Obligatory this didn't happen today, it was about 10 years ago when I was 19. So I had a friend that was a pretty shady guy but a good friend nonetheless, we'd known each other all through high school, we sorta went our separate ways after graduation but would occasionally call just to check in or go to a party together.
So one day he calls me out of the blue and he says "hey man I'm in a tight spot do you have a onion I can buy real quick" I look in the fridge and say "yea I've got 4 how many do you need?" he says "damn bro I didn't know you had it like that, I need one for now but might need more later how much you gonna charge me" I tell him just give me a dollar and he gets super excited like "hell yea man you've always been a good friend bro" he says he'll be there in 30 minutes and we hang up.
Of course I'm thinking why tf is he so excited about a fucking onion... Whatever maybe he's making meatloaf and forgot to buy onions. So he pulls up 30 minutes later and I go outside with the onion in my hand feeling pretty good about helping my friend out. He flips tf out like "WTF IS THIS!! ARE YOU TRYNA RIP ME OFF!! ARE YOU A FUCKING FED!! I'm standing there confused as fuck" bro you said you wanted a damn onion what's the problem" at that point I think he realized what was happening and says "fuck you bro you wasting my time" and speeds off.
Still in a state of shock I go in the house thinking maybe he want a different type of onion than the one I had. I call my dad and explain the weirdness of what just happened he laughs for a good 10 minutes straight TURNS OUT a "onion" is a unit of measurement for cocaine and "a dollar" in that context means a hundred dollars which is way below the market value. Who knew? Never talked to or heard from him again (he's in prison now)
Anyway there must be something about my demeanor that screams drug dealer because all throughout my adult life people have just assumed I had drugs for sale, especially at parties but sometimes just randomly on the street. It's weird af but I've just gotten used to it at this point. I remember some really old guy when I was 11-12yo telling me I'd make a good drug dealer something about his seriousness and tone made it seem almost like a prophecy and it stuck with me.
Tldr: my drug dealing friend wanted to buy an onion, he meant drugs I thought he meant an actual onion.
EDIT: so to answer a few questions...
My dad knew because of he grew up in the projects of LA he has MS now so he'... keep reading on reddit ➡
That's right. Salt and vinegar are the superior chip. Sour cream & onion chips just have an overly sweet yet salty taste that is just overwhelmingly disgusting. Barbecue chips leave your mouth feeling dry and bitter because of the awful taste. Salt and vinegar are just a perfect combination of flavors that is just overall better than other chips. EDIT: generic edit thanking redditors for upvotes and awards EDIT 2: oh lord I believe I've started a war
Final update for the true onions: All the cooking is done. I have another wonderful pot of caramelized onions. The smell really wasn't too bad once the cooking finished. Since we've got a huge orange tree and Costco sized vanilla extract, I put a big handful of orange peels, a couple generous swishes of vanilla extract, and some water in a pot and let it simmer. The house smells great. I will never forget you onions out there.
Update 2: After doing a majority of the cooking in the instant pot outside, the onions are now on my stove. Luckily I just got a new range hood less than a week ago so that's on full blast. Guess what we've decided to include in dinner tonight? Hint: it's onion rings.
Update: Day 2 is upon us. I just finished cutting up about 8 quarts of onions. I have an instant pot coming up to pressure on my porch as we speak. A fan is blowing in the direction of my cutting station to the window. I immediately washed all my cutting equipment and wiped the counters with a mix of dish soap, water, and lemon essential oil. I promise I’m not a crazy essential oil lady, I just like the smell and it makes a good cheap all-purpose cleaner. See you all in about 2 onions for another update?
Edit: Thanks to everyone for their suggestions. I have decided to postpone the onion marathon until tomorrow due to me being drugged up on Benadryl and not wanting to enter an onion-induced coma. Tomorrow is a new onion. Wish me onion. Onion.
I was marveling that 4 large onions cook down to this after an hour and a half. He clearly didn't see how beautiful they were lol.
The difference between cooks and people who don't cook, I guess!
Eta- he wasn't being a dick or trying to insult me or anything. He thought my point was that it was interesting that something that 'looks like slop' could make something as delicious as French onion soup.
Oh green onions, scallions, chives, by whatever name you're called your delicious diversity of uses leaves me constantly astounded. You add delicious depth to salads, top soups from across the globe (ramen to gumbo!), and liven up dipping sauces. You're the perfect pair to sour cream and cheese in all kinds of potatoey settings (cheese fries, baked potatoes, and potato skins, oh my!). You can be used multiple ways in one stir fry (saute the whites, top with fresh green bits), and are tasty diced up small or sliced long.
And when I've chopped off your top, I only need to put your roots in the ground and in no time at all more tastiness abounds!