analyzed them like that. Is this a woman thing or a weird thing or something to be concerned about as far as determining whether someone is really ready to commit and settle (like they say they are)?

According to Christianity you should live modestly. And try keeping urges in control. Morally, vivid sexuality is tricky because you are not necessarily aware of the consequences of your behavior. But being sexually liberated is an expression of being free and in control of your own needs. Is there somebody else struggling with this philosophically?

It doesn't have to be limited to your current SO, it can be previous ones, or FWBs. What did they teach you/you learn from them that made you better at sex?

Hello I am 21F and I am currently interested in a man 26F who I am very fond of and feels like the right relationship for me. He is truely a great guy, very honest, very respectful and loyal. However I have learned, as he very honest with me about himself that in the past he has slept around. He is a very attractive man, both mentally and physically and since the beginning I have noticed his popularity with women. I have been very careful with him as to make sure he is not a player because you know just because someone is popular and liked greatly by members of the opposite sex does not mean they are players or not trust worthy. He is just a really great catch, handsome, successful, ambitious, kind, respectful etc..

He tells me that up until he met me, women generally objectified him and he did not truely feel seen and loved for his true self by a woman until he met me. That is amongst one of the reasons why he fell for me. He also tells me that he has taken advantage of this and has slept with different women in the past but he saw that it was not right and it was not fit for him. Therefore he has changed, which I see clearly and am not doubting. But despite this I am not sure how to feel about this. I trust him with his loyalty but my views on whether his past can be forgiven is a little blurry. I dont know if I can still see him as a great husband let alone a great father to my children. This question goes out to anyone who has some sort of experience with this, I would love to know your opinion on the matter and what I can do.

TL;DR Forget & Forgive: Partners Promiscious past

Hello, I am 17 years old and my girlfriend is 16. She has had sex twice and has kissed 7 guys and talked to multiple. I’m really bothered by this and I don’t want to be. Im a virgin by choice. I’ve been offered sex before and have declined. I wanted to share it with someone special. I think this is the girl I want to do it with. But her past bothers me so much. And I know it’s not an absurdly high number but it’s still way more than what I have done. I can’t stop thinking about her her pasts ex’s screwing. I don’t want this to get in the way of the relationship. Please help

To cut a very long story short, I had a hideous experience last year that resulted in felony sexual assault charges being pressed against my attacker. That experience has left me with a couple issues. I now have PTSD, vaginismus, I cannot orgasm, and I have genital HSV1. In spite of these terrible problems, I have been in regular therapy and working on healing. At this point I know how to avoid PTSD triggers and I feel confident enough to ask a partner to stop when needed. I've been to enough physical therapy that I could have penetrative sex after some practice, and risk of transmitting cold sores can be avoided easily enough with condoms. As for the emotional burdens, I have a strong support network to help me manage without dumping them on a partner. The only problem I don't know how to resolve yet is the orgasm issue, but I'm on a waiting list for a sex therapist in my area so that's only a matter of time.

At this point, I think I'm healed enough to date. The problem is that I'm not sure anyone will want to date me when they learn about my issues because they sound so awful. Truthfully, I do require some accommodation: I will need to go slow in the beginning, my partner will need to stop on a dime sometimes, and their ego is going to take a blow when I can't cum. The prospect of revealing these deeply personal things is also super embarrassing. I'm off on my fifth date with a guy tomorrow, and we're reaching a place where I will need to mention something soon. I just don't know how to start the conversation. And advice for how to proceed?

I am 13 and sexless, looks like someone with a similar phone number to me is having a bad day.

I don't think the connection is the same with a sex worker. I am wondering how to find maybe an open-minded swinger couple to join in the bedroom. I want to have sex and develop a friendship-like connection with the woman. Before my disabilities/disease worsens, I really want to ejaculate inside of a vagina without a condom, and am willing to get a vasectomy in order to never get anyone pregnant. What should I do. I am a sexual person too and want to use my genitals for what they were meant to do. I'm finally realizing I am worthy of sexuality with someone who cares about me. I just want to have sex so badly. Would "pity sex" be a bad thing to help a cripple like me get laid? Advice?

There IS a problem with using it as leverage against someone or to deal with other trust issues.

You should also get tested between every new partner! :) You shouldn’t be offended if someone asks for you to get tested, either, it’s just smart to be safe!

This has been a safe sex PSA from your friendly local Mother of Dragons.

P.S. Fuck you Ed

I did this with my boyfriend and he told me he just loves it when I play with his hair and massage his temples. He then asks me, and I told him I love when he pulls me close by grabbing my waist. I feel like having these little conversations about the not straight sex stuff can make your relationship so much more intimate, and not gonna lie, can really make the lead up to sex that's way better too.

It's absolutely no fault of his own! It's just my own hang-ups I guess.

I didn't have my first kiss until I was 20. And even then, it was with a guy who lied about his age, and it turned out he was 35. So my first kiss was basically ruined for me. And then I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, with a guy I was "dating" who ended up basically ghosting me.

I didn't have any other opportunities to date or fuck around, even though I wanted to. My friend group was super small, we didn't go out partying, my two friends were in LTR. At the time I didn't necessarily mind much, but looking back, I feel like I wasted my college years.

Contrast to my boyfriend, who lost his virginity when he was 15, has had girlfriends/fuckbuddies pretty steadily since then, and had basically your classic college experience. He had a big group of friends, fucked around pretty regularly. Off the top of my head, I can count at least 14 girls he's dated/fucked.

When we first got together, I was intending it to just be a hookup. I was intending on starting my own sexual journey. But he ended up being super cool, and we fell hard and now we are 2 years later and living together and love each other and have lots of sex. And, like, I don't want to not have this. I just feel really self conscious about the fact that I have one partner before him, and he has handfuls. Like, why was it so hard for me to meet people, but he had people falling in his lap?

On another hand, many of his relationships, most, actually, were abusive and left him with little self confidence, so I know it wasn't all sunshine and daisies for him. But I still wish I had more experience before him. I wish I had dated in high school. I wish I had gone to a college program that had more than 3 guys to the 120 girls. I have literally never once met a sexual/romantic partner organically. It doesn't make me feel great.

I could really use some support and advice around navigating how to move from here.

(Long story ahead, scroll down for the condensed bulleted version)

I’ve been virtually dating a new partner for the last couple of weeks. She is wonderful. Like, hit you over the head with how does a human like this possibly exist and how can you possibly feel this deeply for someone so quickly kind of feelings. I’ve been poly for 2 years, had two six month relationships and dated a few people since my last serious relationship ended in December and I have never had all of the pieces fit together in another human the way it does with her. I honestly wasn’t sure it was possible to happen again after meeting my husband and then, poof, she appeared.

She and I had our second virtual date last night. We spent eight hours on the phone together and it felt like no time had passed. That’s the kind of magic that is going on here. And because of how quickly we are both falling for one another, she shared with me that she has HSV 2. We spoke for a while about what navigating life with herpes has looked for her. In short, she contracted it 12 years ago in her very first sexual relationship with a partner who was asymptomatic. And since then, she has had very healthy sex lives with her partners, none of which have ever tested positive for HSV. She also takes an anti viral every day and is incredibly conscious about her health to mitigate any outbreaks.

Since our conversation last night, I have done a shit ton of research on my end to get the cold hard facts, and based off of everything I’ve seen, I am not personally worried about the risk, at all. My husband, on the other hand, is extremely not okay with the risk. We basically fall at complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to this particular concern.

And I’ve known that, for a long time. When we ventured into the poly journey, his one request was that we do not interact with anyone new without seeing a full STD panel markup, and if anyone had anything, we would not engage sexually with them. Including, and especially herpes. At the time, I agreed — on the basis of making sure he felt safe and that our sex life wasn’t impacted. But I also agreed to something that I didn’t understand the full scope of.

From my perspective, agreeing to not sleeping with anyone with HSV would mean not being poly. The numbers are staggering. And so many people carry it without knowing. And second of all, my husband has HSV 1. Something

Hey guys, I’m a 21 year old female and I really wanna know how many sexual partners is too many. I have had sex with 22 guys and it would most likely keep increasing, I’m worried that one day when I tell the guy that I love about my bodycount he will leave me or find me disgusting.

I’m still trying to find where I fit in the community, or if I do at all, but I’ve read a few comments and posts with people who seem to be similar to myself here so I wanted to see if I could get some advice/insight.

Some background, I’m 21F. (Somewhere on the genderqueer spectrum, but comfortable enough ID’ing as female.) While I feel sexual desire, I cannot seem to feel any attraction to others. I like the idea of sex and fantasize, I have a moderate libido, I masturbate and like toys, never cared for porn but I enjoy pornographic art, and I do interact with the kink scene and find it fascinating. I am “straight” and only have an interest in men. I was far behind my peers in terms of having interest in or becoming comfortable with the idea of sex but warmed up to it quickly when I discovered different gender and kink dynamics. I like the idea of having a relationship, abet a “non-traditional” one, and do desire sex to be a part of it. However, I cannot seem to “feel” anything towards other people or find someone I desire to be with—the lack of attraction this community centers around. I don’t think I feel romantic attraction either, but I’ve had fulfilling platonic friendships. Now I’ve heard of plenty other perhaps similar aces (grey-ace, demisexuals, the variety somewhere in the middle) that do have sexual relationships that they desire and have heard of more than a few in the kink scene specifically. My question is how did you get there? Find someone aesthetically attractive who meshes with your personality and just choose to be with them? Date more casually and hope something works or search for very specific traits that would indicate you could form something worthwhile? What avenues did you use? Did you try to explain this to potential partners at all? I would appreciate any advice, or any other information/groups about similar people and dynamics. Or simply to connect with people who have had a similar life experience.

From what I’ve read I might fit somewhere with the grey-ace term, perhaps demi but I haven’t had the sort of connection yet that would confirm that. I might have felt attraction once over 21 years (I’m young but I would still think that significant), but from that fleeting interaction I won’t make any judgements. I have not had any sort of relationship experience due largely to this lack of attraction. All I do know is that I don’t quite fit the typical allosexual experience, whether I like the idea of sex or not. If there are

hey! this is a throw-away account, i hope that’s okay. TL;DR at the bottom

so i (17F) have always struggled with being intimate with people. i’ve been in relationships before and i’ve been close with people emotionally, that’s not an issue, but i really struggle physically with people.

i’ve kissed and made out with people before but i’ve always stopped before it got too ‘physical’ i guess you could say.

i’ve never let anyone see me naked, never sent nudes or even body pics in general, i’ve never let anyone put any part of them near my vag (fingers or head) or anything and i’ve always said no to giving hj’s and bj’s.

all that runs through my mind is “what if i’m bad?” “what if i smell/taste bad?” “what if they tell everyone and then everyone avoids me” “what if they don’t like what they see” “what if they think my body is ugly”.

all of my friends and everyone i know has done stuff either with a partner or just at a party or whatever, and i feel so behind. i’m scared i’m going to be 30 and never been touched or intimate and i fear it’s just going to ruin all future relationships.

so, women of reddit, could anyone please give advice on how i may be able to get over my fears/anxiety of being intimate with people?

TL;DR - i have fears/anxiety about being intimate or sexual with people and don’t know how to get over it.

I feel like I'm all dried up. I feel like I'll never have sex again.

So, I have a boyfriend and this has been a secret I have been hiding since I have been 16 years old. Not even he knows and I honestly am really scared to tell him.

Our relationship is great, and even I can admit we have some bumps like any normal relationship. However, I don't really feel a sexual attraction or feeling. I don't really feel that way for anyone.

The plot twist- we have sex. A healthy amount too. I do it because I want to look less suspicious and not only that, but I'd like to please him too. I never get the satisfaction and it usually hurts most of the time, but I honestly don't mind sexually pleasing my partner. It's just me that has trouble getting into it. He asks why I am never 'wet' and I usually say it's cause of my medication and he just accepts it since I take many.

I don't mind sexually pleasing him, but it feels weird to not feel a sexual attraction what so ever. I know I should probably tell him but I'm afraid that he won't take it the right way and might just think I don't find HIM sexually attractive, which isn't true. I love him, more than anyone I've ever met. My romantic feelings are true and genuine, I hope to marry him one day!

Just I never felt any sexual appeal with any of my partners. Sometimes I do, but it's very very rare and when I do, I'm very satisfied in the end. I really don't know what my problem is, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Should I tell and explain to him? I really don't think I should considering that I'm not going to change pleasing him on a regular basis, it's just some thing I've never talked about and dealt with by myself.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

My partner came out as non binary but i am a cisgender heterosexual

Hey sup, my girlfriend just came out as non binary. I truly love them to bits but i am a cisgender heterosexual male. I have done some research and we talked alot but i am very afraid that i wont find my partner attractive anymore when they’re done with the transformation. I find it difficult to deal with. I am not sure what to do. I really do want to spend my life with them but i don’t know how? I really do not want to come off as bigot or anything and i believe everyone can just be who they want to be. Is there anyone who has some expierence with this kind of situation and who wants to help us?

Last night I (28F) found out that my partner (30M) of nearly 5 years was seeing a girl in our friendship group and broke it off with her to be with me. I feel really weird and irrational about it and have retroactive jealousy goggles on. I already know that he has slept with a couple of other girls in the friendship group and for some reason it just makes me feel like shit. I'm constantly seeing these girls and I guess they remind me of that sexual past. I know i can't change his past and i have a past too. How do you deal with and get over these irrational/ jealous feelings about your partners past sexual history? and when you are seeing his history in every social situation?

TL:DR; My partner has slept with a few of his friends, I see them all the time and it bothers me that he has a past with his girlfriends- how do i get over it?

It’s like I would purposefully chose men who I didn’t find attractive. Looking back I don’t find any of them physically attractive and they’re mostly all toxic people. The acts I committed with them really disgust me, now that I am aware of my disorder I touch myself and I feel like the ghost of them on me and it disgusts me. On top of that my downstairs is completely numbed from excessive masturbation. I feel like I’ve molested/ violated my own body.

IM JUST SO DISGUSTED UGH

ive recently discovered a kink of mine that involves being called ma'am and, if theyd be open to it, having my partner beg for certain things like release and to do certain actions. i NEVER thought in a million years this would be the case, because i was in a reversed situation when i was 13 where my boyfriend wanted me to call him master or sir and i had to beg to do certain things(it obviously was not a healthy relationship, and i hated all kinks to the point i was completely against it. oral, vaginal, and non PIV touching was what i enjoyed a lot, very intimateand loving stuff.)

but, i really like being called ma'am, not only do I know this by fantasy but some people i know indulged in the name of science and helped me realize i really do like it.

so, for my future sexual encounters, how would i bring this up causing minimal discomfort? id obviously only have sex with those i trust, let alone telling people i dont know my sexual interests. If they react negatively i wont pursue them any further

all advice is appreciated.

My partner just got back from getting a free city sponsored antibody test. She said it went smoothly. Although she did mention that they asked about her sexual orientation when she made the appointment. At the test site she was asked again "in 10 different ways" what her sexual orientation is. She wasn't offended, but I am genuinely curious why they'd be asking.

Why would it matter? Again, I'm just curious. What business of the city govt's is that? Does it have some bearing on the actual test? I'm wondering if "nunya" is an acceptable answer.

EDIT - Thanks for the responses. I guess it was a bit of an anomaly, and the data collection is likely for benign or even helpful reasons.

To clarify this it's about the average per individual not a gender as a whole and is supposed to be your opinion based on experience.

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I probably should have stopped when I got to her name.

It doesn't have to be limited to your current SO, it can be previous ones, or FWBs. What did they teach you/you learn from them that made you better at sex?

Hey guys, I’m a 21 year old female and I really wanna know how many sexual partners is too many. I have had sex with 22 guys and it would most likely keep increasing, I’m worried that one day when I tell the guy that I love, about my bodycount he will leave me or find me disgusting.